Journey into a wife lead marriage

A better cage

2010-11-01T17:06:00.004+11:00

That last post was a bit of a downer I guess. and thanks to the commenter, so sorry it took me like a month or two to publish it.

Business has been quite good lately and I find myself far to busy to spend time typing in here, although I still do a fair amount of reading and fantasizing of course. Wondering if Sarah will ever change.

Actually to be honest just lately Sarah has been making more of a effort, not in being a femdom or anything but just allowing a greater intimacy. This will probably sound a bit pathetic to some but Sarah actually seems to like it when I relieve myself while spooning her and giving her a massage, but the gift of her orgasms still are way too infrequent. Just lately Sarah has agreed to doll out my orgasms, and although she does not really give me any lists or tasks to earn them, she does make me massage her an awful lot. Sarah now refers to the CB6000 as "that horrible thing" and to be fair after more than 2 years of life its definitely at the ned of its service life, if i could be bothered i would take a picture, although its clamped on my cock right now as I still wear it work most days, but take it off when i get home. it is in a sorry state alright, it cracked open over a year ago and needed super gluing back together, which means its not quite clear any more, also the seam has dark crap in there that you can't get out, not to mention the cable tie I put around it as added security against further splits. I have a wad of putty on the top that stops the lock from banging. All in all a very yucky device and not very intimate, and I can't say I blame her

Anyway I told Sarah I want a new and non tacky one for my birthday, she was pretending to be too asleep to answer but at least she did not say no. I am actually thinking about the steelheart since thumper raves on about it all the time. Plus since business is going quite well, the money is not really a issue as it would have been a year ago. But I see two major problems with it.

One is security and I don't want to get a a PA piercing, more because I hate the idea of permanently having to watch out where my pee goes when I pee, and also because it would certainly freak Sarah out. The other concern I have is hygiene, I don't know how you would keep that one clean, and how it does not stink when one takes it off, which is also a intimacy killer for spontaneous interludes (if when they happen). At least with the CB6000 I can keep whats inside clean so that one can barely whiff anything when its removed, but its taken 4 years to get to a point when I can do this relatively easily and effectively.

For the security I was thinking about getting the fixing with internal penis plug

http://steelworxx.de/Fixing-with-integrated-Penis-Plug-42p.html

The cool thing about this is that it holds everything in place, and while one could almost certainly pull your cock out of the tube still, getting it back in would be impossible without the key....this is not true for the CB6000 even though the KSD makes it very hard to get off, getting it back on is actually easier than getting it off with the help of a stocking. Clearly using the penis plug fitting this would not be possible, and trying to stuff your cock back in through that loop while its still inside the tube be nigh impossible.

The main thing that I have concern about with the penis plug is the long term viability of having shoved in your pee hole, and how its going to feel during an attempted erection...I know i probably do not have so many readers these days but I am wondering if there are anyone with experiences with this thing?

I have also written to Steelworx and asked them if I could modify the steelheart 2 a little bit. I want to make the opening at the front a little bigger so I can use my paintbrush trick to get soap up in there....and also if its possible to drill or perforate the tube on the sides (not on the top for aesthetic reasons, or the bottom for smoothness reasons)with LOTS of tiny 1mm holes, so the tube can both breath...and so that one can direct a stream of water onto the holes and flash the tube out. I do not see the point in having large vents when if you had only small holes but lots of them so that you can pass water through but skin won't come bulging out during a erection. From a construction point of view it might be hard anyway will wait and see if its possible.

I also asked if it might be possible to have a adjustable foot that resembles a KSDG2 on a thread , where the height of such can be adjusted while the device is unlocked but not tampered with when locked, I have not physically seen a device so I am not sure if this will be possible or not, but it would be great to effectively change the size of the hole where the shaft goes into the tube which would enhance security particularly if the penis plug is not tolerable over a long period....I somehow doubt they will be interested in that idea but it does not hurt to ask.

I will let u know how I go...and if in the end being in metal really does have the claimed improvement in intimacy appeal....

Not dead just buried.

2010-07-29T13:02:00.001+10:00

Another dead blog, or someone that just has lost interest?
No that is not really true, but per my last post its very hard to waste time now that my world has become so time challenged. Yes starting a business is not a short term commitment but rather a commitment that moves from months to years very quickly. Fortunately despite the economic climate so far at least touch wood it is feeding our family and we might even get a holiday soon.
I have not stoped stealing some time to keep up with the latest news and my fetish with regards to chastity remain, in fact I am wearing the CB6000 now, but its not Sarah that is holding key, I actually wear it during the day quite a lot just because I find it helps me stay focused, and keeps my hands off it, although I find wearing it also intensifies other feelings at the same time.

Another reason I think is that there are so many other writers out there that are so much more prolific, and graphic than I can be or have time for, and have a far greater skill than I have both in their writing ability and also their relationship with their spouse is a lot closer, or at least willing to play along. I like to read Thumper a lot, I think he is clearly the new king of the chastity blogs, its amazing how similar initially he was in the beginning to how Sarah and I are, but with a difference his bell actually HAS a libido whereas Sarah simply does not, well at least not as far as I am concerned.
I guess to be fair to Sarah she has a lot on her plate, although she does not work we do have 4 children to consider, and they are not without constant tribulations, one of which is finalising his schooling this year and is as stressed as a poor child can be.
Sarah has no interest, assigns no priority to us as a couple and any attempt to engage in any discussion that has anything to do with sex, penis cages, chasity, femdom, orgasm denial, basically anything to do with intimacy between us is met with complete dis interest, like there are far greater priorities in life than intimacy.
The strange thing is I “get that” but I also get very frustrated that she won’t even give up one tiny bit of her consciousness for US…or ok…well for me…but in my mind it is us.
We did venture into her holding the keys to my cage 2 or three months ago….where I left them on her bedside table telling her that when ever they are there when I get home from work (I told her I liked to wear it to work)I would take it off when I got home, and if they were not there I would know she was looking for a massage….with no strings attached, the keys did go away, but it was a short term thing because 5 days later she let me out and announced we should get rid of it, because there was no point to it because she never actually wanted to let me out……..ever.
Now that sounds really kinky and on first though conjures thoughts of strap on harnesses while still cages or giving Sarah oral sex while I am locked up for life, whatever. But what this actually means in sarah speak is that she never feels like intimacy, she never FEELS like letting me out, ie she never gets horny, Sarah also seems to have a thing about owing people anything, After spending a week rubbing her back and doing things for her, she feels like she OWES me a release, I have to admit I agree with her!!! But we all know femdoms HATE feeling that they owe anyone anything.
The problem from my mind space is that femdom is all well and good and so is orgasm denial but at the end of the day there has to be some completion, some kind of acknowledgment even if acknowledgment is a substitute for reward, Sarah gives neither, and so I am afraid to say we have settled back into the old routine where I leave her alone for a week, (apart from the occasional back rub and also let her know I am horny in the faint hope she feels sorry for me…which even if I ask her she says no…she has no sympathy….then after about a week or so I start harassing her for sex until she gives in.
The stupid things is I HATE harassing her for sex, but after a week or so I start to feel driven, its not really sex I am after though its passion, its intimacy because I cam make myself cum 5-6 times a day until it gets sore if I want to but the drive for intimacy is different and for deeper and stronger, and depressing when its not returned.
I am still here, still breathing, still at least thinking about Sarah being in control of our sex life, but getting Sarah to be in control is as hard as getting her to like sex. You can’t MAKE anyone do anything, she is what she is, I guess I either have to accept it or leave her, I can’t make myself into something I am not either, tried that, just ended up depressing myself, although I must admit I am tempted to try it again, my libido is driving my crazy at the moment, waking up with a rock hard cock in the morning every friggin morning…so hard it hurts….at least the cage wakes me before it gets to the super rockon phase so I can normally head it off…..:(

Been far too busy

2009-09-24T12:41:00.002+10:00

Starting up a business sure eats into your time, and blogging unfortunately is one of the casualties of this exercise.

Also there seems to be a plethora of blogs now dedicated to orgasm control and chastity with very prolific writers and their followers, not that it’s a competition or a pissing contest but what I have to say just can’t compare to the participation and the depth of these other bloggers and to the extent their wives play along.

Also I think I lost a few people when I tried to reduce my ridiculous sex drive by trying different drugs, I guess I am a bit out there, still the remains a struggle, certainly not a new one though and my overtly large sex drive remains a problem for Sarah given hers is completely my sex drive inverted.

Still I find it funny though that even though I have not updated this blog for a long time, it still seems to rank quite highly in the google searches, maybe I could put some links to by business in here….ummm….not!!!....although I have pretty much come clean with Sarah now on all of my activities pertaining to reducing my sex drive….I think she still would rather my two orbs be removed completely…

We took a long break from the chastity cage, Sarah did not see the point since she feels that she has to let me out every 3-4 days even if its to let me relieve myself, and she stated point blank that she would rather never let me out of it. I don’t really understand this notion that developed of hers that she has to let me out every 3 days or so, I think it possibly comes from guilt of keeping me locked up. It is funny she always seems to give up on cage play just when I feel like I am falling into a rhythm of good submissive husband mindset, and when I think she is developing a taste for control (see previous post)

In any case a few weeks ago after I had been pestering her for sex for a few days on end, as you do when your wife says no, she told me to put the cage back on in no uncertain terms, and so here I sit caged again.

This time though having read all of the other blogs around the place, I pretty much know we are doomed to fail in this mindset, Sarah just can’t bring her self to be interested in tease and denial, or even this female led dynamic, it simply takes too much effort on her part, and she is not prepared to entertain it. So for those of you that do have a wife that are prepared to invest their time and THOUGHT towards this dynamic just remember there are those of us would be sub husbands that completely and totally envy your situation.

The other issue we have is that Sarah really does lack libido, she is simply not interested in having orgasms on a semi regular basis, in fact I think she would quite happily be orgasmless for months on end, she calls it a chore, it again takes too much effort.

And so this is the reason why chastity for us is most probably set to fail, it is a celibacy device rather than a chastity/tease and denial device. This is how Sarah sees it, and uses it as a way of gaining peace from my relentless cock. While initially this was exciting in itself, now it has become somewhat of a bore.
Its been clear to me for a long time I have a desire to submit sexual control to Sarah, but submission in itself is not enough, there also has to be control. This seems to be a common thread in all D & S scenarios. With Sarah , I actually think she likes the control, but she just can’t be bothered. It also becomes an effort for me as well, because although I feel all the subby feelings, and make an extraordinary effort to serve Sarah, backrubs, hot milks, wanting to be with her, offering to meet for coffees, much of these things she gets while I am not caged but, certainly I put in 110%, but what I find is that it does not make one little tiny bit of difference how much effort I put in and how much I really do adore and worship her as a woman, I am still sleeping next to what may as well be a sack filled with sand….a very beautiful sack of sand but as responsive as a sack of sand, one that finds it an effort to even talk about this dynamic, or its associated bits.

Fear is the mind killer, no…fear is not the mind killer, fear at least is exciting.

Indifference is the mind killer.

Update

2009-06-27T14:31:00.003+10:00

I have finally progressed to the number 4 ring of the CB6000, and let me tell you its taken nearly 2 years of wearing to get to a point where I can tolerate the smaller ring on a long term basis.

Its not wearing it during the day that is so much of a issue, although Sarah gave me a 2 day (she specified the 2 days) break the other day and it seemed like after 2 days out , puting the smaller ring back on was mighty uncomfortable especially at night for the first few nights.

The point is with the smaller ring is that I really can't escape from it. In fact I am flat out getting it on. I do not shave my hair down there so if I actually took the ring apart as you can with the CB6000 rings then I can get it on but not without the pubic hair being a real problem, so what I normally do is put my balls through one at a time then use a stocking to pull my cock through....then use the stocking again to put the tube and the KSDG3 on as well. The trouble is with the number four ring I can only JUST fir my balls through and then there is not enough space to get my cock through.....I have tried a few times and I can just do it but but really hurts so I have settled on taking the ring apart and taking my time not to get ahir caught. The point is that if I can't get my cock through the ring even with the help of a stocking pulling it through then its impossible to pull it out the back, there is no space.I can shift it around a bit but I can't actually get it out. Once your used to the small ring its actually more comfortable during the day but night time sucks big time....even with my reduced erections from the hair drug...

Update on that is my hair is noticeably thicker, it really does work!! ...but I am pretty sure its still making me a bit tired and I feel but I am not sure it might be taking the edge off my ability to process data, I feel like I am limited somehow but I can't quite put my finger on it. All that said I have been working out a lot at the gym and managed to loose a whole 6 KGs (13 pounds ) in 6 weeks, so I actually should be feeling better. My wife took my son to another doctor and thankfully it seems like putting him on the same drug has been put off for a few years...when I consider the side effect it is having on me I am not sure if I would be happy him taking it at his age even if the doctors say its OK.

Now to Sarah, Sarah has definitely taken control of our sex life, or lack of it, actually though the last time we had sex was mind blowing....Sarah does not like to be touched with hands during foreplay, she only likes to feel a hard cock rub between her legs, usually as soon as she is aroused she will direct my entry then allow me to stroke her clit and various other good parts in order to enhance her experience. This time however she did not direct me inside her but she left me rubbing on the outside to the point where I was so hard and desperate I was on the edge of coming just like I was, especially after a whole week sine my last release. In the end I was wondering if Sarah was ever going to let me in, talk about the ultimate tease!!!, she was really freaking me out, eventually I decided that perhaps she had no intention of letting me in so I started to rub her clit with my hand while the head of my cock moved just near her opening, I dared not put it in until Sarah decided it was time and Sarah was getting off on the fact that I would not put it in until she decided to the extent that she climaxed with out me ever entering her. But then she surprised me by putting me in AFTER she had climaxed...to which I uttered...a noooo....because I wanted it to be just for her...alas I lasted about 30 milli seconds before I blew my load...

Move on a week or two ...after being released just for bottom rubs (which is the only release I have had in about 3 weeks) the last bottom rub I was a bit disappointed that Sarah was not getting into it and I let her know it as well (which was a bit of a mistake)....actually I had climaxed but not to the point Sarah knew although I had been massaging and rubbing against her back for a while....Sarah asked if I had come or not, and I had to admit that I had. Sarah responded by telling me that I was lucky I had because she was going to tell me to lock it back up as punishment for complaining, that I was lucky to get to rub my cock on her bum....well.....consider my sub button pushed...pressed home completely. Of course I locked back up the next day.

A few days later, I had been especially good (I am not going into details) and Sarah produced the keys again, she told me that she was pleased with me and that I had earned a few days release from the cage, but ONLY for 2 nights after which I was to put it back on however there was not going to be sex because she had her period (well that sucked). Sarah actually went on to say that she is enjoying the control she now has over our sex life and that she is wanting me to keep wearing it....well i asked for it.

I have now been wearing the CB6000 for roughly 4 months with the longest break being a single 2 week break in the middle. A new record for me.

Life goes on

2009-05-30T11:24:00.002+10:00

And on.

Update on the proscar, morning erections seem to be resurrecting themselves as the cage is waking me in the mornings sometimes these days. Not nearly as rampant as before but they are definitely there.

At the same time I have decided its time to shed some of the weight I have put on over the last few years and have joined the local gym. its quite amazing how quickly fitness can return and I have managed to loose a whopping 3.5KGs in 3 weeks! which is roughly a kilo per week. I guess thats what running 4Kms per day will do. I have never been obese but my tummy was definitely becoming noticeable to the point where I did need to lean forward to see ones cock...I have also cut down my alcohol consumption to hmmm about 3 glasses of wine per night...

I would really like to move to the number 4 ring on the CB6000 but while I can tolerate it a few days, I actually find that my whimpering night time arousal become painful hardons because the number 4 ring is quite tight even when completely flaccid and so it acts like a cockring making hardons really hard and difficult to get rid of, its not too tight when flaccid though, its comfortable enough as long as one is careful not to allow the skin to bunch or fold onto itself which is quite tough with this small ring. Anyone that has ever worn a chastity belt know that folded skin under the ring, while it does not hurt initially, it can suddenly become REALLY painful, so wearing the smaller ring means a lot more adjustments during the day. The nice thing about the number 4 ring is it is impossible to escape from, no way I could pull out of it, and during the day it is quite comfortable...but night time eeeck, It would be really great if there was a ring in between the 4 and 3 ring, there seems to be a huge difference in size between the 2.

Sarah ha settled into the cage wearing, this time at least she seems to be embracing it, even agreeing I should wear it during her period, I think it has finally dawned on her why and how my sexuality works....and why cage wearing is a good thing for her/us and all concerned. Its kinda scary as well because I am not sure if I want to be wearing a plastic cage for the rest of my life...at the same time I miss it when its not there...how strange....why would anyone wish to wear a plastic sock on their cock....and miss the ability to stroke at will, yet want to not be able to stroke at will....the conundrum still makes no sense and yet cage wearing seems to be ever increasing in popularity.

It has gone beyond kink, although I still wish there was more of that...I wish Sarah would take advantage of my situation more.

The spark of a dominance

2009-05-19T11:55:00.003+10:00

Its hard to write sometime, but a few things have happened recently that leads me to make some comments once again.

Sarah and I had a break from the cage for a little while, but only for a few weeks, Sarah did not actually ask me to start wearing it again but she did not hesitate to participate once I offered. These days she is making sure she hides the keys from me big time.

Sarah has been a bit stressed lately because one of our sons hair is beginning to thin out, for me I do not have much hair left at all these days but it was not really noticeable until my mid 20s, only a mother would have noticed my sons hair but she has had him around to see all sorts of specialists.

The alarming thing is that a few of the doctors are recommending propecia, some are saying he is still two young but others are saying he isn't. Now for the uneducated propecia is actually finasteride which is what I was taking myself a year ago in conjunction with andocure because I had read that it can help reduce libido. Andocure which reduces the amount of overall testosterone I found made me feel old and depressed and in some respects increased my needyness on Sarah, when I decided I could not deal with the side effects I weaned myself off and tried mixing a bit of propecia. The results were quick and devastating. Almost total elimination of sexual function. Very difficult to get an erection, no ejaculate and orgasms just were not worth it....not good...

I am trying to cut this short, after this result I ended up discontinuing both and eventually my system has returned to normal (pretty much) but not after I had done a lot of reading and discovered some real horror stories about propecia/finasteride side effects on its own. So I had some real concerns about giving such a drug to my son for hair loss.

In the end I told Sarah about my previous experience, I decided to tell her everything about what i had done (including basically chemically castrating myself and my reasons), and then proceed to tell her that before I allowed my son to take this drug that I had been taking it (by itself ie not mixed with andocur) this time to see if I suffer any ill effects, I suspected the last time I had taken the propecia the reason I had such a dramatic impact on my sexual function/ability and everything else is because of a interaction between the two drugs.

So now I have been taking propecia for 2-3 weeks.

For the first few weeks it just made me feel a little tired. But alarmingly for the last week I have not had ANY nocturnal erections. For those cage wearers out there, this might be a pretty good deal....grow your hair back and no more nightly wake up calls from the cage. What I am worried about is what comes next. Will it go to the same extent as before? Nocturnal erections are a normal part of every mans life, from my understanding it is what helps to "grow" a penis into reaching its full potential. Now interestingly if I were not wearing a cock cage I would not really KNOW just how many errections one has during the night. Normally I would be woken 4-5 separate occasions during the night. now zero, nothing, not even tight?? Just from propecia, normal dose, nothing stupid....maybe Sarah knowing about the other drug is lacing my food????(she would never do that)

Anyway the point is that I can't allow my son to take this drug knowing what the effect it is having on me? or at the very least I have to explain my experience....right now though if its JUST the loss of night time erections then thats actually good (when your wearing a cage...lol). I will keep taking it longer term to make sure nothing else happens.

hmmmm

Well the title was a spark of dominance....

Last nigh represented the 7th night of no release from the cage.

Sarah told me I was to take off the cage and massage her back, I was to wear a condom but not attempt to have sex, I was allowed to come, in fact she told me to. Then she TOLD me I was to put the cage back on in the morning, not once but made sure I knew by telling me twice. She told me that if I was lucky she might release me again tomorrow night in order to allow me to give her a orgasm but that was subject to her being in the mood. Now of course I have no need for release...so I wish she would let me have the honor of just giving her a orgasm.

