quick update

Starting week 3

I have to say its going really well, I have cut back to just half a pill per day, cut into quarters, one quarter in the morning and one at night, and after 3 days of this I can feel morning stirrings, just comfortable tightening around the cage, beginnings of a morning woody. I feel good in myself, I don't feel any side effects, not even weakness or any fatigue any more. The cage is working well as a barometer, if the morning firmness increases then can up the dose (back to 1 pill per day till it subsides then reduce it again. (bear in mind that even 1 pill per day is one sixth of the 6 per day prescribed to cancer patients....what I am taking now is 1/12 th)

It is so nice to be able to sleep through the night wearing the cage without being woken by a raging hardon.

I am also completely comfortable that at this dose this drug will bring me no harm even if I take it for a protracted period. This same drug is used in female contraceptive pills in smaller amounts mixed with other female homone stuff, it is also prescribed to women with very bad acne, obviously not prescribed to men except for cancer patients BECAUSE of the libido effect!!! as well as in a adolescent male it would stunt growth.

The best part of this is the lack of anger and sexual frustration despite being caged and unable to masterbate, the quietening of my need for sex and even better yet realization that my need for intimacy for Sarah is completely unabated. I have always been worried that my sex drive was tied and part of my love and need for intimacy. So the realization that I can all but take away the drive and still want Sarah is a fundamental one. I can want Sarah without getting angry and frustrated if its not on. In the past intellectually I could equate why it would not be a good night for intimacy, but despite KNOWING this my drive would almost FORCE me to instigate sex. I am now in complete control intellectually, you have no idea what a relief this is.

Now I don't want to make out that I asked Sarah every night for sex, maybe in the early years of a mariage I barraged her for it regularly, which set up the unfortunate habits for later in our life together Of recent years though I would probably start trying my luck after 5-7 days, and even if say at day 6 there were good reasons not to have sex my sexual frustration would start to take over, pressure builds I am sure you know the drill. I will qualify though that if Sarah was sick or had some physical reason to not be able to have sex then I was fine with it, I was not THAT bad.

I hope that anyone that reads this understands just how deep these realizations run, and I now feel I can confidently demonstrate this to Sarah by showing her all the affections I want but without any pressure what so ever.

Some of you may think what is the point in wearing the cage then? well there are a few reasons.
1. It keeps a intimate, sexual connection between Sarah and I, it also makes it clear to her that it is Sarah that is to instigate sexual relations and not me.
2. It is working as a barometer to help me monitor how much Androcur to take.
3. I am not tempted to see if it still works.
4. Drive and libido is also partially a mental addiction. not being able to masturbate helps keep me in control. Like smoking, nicotine is gone from your body in 3 days but it takes a year or so before you stop thinking about it. I do not want to give up sex though...but ultimately I would like to give up on Adrocur and maintain my control.

I am not sure if this is only temporary, or if I will throw a tire in the next few weeks, its hard to believe that I am me, I am so used to being driven . Still I know full well I am playing with fire, so I remain extremely cautiously optimistic. The other concerns I had for being motivated to DO THINGS have turned out to be fine, although I do admit when I was in the initial phase of higher does (to get to where I wanted to be) I felt tired and uninterested.

So far so good...

Oh Sarah still does not have her period, thats weird, she is usually pretty regular. Maybe she been playing up with the postman? or maybe she is so shocked at my lack of pressure its thrown her system...lol...or maybe she is starting menopause. We are going camping this weekend be interesting if Sarah let me out of the cage. I am not bothered either way other than the physical hassel aspect but I don't feel any pressure to ask her to....

New Experiences

Many of you will probably think that I have lost my mind but perhaps many of you will relate to what it is like to be driven by sex drive. About 10 days ago Sarah and I had a pretty crap sex session and I mentioned before once I perfected the KSD in the cb6000 I would hand her the keys again. I did complete/perfect the KSD for the 6K and Sarah does hold the keys. This time she has hid them really very well and I have no idea where she has put them…..this is good. This time I made it very clear to Sarah that she was only to let me out if SHE wanted to…under no circumstances was she to let me out of pity or guilt. I really wanted her to decide when and if, I am so tired of pressing for sex

Last entry I mentioned that I was considering libido reducing drug which I was able to obtain very easily on the internet and relatively cost effectively. The drug I have been taking for the last 10 days is called Androcur which is used to treat Prostate cancer as well as sexual deviance/sex drive reduction as indicated on the instruction/data sheet. Basically what it does is block the action of testosterone in a mans body. In low doses though it can be used to reduce the action of testosterone rather than completely eliminate it which generally results in chemical castration. I am not interested in chemical castration but the thought of having absolutely zero sex drive is intriguing, but I see that as being potentially dangerous to my health as well as my relationship with Sarah. Me not wanting sex seems as alien to me as not wanting to breath!! Sarah does not know about this drug, it would only make her feel guilty so I have decided not to tell her about it, maybe later if it works out OK.

