Back on 24/7

Thanks for your comment whatever she says, I am fairly certain I did acknowledge I knew what I should have done, also I have said previously that I am far from the perfect submissive. In fact I am not even sure if I am, some concoction of everything I expect, as everyone is to some degree.

To drill down on that particular incident, I will only say this, if there had of been some kind of engagement, some aspect of teasing, some aspect of FUN to what she suggested at the time then I would not have even issued a complaint. I don’t think it is a matter of confusion, Sarah is simply not really interested in tease and denial.

That said what she DOES like is lying in bed at night and demanding a massage knowing that I am not able to initiate sex, and now I have enough control over myself nor do I ask for it, it really does seem to help her relax and she does seem a happier person in general.

Unfortunately this does not form the ideal imagery often bespoken of people playing with chastity where their hot wives tease the crap out them, ie pay them lots of sexual attention which serves as a substitute for sex. Sarah regrettably is simply not interested in my offering her sexual pleasure while I get none, Sarah does not have a high libido, in fact quite the opposite. This means that while I give her endless massages and lots of extra affection I have to be solaced with my perception of her increased happiness, not exactly a tangible thing because I am not sure if it is because I am looking at her with different eyes. I am lucky if I get a reciprocated hug, and I have to ask for that.

This does make it hard to travel the journey of chastity. Like us all I am learning by having approached my wife on the submissive foot, I am not even sure any more that a submissive man is what she wants.

I would go further to say that I am pretty sure she doesn’t want a submissive man although I will always be at her mercy from a sexual point of view but from a day to day point of view our life requires that I make decisions for Sarah, Although I worship her as a woman, there are things that I have to take control over, even if sometimes it results in some conflict

This certainly does not fit into the submissive mould, but I am me.

Then there IS the sex aspect, although Sarah does like cage play, and I have always since I met her tried to ensure she climaxed before I did, sometimes Sarah likes to be fucked, and done by a dominant man, sometimes she even likes it where it doesn’t quite fit, and it hurts so good, hardly a dominant position during sex for her. But that is fine with me, I will do and will climb mountains to find what “works” for Sarah.

So given the last few weeks we have not been really getting on very well and sex has been crap and I have decided to cage up again, although I suggested it to Sarah and this time she agreed that “it might give her a break”. What she means by this is that she agrees because in reality I do not really hassel her for sex more than once a week, though I am sure she perceives that it is far more often, I think she is talking about the pressure for sex.

Sarah has not even being masturbating much recently, from my previous posts I know roughly when she does by observation, for example when the KY tube changes shape AND the pink vibrator has moved, it’s a fair indication. It actually been quite some time since I have been able to confirm her self gratification which may reflect her general mood. Lately its only been about once a month and if I compare that to me which is more like 4-5 times a day that makes Sarah essentially orgasm less. Yet this cycle, and admittedly I tend to check more often when I am caged, but she has self gratified twice in two weeks, although I have only been locked for one of those weeks. On one hand I am happy for her that she might be feeling happier, on the other hand I feel resentful, I can’t help asking myself, why doesn’t she want ME?? I can’t help wondering if the second session she had was because I locked up.

A few nights ago we were actually having a bit of a chat and I offered to Sarah that I probably should give her a long session of back rubs and woman worship, and that this time I thought that when she does eventually decide to reward me that I should put the cage back on with no delay. Sometimes after we do make love Sarah can’t sleep and turns the TV back on for a while, so I suggested to her that I go and wash up and put the cage back on while she is watching her tv show. Sarah more or less agreed to this by saying “if you want to” to which I told her that “she was worth it”. So people it does appear that I am in for quite a session this time, Sarah simply by turning on the TV following a release will be a signal for me to go and recage. I hope I can handle it. Of I will go and put the cage back on alright, but the night after sex I ALWAYS have a hardon just about all night, that’s not going to be a comfortable night L

I know that previous extended lock ups with releases I have had at least 24 hour hours of freedom with which I probably managed to cum 10-15 times, trying desperately to make up for all those orgasms I missed out on I guess before putting the cage back on the following night. Even with that program I noticed that my libido fell, not significantly but it definitely fell after 5-6 weeks or so. So with this program I am about to embark on I will only have one orgasm with Sarah assuming she lets me have one, though she almost certainly will. It will be interesting to see if I can get used to being orgasmless myself. This means that say on average (not recently) Sarah orgasms 3 times a month with me and twice by herself, that makes 5 orgasms per month for her and 3 for me. Compare that to what I am used to, say 4 per day. That means I am cutting back from 120 orgasms per month to 3. That’s scarey.