Did it feel normal...I always have trouble self gratifying myself using Sarah's body when she is not in the mood , even though rubbing against Sarahs bottom is heaven, the orgasm felt normal I think...maybe not as intense but that could because Sarah was simply releasing me...I will know more when Sarah does actually get in the mood...when that will be I don't know...but I know I am craving giving her a orgasm....She does know that is what I really need....I have told her many times that I do not really need one myself but in order for me to feel complete as a man I need to give her one...., but last night she told I should orgasm for "health" reasons. At least she is thinking of me :)

I am not sure if

2009-03-24T09:33:00.002+11:00

Actually I was just reading thumpers blog on wordpress. I really enjoy the way he writes, and I wish I could write as prolifically and as eloquently as he does. I am not sure if he realises how lucky that he is tough that his wife embraces this dynamic the way that she does. Not only that but he and his spouse actually communicate about this dynamic.

Sarah is not like that, communicating or talking about it just seems to put more pressure on her, which is probably due to the way that it ends up being brought up. I have taken to trying to discuss things retrospectively, after a release so that Sarah does not feel a pressure TOO release if you know what I mean

Fact is that a denied man DOES put a different kind of pressure on your spouse. For Sarah it means that she feels that she should give me a release, and I guess I agree with her....at times.

Yup we are still traveling along the chastity path. This cycle Sarah has released me twice for actual sex....and twice so I could release myself. And I have been well behaved thanks no doubt it part to the low dose of anti depressants I have been talking.

Make no mistake, I think drugs are necessary, I have no doubt that I have/had a sex addiction problem. Most people could not even manage the amount of masturbation I was inflicting upon myself. I have since read that excessive masturbation is a symptom of depression...so I guess I have been depressed for a long time...lol...but I did find that I increased a lot after giving up smoking.

This actually makes some sense in a weird kind of way. If anyone has ever studied Maslows hierarchy of needs then you would know that sex, food, and air.....at least for men sex is right up there on the first level of needs. One of the reasons that nicotine is so very addictive is that it stimulates the same areas of the brain that deal with satisfaction pertaining to these basic needs. One of the things that smoke quitters constanly warn of is replacing the addiction with another one.

Replacing nicotine with excessive masturbation seems harmless of course, its not like its going to give you dick cancer....though I have to admit I have increased my alcohol consumption and with it my belt size has increased somewhat as well. The trouble is with excessive masturbation though is that orgasm begets orgasm, the more you have the more you want, although it never interfered with Sarah because her drive is so much lower than mine, it still becomes a case where each stroke was equivalent to "fuck u then fuck u then". The only problem with these drugs as I said before they seem to make night time erections CHRONIC. I have been wearing this cage now 24/7 (with 12 hr releases but only 2 orgasms per release) for 2 months and the night time wakenings are no more comfortable even after taking the dremel to the forward edge of the cb6000 ring.

The idea that orgasm denial will reduce the importance of orgasm to me is probably valid, though through the last month Sarah has allowed me 2 releases for sex (which have been fucking awesum, and the last two releases have been where she has allowed me to only rub myself on her bottom while wearing a condom whilst I massage her to sleep.

The weird thing is that out of the two its the rubbing myself on her bottom that makes me tingle and fill my cage as I type this....yet the last time she allowed me that release was only 3 days ago and to be honest it left me feeling flat as a tac. I came very quickly and it was intense since it had been nearly a week since the last rub but I wanted Sarah to cum as well.

I explained this to Sarah in the morning, I get the feeling that I am going back to my old tricks and putting pressure on her to perform (as she calls it), but it seems that cumming like that is leaving me with a sense of almost depression especially since I know her period is approaching then I know I won't have the pleasure of getting Sarah off till afterward.

But this is the crux of what I have been trying to get through to Sarah is that I don't even care any more if I cum or not....I know Sarah gets a lot of pleasure out of my massages but i need to GET HER OFF in order to feel satisfied, to make me feel like a man, in order to as I told her to "feel complete"

I am really beginning to feel like getting Sarah off is a gift (ok it is), its something she allows me to do as a reward...but that sounds kind of arse backward doesn't it? I know she enjoys sex once she is aroused.....and I also knows she masturbates roughly the same amount that she allows me to pleasure her ,interesting Sarah likes to pleasure herself during the day after the evening where we have had a good session....any woman readers out there...I like to think this is because like me she likes to relive the night before.....I know enough about a woman to know if Sarah is faking pleasure, there is no mistaking her engorged swollen pussy compared to when it is flat....and its usually when Sarah has a really powerful orgasm hat she chooses to masturbate the next day, and yet I really feel that when she does share her orgasm with me ...that it truly is a gift....this must be a submissive trait, one that is mixed with rebellious feelings of ...I deserve the gift....or she owes me for all those massages....
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She is my princess thats why I keep telling myself.....I do wish these negative feelings would go away though.

Anyway I digress, last night Sarah told me that she was thnking of "being nice" to me tonight and that if I rubbed her back and she wasn't asleep in 5 minutes then she was going to indulge me....I told her that I did not want her to indulge me...that I wanted to indulge HER, anyways....Sarah went silent and seemed to go to sleep while I stayed awake and waited for the 5...then 10...hen 20....then an hour went by where Sarah seemed to toss and turn kind of nearly not asleep but enough to jolt me awake as soon as I was nearly asleep.

I am wondering though I doubt it if it will finally get through to her that I want to give her an orgasm without having one myself...since I am really beginning to hate the flat feeling I feel following a orgasm. last time we had sex Sarah let me go down on her....and omg she tastes so wonderful, I have a feeling that Sarah came without leting me know while I was down there, bu she ended up allowing me to finish off inside of her, but I think she had past her peak because she did no feel quie the same as when I was down there.....

I am hoping that tonight (she did say if not tonight tomorrow night) that she keeps the cage on me while I lick her to orgasm. I am really curious to find out if this allows me the satisfaction more than my own sexual release does.

A quicky

2009-03-11T14:24:00.002+11:00

Just a quick one because I am really too busy to be spending time writing here, but I just became lost in some of the people that commented blogs as well as their links and ended up burning too much time.

Well to cut a long story short, I am still in the cage pretty much 24/7, I even went camping with it locked on and Sarah did not offer to remove it. And on the day before we came home Sarah informed me that she had her period, I could not help but feel a little bit bummed, not at Sarah but the fact I had been already locked for a week, and it meant that it may be at least another week before we could make love.

Although I did not ask, the night we got home, Sarah said amusingly at bed time, you must be about ready to pop...well i could not help but agree and she handed me the keys, i was implied that I was going to have to put a condom on and then I was asked to rub her back, which is fine with me, I really did feel like I was about to pop.

It did not take long for me to get hard, but as I rolled the condom on, the downward pressure through my shaft on my prostate was jus too much for me and I shot my load before I even had a chance to massage Sarah's back....dammit....I made a mental note to myself to give myself a prostate massage after 5 or 6 days so that this hair trigger response might be alleviated. Sarah was Ok because I happily massaged her to sleep, and I happily had a night of the cage with no interruptions to sleep.

I did replace the cage following my shower the next day, and the pressure was spent.

I only spent about 4 days in the cage before Sarah offered me the keys again....and again what ensued was a wonderful night of enjoyable love making.

Its been almost a week now, Sarah does not seem to be in such a good mood this week, bu then I have been slacking a bit in my duties as I have been so busy with my business, and tired as well from working hard and the wake up calls.

I can feel the pressure inside me so I guess I had better give myself a prostate massage soon in case Sarah decides its time. I would hate to be disappointing.

It still working well for us.....

Here we go again

2009-02-24T13:38:00.003+11:00

How long since my last post? 3 weeks :)

Thank you so much for your comments, and thanks for not being negative.

Well all I can say is that Sarah was not joking about the cage play, and so far its kinda nice to be back in the saddle so to speak.

About 5 months ago I went to see a councilor regarding my stress levels, actually the main motivation at the time was to document the fact that I was suffering with stress if I was to make a claim on my previous employee, but as it turned out it was beneficial for other reasons. The first and foremost was that of course I actually really was suffering from stress and was borderline depression. My body was beginning to hurt from tensed up muscles and I was beginning to have trouble sleeping.

So she prescribed me a weak anti depressant, I forget what they are called, but she prescribed me 5 months of them...I was not too keen on anything that relates to cerebral function but she assured me that they would be fine and would help me sleep so long as I took them before bed.

So I took one that night and I woke feeling a little sleepy, but WOW!!! my sore muscles and pains had gone, magic pill, so I did no take any more.....more on this later

One of the other things we spoke about is Sarah, and after a few minutes of discussion my councilor simply said...."I will sorry for you....she is a passive aggressive" , wtf....so she went on to describe passive aggressive behavior to me...and...soooo many green lights went on in my head...but then I asked her....so Ok how do you best deal with a passive aggressive person....she says...."well you don't"...well I was thinking that sure helps doesn't it.....but it actually does because it helps you to understand why someone does what they do.

Anyways I digress..I might cover passive aggressive behavior another time

Fast forward to now, 3 weeks from my last post, well I still have 2 fully functioning orbs between my legs, but the truth is they have not been able to do much.

I have been pretty much wearing the cage 24/7 for 3 weeks and so far I have been pretty good. I read on a another forum that SSRI inhibitors (aka anti depressants) can also have a libido reduction effect, but the ones that my doctor prescribed me are the only ones that are not meant to have any impact on sex drive (but they are in the same family) and in fact can in some cases enhance it because people who are stressed do not feel like sex. So I decided to see if just taking half a pill a day would have any impact on my libido as compared to my ability to have sex.

The answer is yes it does have a impact on my libido, or rather it seems to have given me a greater level of control over my sex drive. When we were coming up for my first release after I had been locked up for a week, by that time normally I would be climbing the walls...hey I knew I was "full" but when Sarah asked me if it would be ok if we waited till the next night I had absolutely no problem.

Unfortunately there is no effect on nocturnal hardons and indeed the increase in serotonin from the SSRI seems to contribute to dreaming and if anything increases them. For the novice user this would probably be a problem but at least now I have developed a method getting rid of my hardon quickly enough so that it does not impact my sleep too much. But they are relentless.

I do feel so much more at ease with my sex drive though and apart from it being a bit hard to wake up in the morning I don't see any other side effects so far. It has occurred to me that if this is the case then perhaps I have no further need for the cage and in fact the kink aspect of it has dissipated somewhat after all I have been using it for nearly 3 years off and on (so to speak), I am inclined to persist even if it is because it means that Sarah HAS to give it some mind share...which is the part that she does not like.

But this time I am being very well behaved, and for the moment Sarah is encouraging me to continue being caged by religiously hiding the key following a release.

In fact the weekend just gone, Sarah said to me on friday night that she would be letting me out of the cage ...soon...even though I had made no mention of it, but I did begin to expect it on Saturday night...then when Saturday night came and she told me that she has "better" let me out ...and I returned, no you don't have to until you want to, but ...if she liked she could let me out while I gave her a nice backrub while wearing a condom (aka intercourse being optional but I would empty myself because I WAS full, Sarah knows I can easily orgasm while giving her a backrub with no actual penetration) and I promised to put the cage straight back on the next day....to which I was presented with the keys on the understanding that Sarah was intending to sleep...and I was to put it back on in the morning regardless of what happened that night.

So I began, you can't imagine until you have been caged for more than a week the sensations even through a condom that you feel when it is rubbed up against the soft flesh of the one that you love, brushing up against her fantastic rear. I kid you not I had a hard time not blowing my load in the first 30 seconds of release....yet I did not want it to finish so quickly and I was still a bit hopeful that Sarah might change her mind especially after she commented that she had woken up a bit, I needed to know if I was allowed to let go so she cold go to sleep or if I should hold on to it in case Sarah wanted to make love, Sarah answered by lifting her leg and allowing me to rub my engorged cock from behind over the top of her soft swollen and now wet pussy. Now I know when Sarah is aroused, because as any sensitive man knows there is a stark contrast between a pussy that is flat and a pussy that is pumped up and engorged, but she would not put me "in", I was determined not to direct myself in and it seemed for a long time that Sarah was intent on teasing the living crap out of me by only allowing me to stay on the outside. That said I was on the edge of orgasm as it was and I was loving every instant of it but I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be allowed in at all.

Then I actually started feeling comfortable with that thought in that I was just happy that it seemed Sarah was really enjoying herself, however when I did feel her climbing closer I backed off a little just to extend it, then I began to wonder if I was doing this for me or for her because obviously once Sarah came I was not going to be welcomed in (Sarah would not stop me if I wanted to but the whole point of this is not to do the penetration thing unless I was invited), in the end I decided that I would try and bring Sarah to her climax and then if necessary I would finish myself with my had rather than penetrate her, but it was with I must say some relief then Sarah did eventually guide me into her warm interior where she promptly came as did I and I must say the intensity of it left me with the feeling of a need for a crowbar to uncurl my toes!!

In the morning I did submit to one self indulgent rigorous cleaning to ensure I was suitably cleaned out and to relive the night before. When I checked Sarah had put the keys away in safe keeping and we know what that means. I was tempted to leave it off for another night because I wanted to sleep through the night again, alas came the evening I felt that I could not trust myself and before I knew it I had locked it back on and once more I am in Sarah's hands.

I don't know where this is going but then who does. I read a interesting note from digger the other day, it was so well articulated, there are so many people who write for better than I do. But he did articulate why that cage play will probably never work in some relationships. I agree wholeheartedly with what he said, yet strangely although Sarah is NEVER going to be a femdom wielding strapon goddess dressed in leather, this however does seem to have some level of workability for us right now.

I do know though that if I screw up this time its over for good. And Sarah is just as likely to wake up tomorrow and for no reason tell me to throw it out for good.

anyways I no longer get paid for writing here so I had better go do some work...

Vent time

2009-02-03T09:14:00.002+11:00

Twice in 2 weeks after so long....

Well Sarah and I had a pretty hurtful discussion the other night....and I thought I would put it down here...lucky I don't get any comments because I am pretty sure you would just tell me I am mad, and I know that already so if thats all you have to say then don't bother.

I try not (and for the most part succeed) to bother Sarah for sex for at least a weekly time out, but once the week is up its like a timer goes off in my head and after that time I am pretty relentless until she gives in. The funny thing is when she does decide to "try" for the most part once she gets into it she enjoys it, but for her the effort is not worth the end, and so she keeps reminding me that she only really has sex for me....

Anyway over the weekend we had some friends over and yes I probably drank too much so I probably was not the most desirable person on the block, but yes I had a tantrum because I was turned down for the 3rd straight night (making it night 10 or so), I think I probably said something about seeing a professional...or something else nasty before I stalked out and headed down to the couch. I am never violent, I can sometimes crap on about how hardly done by I am or threaten to have sex with someone else but after that I will head off to seclusion rather than stand and fight to the death...still its damaging and I know it, and it doesn't help...just can't help it.

Anyway the next night Sarah, our anger had dissipated somewhat (I had apologized for my behavior in the morning), and I felt well enough and....I could not really help myself by asking as I gave her a hug, "I am not sure what your going to do with me" and Sarah kind of caught me off guard by saying, "Castration comes to mind....actually I have been thinking about that a lot lately"......now in a negative reality inversion kind of way that kind of excited me...and as you probably guessed from my dablings in chemical reduction in libido(and I did reach castration levels anyway) actual castration had crossed my mind as well....and so I told her that castration had crossed my mind as well as I am sick of my sex drive...she then says "why don't you look into it then?" All this time my hard cock in cased in a condom is rubbing up and down....I said, "u would really actually want me to do that would u"....."oh yes I would".....

hmmmm

Remembering a lot of what Sarah says at any given time is whatever happens to be going on in her head at the present. I know if I was actually serious about cutting my balls off she would never allow me to do it.... I did say though that I did not blame her for wanting to cut them off sometimes...she said well they have caused a lot of trouble through our marriage...the sad thing is I know its true......but actual physical castration while might be ok to kind of joke about...even semi serious like...it not practically possible for a variety of health reasons...I would never do it, nor would Sarah actually really mean it....other then in principle....I then said" but what would you do when you did want sex" ...she said that she never does, I said but that isn't true because I know you do it yourself sometimes....

Sarah vehemently denied this as she always does...which I know is a lie...I know without a shadow of a doubt because I put little pen dots on her dong...damm I even know how deep she puts it in...actually I don't look any more because I found that I would rather not know when she does, while its good masturbation material (ie the thought of it) the fact that she does and lets me have sex so infrequently I found really pissed me off...so I don't really want to know how often any more..and it was never very often...about as often as we had sex....but I can't help checking occasionally....I did not challenger her then regarding this fib.

Anyway I said to her "in the mean time you will just have to put up with me"....."and why do u think I was so persistent with the cage, because eventually me not being able to use it I have read will help me loose it" as in some of my sex drive. I went on to say that it was up to her to "train me to go without, and that it was Ok to let me out sometimes as a reward but just to let me do i myself we did not HAVE to have sex every time she let me out".....Sarah said "why don't u go and put it on right now then".....that figures I guess she was still pissed at me alright...she also said...."but after I week I feel like I should let you out for sex so whats the point and I don't EVER feel like letting you out. In fact I have not felt like having sex since before I had children!!...I just do it for you"....

well I did not like the way this conversation was going now...and that reallly hurt.....and things just went quiet....and even my cock was not all that interested any more....before sarah said ....basically, and because of last night you are only allowed to rub on me tonight...(meaning no penetration).....and so not completely pissed off with me....so I asked her is i was allowed to come....she said only after I massaged her to sleep...

But then the trouble is as I rubbed her back...what she had said about not ever wanting sex since before our kids really started to shit me....especially since I know she uses her dong from time to time....the more i thought about it the more I got wound up to the point where I felt I had to say something to let her know I knew she was lying. But at the same time I did not want to wake her because that would be a fate worse than death... I could not keep rubbing her back because I was just too wound up about it, I felt like I was going to explode so as I moved away she actually said something, which i did not hear, so I asked her to repeat, I can't remember what it was but I then took the opportunity and stated that I knew she still had that dong in her wardrobe and where it is and that I also knew she used it from time to time and that she was a fibber.

Well she did not have much to say to that, and we still have not really spoken since. I probably deserve a telling off because its a invasion of personal space but nor should she blatantly lie to me about having zero sex drive. The only interpretation I can make is that....she has not felt like having sex WITH ME since before our kids....which scaths and burns like a hot knife...but she does know I know, I don't know if thats a good thing or not...maybe she will make more of a effort, but more than likely she will work out some self justification and never say another word about it. She never even asked how I knew, probably frightened that my answer would be un arguable,well she is right there. But guilting someone into sex NEVER works....so I feel like I am a idiot...because I guess that is what I was trying to do. I guess I feel like I only have 10 years of good sexual function left...and I just feel time racing by so fast...I feel trapped...yet I love Sarah...I love her too much to let her go over sex, but lack of it makes things very unhappy, for the both of us....I still wish I could just switch it off.

Next morning I was tempted to throw the packet of androcur on the bed in the morning as say "look I have tried castration already....SEE AT LEAST I HAVE TRIED!!!" but I didn't....I doubt she would call me crazy, she would probably understand my motivation, maybe even applaud the attempt, but in the end it would just add to her guilt...it was not workable and my body is almost back to normal so what sthe point in telling her other than to score a point. If she DID bring it up again I may be tempted to tell her...but only in a way that did not make her feel guilty.

I must admit I have been terribly depressed since this exchange though, i feel like our marriage may as well be over, and its all over sex...well and intimacy.

I am thinking I need to take myself off to see a sex councilor or something, one to get control of myself...maybe Sarah needs to go...but she never would.

I don't even know if I am being unreasonable ...I am a nice person generally....kinky and horny yes but...I do all the right things. I never rip people off, I love animals and will even catch a spider and throw it out into the wild rather than kill it. I give Sarah back massages most nights and make her coffees in the morning, bring her hot chocolates at night. I work hard, I clean up the kitchen, cook dinner at least 1-2 sometimes 3 nights per week I am only a little bit over weight and I know I am not ugly....so is asking for sex once a week too much (3 times per month)? Sarah is not really into restaurants and I get in trouble for flowers, does not like chocolates, or weekends away (not that we could)....

what a ramble this post is...

I wonder if she will do the cage training though. Funny thing at the moment though is my sex drive really is in overdrive...I wear the cage during the day and I can generally back myself off to one orgasm per day but I find I reallllly need that one, I am not sure how I would go if Sarah really did mange my orgasms.

I somehow doubt it .....the problem is that when sarah does manage my key for me....its like I become so focused on her, but nothing changes for her, she just ignores me like normal...so wearing the cage becomes unbearable...the chatter in my mind after a few days convinces me that there is no point to this exercise because it really only causes me to suffer orgasm withdrawal and it is of no benefit to Sarah anyway...so I may as well just flog myself off to my hearts content. If Sarah could only show some extra attention during cage time I actually think it could work...I could be trained to go without for long periods....even a good flogging would be a good sex substitute, but Sarah is not interested in substitutes, any extra work involved for her is not worth doing....even if SHE gets lots of benefits in the form of LONG massages etc.