There is a lot of misinformation around that Androcur can cause liver failure. The fact is that some 30 men died from liver failure from taking 200-300mg per day of Androcur for 3 months out of 60000ish. These men all had prostate cancer and were aged between 80 and 90 years. The dose I am taking was basically 100mg per day until such time as my night time wakening from erections ceased. Now this stuff is really powerful, after only 3 days I was being woken only once at 4am and they were only half firmons, by day 5 night time arousals had completely gone.

Unfortunately there are a few other side effects from this drug, slight headache, slight nausea….and sleeplessness kind of like a mild hangover, more annoying than anything else though I am not sure I would want to be taking 6 tablets (3 times my dosage)a day as a cancer patient!!, and even though I was no longer being woken by a woody, I was still waking at 4am and only able to find fitful sleep till morning. Since my objective is only to reduce my libido not kill it completely once I was sure my night time arousals had gone I then backed off the daily dosage to 50mg. Because the half life of Androcur is long it will accumulate with daily dosage, so once you have reached where you want to be it is important to back off the dosage to whats called a maintenance dose, ie replace what your body discards each day. Thankfully all the other side effects all but vanished once I backed off to 1 pill per day and I noticed that some mornings not others the cage felt tight but certainly not painful or can even call an attempted erection. This is about where I want to be…I think. I must admit that I do fatigue a bit faster, yard work seemed harder, I plan to restart working out shortly even though its guaranteed to be a painful experience..lol I have very little doubt if I kept taking 100mg per day for another 4 days-week I would be completely impotent.

So what has it done to my libido? My desire has not diminished at all, my need to please Sarah as not diminished at all either, in fact my admiration for female anatomy seems to have been enhanced somehow, but with a major difference. In the past after a week or so in the cage with Sarah’s period approaching I would be climbing the walls to an extent that Sarah would pick up the vibe and let me loose, not because she wanted to but probably because she felt guilty. The drive inside me would manifest itself as anger and frustration, which I really tried hard to contain it was a real effort, it took everything in me to prevent myself from screaming. The difference now is that although intellectually I feel a need to be intimate it is without the internal rage, the internal driving force that I guess made me an animal. I think this is a good thing as it lets me be in control. I was worried that I might lose all desire for Sarah..might even stop loving her if my libido was the engine that drove that part of me, so this so far at least is a relief, and the calmness is also a relief, not perfect but comparatively a relief.

So guess what, for some reason Sarah’s period is very late this month so I have been waiting for her to become unavailable to me which in a lot of respects has always been a relief while caged because I no longer would have any expectation for release. I seriously doubt I could have handled the last week if it were not for the drive reduction I have experienced, in fact relatively its been a walk in the park. Because I am not getting night time erections the cage is much more comfortable to wear, it seems that all those attempted erections if they were not damaging my shaft from the KSD they were bruising me or something, but it really has made a difference to night AND daytime wear.

Of course I have been worried that this reduction in testosterone may impact my performance sexually which I maintain is still intellectually important to me even if the drive is diminished and last night when I came to bed Sarah handed me the keys and told me to go clean myself up. So with much anticipation and some concern I proceeded to leave the room and unlock myself and clean myself up. I have to admit I purchased some generic Viagra at the same time as the androcur so that it would at least help my confidence should it be needed so before I did any cleaning I swallowed a quarter of a tablet, proceeded to wash myself and head back up stairs.