What is also scarey is that the building work still continues and it is dragging on, so maybe I will be lucky if I get 3.

What I have in the back of my mind though is that maybe this is a good idea, maybe I can force my sex drive to become equivalent to hers, maybe we will be happier for it apart from the DSM stuff that really is a extension of my kinky libido.

Sure I still dream of Sarah pushing my head down between her thighs while I am locked up. I really wish she would do that or even let me do it just once, but I don’t think she will. But perhaps at the end of the day what matters is that we are happy.

The imbalance in our sex drives has been causing friction since before we were even married. Maybe this is a way of reaching a end to that friction. I just hope I can make it through, this first week has been tough to maintain a completely happy exterior especially following Sarah’s self satisfying session (ssss in the future), truth is it is very very tough. Sarah will release me this week end, I am not sure which night but she will, and I will put the cage straight back on following. I do know that there are many many men who can go longer than me being orgasmless but I down there are many that go from 120+(and I enjoy EVERY ONE!!) to 3 lol. I have to beat Diggers record tho of consecutive days lockup. If I keep this straight back on deal then it will probably reach that over Sarah’s next period.

Hopefully the second week will be easier.

Just a side note, very sad to see Helpmate blog go on invite only, that was one of my regular reads, I wonder what happened there?

Oh yes the CB6000 is released, not that impressed really and I think I will stick to my 3K, I do not see any advantage in it. I posted this in the CB3k yahoo group:

don't think I will go rushing out and buying one although the ring
system may be more comfortable. ....so are the solid rings for the CB3K.

There are two main things I would have done differently and maybe some
other suggestions for the manufacturer.

1. rather than just move the vent holes to the side I would have
simply halved their size and make more of them, so instead of three
openings at the top make say 9 openings but make the holes small
enough that the skin can't BULGE through during a woody, yet large
enough that you can still flush water through. Puting th slots at the
side is an improvement for sure because pinching your skin between the
lock and the cage is no fun at all, but apart from that the red marks
and eventual injury from the sheer volume and pressure of skin poking
through is still going to be problematic with the side vents if they
are the same size as they were before (and they look to be). Puting a
bandaide over the holes before bed each night is a pain.

2. There is NO WAY I would have put that seem through the locking
hole. That has surely got to be a mistake.

3. I would have loved and still would love to see a clip on cyber skin
attachment/cover that simply goes over the top of the CB like a silken
glove...so when I spoon my wife I am not jabbing her with the sharp
end of the cage or worse the sharp bits of the lock (which I have
ground down)...I am only talking about a cover that would look more
like a mound than a locked penis...and spooning my wife she may even
like to rub herself on it....of course a larger mass of cyberskin may
turn into a fake penis but a simple cover would serve my needs and
enable me to cuddle my wife while wearing without fear of giving her a
injury. Wearing briefs is simply not the same thing, but it helps.

4. a receptacle or provision for a PA if this could be incorporated
without damaging the look of the device. although I am not pierced and
probably never will be, this would be a good feature.

5. Better form of anti pull out, this of course is the toughest

2 sugestions:

A make the tube thinner at the entry point, achieving a similar effect
to the KSD.

B Perhaps make some rings that are WIDER at the top than they are at
the bottom. This would be similar to wearing 2 rings which some people
have found to help security, I tried this but I found because the
bottom was also widened it became too uncomfortable. This would have
the effect of keeping the cage pointed down which would certainly keep
some mistresses happier.

6. availability of Stainless steel locking pins (for home use)

7. Availability of a small padlock that can't be picked in 30 micro
seconds.

Ok thats my wish list....maybe the CB10000

Asking for it.

Well what happened at the end of the last cage session? It has been some time ago now so I had better write it down before I forget all of the details completely. Life has been so busy lately, for those of you that are interested Sarah eventually produced the key after about 10 days or so…maybe 11, all I knew was I was really really aching for release. So I I went and washed myself and hoped back into bed…waiting for the instruction to rub her back, which came as no surprise….things progressed as one would expect and I decided I had better use a numbing condom because I wanted some control. After 10 days as once can appreciate it can be very difficult to contain yourself and even using a numbing condom it feels like your in contact with bare flesh.

In any case I had just rolled the condom onto my already throbbing shaft when Sarah said to me, “that’s enough, you can go put the cage back on now”, I mean what? Then she followed it by saying, see I did read it, and I can do that you know.