Maybe she would be interested in this devious device:

http://dreamloverlabs.com/products.php

It delivers a variety of shocks to electrodes placed inside of a CB device via remote control.

I am still here

2009-01-30T14:19:00.003+11:00

I just have not had time to post anything. Not that there is much to post about.

I am still one totally fucked up sexual human being.

Time goes too fast, in the last 4 months I have lost my job, thankfully the business I was running on the side has kept me out of trouble for now but things are getting quiet now. being self employed has its perks....like not having a boss but I have ended up working a LOT harder for not a lot of money. So i have been really to busy to post on here, plus from a kink perspective there really isn't any

Anyways on the home front all is well. Sarah is completely off the cage play, but it seems as though from a female led perspective we seems to be falling into a natural rhythm. I treat her like a princess and she orders me around....most of the time. Occasionally I will be a bit cheeky, but thats her fault because she lets me get away with it.

One of my favorite activities is rubbing her back in the mornings while I have a massive woody. although I am not permitted penetration in the mornings, nor am I allowed to give her a climax in any other way, what she does love is back massages, and whats even better is she will allow me to rub have my wicked way with her soft bottom, so long as I don't try and put it in any holes. I will then ask her if I am allowed to "let it go" and Sarah will either tell me to save it or "let it go", this is normally after about 30 minutes of intimate back rubbing, and letting me stay on edge. Strangely I do not find this frustrating, just adds to the pleasure of giving the back rub. It seems to work for us, and its a soft form of orgasm denial I guess...or thats what I tell myself. I still fantasize constantly about her taking control of my privates, denying me orgasm and using me for her own pleasure only...oh and discipline as well...but alas thats not realistic. One thing Sarah actually woke for sex one night which is the first time in years and I actually had the privilege of eating her...omg its been so long I had forgotten how good she tastes, I was tempted to lick her to orgasm and not have one myself but she has told me before she prefers to cum with me inside her....but ohhh that memory has been replayed many many times....I have a vivid memory and I will never wear the memory of that night out!!

I still have a significant sex drive problem though, and when I say significant I mean it. I have tried to find a definition of a orgasm addict, or sex addiction..bla bla, but apart from some claims that over masturbation can kill you I have found nothing that says its harmful so long as it does not interfere with your relationship or everyday life then its ok....and it really doesn't, I just like to wank....a lot. But to give u an idea, for one reason or another I had a day in bed recently suffering from a bit of a hangover and I think I managed about 14 orgasms before I decided enough was enough and got out of bed at lunch time....yup 14...and everyone of them was good.

So alas even though Sarah is not into the cage any more I actually wear it during the day of my own volition. I work by myself most of the time and ...well if it were not for the cage temptation and the net and porn would get the better of me, and I would waste too much time. I must admit though I have tried to pick the lock a few times.....and once on a 3 or four day lock down of my own volition I managed to shake it to a piss poor disappointing squirt, which just served to tell me whats the point?

I do wish there was a way though of tempering this drive I have, it does occupy too much of my mind. I am even tempted but not realistically so these days of paying a professional domme just to find out what its like to be taken with a strappon.

I don't really want to do the anti libido stuff again but I am tempted to see if something can be done about my over active libido. I asked my doctor about it and he said nope...I did not admit to my frequency of masturbation...or other kink ideas, I doubt he would believe me. All he said was for people your age having sex 2-3 times a month is normal….well fuck that….I would like it twice in the morning and 3 times at night time….and at lunch time as well…not realistic but hey dreams are free
Not really a good match with Sarah who would probably be happy at zero….no I think once per month is about her desire…I have to really press for my 3 times per month which I am really not happy about, but I have managed to get to the point where I really only ask for actual sex once per week and apart from the occasional childish tantrum if she says no I am in reasonable unhappy control.
Bla anyway told u there is not much to say, no budding femdom. I actually leave the keys to my cock cage on my bedside table every day, making sure they move about everyday in case Sarah has a change of heart as she does know I wear it sometimes even though she does not really approve, well its not that, she said she does not want me suffering…..aka does not want to feel like she owes me anything….actually, that is my fault I know….fact is I am a orgasm addict and not cut out for long term orgasm denial…anyway it’s a good fantasy to hold on to, alas the keys are always still there when I get home, but truth be known I don’t know what I would do with they weren’t, I am not sleeping with it on these days so if she did take it it would be a interesting shock. What I AM doing is trying to train myself to get used to having fewer orgasms….but its not the same as giving up smoking….cold turkey does not work.
Try and write again if anything interesting does happen….

Changes

2008-06-25T13:10:00.003+10:00

Have not posted for ages, actually I tried the other day but I just ran out of time. Been so very busy lately, went on a long holiday as well and since we have been back......

I have been doing some reading, and again I have to thank Ms Rika, because a lite again has come on.

Sarah always senses when I expect a reward, and in doing this Sarah feels like she owes me something, and Sarah really HATES feeling like she owes anyone anything.

So My mistake has been giving Sarah the impression that she OWES me for keeping me locked up, when in fact she is doing me a favor. After it is me who wants it, and it is me that enjoys pampering her once I fall into that delicious Subspace. But for me subspace only lasts for so long before it manifests into me feeling like Sarah OWES me, and she Sarah feels it...and Sarah stops ...or stopped enjoying it.

So how can I recover from this disaster??

We basically I have to accept that all this submissive stuff is in MY head not Sarah's and that any indulgent on her part is a favor to me. If she holds my keys then it is a TREAT, and not something she will owe me for later!!! My previous behavious have only served to damage what was beginning to germinate as a dominant Sarah.

So I have approached her again...but this time I told her that I am doing it for me...and aksed if she could just supervise the key, not hide it....then it is ME that is providing the self control in not using it....and not her enforcing it, I have suggested that I wear it from Sunday night till Friday night, and if she keys are still out then I will remove it, but if she chooses to hide them then that is her prerogative...Sarah seems fine with this so far, but then she has not hidden them or taken them either...

Its funny though almost immediately following this discussion, even though it was not going on for a few days yet, Sarah because to issue orders again...and I felt I already had my cock locked up, and on the Saturday night we had some delicious intimacy such that I could not wait to get my cock in its cage Sunday night.

As the week has progressed though, Sarah seems to be avoiding leting me do anything extra" for her, and so in respect of this I am just taking it easy and treading softly, that said this morning we were woken an hour earlier than usual and I massaged her for a full hour, until i think she had had enough..lol...

Well we will see how it goes, i know its not really correct to connect this behavior with the cage but it seems to work for me.

Giving up orgasms though is kind of like smoking, Smokers call their addiction a nicotine "chatter", that bends your mind and trys to convince u to have a smoke.

For me having no orgasms is like that, the longer I go the louder the chatter, justifying the need for release, convincing me that I deserve a release, and convincing me that Sarah OWES me a release. It has been my inability to hand this in the past that has been my failure.

I gave up smoking, and I silenced the chatter, (yep I found that masturbating helped with nicotine cravings...lol...definitely increased frequency and ability following quiting)

Early days yet but I am hoping I can silence this chatter too, or at least put it in a cage till it grows smaller and more manageable. Maybe let Sarahs voice be that voice that calls me to action.

Have to Take it easy...and let Sarah like this mindset once again. At least if I get really desperate I can use the key and maybe head things off if I really have to, dropping from sometimes as many as 6 sometimes 8 orgasms per day to zero is a tough call.

Lol maybe this blog should be entitled, "A sexual deviates fight with orgasm addition and how this fits into a vanilla marriage" Still at least my orgasm addiction is fixated on either my hand or my wife..

*****EDIT****** I just read Subservier's journey latest entry, and I have to agree with everything he said, perhaps if I am lucky I will find some middle ground, but pressuring is definitely not the way. I guess in some respects I am by harping on about the cage, and yet Sarah has told me point blank she likes it, then point blank for me to get rid of it, both totally opposites. I think in my case Sarah tends to talk in absolutes, I behaved badly at the end of the last session which was a stupid mistake and so Sarah painted the whole experience bad. So this experience had better be good, or its over for good.

But the dream of Sarah actually DOMINATING me even half way to what Elise Sutton advocates is never going to happen, and nor would I really want her to...not really into cuckholding anyway even if for some reason I love reading about it, I could never handle a reality like that.

There are aspects I could handle and enjoy for sure, but Sarah would never ever do it. It is just as Subservier says ...a fantasy. At least for Subservier you DID get to experience it for a time, I guess I do in some ways as Sarah goes hot and cold about the cage but I think it is me that makes it into a domination thing, that said Sarah has said somethings in the past that are unmistakably along the dominating path "you don't decide what to do I do" quote when I asked her if I could go down on her...lol

Subservier I think that you are lucky in some respects that your wife had a libido sufficient to indulge your fetish to the extent that she did, my use of the anti sex device is a different experience but one born from lack of Sarahs libido, now if Sarah DID have a libido then I think it would be verrry interesting..lol

But getting back to what you said, I end up being a selfish submissive as well, I want to be submissive and I ALSO want to be rewarded for it. And why should Sarah reward me for something that she is already rewarding me by indulging me.

I hope you find some middle ground eventually, I know how these feelings and cravings never go away.

I am amazed at how much I craved and how much I missed wearing the cage, so bazaar since I also miss satisfying myself now I am wearing it ....I can't, and I hate not being able to cum...

Looking forward to friday....Sarah not hidden them so unless she does it comes off for the weekend :d LOL Imagine my face if she decided to hide them on friday....now that will rock my little world

Then I have to focus on not pestering her for sex....and certainly not because I have been wearing the cage all week.

I am hoping that I can find some middle ground as well, but the dream needs a reality check, and there are I agree some aspects of the dream that should they be real....I would want it to stop pretty quick....

Eyes opening

2008-03-11T16:17:00.003+11:00

First of all I want to thank Ms Rika for the time that was taken in her very thoughtful and informative comment to my last entry. In fact I decided it was so well articulated I hope that Ms Rika does not mind that I reproduce it here:

This is an area on which I've done a lot of research, counseling, and writing. Making D/s or FLR work for the long term in an existing relationship requires a lot of work and communication. Most men realize this, but think that their communication efforts should be focused on teaching their wives how to be dominant. I'm here to tell you that's a sorely misguided focus!

What these men fail to understand (at first), is that their inner need to submit and serve their partners is a psychological need, more than a physiological one. It's not what you do, it's WHY you do it! The desire to serve a woman can be satisfied in many, many ways. The kinky games and plastic devices are not real - they're playtime; scene-based - and therefore can only address the surface of the desire...the real satisfaction comes from the emotional connection and commitment to the D/s dynamic. This dynamic has to be natural to both partners or it cannot last for any real length of time.

Consider what "service" means. Who is serving whom? If you're submissive, your primary focus should be on serving your dominant partner...right? Do you think your wife is best served by her having to learn to want something new? Or do you think it will be better served if you were to learn what she wants...and then deliver it? Furthermore, do you think it will be easier for her to ACCEPT your service, if the service provides something she naturally wants, considers 'normal', and honestly enjoys?

Men too often approach their wives with predetermined views of what domiannce is; how an FLR operates, how the woman acts; what she wants, and what he does. His demands are usually presented as a list of things she can do TO him...very seldom are these things really FOR her. Afterall, it's something he's been focused on for a long time. He's done a lot of research on the subject: read a lot of books, followed a lot of blogs, seen a lot of videos. He's got is PhD in the 'submissive arts'! Of course he's an expert on the subject..So he wonders: if only she'd take the time to learn what it is that I know she wants! Why won't she learn to dominate me correctly??? Why doesn't she see the enormous benefit to having me as her slave?

There are real, practical, workable ways to overcome this problem. You are definitely NOT breaking new ground. However, the first step in defining your unique service to your unique wife is to divorce yourself of the standard-fare, male-centric fantasy you've studied all these years and figure out what she really wants! Then you need to communicate your intent to serve her and gain her agreement to accept your service. She needs to step up to the plate as well, as she needs to commit to accept your service from a position of dominance. Once you've achieved this agreement, she will recognize the benefit of your service and you can begin to recognize satisfaction in service in ways you never thought possible!

This is a long, long subject - in fact I've literally written a book about it! In a VERY Short space, I've tried to break the ice with you...I don't know if you'll simply dismiss it or take it seriously. I recommend you check out my site (www.msrika.com) and join my forum...and even consider my book!
- Rika.

You do indeed know your topic well, and I have done and am guilty of all those things. This is a very very complicated topic and I have asked myself those very same questions time and time again. It is not a simple matter to simply submit in all aspects of ones life and this is what can make the path precarious at times. The temptation to convey how you feel, or what you think you deserve for service is tempting at times, whats more the dynamic of FLR can change dependent on environmental influences. Things change in family life and it requires at times a shift of the FLR dynamic to and from submission and even dominance. Sarah wants and needs this from me at times.

But if we average things out, the focus is always on what it is that makes Sarah happy. Even before I became intrigued by the more materialistic aspects of FLR.

I am sure you will gain many a chuckle on the PHD in submissive arts comment, it is so true, if only I had paid so much attention during class, I would perhaps be making some more money!!

BTW I am already a member of your forum and we have spoken previously (some time ago) although I can't remember under which alias. But your advice back then was as equally valuable.

I take completely what you have said on board and thank you once again for your comments.

That plate is a challenge though, I am not sure if she wants to step up to it.

I will definitely be looking at your book

The end of the cage

2008-03-04T11:01:00.002+11:00

First of all, GREAT to hear from you Helpmate, I was so sorry to see your blog go private, if you are still updating it I would love to read what you have been up to.

Thanks for your comments, they are taken on board. I am so consciouses of my deteriorating fitness not its very near time for action. I am helping out at training for one of my sons once a week, its start, much running around, but I need more. I have cut down on my drinking (with the exception of this weekend just gone...went away with some other families), and do feel a bit better for it.

As for the cage, it seems this is dead and buried, I asked Sarah before a session of passion a few nights ago if she wanted the keys again, nope, does not want them and then proceeds to tell me she does not like the cage and never has....well so much for that then.

I could delude myself and tell myself she is fibbing and there is certainly a lot of evidence to support that theory, at some point she has been fibbing because she had told me previously that she liked me wearing it. Sarah does this though, she says whatever is in her head CURRENTLY, and does not average her thoughts out, I am not sure if you know what I mean, she won't look at things holistically but rather takes a snapshot, in other words, at that point in time Sarah did not like the cage and has never liked it. This is of course subject to change.

So I will be keeping it and not throwing it out as I suggested the other night ( I asked her if she thought then if I should get rid of it...which she issued an affirmative but not positively) but I won't be asking if she wants the keys for a good few months.

I think its time for a complete break from these thoughts, give Sarah a break as well. There is time enough and judging by many of the blogs and other resources on the web it appears that this kind of thinking and lifestyle matures with age. Sarah does not have the time to spend thinking about this stuff at this time in her life, I know many women do make time for this but not Sarah, this just makes her a more dedicated mum perhaps.

The other thing if I am to approach the cage again is to present it to her such that she is doing it for me, my mistake has been presenting it such that I am doing it for her (and us). I think the truth of it is that perhaps I am deluding myself into thinking I am doing it for us? I am not sure.

Trouble is there is too much evidence that it helps our relationship, but one thing that is important in a FLR is acknowledgment and Sarah struggles with this I think. Sarah can't acknowledge the cage and FLR because she has a barrier against it, it makes her a mean cock teaser and sadistic wife, this is in conflict with how she views herself which is as a supportive wife and fantastic mum. Of course she is those things as well, and she can be those things AND lock my cock up and lead my marital life as well, but I don't think Sarah sees it that way.

So much of this blog has been about the cage, and so it seems like my whole erotic fantasy revolves around this little plastic device. Probably the reason is that its the ONLY thing I have EVER done that has managed to stimulate Sarah into intimacy and FLR if only a little bit. The cage does put me in a submissive state and Sarah HAS demonstrated dominant FL tendencies, more so when I am wearing it, it DOES give her power, and she does seem to relinquish this power when the cage comes off. To put an end to it does seem sad and does seem to be an end to pursuing the more interesting aspects of a FLR.

That said, its weird, the cage experience has been good for both of us, even though Sarah does not want me wearing it, Sarah seems happier and we do seem closer than we have been for years. Perhaps the cage has simply served its purpose and it is time to move on.

This is also worth considering.

Ii am not sure if Sarah will ever participate in O/D or tease and denial, strap on play or some of the other more explicit forms of fem domination. I wish she would if only to experience what it is like, I don't even know if I would like it, though I think I would....

Sarah won't ever know because she may never entertain the thought long enough to give it its due consideration.

But does it really matter?

As long as we are close then it should not matter.

But I can't help craving for more, I need to be wary of falling into the same trap others have and end up pushing too hard and destroying the gains we have made.

True FLR is when one simply does what the woman wants, puts her needs and wants first, I have ALWAYS tried to do this anyway, ever since we met, but with one caveat, I want and need sex and more recently and more importantly intimacy, and if I don't get it then fuck you, blunt I know, sad but probably true. That said about sex&intimacy, I ALWAYS put Sarah first when it comes to sex, AS LONG AS WE HAVE SOME, ...whatever form of intimacy it may be!!

I know I am too wrapped up in the kinkier aspects of FLR, but the dynamo that drives us men is after all our libido which is entwined with love for our spouses and so things that turn us on ARE some of the more attractive components of a FLR.

Sarah like so many women like to cherry pick the aspects of FLR that appeal to them, and a true man in a FLR should be happy for this to occur. But this is not what DROVE a man into this place in the first place, its in most cases kinky thoughts of a woman making him into a sex slave.

And again it all ends up being about sex.

But can a man survive in a FLR without ANY of those cherries he craved in the first place....I think not.

Simply put it takes two to tango, You can't have a FLR unless the female is prepared to lead AND offer up some of the other fruits on the trees. It may as well be vanilla

And so we are nearly vanilla again, but the craving is a hard fire to extinguish, and I do wonder how long I can keep it at bay.

I am trying to maintain some of the aspects of FLR, on a maintenance basis. It will be interesting to see if Sarah leads it anywhere over the next few months.

Thanks :)

2008-02-10T22:37:00.000+11:00

Hey, thanks for all your comments. Way too busy to even to my normal rounds of the blogs presently. But it is so nice to hear that I am being read and understood.

Work is not going so well presently and I need to focus completely. I believe I have recognized depression in myself in that I am presently seeing the negative side of everything. Kind of like a dark cloud over me. I am unsure if this is as a result of my previous trials, i doubt it really, its been several months now, although I am maintaining the hair one just because it seems to work, and it is well known and approved in so many countries.

I am ensuring that I maintain many of the intimate aspects of a FLM in Sarah intimate massage in the morning, although nights are harder, the cage DOES drive one and DOES motivate one to be attentive at ALL times, alas I am making a effort. I believe Sarah is even hinting presently that she would like ti back on but I am not nibbling till she makes it clearer, in any case because of the present situation I would feel like a idiot if I was wearing a cage and I was fired, feeling dickless enough as it is.

I so wish I could tell them to all go and get knotted, but I am sure there are so many like me...lol, but I just can't, playing with my kids this weekend, so much responsibility, so many mouths to feed/pay for and look after.

I do not think it is close to that happening though just yet, but I do need to focus on my job as I have been distracted by my other money making sideline activities recently, unfortunately those other activities are not enough to sustain, just good pocket money.

I think I have to cut down on my alcohol consumption as I think it is contributing although I never drink during the day, but a half bottle normally and a full bottle some nights I think is taking its toll on my mood, and if my job suffers I am sure so will my marriage ultimately. I am also missing my daily trips to the gym, and because of my lack of exercise I have put on quite amount of weight, but its like if I go to the gym it costs me $200/day because of lost revenue (sideline), so i just can't do it and I can't fit it in any other time of day. If I can keep it up for another year I can make a big dent in finances even if it means I am starting to resemble homer.

Just too busy

2008-02-01T09:48:00.000+11:00

Just too busy to write right now.

Just a comment on divorce, I am pretty sure that comment was said tongue in cheek, otherwise I think you deserve a good swat on your butt from your mistress for so quickly drawing that conclusion...lol

Cage play is dead and buried for now.

Sarah did not find it much of a turn on when she released me again and I had to keep pausing in order to control myself, then the following night when it was promised and denied I was frustrated and well basically I fucked up.