Sarah was still watching her TV show which was fine by me I even told her not to rush through it (its on a PVR), I needed at least 30 minutes to make sure the Viagra had time to do its work. On top of this I put on the solid number 3 ring from the CB3K, I have taken to using this as a cock ring as it also pushed my balls forward and prevents me from penetrating too deeply which I know does Sarah a injury. I am pretty sure Sarah like me wearing the ring, although when I told her she rolled her eyes, but since then she seems to like touching it to see if it is there once intimacy has started. Anyway it WAS a little hard for my motor to get started, but it DID start and I rolled a condom on. I always use a condom following time in the cage for hygiene reasons and Sarah asked me to climb on top, unusual for her to start in this way. Well once my motor started it felt completely normal, in fact during our foreplay I had to pause a few times to prevent premature ejaculation. Things progressed really nicely and eventually Sarah indicated she wanted to move to her favorite spooning position which allows me to penetrate her from behind while allowing my hand to reach around and stimulate her. This may have been imagination, but Sarah has always been very difficult to read for me, and generally it’s a case of proceeding until her completion followed by me letting go. Life before Sarah I was able to read largely what was going on and I was able to have a bit of fun, I love to be a bit of a tease with a womans orgasm, extend the time before climax, which always well to me anyways adds to the fun. Last night was the first time I can remember skating along that edge with Sarah, or that Sarah allowed me to explore that edge before she indicated to me that she wanted to complete, and complete she did, it is not often she pulls me hard into her, so in all aspects it turned out to be a really nice experience which I followed by rubbing her back till she slept, whereby I promptly fell asleep also. I did wake again 4am, and I did have a half decent hardon, not surprising since it takes Viagra a day or so to get out of your system. Thankfully I was not caged but interestingly normally I would have taken advantage of a free hardon and used it to return to sleep, but I really did not feel so inclined and I did go back to sleep, when I did wake again I was completely flaccid. Talking about senses, I have also noticed my sense of smell is enhanced.

Sarah this morning seemed a bit grumpy, weird I thought she would be in a good mood. I asked if there was anything wrong….no, back rub, coffee and I made the kids lunch seemed to make a her a bit happier, I returned the keys to her (which for some reason she did not seem so keen to accept)and reapplied the cage following my shower, normally again I would have taken advantage of the after effects of the Viagra but it was relatively easy to abstain, although it was a bit harder to put the cage on because I guess there was a bit of stimulation going on…lol

So here I am. I am not sure what is going on with Sarah’s period, by my calculation she should have had it nearly a week ago, maybe that’s why she was a bit grumpy this morning and not so enthusiastic about the keys. I guess she does not realize yet that I am a lot calmer about it than before.

Well so far this experiment is working well, so for the time being I will continue taking these pills, I intend to use my morning wood as my barometer, if I can I will back the dosage off again so that I feel a slight firmness in the morning so I know there is some testosterone in my system. If I can get to half a pill a day then at 70USD for 50 pills will last for 3 months…small price to pay for lack of night time awakenings, control of my sexual aggression and perhaps an improvement to my marriage.

I am not prepared to endorse this yet, I am worried about how it will affect my athletic ability longer term but so far it seems promising. I am not tempted to try and reduce my libido to less than that of Sarah’s, I don’t think that is healthy, and I think in order to get to that point I would lose my ability to perform, although if Sarah knew she might feed me the entire box.

One thing, although to start with there is some kink aspect to reducing ones sex drive, even proceeding to complete reversible chem castration, kind of like wearing a cage. Of course once your drive is reduced then so is ones kink level. This gives me some comfort in knowing that my motivations of proceeding down this path is true to Sarah and my marriage.

CB6000 and review

I don’t have a lot to update on the wife led aspect of my marriage, increasingly I am convinced in many respects that the status quo needs to remain as it is. If Sarah were left to make all the decisions then nothing would ever get done period.

That said she is still my queen, her happiness is what I strive for, even if it means that I have to lead a lot of the time.

Our house project is finally coming to a close, Sarah was completely against it from the start, and I ended up having to use those fateful and risk filled words “I can’t paint you a picture so your just going to have to trust me” those are fighting words. The fact is that although we ended up running about 20% over budget (which is a shit load of money when you spend what we spent) it has turned out brilliantly, even better than I imagined. And Sarah, although a blatant admission is never going to be forthcoming the invitations are flowing forth and she is certainly not shy in showing people around. She loves it.

The last time I updated this blog I was determined to do a 3 month stint in the cage with Sarah strictly in control of my masturbation habit. Well as you probably guess because I have not updated this blog for so long it fell in a heap, and I have gone back to my usual habits. Our sex life has improved though a bit since the house project has finished…possibly moving from 2 decent sessions per month to perhaps 3-4/month..which is not insignificant. Sarah seems to be happier than usual which is a good thing.

I am still thinking about chastity though and I still self satisfy way too much, what killed it last time was Sarah refused to put the keys away, she just left them on the bed side table, and when I prompted her she told me she did not like me wearing it when she had her period. I don’t really get that, unless clearly she still only views the cage as sexual avoidance, she does not seem to give a rats bum how much I flog myself which seems to take the attraction away from wearing it. I think orgasm control is where the attraction is to me since per the above Sarah having control of the rest of family life does not really work, that said Sarah is still very much on a pedestal and I will do anything to please her, simply Sarah making decisions or being the dominant figure in the household does not please her.