I was in a bit of a state of panic, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, Sarah was supposed to TEASE me, not wait till I got all excited by myself, roll a condom on and then have to put the cage back on without any kind of play. That’s no fun I thought!!! I did not have time to think because I was completely surprised by what she had said…I admit I probably screwed up because rather than just get up and do as I was told…I said..but but…I just got the condom on..but if you really want me too I will……..anyways Sarah relented and what followed was a fairly intense session.

Afterwards however I received the instruction not to put the cage back on until she told me to.

Weird, of course since then the instruction has never come, so I have been cageless for some time. Although Sarah seems to hint at times and I wonder if I should just put it back on, well I go hot and cold as I have previously said on the cage idea, what seems like a hot idea when I am horny seems like a bad idea after release. If only Sarah would engage in the play a bit more. I am pretty sure it does something for her, even if it is a demonstration of what I would do to try and please her…even if it does not do anything to actually turn her on. I have yet to find that button and I wonder if it actually exists….actually the turn on button is a fallacy I think anyways. I am simply online all the time, the only time I have a respite is immediately after a orgasm, and that only lasts for 15-30 minutes before if time permits I would do it again till such time it fell off!!

But then again our life has just been so busy lately, and I have been lightyears away from being in a submissive mindset. In fact our life has turned around in the other direction if anything and because of some building works at home I have been forced to assert a dominance simply because our life requires it presently.

I am not altogether comfortable in my current mode, but when it comes to yard work and building modification it seems that Sarah (and it would seem many women) have extreme difficulty in visualizing what the end will look like, or understanding the practicality of some of their suggestions. They need a picture drawn, so they can form a visual representation. Unfortunately although I can visualize stuff really clearly in my mind, drawing is not my strong point

It has gotten to the point that whenever we try and discuss things we end up in a heated discussion, I loose patience and I think she really hates the fact that she can’t visualize what I am trying to achieve, by her own admission she just can’t see it, yet in my mind there is not many surprises. I may say that I may be lacking in my ability to transmit the image that I see in my mind, yet this is not the first time.

Men ARE visual creatures, and CAN visualize things in great detail, which is why engineering is probably balanced in terms of aptitude in men’s favour. I don’t think Sarah can understand that I do lie in bed at night visualizing exact dimensions of where this wall will go, where a drain should be, how much concrete needs to go there, where a gate should be, what angle a wall should be to optimize the special effect, where lights should go, whats going to look good and what isn’t. That’s why when I go shopping I already know what I need, what I want. I do not generally need to go into a bazillion showrooms to get ideas. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lack the ability to visualize, it must be a empty existence.

I wonder what does occupy her mental space then, is it streams of words/concepts of emotions?. Maybe pictures of people speaking to each other, facial expressions. Maybe women are just not good at picturing levels, or THINGS.

Maybe that’s why women like to shop so much….or even tend to be more prone to wanting to travel. For a man I can see what a place will be like before I even get there. It is not so important for me to actually GO THERE to experience it. I am not saying I don’t like going on holidays…I love it, but I get a lot of enjoyment from staying at home as well. I do not always have this compelling desire or the feeling of boredom with home that many women seem to have, and a hence a drive to the point of obsession with always planning the next holiday….or wanting to move about. I can go places in my mind, and sometimes when I get there I wish I hadn’t, my minds eye would have been best left alone!

Sarah hates the fact that I am running these projects, I try and incorporate her suggestions but sometimes in incorporating her suggestions the end result I fear will lack in its potential. Sometimes I have no choice but to piss her off, and just hope and pray when it gets to the end, and the image I see becomes real that she actually likes it. I am really doing this stuff to please her, and that’s really important to me…The stress and pressures I feel are not from the tradesmen, the cost, or the arguments with tradesmen, it is whether on not Sarah will like the end product at the end that stresses me the most.

The problem with landscaping and building modification is you can’t move stuff around and see if you like it, you have to get it right first time. Its not like a room where Sarah has me bailed up for hours shifting chairs and tables around to get the right combination in a room, which I find intensely annoying and a waste of time…alas I keep my mouth shut!!

So I can’t afford to be in a submissive mindset so cage play has really has all gone out the window as well as the wife led marriage, and this is probably why there is a lot of friction in our marriage right now. But I do think about the cage daily, it’s a great fantasy still , but presently the reality does not allow it. Of course if Sarah did ASK me to put it on I would, we did touch on it a month ago and I told her that I would be frightened she would never take it off for the duration of the project…lol…She kind of agreed I think.

I guess at the end I can look forward to delving into this lifestyle again, certainly if these roles we currently have continued we would end up divorced I think. It is not a natural position for me with respect to Sarah, I look forward to relinquishing the dominant role at the end of the works and re enter a generally submissive mindset with enthusiasm.