So we are vanilla again, so vanilla its boring, but because I am so busy right now, and so is Sarah , it is probably appropriate.

I am sure our dabbling in this lifestyle are not finished, not by a long shot. I know there are still elements of this that interest Sarah. I can't see her ever embracing it completely, but then like so many frustrated wanna be submissives, I am not sure I am cut out for it anyway. Whenever I start getting what I want I find flaw with it and end up frustrated.

While its true that I would like Sarah to consider my needs more so, is it fair to make these demands on her when she has such a large compliment of children to cater for as well. In a ideal world yep for sure.

No marriage is perfect.

I need to give these thought processes a rest for a while, and I am enjoying my freedom. The frequency of backrubs for Sarah are diminishing and so is her feeling of obligation to put out, lol.

I actually asked the doctor the other day about my/her libido, and if it were possible to reduce a mans libido. He told me no to mine, and said that there was a female hormone replacement that could enhance Sarah's, then when we traveled on to the frequency and I told him that Sarah and I had decent sex about 3 times a month he told me that was completely normal for people our age.

I know there are some of my readers that would kill for decent sex 3 times a month, so I should think myself extremely lucky, and I do for the most part.

But like all humans I guess and I am human, I just want more, not more sex though (although I would not complain!!) or even orgasms, more intimate play that includes more than me rubbing her back for hours on end with no feedback or movement other than a indication that she has gone to sleep by her snoring. I want to be able to share my innermost fantasies, even if they are demented in some cases, and not be judged, it would be nice to engage in any form of actual play than included interaction , one way play is not much fun.

Just that Sarah wants more of different things...do tell..intimacy is not high on her priority list....lol

But still, I am luckier than some and some would say I am a greedy bastard!

Can't see myself posting again for a while, but last time I said that my cage was back on the following week lol.

I do wonder why it was so bloody sensitive these few sessions though, could it be because I was using the tighter ring? I should have used some numbing condoms the second time....but I doubt it would have made much difference, the need to ejaculate feeling did not come from feeling in my penis it was more the pressure from deep within me, almost like my prostate was being pressed on by the base of my cock.

btw since uncaging everything as far as THAT goes has returned completely to normal, with the exception that I have been simply too busy to please myself as often

Blowing on the latent dominant embers

2008-01-14T10:07:00.000+11:00

The thing about developing a new dynamic in your relationship is the time scale is so long, and there are ups and there are downs.

Sarah did release me a week or so again, but it was all wrong, she released me because it had been about a week, and I knew she was not in the mood. I even told her I did not want her to release me because I knew she was not in the mood, even though I desperately needed a release.

In hindsight what I should have done is asked for a 30 second hand job, but Sarah was fairly insistent on giving it a go. But we did have a discussion about the cage, you see there are other stresses on us right now and I am not really sure if cage play is a good thing when there are too many other things going on in your life. I said to Sarah that it was not fair on her because I DO become more emotionally demanding on her, I do seek more attention from her, despite the benefits to her, which there is a disproportionate amount, there ARE additional, well different pressures placed on her. I suggested we might be better to leave the cage play again, this was the second time in as many weeks I had this discussion, but after the conversation when Sarah gave the keys, I handed them back to her saying, these are offered, but u do not need to take them. Sarah took them back.

The thing about Sarah is that she does not like foreplay, thats right fokes, most guys get in trouble for NOT enough foreplay, well Sarah will not let me anywhere near her pussy with my hands or mouth. The only thing I am allowed to rub her pussy with to get her in the mood is my hard penis, and sometimes because of the lack of tactile input on sarahs part that can be a real challenge. Of course after a week, or nearly a month now of continuous (save for the day release) getting hard once out of the cage is not really a issue.

This time I did not have any viagra, and truth is there was no need for it. I donned a non-latex condom. These are made from polyurethane and are far far better than latex condoms because they conduct HEAT. The problem is they are a bit too good...lol...Sarah did try hard to get her motor going, but the trouble is I was so hypertensive, and no matter how hard I tried to maintain control, I lost it, I tried to pull away but it was too late, I felt the climax coming and it just would not stop. I was so embarrassed, I had to tell Sarah because I knew I was not going to maintain my erection for long. Sarah was very good about it but I was really hard on myself, I was really upset. I suspect that in some respects Sarah was relieved because I don't think, although I will never know if she was going to manage to fireup, but alas I blew it..literally. I told Sarah I will have to invest in some desensitizing condoms....or at least I made a mental note to use a latex one next time!!

On waking up and showering I noticed that the keys were out of sight, so She had hidden them, which means a lock up for me again. I could not help thinking about our failed session though. I really hated myself for cumming before Sarah. I mean I offered to go down on her, or do anything for her, but I knew the answer to that before I even asked the question.

That evening after I had had my day of freedom, I was not quite so active, after wearing for 3 weeks one does not really feel quite so overly charged so the number of times I took advantage of my day release was only 3 or four times, less than half that of the previous release. In any case that night I took a hot drink to Sarah in bed, I noticed the keys sitting in her bedside draw that was open. I was annoyed yet I realized that at least she had put them out of immediate sight, the following morning they were gone.

Fast forward a week of endless massages and Sarah has developed a fetish for foot rubs as well. There has been a few instances of dominant titillation but nothing to write home about until last night.

In short I told Sarah that her pleasure was far more important than my own.
I gave Sarah the keyholders guide to chastity book, which I do not think she has opened.
In cleaning up I accidentally on purpose left a copy of "around her finger" out, I saw her eyes run over the title before I put it away, and I know she knows where it is. I have pulled a page partly out so I will know if the paper has been disturbed...lol

Well yesterday morning we had another discussion about things, Sarah during our morning massage, cuddle, that I love so much while caged, told me that she was going to have to let me out of THAT thing , and this ensued a conversation about if it worked for her or not. She said to me that "if you like wearing it then I have no problem with it", to which I laughed and said, well, no the part I like about wearing it is IF it does anything for us and if it takes some pressure off you, and again Sarah acquiesced that yes she does feel less pressure with it on then off. I think she is still struggling with "good girls would never do that", I think she likes it a lot more than she lets on.

Fast forward to bedtime, to which I was looking forward with great anticipation, its been 7 nights now, and on coming to bed Sarah tells me point blank that she can't find the keys.

What the %$#@, now I was mad, I know I shouldn't have been, but how the hell could she bloody loose them?? she has done this before and I was equally disturbed, I explained to Sarah (and I was containing myself) that if she TOLD me that she wasn't ready (which following the morning conversation there was an expectation) I would be fine, but I told her that in this instance that I was VERY upset that she could loose something as important as that.

Sarah quiped, thats ok darling if I can't find them tomorrow we will have to take you to the hospital and have them cut it off... hmmmm

I think she was kind of getting some sadistic joy out of this.

Anyways again I am far from perfect because I countered her sadistic pleasure by telling her that some bolt cutters would solve that, and I even went further saying that if she wanted me too I could probably break the lock open.

Well, the truth is Sarah did not want me too, she told me she wanted to find the keys in the morning, in other words she wants to wait till tomorrow. I must admit in the back of my mind I am worried because I know Sarah period is nearly upon us...eeeekkkkk

So to the dominant moment of the week. After watching her shows for a while with no further discussion, and I did behave myself, I let it drop, I said as she turned off the lights for sleep that she could let me lick her to a orgasm tonight and give me a 30 second handjob tomorrow, the thought of it had me hard in my cage, and I had been lying there thinking about it choosing the time to say it. Sarah knows I really want to do this, its like this will be the turning point, where Sarah gives me the gift of giving her pleasure while I am locked up. I feel that once Sarah allows me this it will be the breath that blows fire into those latent dominant embers. An acknowledgment of her sexual dominance.

Sarah came back without even thinking about it:

"You do not call the shots, I do" Well, not what I wanted but bloody close!!

Well, my turn to say "yes I guess you do, would you like a massage dear, was all I could muster, and in my mind saying my thanks to the higher powers for the firm cock in my cage"

The thing about this statement is that it is the first time Sarah has been outrightly dominant in a sexual connotation, there has been others as I have told you but this was quite explicitly sexual domination. I don't like to think I was topping from the bottom as it was merely a suggestion, but I guess since I have asked before on more than one occasion means I was pestering her. Well I was certainly put in my place!!

Well massage her I did, and no I did not attempt to go down on here, I was perfectly behaved and rubbed her back till she slept.

This morning Sarah phoned for some other reasons, and told me that she had found the keys...so tonight may or may not be interesting, she certainly is building my expectations, but she sure sounded happy, so yeah its tight just thinking about tonight.

I must try and not have too many expectations though. Ever being told how fucken good a movie is then u go see it and its like...well it wasn't that good?

There is certainly embers there, whats more they do seem to be developing. The real proof will be this cycle, if and when she gives me the keys, if she takes them back while she has her period, I have a feeling she won't, she will tell me to have a break, but I will offer them to her, I have told her I do not need a break, and I don't, and I really don't want a break (although this will change post orgasm...lol), right now I am not even sure if I want a orgasm, I do and I don't, a very strange feeling.

What I do need to feel though is Sarah's orgasm, her gift of ultimate intimacy, trouble is if it is given with my cock, then I am unlikely to be able to contain myself, I wonder if I could even if Sarah instructed me not to (though I think she is a way away from doing that, she still does not understand the point of that, yet if she reads the material she just might)

Sorry this is so prolific but I need to do some work now....

Moving it along.

2008-01-03T14:03:00.000+11:00

I asked Sarah this week if she thought more or less of me because I liked wearing the cage for her. Sarah's initial response was that she did not think of me any differently, but then she paused and changed her mind and told me that she actually thought more of me.

I then asked her permission if I could in future wear it constantly, without a break (except when she released me of course) until such time as she asked me to stop, I told her that I did not need a break from it, even during her period, and that it made it harder for me to have a break than not have one.

This is true because I very quickly fall into old habits and then I have a very difficult time asking her or returning to the fold so to speak.

Sarah has agreed.

Sarah has also been showing dominant signs just recently, apart from what I told you about the web site, there has been a few things she has told me during these last week that has had my submissive fires burning, after the above conversation, a few nights later Sarah announced that she had "better make a list then" referring to tasks around the house, to which I agreed wholeheartedly.

But now along to the night of my release the other night. I didn't get what I deserved but I very nearly did.

I was feeling very much like I DESERVED a released, I really worked my guts out all day and I achieved everything Sarah had asked me two before cooking dinner for the family, I quite honestly wore myself out.

I have mentioned previously that this is where I really struggle, and libido reduction helps a tad but not much. If I feel like I deserve release I have a real internal fight on my hands. I know I shouldn't but I can't help what I feel despite telling myself that its got to be up to Sarah, that I don't decide when my release will be....anyway with that frame of mind I went to bed. I could feel my adrenaline pumping around my body, a anxiousness, I was worried that I would not be able to control myself.

On climbing into bed, Sarah was watching he shows on TV, and she instructed me to give her a massage, not asked, she told me to. Fine, mini contained erection, and I proceeded to patiently rub her back for about 30 minutes before she announced hse would go and use the bathroom.

Now I know that Sarah sometimes puts the key to my cage under her pillow if she is intending to release me so while she was in the bathroom I snuck a peak under her pillow, and imagine my relief when I saw it was there.....but....and there is a but

Sarah returned to the bedroom, and I told her I needed to check the locks downstairs, but while was downstairs I went into my office and tool a quarter of a viagra pill, because I wanted to make sure that it was a enjoyable for both of us, I felt assured of release (although not 100% because she has gotten the key out before and changed her mind). I then proceeded to check the front doors and return to the bedroom where I found Sarah still watching her show. All good need some time for the pill to do its job, I even ground it up in my teeth to fine powder which speeds its penetration, which tasted absolutely disgusting!!

Gez I am a desperate pathetic individual

So I climbed into bed and dutifully rubbed Sarahs back for the next 20 minutes feeling sure that she was going to tell me to go wash myself at any moment.

So imagine my surprise when she turns of the light and says or more states to me sternly.

" now you are going to rub my back until I go to sleep even if it takes you all night, and if you do go to sleep before me and start snoring I am going to wack you up the arse!!"

I was floored but I did say, well u can do that anyway if you want....lol...but she did not say anything, but her sheer act of dominance was enough to quiten any act of defiance or feeling that I deserved release.

But then I thought...CRAP...I have taken that viagra AND I am wearing that tight ring. I still do not have any night time arousals but I know from past experience that a little bit of viagra goes a very long way....so.....

The night began, I must have rubbed Sarahs back for about 2-3 hours, each time I thought she was asleep i would roll over and just about be asleep myself when I would hear....."I am NOT asleep yet", it did occur to make snoring noises to see if I could get that wack but I thought better of it.

Eventually in the very morning hours I could not resist suggesting that perhaps it might help her sleep if we had a cuddle "or something" and I began change the focus of my massaging to her so yummy butt, Sarah did not resist me so encouraged I began to become more ambitious, I did not get swatted, so I continued until she allowed me to bare her butt and I began to softly kiss it.

I was seriously hoping she would allow me to give her pleasure without any release for me, but her body language was such that she did not allow access for me,then Sarah said, you are if anything persistent and handed me the keys. To be honest I did not argue with her, or say at the time that she did not need to let me out. I told her that last time and was denied, however after I was cleaned up and returned to bed I said to her that it was still a large fantasy of mine to service her while I was locked up. Sarah did not respond to this but I suspect it may have been filed away.

I put on a condom as is my obligation following cage time for hygiene (and sensitivity reasons) and proceeded to have a very enjoyable session.

Interesting Sarah did not allow me to penetrate her for a long time and indeed I thought at one point she was not going to at all. She kept me right on the outside , and not did I seek entry enjoying that she was guiding me to her own pleasure. I even believe she has a mini climax before allowing me to continue to rub on the outside, very unusual for her because usually she has one and that is it, I began to think that Sarah was teasing me by not allowing me penetration, and this is absolutely her prerogative, so when she did direct my entry I had a very hard time controlling myself.

I did in fact end Up missreading her and I did climax before Sarah which really pissed me off, Sarah did not know because I was wearing a condom anyway and I managed to bring her off before there was any significant shrinkage, but it was annoying because I was trying so hard to stop it the orgasm I had can only be described as ruined.

As I say I got what I deserved most probably.

I rubbed Sarahs back for another hour before she told me that I had to work the next day and I should go to sleep. Luckily she found some sleeping tablets and so I felt I could relax, I was tempted to make snoring noises though and i chuckled to myself.

In the morning sure enough, I was sure as hell glad Sarah did let me out because the woody I woke up with was a woody of all woodies and I am not sure if I could have tolerated it if the cage had been on. It have would hurt like frig!!

I allowed myself the day for freedom, I did need it, the week of wearing the tight ring had left me a bit sore, but I am not sure if it was an excuse for me being able to have access to my penis for the day. i think I managed about 7 orgasms , and I was relieved to report that they were extremely intense and normal feeling every one of them, even if the old fella was a bit sore at the end of the day. I have offered to lock up straight after sex but Sarah is not interested and i have also asked her if she minds if I masturbate the following day, She does not have any issues with it, I have even told her about my excessive habit before, she was a bit shocked but she does not seem to worry her.

In fact, I only found out I was unusually high sex drive when we were dating. I could happily have 5 orgasms with Sarah without ever going soft and no rest. It was only after Sarah had been to the doctor about woman stuff and she told me her doctor had told her that I was a very unusual man...lol.

Unfortunately these days I could not manage anything like that, but with a bit of a respite between...well yeah,

Later on in the evening on arriving home from work I checked to see if Sarah had put the keys away again (she hadn't in the morning) and sure enough they had gone.

My freedom once again came to a close.

Following my day of freedom and subsequent relockup, I noticed in the morning my balls are swollen, not discoloured but swollen, big enough to pull the skin tighter than normal making it a bit more uncomfortable than usual. Punishment for the previous day perhaps? I think maybe next session I will give the tight ring a break, I dare not ask Sarah for the key to change it over, if she finds out I am uncomfortable she will probably call the game off.

That said she seems to be certainly heading down the dominant path, she might just say tuff!!

Sarah does have a lot of stuff on her mind presently, it will be interesting to where this leads when things quieten down a bit. We are going camping this weekend and I very much doubt I will be taking this cage off for this trip.

Tiny Update

2007-12-30T14:26:00.000+11:00

just thought I would let you know I am locked up again (few days ago). I left the keys on Sarah's table following her period, well just before it was going to finish and when I came to bed the keys were gone, so I took the signal and locked it up.

Next morning I discovered she had not put them away just moved them...grrrr, so I asked her if she was ready or not, not to put her under any pressure or anything, and she said yep she was ready and would put them away.

Alas that night she STILL had not put them away so here I am walking around caged up but with easy access to the keys, hmmm thats not good, I am just wondering if she is humoring me.

So I ask her this time if she wants to wait another month, after new years, that she can give me the keys back and leave it alone, no pressure, bla bla...all said very nicely, Sarah said nope your not having them back.....

But then I just don't get it, after giving her loads of attention last night, just back rubs, Sarah won't allow me to pleasure her without intercourse, she does not see the point....she STILL did not put them away in the morning...

FFS, anyways I could not hide my frustration, she claimed she has other priorities on her mind.

sheesh its not that hard to hide some friggin keys is it???

Anyways she did eventually, but I am still wondering what its all for. I like her being in control but leaving the keys out leaves me in control, self control, and to be honest I just don't have any when it comes to opportunities to self satisfy.

I don't feel in the right frame of mind presently, there are other reasons for this. I don't expect to be let out before new years though. The extra tight ring is giving me a bit of grief because the diameter is not quite enough for there not to be some fold in the skin somewhere and this seems to be causing some pain at night when i am not able to adjust myself. that said if I were having nocturnal erections wearing this size ring would be impossible. circulation is no problem, everything remains a nice pink color.

I think I am going to stop talking about my attempts to lower my libido, it just seems people do not understand. Not one person has indicated positively or understand my position, and I feel it is because either

1. If there is d r u gs involved it must be bad.
2. The have not spent the HOURS of research that I have, or understand how careful I am being. tiny little steps.

No I am not a doctor but I did have (still have) the intellect to be one if I had of chosen that for my profession. I am smart enough to know what I am doing thanks

people have two choices when they are in a relationship.

cruise on and hope things work themselves out
or do what it takes and that may mean anything, go to any lengths to make their relationship the best it can be.

I have chosen the later. I am very sensitive to what Sarah wants and needs, and I have found a way to soften the dark side of the wolf in me. I know our relationship is uneven, I wish Sarah would respond more, i also think she is slightly insane, but then many of you would say that about me.

life is a journey and I am exploring avenues, I will make mistakes like most people, but they will be with the best of intentions not based on some kinky fantasy.

While i won't deny there is not some fantasy involved in a FLR, I am also realistic about the reality of life.

I would love Sarah to sit on my face and grab my caged cock and give me instructions for the day and tell me that if they are not done to her liking then she might just drop the keys in a vat of acid....i can visualize her absolutely stunning petite butt descending on to my face and her so silkened milk white soft cheeks coming to rest on either side of my face, I can even taste the scent of her. The picture of her perfect pussy, the shape the texture, the soft clam of pearls. I can feel her grab my cock encased in the hard plastic, instantly trying to find a way to escape, the extra tight ring begins to bite into my flesh, as Sarah uses it to change her gears during her instruction.

Yes, putty I would be.

Regrettably that is only in my minds eye.

The reality is somewhat more like I give her unpressured massages for an hour at night and in the morning, and my reward is her smile, and a non wavering look into each others eyes, that says I appreciate you as a person, and I love what you are trying to do, or simply a exchange of knowledge that we are closer as a couple.

I hope thats where we end up this session, the previous one was nearly there but Sarah backed away. perhaps this time.

i think I probably should have waited till next cycle tho....

Strap-on?

2007-12-27T13:05:00.000+11:00

I bet you thought I had gone the way of many blogs and stopped bothering to write. Fact is I have been so busy that I have barely had time to breath.

I have a full time job but I also run a small moonlighting business that really picked up in the run up towards Christmas to the point where I was having trouble coping with both my real job and my moonlighting one. Now after the Christmas rush things might settle down a bit and hence why I am able to write now, although that is not to say it won’t get busy later today.

After the last episode, Sarah did let me out as she always does. I managed to keep myself nice and did not ask for release. But it is interesting that in taking drugs that supposedly reduce ones sex drive do not seem to do very much in the respect of needing intimacy with your wife. It DOES help tempter the angry resentment though that we all know and llll...hate.