Anyway I decided to buy a CB6000, what really attracted me to it is someone said the tube was slightly narrower which means that there is no need to use a KSD, which would be a big plus if this were true. We are not tight on money although now that I have it I am not sure if it was money well spent. We are not finished with chastity play I am sure, so the CB3K tube was looking pretty grubby and used/stained so I spose I would have had to buy a new one anyways.

For those who are interested here is what I think of the CB6000

1. The new ring system is a pain in the ass especially if you have pubic hair. Getting the ring system on is not complicated but keeping your hair out of the ring system while putting it on IS complicated.

2. The new post are oval shaped which prevents the lock from turning around, while this feature IS good, it means using a stainless steal pin is no longer an option.

3. The tube is narrower than a CB3K and it does help keep things in place but after wearing it for a day, after bending over I found that I all but popped out the back of the device. When you first out it on you tend to think wow, I won’t be able to get out of this, but sure enough as you wear it and your skin sweats and self lubricates then you can get out of it easy enough, although it IS more secure than the CB3K without a KSD.

4. I would not say the new rings are any more comfortable than the solid rings, the only advantage is that they are flatter across the top which gives you less finger room to facilitate pulling out the back. But even with the second smallest ring which I can only tolerate during the daytime barely I was still able to pull out. I tried to put the number 3 ring on already pre assembled as I would a solid ring (to avoid the hair pinching) and I was not able to get my balls through because the flat part at the top actually makes the dimension too small. I think I could if I persevered but it would probably end up hurting, so the ability to open the ring is a plus in that case even if it is a pain in the arse. Wearing the device with the number 3 ring is comfortable along with the second smallest spacer which I guess according to millars means I am mr average.

5. I would say that the CB6K is slightly but only slightly more comfortable during nigh time arousal.

6. The side vents are a big plus for the CB6K and I did not really find any problem flushing the CB with water during washing using the side vents

So in conclusion I would say that the CB3K WITH the KSD is probably a bit more secure and probably a little less comfortable at night. The side vents are a big bonus but not one I would rush out and spend 250 bux AUD on in a hurry.

I then started thinking that putting a KSD in the 6K would be interesting because even if there is not that much difference in the device, having the side vents and the narrower tube in combo with the KSD might be a good thing so I set about modifying one of the KSDs I had. Here are some pictures of what I was able to do.

Basically I used a small angle grinder to sand around the outside of the KSD to reduce its diameter so it would fit inside the CB6K tube, then because the lip in the 6K is smaller than the 3K I had to make the KSD narrower over all. I then beveled the edges with sand paper and splayed the exit because of my past experience with KSD doing an injury to my shaft during night time arousal. I also had to extend the hole at the top so the guide pin could go through. As you can see I succeeded in fiting the KSD into the CB6K.

Wearing it was very comfortable during the day, and actually surprisingly secure, the thicker ring and the flat top in combination with the KSD made escape almost impossible. I say almost because I only wore it for 24 hours, enough for some sweating to occur but not compared to several days wear. Night time arousals were significantly better because the KSD gives an additional 5mm of length to the tube and when you consider the 6K is about 5 mm longer than the 3K then a extra 10mm over all is significant.

The problem was that I used a older smaller KSD to modify for the CB6K, I did not want to kill my KSD that I had made comfortable for the CB3k, the morning after wearing over night I checked for injury and unfortunately the pressure from the nighttime arousal had resulted in damage to the underside of my shaft, which means I can’t try it again for a few days. I am however encouraged and have decided to modify my CB3K KSD, although I am certain that the security will be slightly compromised. What is most important is spread the pressure, so you have to make sure that there are no lips especially where the bottom of the lip meets the inside of the cage. You must make sure that you sand back the thickness of the KSD so that it is almost flush with the tube and that you tapper down the edge. What surprised me is that this time the injury occurred both on the entry and exit of the KSD sides, which tells me that the KSD I was using was simply too small…I am definitely a grower.

Once I get the new KSD working properly I will offer the keys to Sarah once again. I have little down she will take them, wether or not she decides to keep them while she has her period is up to her. I have a sneaking suspicion though that she will though. I have not talked to her about caging for about 6 weeks and I think she actually misses it.

I am also considering a libido reducing drug which can easily be sort on the net without a prescription and try very low dose, been reading a lot about that recently and know what the risks are, not that I want to castrate myself but I would like to have a bit more control over myself, and possibly reduce wake up calls while wearing the cage..eh eh…and apparently some of my hair might even grow back. My main concern is that my sex drive must have a large contribution of who I am and is the engine that drives much of what I do. If its shut down completely then depression could be a real risk, so I would not want to do that, but lack of sex/sexual imbalance is also depressing. If it were possible to dial it back just a bit and get in the same region as Sarah then life might be a whole lot more harmonious.