As for the cage, Sarah ended up leaving the keys on her bedside table for weeks, so I never put it back on. Seemed pointless if she was not interested enough to put them away. In the end we had a talk about it because I was starting to become psychotic coming to be and looking to see if she had put them away!! Sarah basically said that at this time of the year she was too busy for it (like it takes too much effort on her part!!) and that even though I was very good the last few sessions at not asking or even putting any sort of pressure all on her, that she still felt that she had to release me after a week or so and that she felt pressured to “perform”. This saddened me of course because we really seemed to me to be making progress, and I felt at least that we were closer than ever before. A combination of my reduced libido state and the cage seemed to me at least to be making a significant difference to our relationship.

I actually still believe that it did, but I think that it actually scared Sarah a bit. I went on a business trip for a few days and it was after I had been away for a few days that she suddenly seemed to grow cold again, I asked her about this and she told me I was imagining it. But my gut feeling is that she was thinking about things and once again she got weirded out a bit about the whole cage thing.

That said she has seemed to make it clear that we will be playing with it again, but we will see, it has been a very hectic silly season after all.

One thing of note while I have not been wearing the cage for the last 6 weeks or so, Sarah did say coincidently one night while we had a unsuccessful attempt at sex (unsuccessful attempt at sex for us is when Sarah does not get into it. I usually won’t complete myself either just because when Sarah does not get into I really don’t either) Well Sarah passed the comment that she will have to start taking hormons (and grow a beard). She dropped this right out of the blue, and I began to think perhaps she found some of my pills and looked them up on the internet. I actually said that there were anti hormons out there, kind of jokingly and Sarah responded, if you take them I will take hormons. Not seriously though, not enough to pursue. Anyway it did give me reasons to check the computers in the house internet histories.

I did not find anything though (we have 2 communal computers, one in my eldests sons bedroom +mine) , but I did find something else which really blew my mind because it was unrelated to androcur, or the other drug I am taking.

It was actually on my sons computer. I check it from time to time anyway because it is in his bedroom, and although I have crippled it so that his access is restriced, for example MSN does not work, nor does myspace, but his internet access is unrestricted, there has never been any reason for me to restrict it. Imagine my surprise when right one the very edge of the history, about to expire there was a search request for “strap on” and another for “anal sex” and the links led to wiki entries for the same, this is weird because there has never been any entries sex related on his computer before, and for a kid his age if he wanted to explore something like that then I would expect there to be entries like fuck, sex or naked or more simple sexual references. Not strap on and anal sex!!. Ok so who did it then? I know I didn’t so does that mean Sarah has been researching strap on sex and anal sex??

I have always wondered if Sarah was slightly a fence sitter with respect to the way she carries on in particular with one girlfriend, the entry in the wiki pertains to both lesbian and heterosexual activities using strap ons, but then the additional entry for anal sex?

How can this be explained? I can only draw one conclusion that Sarah has been thinking about some fairly kinky activities? I wonder how I should approach this? If she is interested in this stuff then I would certainly love to explore anything she is prepared to, the thought of it is quite exciting, but would you believe as I was trying to resolve the dates of these internet visits, the reference to strap ons disappeared, the history link expired. Really weird, it was like it ceased to exist and was a figment of my imagination or fantasy. Only I could determine is that these sites were visited quite some time BEFORE the last cage play or during it. I could not pin down the exact date. It is possible that she decided to look into some of the reading material I had given her in the past, and of course possible that she decided it repulsed her, but this was BEFORE our last intimate session where I felt we were closer than ever before.

Alas this part of our lives has definitely been on hold for the last six weeks because we have been so busy.

On the drug front I ended up reducing the adrocure to just 12 mg per day, which is a tiny dose and mixing it with the finasteride which as stated before is a recognized drug for treating baldness. The combination of the two are certainly very effective. I have noticed a considerable drop in libido, and the pleasure of orgasm has also reduced to the point that it was a lot of hard work to have one and when I did it was hardly worth the effort. But the desire for intimacy with Sarah has actually increased I think which really does not make much sense. The other side effect of hair growth on my head has been definitely noticeable even after such a short amount of time, although it has been some months since I started taking the adrocure so that may have started things off, but the regrowth has been considerable, more than I thought it would be and this can only be seen as a positive thing. It will be interesting to see just how much hair will come back, but its been a while since I could feel the wind on my hair I can tell u!!

I have stopped taking the adrocure now entirely for a few weeks but maintained the finasteride for this reason (I like the thicker hair on my head), as I don’t really like the diminished feeling of pleasure from orgasm, but it has taken some weeks for the feeling to start to come back, in fact I think the ongoing use of finasteride is contributing to the length of time it is taking. I still do not have any erections at night and occasionally I will put the cage on out of my own volition just to see if there are any nocturnal ones that I don’t know about. So far just using the finasteride has continued to maintain my lack of nocturnal erections completely, yet my orgasms and ability to masturbate have almost returned to normal but without the real angry sex drive, all good. Also makes sleeping with the cage a whole lot easier, not that I need to presently.

As far as the cage is concerned I have been experimenting with the next smaller ring which in the past I could not tolerate because of night time arousals and it is even fairly tight during the day. With my normal ring I could wiggle with some effort out the back of the cage and have a play if I really wanted, not that I did because it really took some effort and not very comfortable with a cage hanging off your balls (which you can’t get off), but with this next ring down in size pulling out the back becomes impossible. I have managed to wear it for 2 days with the smaller ring, which is a first. This ring on the CB6000 is different to the 3K, I was able to get out the back of the same size ring on the 3K device but on the 6K they have made it flatter over to top, and this small reduction in diameter and the shape of the ring makes it just tight enough that I can’t get my fingers in there to pull the skin back.

The implications of this are that now next time Sarah and I play with the cage I truly will be locked up with escape impossible short of breaking the cage, and also orgasm will be impossible due to the slight reduced sensitivity within the cage, although I have not spent a week in the cage, its possible after a week the sensitivity might amp up a bit…lol and so might the night time arousals, in which case I would be in for some painful nights with the smaller ring and Sarah holding the key…scarey.

Oh and I also purchased “Male Chastity-A guide for keyholders” paperback which I thought might help validate the idea of chastity for Sarah given that it is a published book. Interested people can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145

That’s it for now, I know it’s a lot of waffling but that’s basically what is going on. Still in the pursuit of a happier marrage and a closer relationship with my wife J

Back in again

2007-11-08T14:46:00.000+11:00

Sarah has been complaining for weeks now that she can't sleep, in fact she was so consistent about her complaining I began to feel like she was hinting that I should lock myself back up again.

Sarah knows that the cage really changes how I behave to her, and it really does. There is no bullshit about it.

A week or so ago in the morning I offered to put it back on that it might help her with her sleeping problem. Sarah knows that she gets endless massages and attention once I am locked up in a effort to shorten the amount of time between release. Sarah not only agreed but she went on to say not once but twice that she thought it was a good idea. In fact she was almost enthusiastic.

So I was free for 12 more hours before the evening, i did take advantage of my last few hours of freedom as much as possible, however the after effects of the libido reduction meant I could only manage a few before the evening.

Even the knowledge that I had committed to locking this thing back on was enough to begin to put me into a submissive frame of mind and I began to wonder if my morning awakenings would have recommenced yet. I had not noticed uncaged any morning woodys but I did wonder.

I decided to start taking a very low dose again, not enough to deplete anything but more like halt any further return of my sex drive at least while I am caged up.

This week however has been pretty tough, my morning firmons have returned, not enough to be uncomfortable (which they used to downright hurt sometimes) but enough to be conscious of them, reassuring in some respects, but what has made this week tough is two things, I know Sarah took her vib for a run the first day I was locked up, the object had moved suspiciously from where it had been sleeping, well I guess I should see this as a good thing because it means perhaps that the idea of me being locked up appeals to her in a sexual way, what pisses me off though a bit is that I wish she would share it with me while I am locked up, but I spose I have to accept that self pleasure is a private thing and I really should leave it alone, its just so easy to check tho!!

The other thing that has made it tough is that Sarah has taken FULL advantage of my massages and attention but she is not really giving anything at all in return. I am lucky if I get spoken to at all at bedtime because she just wants me to massage her to sleep, which given the motivation for wearing the cage I guess is fair enough, but even in the morning I am lucky if I get a hug and a thanks for the massage....with my drive partially reinstated, and my need for intimacy, and its been near a week in the cage now I am starting to climb the walls. I know I should not really expect anything in return, in fact I am not really sure what I want her to do. It was funny though the other morning I was having a bit of a moan about her lack of affection...and I suggested that a reward might be making me stare at her bare bum for 5 minutes, and Sarah actually stuck it out for me...not enough that i was 100% sure that was what she intended, unfortunately despite her movement it was still under the covers and I darent lift the cover for a look but god knows I wanted to, but had she snapped the cover back down I would have been pissed off so I didn't risk it. I also feel a bit depressed, I think because my drive seems to be returning full force and I am not sure if I can control it and end up asking for release from the cage. I really want Sarah to relax and be happy and I really hate putting pressure on her.

Anyways back to the drugs

Despite taking a low dose of androcur, progressively the morning woodys have been geting more intense as my days without orgasm go by. I am not tempted to increase the dose though, I do not want to revisit the same level as before, just want to make nights sleepable...lol and if i get a bit of libido reduction then good. But I can't see it really happening, I know how this drug works and basically all I am doing now is maintaining a slightly depleted level of testosterone on my body.

One thing of note is that I did find before androcur that if I shook the cage enough, if I was horny enough I could climax in the cage, that scenario is quite impossible with a lowered sex drive. I tried and I can't even get close, which makes sense I spose because even masturbation without the cage took some effort.

I am actually thinking of geting hold of some finasteride which is used to treat bald guys like me, apparently 50% of men will get some regrowth taking this drug even in micro doses, its approved in many countries to treat baldness and in fact its use in preventing prostate cancer is been researched. It is actually very similar to androcur but it blocks/reduces a more aggressive form of testosterone called DHT. it also has some libido reduction capability. The combination of the two in low dose is sposed to mitigate some other issues and are prescribed together in many cases in much higher doses for prostate size reduction. It is very dangerous around women of child bearing age, even micro exposure can have a impact on developing male fetus.

Apparently normal testosterone bonds to muscles but DHT doesn't, DHT has more to do sexual and male pattern baldness but normal testosterone obviously also contributes to sexual function. In theory I should be able to take small quantities of both and have the desired effect without the loss of vitality. We will see, AND I might even grow some hair...believe THAT when it happens.

Time to come back

2007-10-26T16:00:00.000+10:00

I guess its time for an update. Life has continued on pretty much as usual, though I had a interesting morning a few weeks ago, geeze time passes so quickly!!.

I was wearing the cage and had begun my morning ritual of giving Sarah a massage, but this morning, rather than turning to her side and presenting me with her back, or rolling onto her stomach Sarah stayed on her back, seemingly dozing.

Now I am almost 100% certain that Sarah knew I was wearing the cage, the only doubt I have was that she told me afterwards she didn’t…alas

As the time passed my massaging grew a bit bolder and my hands began to travel all over her body, her breasts and I felt her nipples get hard under my touch, her skin felt silkenly smooth, and yet still Sarah did not attempt to stop me, and allowed my wandering hands get bolder and bolder until eventually I was brushing her pussy with my passing hand, ever gaining confident.

I was still in my chemical induced libido reduced state but despite this I felt myself getting hard within my cage, I thought for certain Sarah knew I was caged and that she was finally going to allow me the pleasure of giving her a orgasm without my own release.

Eventually Sarah rolled onto her side whereby I spooned her, I was wearing some briefs so as to not jab her with the cage and continued to rub her back while beginning a small thrusting motion pushing the hard cage between her cheeks, surely she knew I was wearing the cage. Whats more Sarah began to grind her beautiful rear end onto my covered cage with increasing vigor until she announced she was getting up to the toilet and then she was coming back to bed.

We we have not has sex in the morning for a very long time, and I was caged, and, to say I was breathless was a understatement.

She came back to bed and I instantly started to rub her back again and my hands drifted down to her curved arse, such a beautiful shape and I felt her pussy, it was so open, wet and inviting, it was clear Sarah was incredibly turned on, and yet I was caged, there was still nothing I could do, I decided now must be the time to go down and deliver Sarah a orgasm via oral sex, so down I went, but just as I got down there and caught a sight of that I so wanted to taste, Sarah was rubbing herself, helping her arousal, she stopped me from tasting her.

This puzzled me somewhat, because now I just wondered what I was being expected to do, we returned to the spoon position and my hand began to rub her swollen pussy while my covered cage rubbed her in her crack, when Sarah reached down and bega to pull my caged penis from under my briefs. It was then she says, are you wearing that thing????

Umm well yes, as if she didn’t know??.....She then reached over and grabbed the keys and handed them to me while saying, well that kind of breaks the mood….I explained that she did not have to release me I really wanted to give her a orgasm to which she replied what is the point of that?? I guess orgasm denial just is not Sarah’s thing L Normally I would have to get up and wash myself after a released but I told Sarah if I wore a condom I should be ok.

I kid you not I do not think I have ever managed to get that cage off more quickly than I did that morning, I was surprised actually that it was not harder, in both senses of the word but I guess I can thank the androcur for that. But get it off I did, and fortunately my anticipation of the upcoming event was more than enough to light my fire and fire it did, nearly too early in fact. But clearly under the right circumstances the libido reduction had no impact on my ability to perform. This was somewhat of a relief.

I asked Sarah if she wanted me to replace the cage and she suggested I give it a break for a while, so it remains off till now. I still wonder if she knew or not, I really can’t see how she didn’t. A few days prior I noticed her looking at my crotch, I am 99.9% sure she was playing with me. But I don’t know why she would risk the mood breaker, even though it turned out ok.

Anyways that was 2 weeks ago and I remain uncaged and Sarah ended up having a very short cycle this time, perhaps her body is making up for the really long one before.

Anyways a few days ago I decided to end my experiment with lessening my libido, while I found it really did help me control my sex drive, I don’t like the way it is making me feel, I am not sure how to describe it, but I feel older, not as strong. I think the clincher was when I throwing my kids around in the pool and the next day I could barely move, normally I would hurt a bit, but not THAT much, I also decided I do not like the feeling of breathlessness and I also think I have put on a few kgs.

All in all it was a nice holiday from my libido. It will no doubt take a few months to come back. Its very strange to orgasm with absolutely no ejaculate. Not something that Sarah minds (though probably not noticed), nor I as there really is no reason to wear a condom even for the wetness aspect. When I say dry orgasm I mean it really is completely dry!! But it feels completely normal. I may give myself another holiday sometime in the future, but intellectually I never lost the admiration for my wives female form or for that mater any other. It simply tempered the drive. I also found that the ONLY thing that lit my fire was when Sarah wanted to have sex. I have little doubt if I tried to have sex or initiate it even though sometimes it takes a while for Sarah to get into it I would not have been capable. I also found that my ability and my interest in masturbating was greatly reduced, some days I did not even bother. I would like to say though that there STILL seemed to be a hard limit on how long I wanted to go without intimacy. It seems that my need for intimacy although influenced by my sex drive is not impacted largely by the loss of drive. Its very hard to explain, but I still found myself needing intimacy without the need for sex persay, and I did begin to feel depressed and a bit resentful when I felt there was a lack thereof.

One scarey thing about androcur is the potential for a naughty wife to lace her husbands food with it. The tablets are the most tasteless material /pill I have ever encountered. As I was taking them in quarters I was literally grinding the quarter up with my teeth into a power and they are completely neutral like a blank pill. Being that you can get this stuff off the internet with just a credit card, well I can just imagine a wife who is sick of being pestered for sex taking advantage of it.

So after a few days off it, Sarah and I has some really nice lurvemaking last night. I was happy to say even despite a 7 weekish stint on the drug I had no problems, don’t feel any different for not taking it yet, nor has there been a peep from my old fella in the morning....yet

I doubt I will welcome my sex drive back, but I will welcome my feeling of vitality. And I am going to have to start going to gym again to get this weight off, unfortunately I have just been too busy lately.

Probably won’t hear from me for a while until something happens now. I am kinda sad about the realization that Sarah is not into any tease and denial games. She really is pretty vanilla with the exception of the occasional cage play. But even that she is seeming to discourage and certainly won’t ask me to wear it.

Still even so I think it’s a worthwhile tool to play with very now and then, even if only to draw attention to sexuality and my preparedness to try and please her. Sarah does appreciate this I know, but she just does not want it permanently part of our life. If she insisted then I would probably resent it anyway, so it seems perhaps we are finding a good balance.

Its all good, for now.

quick update

2007-09-28T08:55:00.000+10:00

Starting week 3

I have to say its going really well, I have cut back to just half a pill per day, cut into quarters, one quarter in the morning and one at night, and after 3 days of this I can feel morning stirrings, just comfortable tightening around the cage, beginnings of a morning woody. I feel good in myself, I don't feel any side effects, not even weakness or any fatigue any more. The cage is working well as a barometer, if the morning firmness increases then can up the dose (back to 1 pill per day till it subsides then reduce it again. (bear in mind that even 1 pill per day is one sixth of the 6 per day prescribed to cancer patients....what I am taking now is 1/12 th)

It is so nice to be able to sleep through the night wearing the cage without being woken by a raging hardon.

I am also completely comfortable that at this dose this drug will bring me no harm even if I take it for a protracted period. This same drug is used in female contraceptive pills in smaller amounts mixed with other female homone stuff, it is also prescribed to women with very bad acne, obviously not prescribed to men except for cancer patients BECAUSE of the libido effect!!! as well as in a adolescent male it would stunt growth.

The best part of this is the lack of anger and sexual frustration despite being caged and unable to masterbate, the quietening of my need for sex and even better yet realization that my need for intimacy for Sarah is completely unabated. I have always been worried that my sex drive was tied and part of my love and need for intimacy. So the realization that I can all but take away the drive and still want Sarah is a fundamental one. I can want Sarah without getting angry and frustrated if its not on. In the past intellectually I could equate why it would not be a good night for intimacy, but despite KNOWING this my drive would almost FORCE me to instigate sex. I am now in complete control intellectually, you have no idea what a relief this is.

Now I don't want to make out that I asked Sarah every night for sex, maybe in the early years of a mariage I barraged her for it regularly, which set up the unfortunate habits for later in our life together Of recent years though I would probably start trying my luck after 5-7 days, and even if say at day 6 there were good reasons not to have sex my sexual frustration would start to take over, pressure builds I am sure you know the drill. I will qualify though that if Sarah was sick or had some physical reason to not be able to have sex then I was fine with it, I was not THAT bad.

I hope that anyone that reads this understands just how deep these realizations run, and I now feel I can confidently demonstrate this to Sarah by showing her all the affections I want but without any pressure what so ever.

Some of you may think what is the point in wearing the cage then? well there are a few reasons.
1. It keeps a intimate, sexual connection between Sarah and I, it also makes it clear to her that it is Sarah that is to instigate sexual relations and not me.
2. It is working as a barometer to help me monitor how much Androcur to take.
3. I am not tempted to see if it still works.
4. Drive and libido is also partially a mental addiction. not being able to masturbate helps keep me in control. Like smoking, nicotine is gone from your body in 3 days but it takes a year or so before you stop thinking about it. I do not want to give up sex though...but ultimately I would like to give up on Adrocur and maintain my control.

I am not sure if this is only temporary, or if I will throw a tire in the next few weeks, its hard to believe that I am me, I am so used to being driven . Still I know full well I am playing with fire, so I remain extremely cautiously optimistic. The other concerns I had for being motivated to DO THINGS have turned out to be fine, although I do admit when I was in the initial phase of higher does (to get to where I wanted to be) I felt tired and uninterested.

So far so good...

Oh Sarah still does not have her period, thats weird, she is usually pretty regular. Maybe she been playing up with the postman? or maybe she is so shocked at my lack of pressure its thrown her system...lol...or maybe she is starting menopause. We are going camping this weekend be interesting if Sarah let me out of the cage. I am not bothered either way other than the physical hassel aspect but I don't feel any pressure to ask her to....

New Experiences

2007-09-24T13:30:00.001+10:00

Many of you will probably think that I have lost my mind but perhaps many of you will relate to what it is like to be driven by sex drive. About 10 days ago Sarah and I had a pretty crap sex session and I mentioned before once I perfected the KSD in the cb6000 I would hand her the keys again. I did complete/perfect the KSD for the 6K and Sarah does hold the keys. This time she has hid them really very well and I have no idea where she has put them…..this is good. This time I made it very clear to Sarah that she was only to let me out if SHE wanted to…under no circumstances was she to let me out of pity or guilt. I really wanted her to decide when and if, I am so tired of pressing for sex

Last entry I mentioned that I was considering libido reducing drug which I was able to obtain very easily on the internet and relatively cost effectively. The drug I have been taking for the last 10 days is called Androcur which is used to treat Prostate cancer as well as sexual deviance/sex drive reduction as indicated on the instruction/data sheet. Basically what it does is block the action of testosterone in a mans body. In low doses though it can be used to reduce the action of testosterone rather than completely eliminate it which generally results in chemical castration. I am not interested in chemical castration but the thought of having absolutely zero sex drive is intriguing, but I see that as being potentially dangerous to my health as well as my relationship with Sarah. Me not wanting sex seems as alien to me as not wanting to breath!! Sarah does not know about this drug, it would only make her feel guilty so I have decided not to tell her about it, maybe later if it works out OK.

There is a lot of misinformation around that Androcur can cause liver failure. The fact is that some 30 men died from liver failure from taking 200-300mg per day of Androcur for 3 months out of 60000ish. These men all had prostate cancer and were aged between 80 and 90 years. The dose I am taking was basically 100mg per day until such time as my night time wakening from erections ceased. Now this stuff is really powerful, after only 3 days I was being woken only once at 4am and they were only half firmons, by day 5 night time arousals had completely gone.

Unfortunately there are a few other side effects from this drug, slight headache, slight nausea….and sleeplessness kind of like a mild hangover, more annoying than anything else though I am not sure I would want to be taking 6 tablets (3 times my dosage)a day as a cancer patient!!, and even though I was no longer being woken by a woody, I was still waking at 4am and only able to find fitful sleep till morning. Since my objective is only to reduce my libido not kill it completely once I was sure my night time arousals had gone I then backed off the daily dosage to 50mg. Because the half life of Androcur is long it will accumulate with daily dosage, so once you have reached where you want to be it is important to back off the dosage to whats called a maintenance dose, ie replace what your body discards each day. Thankfully all the other side effects all but vanished once I backed off to 1 pill per day and I noticed that some mornings not others the cage felt tight but certainly not painful or can even call an attempted erection. This is about where I want to be…I think. I must admit that I do fatigue a bit faster, yard work seemed harder, I plan to restart working out shortly even though its guaranteed to be a painful experience..lol I have very little doubt if I kept taking 100mg per day for another 4 days-week I would be completely impotent.

So what has it done to my libido? My desire has not diminished at all, my need to please Sarah as not diminished at all either, in fact my admiration for female anatomy seems to have been enhanced somehow, but with a major difference. In the past after a week or so in the cage with Sarah’s period approaching I would be climbing the walls to an extent that Sarah would pick up the vibe and let me loose, not because she wanted to but probably because she felt guilty. The drive inside me would manifest itself as anger and frustration, which I really tried hard to contain it was a real effort, it took everything in me to prevent myself from screaming. The difference now is that although intellectually I feel a need to be intimate it is without the internal rage, the internal driving force that I guess made me an animal. I think this is a good thing as it lets me be in control. I was worried that I might lose all desire for Sarah..might even stop loving her if my libido was the engine that drove that part of me, so this so far at least is a relief, and the calmness is also a relief, not perfect but comparatively a relief.

So guess what, for some reason Sarah’s period is very late this month so I have been waiting for her to become unavailable to me which in a lot of respects has always been a relief while caged because I no longer would have any expectation for release. I seriously doubt I could have handled the last week if it were not for the drive reduction I have experienced, in fact relatively its been a walk in the park. Because I am not getting night time erections the cage is much more comfortable to wear, it seems that all those attempted erections if they were not damaging my shaft from the KSD they were bruising me or something, but it really has made a difference to night AND daytime wear.

Of course I have been worried that this reduction in testosterone may impact my performance sexually which I maintain is still intellectually important to me even if the drive is diminished and last night when I came to bed Sarah handed me the keys and told me to go clean myself up. So with much anticipation and some concern I proceeded to leave the room and unlock myself and clean myself up. I have to admit I purchased some generic Viagra at the same time as the androcur so that it would at least help my confidence should it be needed so before I did any cleaning I swallowed a quarter of a tablet, proceeded to wash myself and head back up stairs.

Sarah was still watching her TV show which was fine by me I even told her not to rush through it (its on a PVR), I needed at least 30 minutes to make sure the Viagra had time to do its work. On top of this I put on the solid number 3 ring from the CB3K, I have taken to using this as a cock ring as it also pushed my balls forward and prevents me from penetrating too deeply which I know does Sarah a injury. I am pretty sure Sarah like me wearing the ring, although when I told her she rolled her eyes, but since then she seems to like touching it to see if it is there once intimacy has started. Anyway it WAS a little hard for my motor to get started, but it DID start and I rolled a condom on. I always use a condom following time in the cage for hygiene reasons and Sarah asked me to climb on top, unusual for her to start in this way. Well once my motor started it felt completely normal, in fact during our foreplay I had to pause a few times to prevent premature ejaculation. Things progressed really nicely and eventually Sarah indicated she wanted to move to her favorite spooning position which allows me to penetrate her from behind while allowing my hand to reach around and stimulate her. This may have been imagination, but Sarah has always been very difficult to read for me, and generally it’s a case of proceeding until her completion followed by me letting go. Life before Sarah I was able to read largely what was going on and I was able to have a bit of fun, I love to be a bit of a tease with a womans orgasm, extend the time before climax, which always well to me anyways adds to the fun. Last night was the first time I can remember skating along that edge with Sarah, or that Sarah allowed me to explore that edge before she indicated to me that she wanted to complete, and complete she did, it is not often she pulls me hard into her, so in all aspects it turned out to be a really nice experience which I followed by rubbing her back till she slept, whereby I promptly fell asleep also. I did wake again 4am, and I did have a half decent hardon, not surprising since it takes Viagra a day or so to get out of your system. Thankfully I was not caged but interestingly normally I would have taken advantage of a free hardon and used it to return to sleep, but I really did not feel so inclined and I did go back to sleep, when I did wake again I was completely flaccid. Talking about senses, I have also noticed my sense of smell is enhanced.

Sarah this morning seemed a bit grumpy, weird I thought she would be in a good mood. I asked if there was anything wrong….no, back rub, coffee and I made the kids lunch seemed to make a her a bit happier, I returned the keys to her (which for some reason she did not seem so keen to accept)and reapplied the cage following my shower, normally again I would have taken advantage of the after effects of the Viagra but it was relatively easy to abstain, although it was a bit harder to put the cage on because I guess there was a bit of stimulation going on…lol

So here I am. I am not sure what is going on with Sarah’s period, by my calculation she should have had it nearly a week ago, maybe that’s why she was a bit grumpy this morning and not so enthusiastic about the keys. I guess she does not realize yet that I am a lot calmer about it than before.

Well so far this experiment is working well, so for the time being I will continue taking these pills, I intend to use my morning wood as my barometer, if I can I will back the dosage off again so that I feel a slight firmness in the morning so I know there is some testosterone in my system. If I can get to half a pill a day then at 70USD for 50 pills will last for 3 months…small price to pay for lack of night time awakenings, control of my sexual aggression and perhaps an improvement to my marriage.

I am not prepared to endorse this yet, I am worried about how it will affect my athletic ability longer term but so far it seems promising. I am not tempted to try and reduce my libido to less than that of Sarah’s, I don’t think that is healthy, and I think in order to get to that point I would lose my ability to perform, although if Sarah knew she might feed me the entire box.

One thing, although to start with there is some kink aspect to reducing ones sex drive, even proceeding to complete reversible chem castration, kind of like wearing a cage. Of course once your drive is reduced then so is ones kink level. This gives me some comfort in knowing that my motivations of proceeding down this path is true to Sarah and my marriage.

CB6000 and review

2007-09-11T10:04:00.000+10:00

I don’t have a lot to update on the wife led aspect of my marriage, increasingly I am convinced in many respects that the status quo needs to remain as it is. If Sarah were left to make all the decisions then nothing would ever get done period.

That said she is still my queen, her happiness is what I strive for, even if it means that I have to lead a lot of the time.

Our house project is finally coming to a close, Sarah was completely against it from the start, and I ended up having to use those fateful and risk filled words “I can’t paint you a picture so your just going to have to trust me” those are fighting words. The fact is that although we ended up running about 20% over budget (which is a shit load of money when you spend what we spent) it has turned out brilliantly, even better than I imagined. And Sarah, although a blatant admission is never going to be forthcoming the invitations are flowing forth and she is certainly not shy in showing people around. She loves it.

The last time I updated this blog I was determined to do a 3 month stint in the cage with Sarah strictly in control of my masturbation habit. Well as you probably guess because I have not updated this blog for so long it fell in a heap, and I have gone back to my usual habits. Our sex life has improved though a bit since the house project has finished…possibly moving from 2 decent sessions per month to perhaps 3-4/month..which is not insignificant. Sarah seems to be happier than usual which is a good thing.

I am still thinking about chastity though and I still self satisfy way too much, what killed it last time was Sarah refused to put the keys away, she just left them on the bed side table, and when I prompted her she told me she did not like me wearing it when she had her period. I don’t really get that, unless clearly she still only views the cage as sexual avoidance, she does not seem to give a rats bum how much I flog myself which seems to take the attraction away from wearing it. I think orgasm control is where the attraction is to me since per the above Sarah having control of the rest of family life does not really work, that said Sarah is still very much on a pedestal and I will do anything to please her, simply Sarah making decisions or being the dominant figure in the household does not please her.

Anyway I decided to buy a CB6000, what really attracted me to it is someone said the tube was slightly narrower which means that there is no need to use a KSD, which would be a big plus if this were true. We are not tight on money although now that I have it I am not sure if it was money well spent. We are not finished with chastity play I am sure, so the CB3K tube was looking pretty grubby and used/stained so I spose I would have had to buy a new one anyways.

For those who are interested here is what I think of the CB6000

1. The new ring system is a pain in the ass especially if you have pubic hair. Getting the ring system on is not complicated but keeping your hair out of the ring system while putting it on IS complicated.

2. The new post are oval shaped which prevents the lock from turning around, while this feature IS good, it means using a stainless steal pin is no longer an option.

3. The tube is narrower than a CB3K and it does help keep things in place but after wearing it for a day, after bending over I found that I all but popped out the back of the device. When you first out it on you tend to think wow, I won’t be able to get out of this, but sure enough as you wear it and your skin sweats and self lubricates then you can get out of it easy enough, although it IS more secure than the CB3K without a KSD.

4. I would not say the new rings are any more comfortable than the solid rings, the only advantage is that they are flatter across the top which gives you less finger room to facilitate pulling out the back. But even with the second smallest ring which I can only tolerate during the daytime barely I was still able to pull out. I tried to put the number 3 ring on already pre assembled as I would a solid ring (to avoid the hair pinching) and I was not able to get my balls through because the flat part at the top actually makes the dimension too small. I think I could if I persevered but it would probably end up hurting, so the ability to open the ring is a plus in that case even if it is a pain in the arse. Wearing the device with the number 3 ring is comfortable along with the second smallest spacer which I guess according to millars means I am mr average.

5. I would say that the CB6K is slightly but only slightly more comfortable during nigh time arousal.

6. The side vents are a big plus for the CB6K and I did not really find any problem flushing the CB with water during washing using the side vents

So in conclusion I would say that the CB3K WITH the KSD is probably a bit more secure and probably a little less comfortable at night. The side vents are a big bonus but not one I would rush out and spend 250 bux AUD on in a hurry.

I then started thinking that putting a KSD in the 6K would be interesting because even if there is not that much difference in the device, having the side vents and the narrower tube in combo with the KSD might be a good thing so I set about modifying one of the KSDs I had. Here are some pictures of what I was able to do.

Basically I used a small angle grinder to sand around the outside of the KSD to reduce its diameter so it would fit inside the CB6K tube, then because the lip in the 6K is smaller than the 3K I had to make the KSD narrower over all. I then beveled the edges with sand paper and splayed the exit because of my past experience with KSD doing an injury to my shaft during night time arousal. I also had to extend the hole at the top so the guide pin could go through. As you can see I succeeded in fiting the KSD into the CB6K.

Wearing it was very comfortable during the day, and actually surprisingly secure, the thicker ring and the flat top in combination with the KSD made escape almost impossible. I say almost because I only wore it for 24 hours, enough for some sweating to occur but not compared to several days wear. Night time arousals were significantly better because the KSD gives an additional 5mm of length to the tube and when you consider the 6K is about 5 mm longer than the 3K then a extra 10mm over all is significant.

The problem was that I used a older smaller KSD to modify for the CB6K, I did not want to kill my KSD that I had made comfortable for the CB3k, the morning after wearing over night I checked for injury and unfortunately the pressure from the nighttime arousal had resulted in damage to the underside of my shaft, which means I can’t try it again for a few days. I am however encouraged and have decided to modify my CB3K KSD, although I am certain that the security will be slightly compromised. What is most important is spread the pressure, so you have to make sure that there are no lips especially where the bottom of the lip meets the inside of the cage. You must make sure that you sand back the thickness of the KSD so that it is almost flush with the tube and that you tapper down the edge. What surprised me is that this time the injury occurred both on the entry and exit of the KSD sides, which tells me that the KSD I was using was simply too small…I am definitely a grower.

Once I get the new KSD working properly I will offer the keys to Sarah once again. I have little down she will take them, wether or not she decides to keep them while she has her period is up to her. I have a sneaking suspicion though that she will though. I have not talked to her about caging for about 6 weeks and I think she actually misses it.

I am also considering a libido reducing drug which can easily be sort on the net without a prescription and try very low dose, been reading a lot about that recently and know what the risks are, not that I want to castrate myself but I would like to have a bit more control over myself, and possibly reduce wake up calls while wearing the cage..eh eh…and apparently some of my hair might even grow back. My main concern is that my sex drive must have a large contribution of who I am and is the engine that drives much of what I do. If its shut down completely then depression could be a real risk, so I would not want to do that, but lack of sex/sexual imbalance is also depressing. If it were possible to dial it back just a bit and get in the same region as Sarah then life might be a whole lot more harmonious.

updated

2007-07-06T15:44:00.000+10:00

It was another 3 days before Sarah eventually released me. I can't say it was particularly good release, but it was a release. I had intended to ask Sarah for permission to cum but when I felt her climax I was unable to contain myself. I did my best to hold back but all i managed to do was to stop myself from ejaculating fluid (or much fluid as there is always some), but when I checked the condom in the morning there was very little if anything in it. I guess I managed a ruined orgasm for myself which was deserved since I was not able to control myself.

Sarah did not turn the TV back on and promptly fell asleep which meant I was able to sleep the night without the cage on for the first time in 10 days and in the morning we had another chat, which was nice, although I was in trouble for something I had said the day before.She told me she did not care that I came without her permission....I wish she did care.

I asked Sarah if it would be OK if I cleared my pipes properly during my shower to which she gave me permission, again she does not really care what I do with myself...

I must admit it was surely satisfying to see the gobs of cum come out in torrents, I was a little worried because of the lack of fluid in the condom from the night before...so at least I knew there were no blockages. It was also a bit fortunitate that I was given the night out of the cage because there was a small wound on the underside from the KSD, nothing serious, but enough I decided to leave it off for the rest of the day and rub some vitamin E oil into it. By the end of the day it has subsided to just being a bit red.

I managed to abstained from further self manipulation all day and reapplied the cage prior to bed and so I have not had a orgasm without Sarah's knowledge since my commitment began.

These next few days will again be a challenge, I am coming up to my thirds day after my release and I can feel the pressure building again, and I know Sarah will be expecting her period in 5 or so days time. Sarah always feels pressured to release me prior to her period...and I also feel the most pressure to ask as well because I know that once started its going to be at least a week ON TOP of what I have already been locked for. I always start out determined this is OK but after 3-4 days in I start feeling stressed.

Sarah HAS been sleeping MUCH better though so I must keep this up. I intend to tell Sarah that I have no expectation of release before her period so as to alleviate any pressure she might feel, Of course there is a cavete....unless she wants too which regrettably is unlikely.

I will tell her that I will tell her if the pressure becomes too much for me and I may ask her for a "30 second handjob" which means basically I am to make my self ready without disturbing her while she watches TV....and roll on a condom as to not make any mess. I will bring myself right to the edge of orgasm and keep myself there until a advertisement whereby I will tell Sarah and she will give me 30 seconds of her time to take me over the edge, after which I will go and put the cage back on. Sarah has kind of agreed to this although I have yet to see if she will do it. But at least it offers some release without hardly any inconvenience and hence guilt on my part for asking her to go out of her way too much. After all if I do it right she will probably only have to barely touch it. Hopefully through doing this maybe she will learn to tease and deny which might make things a bit more interesting. I know I want it I am just not sure if I can handle it...I hope Sarah's PMT is not bad this month, when she starts going ballistic for no real good reason it makes it a whole lot harder to feel like this is worthwhile.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Still I am hoping that by Sarah REALLY controlling every orgasm I learn to go longer inbetween and offering Sarah a chance to sleep and trust me, to feel comfortable with me hence become closer, maybe ultimately Sarah will want to engage with me more with sexual attention...be it intercourse or any other form of intimate play. I miss orgasms a lot, today I had lunch with a woman who is the friend of a work colleague, as I parked my car I thought about having some thoughts about her and felt myself fill up my cage, and then I realized that thats all it would be is a thought.

Jez I ramble

Coming clean

2007-07-01T16:30:00.000+10:00

After lying awake most of last night I came to the conclusion that I had to have a talk with Sarah about things. We do not ever communicate much on a intimate level so what I wanted to say to Sarah was fairly challenging.

So I bit the bullet, and Bud, you can't say I wasn't listening to you!!

I can't really remember the order of the conversation because I am just so tired today, but I think I started by asking how she slept, she slept fine of course, I was honest with her and told her I had barely slept a wink. I followed this conversation by asking her how she though the last week had gone, and she answered very positively,I then went on to comment that we never really have many intimate conversations, and that I had something really personal to tell her.

"oh?"
"well you know how I have a reallllly high sex drive"
alarm bells ringing omg he is going to tell me he is having/had an affair
"yes??"
quickly "well its nothing like i am having sex with anyone else or anything"
"but, well an average guy will bring himself off about once per day, well I kind of have a bit of a problem, I do it about 5 times per day"
"WHAT???" jaw drops out of head, shocked silence
"so I have decided that I will keep wearing the device for the next 3 months"
"hmmm Ok well we will see how u go"

That is the essence of it all of course I told her I worshiped her as a woman, and that although I did it so much when we made love it was not even a tiny bit lessened by my extra curricular activities. The conversation lasted far longer than this and we worked through some other things

I even told her that last night I was so desperate because it had been over a week I had used a prostate massager on myself, so I really came clean about everything, I am stunned myself that I admitted this to my wife...lol

The upshot is Sarah has agreed to ration my orgasms for the next 3 months, i will wear the cage and she will decide when or if I get to orgasm. The cage will be reapplied straight after any release.

How we go from here is up to her.

On one hand I am shit scared, on the other hand I am glad I came clean and we actually HAD a intimate conversation, it is probably the most personal thing I have ever shared with Sarah in all the time we have been married. And today Sarah has been great, but I do wonder when my next release will be.

Thanks Bud...hmmm or not.

This can be so hard sometimes

2007-07-01T01:43:00.000+10:00

Saturday night, well actually Sunday morning here in Aus, and well I can't sleep. Sarah and I have been getting on great but as yet there is no sign of her letting me loose. I really have to be carefull what to expect but the last two nights have been really hard. I have managed to keep my mouth shut and give her a back rub until she falls asleep...which is just the way it should be.

But the pressure is unbelievable.

Tonight Sarah at bed time seemed completely indifferent. Its almost as if she is pressuring me to ask her for a release. Maybe she is just testing me, its a test I am struggling to pass, and its only been a week.

So now its 2am on Sunday morning and I simply can't sleep because of a combination of 2 things, one is I don't understand why Sarah has not let me loose and the other is, well I am so full I am leaking!!

Today Sarah went out for most of the day and I spent most of the day cleaning the house, washing and ironing the kids cloths, I think I did a pretty good job as well, even Sarah's parents commented when they came around how tidy it looked. Did Sarah so much as thank me....she did not even acknowledge that I had done anything.

Well I have listened to my last commenter, and apparently I have been a chronic masturbator, lol, well its not like it was something I did not already know, but perhaps, well more than perhaps thats why I really seem to hit a wall at about 7 days with no orgasm, but I am determined to see this through, going cold turkey and totally relying on Sarah for release. I am determined not to ask for it, but I am not sure if she understands the enormous pressure I feel. it is interesting to note though, I know these feelings are largely in my mind, I have gone for 14 days before, but some of that was during Sarah's period, and while Sarah couldn't, the pressure was not nearly as great as once the green lights came back on.

Tonight I decided that if I was to sleep at all I had to relieve at least some of the pressure some way, so I ave managed to drain myself using the aneros, which is basically a prostate massaging tool.

I must admit it was incredibly stimulating I actually think I could cum with it in there just by clenching my muscles and not touching my cage at all. I was soooo close but I did not. So I am still orgasmless, and pleased as well as I would feel infinitely depressed if I did. I managed to get quite a lot of ejaculate from my body without any orgasm at all, so while I am waiting for my body to calm back down I am typing this.

So what gives with Sarah? I am frightened quite honestly that she won't let me out until I cave in and ask, which will mean the cage serves no purpose at all.

what a roller coaster ride.

It is times like this when the reality is not so hot as the fantasy, and yet in the back of my mind I hope she never lets me out, now thats weird.

What I do wish though is that she wasn't so indifferent. I could cope so much more if she acknowledged me, and she was doing it too me

Sorry this is a ramble, I do that a lot especially when I am tired.

i hope I can sleep now, I can feel a bit of relief, but quite honestly its the indifference which is killing me.

Some words of encouragement please....chin up cagedone...I must make sure I do not put her under any pressure....I must

I wonder how other people cope when they feel like this??

Back on 24/7

2007-06-28T11:49:00.000+10:00

Thanks for your comment whatever she says, I am fairly certain I did acknowledge I knew what I should have done, also I have said previously that I am far from the perfect submissive. In fact I am not even sure if I am, some concoction of everything I expect, as everyone is to some degree.

To drill down on that particular incident, I will only say this, if there had of been some kind of engagement, some aspect of teasing, some aspect of FUN to what she suggested at the time then I would not have even issued a complaint. I don’t think it is a matter of confusion, Sarah is simply not really interested in tease and denial.

That said what she DOES like is lying in bed at night and demanding a massage knowing that I am not able to initiate sex, and now I have enough control over myself nor do I ask for it, it really does seem to help her relax and she does seem a happier person in general.

Unfortunately this does not form the ideal imagery often bespoken of people playing with chastity where their hot wives tease the crap out them, ie pay them lots of sexual attention which serves as a substitute for sex. Sarah regrettably is simply not interested in my offering her sexual pleasure while I get none, Sarah does not have a high libido, in fact quite the opposite. This means that while I give her endless massages and lots of extra affection I have to be solaced with my perception of her increased happiness, not exactly a tangible thing because I am not sure if it is because I am looking at her with different eyes. I am lucky if I get a reciprocated hug, and I have to ask for that.

This does make it hard to travel the journey of chastity. Like us all I am learning by having approached my wife on the submissive foot, I am not even sure any more that a submissive man is what she wants.

I would go further to say that I am pretty sure she doesn’t want a submissive man although I will always be at her mercy from a sexual point of view but from a day to day point of view our life requires that I make decisions for Sarah, Although I worship her as a woman, there are things that I have to take control over, even if sometimes it results in some conflict

This certainly does not fit into the submissive mould, but I am me.

Then there IS the sex aspect, although Sarah does like cage play, and I have always since I met her tried to ensure she climaxed before I did, sometimes Sarah likes to be fucked, and done by a dominant man, sometimes she even likes it where it doesn’t quite fit, and it hurts so good, hardly a dominant position during sex for her. But that is fine with me, I will do and will climb mountains to find what “works” for Sarah.

So given the last few weeks we have not been really getting on very well and sex has been crap and I have decided to cage up again, although I suggested it to Sarah and this time she agreed that “it might give her a break”. What she means by this is that she agrees because in reality I do not really hassel her for sex more than once a week, though I am sure she perceives that it is far more often, I think she is talking about the pressure for sex.

Sarah has not even being masturbating much recently, from my previous posts I know roughly when she does by observation, for example when the KY tube changes shape AND the pink vibrator has moved, it’s a fair indication. It actually been quite some time since I have been able to confirm her self gratification which may reflect her general mood. Lately its only been about once a month and if I compare that to me which is more like 4-5 times a day that makes Sarah essentially orgasm less. Yet this cycle, and admittedly I tend to check more often when I am caged, but she has self gratified twice in two weeks, although I have only been locked for one of those weeks. On one hand I am happy for her that she might be feeling happier, on the other hand I feel resentful, I can’t help asking myself, why doesn’t she want ME?? I can’t help wondering if the second session she had was because I locked up.

A few nights ago we were actually having a bit of a chat and I offered to Sarah that I probably should give her a long session of back rubs and woman worship, and that this time I thought that when she does eventually decide to reward me that I should put the cage back on with no delay. Sometimes after we do make love Sarah can’t sleep and turns the TV back on for a while, so I suggested to her that I go and wash up and put the cage back on while she is watching her tv show. Sarah more or less agreed to this by saying “if you want to” to which I told her that “she was worth it”. So people it does appear that I am in for quite a session this time, Sarah simply by turning on the TV following a release will be a signal for me to go and recage. I hope I can handle it. Of I will go and put the cage back on alright, but the night after sex I ALWAYS have a hardon just about all night, that’s not going to be a comfortable night L

I know that previous extended lock ups with releases I have had at least 24 hour hours of freedom with which I probably managed to cum 10-15 times, trying desperately to make up for all those orgasms I missed out on I guess before putting the cage back on the following night. Even with that program I noticed that my libido fell, not significantly but it definitely fell after 5-6 weeks or so. So with this program I am about to embark on I will only have one orgasm with Sarah assuming she lets me have one, though she almost certainly will. It will be interesting to see if I can get used to being orgasmless myself. This means that say on average (not recently) Sarah orgasms 3 times a month with me and twice by herself, that makes 5 orgasms per month for her and 3 for me. Compare that to what I am used to, say 4 per day. That means I am cutting back from 120 orgasms per month to 3. That’s scarey.

What is also scarey is that the building work still continues and it is dragging on, so maybe I will be lucky if I get 3.

What I have in the back of my mind though is that maybe this is a good idea, maybe I can force my sex drive to become equivalent to hers, maybe we will be happier for it apart from the DSM stuff that really is a extension of my kinky libido.

Sure I still dream of Sarah pushing my head down between her thighs while I am locked up. I really wish she would do that or even let me do it just once, but I don’t think she will. But perhaps at the end of the day what matters is that we are happy.

The imbalance in our sex drives has been causing friction since before we were even married. Maybe this is a way of reaching a end to that friction. I just hope I can make it through, this first week has been tough to maintain a completely happy exterior especially following Sarah’s self satisfying session (ssss in the future), truth is it is very very tough. Sarah will release me this week end, I am not sure which night but she will, and I will put the cage straight back on following. I do know that there are many many men who can go longer than me being orgasmless but I down there are many that go from 120+(and I enjoy EVERY ONE!!) to 3 lol. I have to beat Diggers record tho of consecutive days lockup. If I keep this straight back on deal then it will probably reach that over Sarah’s next period.

Hopefully the second week will be easier.

Just a side note, very sad to see Helpmate blog go on invite only, that was one of my regular reads, I wonder what happened there?

Oh yes the CB6000 is released, not that impressed really and I think I will stick to my 3K, I do not see any advantage in it. I posted this in the CB3k yahoo group:

don't think I will go rushing out and buying one although the ring
system may be more comfortable. ....so are the solid rings for the CB3K.

There are two main things I would have done differently and maybe some
other suggestions for the manufacturer.

1. rather than just move the vent holes to the side I would have
simply halved their size and make more of them, so instead of three
openings at the top make say 9 openings but make the holes small
enough that the skin can't BULGE through during a woody, yet large
enough that you can still flush water through. Puting th slots at the
side is an improvement for sure because pinching your skin between the
lock and the cage is no fun at all, but apart from that the red marks
and eventual injury from the sheer volume and pressure of skin poking
through is still going to be problematic with the side vents if they
are the same size as they were before (and they look to be). Puting a
bandaide over the holes before bed each night is a pain.

2. There is NO WAY I would have put that seem through the locking
hole. That has surely got to be a mistake.

3. I would have loved and still would love to see a clip on cyber skin
attachment/cover that simply goes over the top of the CB like a silken
glove...so when I spoon my wife I am not jabbing her with the sharp
end of the cage or worse the sharp bits of the lock (which I have
ground down)...I am only talking about a cover that would look more
like a mound than a locked penis...and spooning my wife she may even
like to rub herself on it....of course a larger mass of cyberskin may
turn into a fake penis but a simple cover would serve my needs and
enable me to cuddle my wife while wearing without fear of giving her a
injury. Wearing briefs is simply not the same thing, but it helps.

4. a receptacle or provision for a PA if this could be incorporated
without damaging the look of the device. although I am not pierced and
probably never will be, this would be a good feature.

5. Better form of anti pull out, this of course is the toughest

2 sugestions:

A make the tube thinner at the entry point, achieving a similar effect
to the KSD.

B Perhaps make some rings that are WIDER at the top than they are at
the bottom. This would be similar to wearing 2 rings which some people
have found to help security, I tried this but I found because the
bottom was also widened it became too uncomfortable. This would have
the effect of keeping the cage pointed down which would certainly keep
some mistresses happier.

6. availability of Stainless steel locking pins (for home use)

7. Availability of a small padlock that can't be picked in 30 micro
seconds.

Ok thats my wish list....maybe the CB10000

Asking for it.

2007-06-20T08:48:00.000+10:00

Well what happened at the end of the last cage session? It has been some time ago now so I had better write it down before I forget all of the details completely. Life has been so busy lately, for those of you that are interested Sarah eventually produced the key after about 10 days or so…maybe 11, all I knew was I was really really aching for release. So I I went and washed myself and hoped back into bed…waiting for the instruction to rub her back, which came as no surprise….things progressed as one would expect and I decided I had better use a numbing condom because I wanted some control. After 10 days as once can appreciate it can be very difficult to contain yourself and even using a numbing condom it feels like your in contact with bare flesh.

In any case I had just rolled the condom onto my already throbbing shaft when Sarah said to me, “that’s enough, you can go put the cage back on now”, I mean what? Then she followed it by saying, see I did read it, and I can do that you know.

I was in a bit of a state of panic, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, Sarah was supposed to TEASE me, not wait till I got all excited by myself, roll a condom on and then have to put the cage back on without any kind of play. That’s no fun I thought!!! I did not have time to think because I was completely surprised by what she had said…I admit I probably screwed up because rather than just get up and do as I was told…I said..but but…I just got the condom on..but if you really want me too I will……..anyways Sarah relented and what followed was a fairly intense session.

Afterwards however I received the instruction not to put the cage back on until she told me to.

Weird, of course since then the instruction has never come, so I have been cageless for some time. Although Sarah seems to hint at times and I wonder if I should just put it back on, well I go hot and cold as I have previously said on the cage idea, what seems like a hot idea when I am horny seems like a bad idea after release. If only Sarah would engage in the play a bit more. I am pretty sure it does something for her, even if it is a demonstration of what I would do to try and please her…even if it does not do anything to actually turn her on. I have yet to find that button and I wonder if it actually exists….actually the turn on button is a fallacy I think anyways. I am simply online all the time, the only time I have a respite is immediately after a orgasm, and that only lasts for 15-30 minutes before if time permits I would do it again till such time it fell off!!

But then again our life has just been so busy lately, and I have been lightyears away from being in a submissive mindset. In fact our life has turned around in the other direction if anything and because of some building works at home I have been forced to assert a dominance simply because our life requires it presently.

I am not altogether comfortable in my current mode, but when it comes to yard work and building modification it seems that Sarah (and it would seem many women) have extreme difficulty in visualizing what the end will look like, or understanding the practicality of some of their suggestions. They need a picture drawn, so they can form a visual representation. Unfortunately although I can visualize stuff really clearly in my mind, drawing is not my strong point

It has gotten to the point that whenever we try and discuss things we end up in a heated discussion, I loose patience and I think she really hates the fact that she can’t visualize what I am trying to achieve, by her own admission she just can’t see it, yet in my mind there is not many surprises. I may say that I may be lacking in my ability to transmit the image that I see in my mind, yet this is not the first time.

Men ARE visual creatures, and CAN visualize things in great detail, which is why engineering is probably balanced in terms of aptitude in men’s favour. I don’t think Sarah can understand that I do lie in bed at night visualizing exact dimensions of where this wall will go, where a drain should be, how much concrete needs to go there, where a gate should be, what angle a wall should be to optimize the special effect, where lights should go, whats going to look good and what isn’t. That’s why when I go shopping I already know what I need, what I want. I do not generally need to go into a bazillion showrooms to get ideas. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lack the ability to visualize, it must be a empty existence.

I wonder what does occupy her mental space then, is it streams of words/concepts of emotions?. Maybe pictures of people speaking to each other, facial expressions. Maybe women are just not good at picturing levels, or THINGS.

Maybe that’s why women like to shop so much….or even tend to be more prone to wanting to travel. For a man I can see what a place will be like before I even get there. It is not so important for me to actually GO THERE to experience it. I am not saying I don’t like going on holidays…I love it, but I get a lot of enjoyment from staying at home as well. I do not always have this compelling desire or the feeling of boredom with home that many women seem to have, and a hence a drive to the point of obsession with always planning the next holiday….or wanting to move about. I can go places in my mind, and sometimes when I get there I wish I hadn’t, my minds eye would have been best left alone!

Sarah hates the fact that I am running these projects, I try and incorporate her suggestions but sometimes in incorporating her suggestions the end result I fear will lack in its potential. Sometimes I have no choice but to piss her off, and just hope and pray when it gets to the end, and the image I see becomes real that she actually likes it. I am really doing this stuff to please her, and that’s really important to me…The stress and pressures I feel are not from the tradesmen, the cost, or the arguments with tradesmen, it is whether on not Sarah will like the end product at the end that stresses me the most.

The problem with landscaping and building modification is you can’t move stuff around and see if you like it, you have to get it right first time. Its not like a room where Sarah has me bailed up for hours shifting chairs and tables around to get the right combination in a room, which I find intensely annoying and a waste of time…alas I keep my mouth shut!!

So I can’t afford to be in a submissive mindset so cage play has really has all gone out the window as well as the wife led marriage, and this is probably why there is a lot of friction in our marriage right now. But I do think about the cage daily, it’s a great fantasy still , but presently the reality does not allow it. Of course if Sarah did ASK me to put it on I would, we did touch on it a month ago and I told her that I would be frightened she would never take it off for the duration of the project…lol…She kind of agreed I think.

I guess at the end I can look forward to delving into this lifestyle again, certainly if these roles we currently have continued we would end up divorced I think. It is not a natural position for me with respect to Sarah, I look forward to relinquishing the dominant role at the end of the works and re enter a generally submissive mindset with enthusiasm.

Not exactly what I wrote

2007-05-25T15:00:00.000+10:00

Call me a bit crazy, well I am sure I am, no doubt I will cope some heat from you all for this but then I have always warned I am not the perfect sub, or a perfect person by any stretch, probably a bit confused ...I had to laugh as I wrote that. I have been way to busy just recently to update this blog, and right this minute I am feeling the most unsubmissive to my wife in living marital memory there are reasons for that and it will pass......but now lets jump back a few months.....

I gave this to Sarah a couple of months or so ago. It is actually a earlier version, as my hard drive went down and this was a back up copy. it is not nearly as refined as what I gave Sarah to read, for a bit of a chuckle. What I was hoping to achieve was see if I could pop some idea into her head with out the pressure of her knowing that much of this was actually my fantasy. The only way I could think of, of perhaps offering information to her without toping from the bottom....this will be along read. I will tell you what happened later...but I presented this to her while I was caged, and in a pretty submissive state. All I will tell you is that she did NOT tell me I was a sick man....actually she told my son the next day...and he told me what she said (which really made me feel good about myself) that she thought that I was a really nice man...

Anyway here is is...:

Its took me about a year to completely accept the device that Geoff now wears between his legs. While I liked the effects it seemed to have on him I could not fathom why wearing such a thing would have such a bearing on his behavior. Not only that but I thought it was kind of weird and I felt like I was being cruel. I was worried that one day I might be made out to be some torturous bitch who enslaved her husband even if it was his idea.Yet I could not ignore the fact that it seemed to be having a positive influence on our marriage. I did not want to dismiss it out of hand and Geoff for god knows what reason seemed keen enough.

I decided to do a bit of research on the internet and what really helped me feel comfortable with it was the number of people using a device like ours. Based on sales figures 1 in 100 men in the western world own some kind of cock control device. I was very surprised that the number was that high or perhaps there are just lots of strange people, but many people means its not so strange! I just thought Geoff was weird but as it turns out not so uncommon when you consider all the men that should wear one that don’t, or that do not even know about them, or think they should and don’t act on it.

According to my research one of the driving forces behind the behavior change is the inability for Geoff to take matters into his own hand while wearing this device. Its pretty common knowledge that almost all men are chronic masturbators in fact many men are completely and hopelessly addicted to sex, but why not just abstain from the habit. Well Geoff openly admits he does not have the self control to abstain for any length of time, but he told me he did once for a week and the effect is not nearly as dramatic. But Why? It seems that the action of the device is of many facets. On one hand it prevents one from self pleasuring and on the other it seems that most men find it actually pleasurable to wear (at least during the day), it actually makes them almost permanently aroused because it feels like there is a hand holding their sex all the time. Each time they move there is a constant reminder who is in control of their goods. Since there is no way they can act on these good feelings their attention turns to the person who has the ability to release them. So if this is true then why don’t they get frustrated? Geoff tells me that after a few days he feels a overwhelming sense of love and adoration for me…isn’t that sweet. He says I grow angel wings.

Men in fact are far more interested in the chase for sex than the act itself and because wearing a cock cage they are horny all the time so they are in pursuit all the time and they are incapable of getting out of the pursuit feeling because they can’t masturbate. So it mostly comes down to a change in attitude and body chemistry. Men are wired for the pursuit of sex, once they get it and orgasm they go to sleep, if they wank, they don’t need you and resent the fact they have to. So cut off his ability to wank and couple it with constant arousal and you have a man in pursuit of you constantly wanting to please. He will literally climb mountains to please, he will even be hanging on your every word waiting for words of encouragement, he becomes totally tuned to what is your pleasure and transposes his own addiction to sex to wanting to pleasure you.

My research has also shown me that it seems as men get older the big “O” at the end of sex has far less importance than most women would assume. Yes ultimately that is what the chase is all about and it is important to remind him what the chase is about via teasing him, and it is also important that you reward him, but not too much…more on that later.

The other thing that internet sites talk up is the subtle power shift in a relationship that occurs once that lock thing is done up. Almost instantly I find Geoff to be more agreeable and nice to me, this is before there can be any physical contribution to his mental state. As the days pass this powershift seems to become greater and geoff becomes more and more submissive towards me but not to other people, I want and need him to be a strong man, my protector, but I enjoy the fact he will bend to me. Also I find if Geoff has been having a break from the device then it takes a lot longer for him to get back into the saddle. After a few days though I only need to say jump and Geoff really does say how high, and he is happy to do it!! Holding the key to Geoffs cock means that I decide when he gets an O, whether it be via sex or by other means. An awfully large incentive for him to be cooperative, some will read this as being manipulative. But what many women just don’t get is that men want to be manipulated by sex, they love it, they crave it and it makes them happy, so it truly is a win win if the woman is able to empower herself using her sex appeal. You get what you want and he gets what he wants and largely the woman does not have to put out. You don’t even need a chastity device for that, but it sure helps.

Geoff also told me that he feels obligated to ask for sex when he is free, and when I was not in the mood it really devastated him when I said no. The shift in power to me, means he does not feel obligated to ask for sex any more because he knows its up to me, in fact its against the rules for him to ask, and so it removes that pressure for him to ask. It actually helps to avoid Geoff feeling rejected because he does not need to ask.

But there were a still things that annoyed me about geoff and his cage though. One of them was that I would start to feel guilty after 4-7days and let him out because I began to feel pressure anyway regardless of if I felt like it or not, I could sense he wanted me to let him out. But to my surprise I could head off this building tension by teasing him intensely, in fact the more intensely I teased him the more it seemed to relieve him, this is because I am paying him sexual attention. One would think that this would increase his tension, which in a way it does, but in a positive sense. Indifference I found leads to frustration which is what I was initially because I was feeling that pressure! Teasing serves as encouragement, motivation, the promise of what will come if he works hard enough and behaves. The part of the psychology can not be simply ignored otherwise there is no point in playing it, and the whole relationship ends up being indifferent. I found that by teasing and denying Geoff I was able to extend the time he spent in his cage by quite large amounts, which meant we avoided the “down time” after he has had his O, and then when he did, it blew his socks off, and mine.

I also found that a lot of couples make formal rules about this adult play and in the end I decided if we were going to try this lifestyle at all we may as do it the right way, I am not sure if Geoff was entirely too sure about this at first but in the end he agreed, he really had little choice.

These rules that we use work for us. I am sure they will sound strange to some, they would have sounded strange to me a few years ago! We do not role play this 365 days of the year, most of the time our life continues along as it would normally. I think its also important to have a break from this play from time to time and we will take a few months break, but it is usually Geoff who offers to go back in.

There is no point in having rules unless there are penalties for breaking them. Any broken rules means that Geoff has to suffer sexually in some way, which makes this all the more entertaining and part of the engagement or sexual attention. Sometimes I will choose his punishment, other times we have a punishment bag with marbles in it. One color marble corresponds to a punishment which Geoff agrees to follow. Of course Geoff may stop the game at any time, but he understands that if the game stops then its over, finished, if not for good for a very long time. I recommend that you discuss this with your spouse them ask HIM to draw up the rules for your approval.

Our rules:

Geoff recognizes that any sexual attention is a privilege and not a given. He also understands that pleasing me sexually is a privilege and does not necessarily mean he will get to cum. Often when he pleasures me sexually he is unable to cum in any case.

Absolutely no asking for a release.
No hinting or asking in a whinny voice.
No reduction in service, reduction in service is paramount to extorting release. Geoff is required to service me in anyway I see fit. This includes full body massages, servicing me orally or any other way I want him to without his release, waiting on me hand and foot, or anything else I can think of. Geoff must earn his release, but it is not to be expected. I decide when that is.
When he is released Geoff may not have his O until I have had mine (sever punishment. Sometimes I try and make him O before me so I can punish him, he knows this and it makes it all the harder for him to resist).
Geoff may not have an O during sex unless I give him permission. Sometimes I may refuse him or delay it, and Geoff must thank me for it either for the denial or for release.
Absolutely no masturbation ever without my permission. No more morning after long showers remembering the night before. I will never ask him to lock but up but he expected to replace the cage as soon as he and it are clean. Many women suggest it is better to lock it back on as soon as sexual relations have finished, I am a bit lax here but I probably should.
Any attitude what so ever, while I do not want a sniveling wretch as a husband I do demand respect and compliance to any decision I might make.

The penalties:

locking keys in safe for a set period in addition to whatever time he has been already locked. We use a safe in conjunction with time lock. www.timelockrulesit.come.au Various options here, although Geoff knows how to work it. He is his own worst enemy, he suggested it.
Forgoing a release
Not permitted to pamper me for one day (sometimes this is a break , but ends up being punishment for me as well so that never lasts long). Complete indifference, this is Geoffs worst nightmare.
Tying his cage to his side of his bed, again Geoffs idea, but a good one. This is one of my favorite punishments because it leaves Geoff completely helpless. We attach his cage via one of the guide posts to the leg of the bed with sufficient length that Geoff can sleep comfortably facing away from me. This means that he can roll sufficiently so that I can have a massage if I choose, but once it is over I can choose to move to my side of the bed where Geoff can’t reach me. Of course this has lots and lots of other possibilities. I can tease him relentlessly because he is quite helpless, tickle, smack his bum, take him with my dildo or even masturbate myself out of his reach which just drives him crazy. Geoff can’t get up or touch me, wake me or get up in the middle of the night and disturb me. He must make sure he does not drink before bed so he does not need any midnight trips to the bathroom. If he needs to wake me then he knows the punishment will be sever.
Spanking, and yes I do spank Geoff sometimes see http://www.disciplinarywivesclub.com/ They have a huge membership. Men interpret a good spank as sexual attention strangely and its sure satisfying to me. The back of a hairbrush works wonders and his poor bottom can get quite red from my day to day frustrations. Geoff says he prefers being spanked to me ranting anyway. After he told me that I am not so sure he thought the same way, I made sure of that.

I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to engage in at least some form of teasing play. As with anything you will only get out of this what you put in. Ultimately your spouse/boyfriend, whoever will probably decide that its simply not worth his effort otherwise, after all he has given up his favorite toy. The longest amount of time I have denied Geoff his orgasm has been a month, but that was a very intense month and Geoff needed quite a lot of sexual attention even though he did not get to cum. These serve to push geoff’s buttons, he gets off when I control him sexually, so I test him and I have come to quite enjoy it.

I will give Geoff his key, but tell him that he will not be getting a O, then I will or I will tell him to edge. This means to bring him to the edge of his O and hold it there for a duration. After the session is finished he must go and replace his cage.
30 second handjob. I like doing this when I have my period and I know Geoff is doing his best to hide the pressure that he feels in his loins. I give him his key and after he washes I ask him to bring himself to the edge, then when he tells me he is close I will give him a 30 second handjob. Since he has been caged he normally cums in under 10 seconds, hence he has his release and it has only taken 10 seconds of effort for me. If I am feeling particularly mean I will stroke him slowly. If geoff does not cum in the 30 seconds then he must replace his cage and wait until next time. He must thank me even if he does not get to cum.
Normal intercourse but I tell Geoff he must delay his O until morning, where I may use one of the above methods to release him. Sometimes the next morning if I am feeling really lazy I simply tell him he may take his time in the shower, but this is not preferred as I like to be the SOLE source of his pleasure. Sometimes of course I will inform him that I have changed my mind.
Numbing condoms, penis sheath or more than one condom, serves to thicken Geoff’s shaft but also means he gets little to no feeling. After I have had my O, Geoff has 30 seconds to complete. If he fails to complete then he has missed his chance to have a “O” and he goes back in his cage.

A belligerent Post

2007-04-04T10:48:00.000+10:00

I probably should change the name of this blog from Journey into a wife lead marriage and change it to Married with a cage.

Sarah loves to be treated like a queen, She loves the massages, the attention, the special things that one can do, but I am coming to a conclusion that she is a lazy leader of our marriage.

That said I guess I have not gone into subspace yet, I caged myself a few nights ago, and I start to feel the trickles of subspace drifting in.

I tried to behave as identical as I could the last few weeks, and I had one crap sex session, then one great sex session then most recently it was crap again. So much for the well behaved correlation with good sex. It seems Sarah likes the cage, we have 100% hit rate then. Admittedly I go completely on overdrive when I am caged, I can’t stop massaging her, touching her wanting to be with her, like I said last time, it did my head in, so I needed a break. I still don’t know if its worth it or not, some would say anything is worth it to make your spouse, to make your marriage work, and it is true to a point.

I just miss wanking soooo much, I love it, I would rather make love to Sarah of course but making love to her 4-5 times a day is not going to happen in this reality, I would even give up wanking if I got to make love to Sarah once a day or probably even 2 or 3 times a week, nar 3 times a week…but once every 10 days on average…nope, my biceps are keeping on keeping on.

But not this week.

Oh no

I locked the fuckin lock again didn’t I

And I know jiggling the cage sucks big time, I would rather be in subspace and enjoy my rampant imagination at everything that looks remotely female wandering by.

I think in some respects its fortunate I have a cage on because I could see how one could take a woman by force , I would never do that of course all I am saying is I understand the forces that could drive a man. Wearing a cage sharpens your focus, it turns on a mans senses, it turns him into a hunter of sex. I look at a woman in the gym, the supermarket, the petrol station and the vivid images of us (whoever my target is) fucking tease my mind and my encaged cock. And vivid it is, it is a truly amazing thing the mind, how quickly is can determine what a woman’s body will look like naked under their cloths.

Women may as well not wear cloths, because I can undress them almost instantly in my mind and know what they will be like, if they will have dimples in their thighs, even the flexibility of their legs, how far they will be able to open them and be able to receive me. I will know if the texture of their skin is soft and white, or hard and rough, if their likely to swell up into a soft moist flower or be a tight grommet or loose gasket, if they are likely to enjoy the sharing of breath, a look in the eyes, if they are bold or if submissive.

I can tell by their faces what their breasts will be like, if they will be firm or motherly, succulent or empty, a handful or just a nipple to play with and tweek between a thumb and a forefinger.

Yes ladies a rampant man can undress you, and fuck you without even touching you, we take you all the time and you don’t even know it.

What many women fail to understand is that it matters not what their physical attributes are like, all women are worth fucking, all women have a hidden sexuality that once found can make a man willing to move mountains for them, it is just a matter of them finding it. Some do it naturally, you know, that frumpy girl that has a aura about her that just makes her sexy even though she is not anything to look at.

A womans aura, it overrides any physical attribute they may have, and in fact can enhance whatever physical attribute they are born with

Their sexually empowers them, find a honry man and he will climb mountains for you.

Why do women fail to see this energy they have, why do they not use it, what is their hang up about utilizing their sexual energy?

Truth is when I get home and I see Sarah, she is the only woman in the world, its like everything during the day has been a build up to her, and when I see her my whole being shrieks to me that I want her, I need her and I love her, all those vivid scenarios wash away and are replaced by a passion orders of magnitude more powerful, more important and more fulfilling, just if only Sarah would / could use it, and acknowledge it.

Perhaps by having a break this time Sarah might make more of an effort to acknowledge her power over me. Perhaps not, Sarah’s physical attributes are awesome for her age, and I am very lucky in that respect, but I would swap those same attributes for a woman who is prepared to embrace her sexuality any day.

There is inklings though.

When I told her a few nights ago that I was once again at her mercy (that’s how I tell her, that I am again at her mercy), she more or less said about time, and she has certainly being ordering her share of massages, even allowing me to view her bare bottom for a time (a big deal for me, and yes I know what it looks like but there is nothing like real flesh to make ones mouth drool). I think she even managed a hug for me. I sense that the break did her good as well as me, this morning when I woke her with a massage and a in bed coffee she told me how nice it was to be woken that way, contrast back a year ago when cage time started out and I would be berated for waking her period!.

Yes Sarah likes the cage, but I am not yet in subspace, or in total horny space, or whatever space it is. I still wonder if it is worth all the wanks I have already given up, but I am in an asshole mood today, a belligerent, alpha male mood. Can’t u tell?

Still I will probably be bloging more over the next week or so, that’s what happens when I am caged up, I need to write about it to sort out my own head.

Right now I am calm, I know after 6 or so weeks of caging (with release every 10 days or so) my sex drives falls right off, as does my ability to masturbate. After my long stint of being locked up it took a few weeks before I was able to return to my normal masturbation habits, but once its returned it seems my body is determined to make up for lost time and my drive over shoots normality and I will do it until it hurts.

I wonder where it will lead this time

BTW on a more submissive note, I bought a new solid ring for the cage, its smaller than the one I use now, its going to hurt more at night but it will make the cage virtually escape proof, its also going to be hard to put on. I practiced with the hinge one that came with the cb3000 and it took some doing getting both balls through. I have worn the hinged one in that size at night before a long time ago before Sarah knew about the cage and I am a bit anxious about Sarah controlling that lock up. I am also getting a stainless steel metal locking pin which will help stop ring movement, and of course remove the easy escape of using side cutters on the plastic pin

A summary of all

2007-03-29T10:55:00.000+10:00

I have posted much of this previously so if you have seen a lot of this material before, this is a response in another forum, it ended up being rather lengthy but worthy of reposting here I think.

I originally intended this to be a reply to this thread http://www.lockmeup.com/discus/messages/66/2842.html?1172664540 but I ended up so far off topic I thought I should probably start a new thread. Hope this means something to someone :)

I can’t remember if I am a member here or not, but these days I generally lurk and read and move on. This thread though I have found fascinating, especially with Davey Dark playing the devils advocate.

I have owned a CB3K for near enough to 2 years and I do keep a blog http://cageone.blogspot.com/ for those with interest enough to bother reading it.

While my chastity experience has been less than the idyllic that some people would have you believe I think at least it is realistic. I do think the fantasy of being locked up is far better than the reality of it, well I at least enjoy fantasizing about it more when I am free for obvious reasons!!

But what I found it DOES do is change the way I see my wife. Whether it is ideal or not, and I would agree that one should feel idyllic about your spouse all the time, the divorce rate would indicate we live in a far from idyllic world!!

I do not think there is anything wrong with masturbation, and in fact it DOES serve as a safety valve for imbalance in sex drive that is apparent in so many marriages. While I freely admit I masturbate far more than I need to it does not interfere with my performance as a man. My wife can have me whenever she chooses, she just chooses not to most of the time because she has a low sex drive.

What I have found however in wearing a chastity cage is that there is the issue of making masturbation difficult, enough difficult that the effort is not worth it and the let down while still locked mentally horrible, the feeling of “what the %$@# am I doing this for” becomes an order of magnitude greater if u still have the cage on and you do manage to cum. The payoff is not worth it, so in many respects wearing a cage effectively eliminates masturbation at least for me.

So the first mechanism is lack of orgasm, but I have tried simply abstaining for a week with no cage and the feeling was not nearly as intense as while wearing a cage why??

The second mechanism is after a few days the cage at least for me begins to actually FEEL GOOD, when I move the action of my penis inside the cage actually feels like I am in a pussy, or at least in something, it feels nice. Driving along in a car I have nearly but not quite been able to cum just by rocking forwards and back, but just as it does begin to feel good of course swelling begins and the action stops leaving one in a state of arousal, interestingly not frustrated but aroused.

Being aroused a man is in pursuit frame of mind, he wants sex, and is prepared to do anything to get it. EVEN be very very nice to his wife no matter what she says, and this I believe is where wearing a chastity cage is likened to the courtship days of a marriage, some people call it subspace, it is all the same thing. But it is common knowledge men like the thrill of the chase, which is the enjoyable part of chastity, is chasing your spouse, pleasing her wooing her into releasing you. But lets be clear, as much as pleasing your spouse an important part of the process, the release IS the target, it is the culmination of acknowledgements that you have succeeded in pleasing your spouse.

The third mechanism is the awareness of your situation, like a gloved hand holding you cock constantly, the knowledge that your wife is the ONLY one that can release you keeps your mind focused where it should be on your spouse, the subtle power shift. While I admit women in general become infinitely more attractive after a few days caged, and I find myself undressing women in the supermarket in far more greater detail than normal (well I do it when I am uncaged also but my imagination goes on overdrive) the arousal is further enhanced by other woman, but with the knowledge that one can’t do anything about it anyway so there is no guilt associated with it because sex with another is no longer realistic. Focus on ones spouse is certainly enhanced.

The forth mechanism is closely tied to the third mechanism, and only works up to a point. At least for me after a certain period of time uncaged I almost feel obligated to try it on for sex, ask my wife for sex, when or if I am rejected, my response is almost well stuff u then I will have a wank, or a realization that my next release will be coming from my own hand, an end to the pursuit mode. A waste of arousal by my own hand. Of course abstinence could well be a solution to this but it does not address the rejection, masturbation only acerbates these destructive feelings. Wearing a cage means that my wife decides purely and simply when sex will occur, it helps take away the feeling of obligation to ask for sex, and rather increases a need for other sexual energy, and I know I can’t waste my sexual energy by masturbation. I do find though if I feel I deserve a release then my inner turmoil can reach a point close to breaking, but it does largely transfer the power of sexual initiation to your spouse. Sure one could harass your spouse for the key and she would probably give it over, but after the INVESTMENT of days in a cage without orgasm, you really WANT the release to be special, and you KNOW its only going to be special if your wife decides when.

Getting back to an earlier statement, fantasy is quite different from reality. I often fantasize about my wife keeping me locked up for weeks on end even months, occasionally I will even have a no orgasms for the rest of my life wank. But the reality is after about 10 days (I have gone 15 days locked up) I start climbing the walls. I know that the game stops being enjoyable after about 7 days. The fantasy about my wife mercilessly teasing me, paying me endless sexual attention without my release, giving her oral sex is never going to be anything other than a fantasy. The reality is that I end up teasing myself, I scrape tidbits of tease by pressing up against her flesh while I massage her. She is not into the tease bit, in fact I am hard pressed to identify changes in HER behaviour, although she does seem to be happier and she will reward me at the end of a cage session by making a proper effort at sexual intimacy and it usually IS awesome. But is it worth it?? I find myself far more emotionally needy, I need and crave hugs and intimacy aside from sex, and this scares me sometimes.

One of the reasons I am not locked now, my wife will not take the step of asking me to wear it, nor do I really expect her to or probably want her too, but that is another discussion. But the other reason is that if I do put it on my wife tends to leave it on until I start climbing the walls!! I find myself in this needy state which is not sated by other forms of intimacy.

Getting back to the thread topic, if my wife DID pay me SEXUAL ATTENTION during the time between releases I think I probably could go for a month or more without release and probably enjoy it. If she did tease and deny me, with the knowledge ultimately I would get released I think that would be an interesting enjoyable trip. But the trip would ONLY be enjoyable if my wife got something out of it as well.

Right now I am in the process of trying to behave identically uncaged as with the cage and see if the intimacy can stay on the level. That way of course I get to keep my favourite plaything and wank about being locked up as often as I like. I will end up locking it back on just because it is kind of addictive, and my wife does not object to the device. And it does make the fantasy better if occasional reality occurs. On the other hand I want to convince myself its worth locking myself back up again. It really is a hot and cold kind of fiasco.

Unfortunately I doubt I will ever find out what it would be like to be the husband of Princess Melanie, I can see a huge attraction and a path to where they are, but also there are aspects that are far beyond my limits. But who is to say that those limits would not change should the path be walked rather than imagined.

Then some would say that perhaps in marriage there are some paths that should never be walked.

P.S. I will probably post this on my blog as well.

Mind Blowing

2007-03-16T14:56:00.000+11:00

A week after my release and my request for a break, although I am still very much in a submissive frame of mind I feel it slipping away, and old habits returning in terms of self gratification. I make a really special effort though to keep up the massages, and keep up the service, as if I was still under the key so to speak.

So many people have told me to drop the cage, I wanted to see if it made any difference.

I maintained my level of service like any good submissive would, except I begun to feel less and less like doing so.

After about 8-9 days I tried in on for sex and Sarah said no, maybe tomorrow night, again, as if I was caged I simply gave her a back rub and went to sleep, admittedly with an expectation for the following night, well I was on a promise ffs.

Tomorrow night came and Sarah did not stop me, which is usually the only sign I get that intimacy is going to be on, so I proceeded, Sarah demanded a long massage, that’s find, I can deal with that, and we proceeded, and for once it was bare back, normally while caged I wear a condom.

But it was crap.

Sarah could not or would not get into it, I tried not to put pressure on her, but she wanted me to cum, so I did so in a bit of a hurried way, I hate having sex when its just me that’s enjoying it, so once I realized it wasn’t working for Sarah, I managed to cum in under mmmm 10-15 seconds I guess, only because Sarah gets very guilty if I don’t, something I have tried to manage before by assuring her its ok that I would rather wait for her, but this puts her under more pressure for next time…..so alas.

It would seem caging does at least improve our sex life. Not once following a cage session has Sarah failed to get her motor started, I guess this has got to be telling me something.

*I murmured that I guess my break away from being caged should probably come to an end, Sarah did not really respond, nor did I expect her too but I did get an enthusiastic hug goodnight, I guess that means yep…

So the following day I put it back on, Sarah has the key already as per usual so its just a matter of me closing the lock. This time I did so without too much trouble. Later on that evening at bed time during her nightly massage I told her that she could sleep easy again, and well, she just smiled at me but then she told me that I wasn’t to wake her in the morning moving about or giving her a back rub at first light, and also that I wasn’t to be getting up in the middle of the night either, and if I woke her I would be in dog doo doo. In fact she added that she should tie me down (in my dreams I thought), still I felt a little twing..lol

I did manage to comply but I lay there thinking about things for a while, and I thought about how I could stop myself from moving about , getting up, forcing myself not to drink before bed so I did not have to get up and use the toilet. I did come up with a rather kinky idea, which I was not sure if Sarah would go for or not, but hey I thought this was pretty cool. I did manage to get through the night ok, although I did get up much earlier than Sarah because I wanted to go rummage for some materials in my shed. I found one of those steel eye screw things, a real solid one that can screw into wood.

I knew Sarah was going out for the day and I only work pretty local so I went up to the DYI store and bought some strong cord, but covered in soft plastic, I know you know the cord I mean, and also some clamps so I could make loops in the end of the cord, then I went home and screwed the eyelet into the bottom of the base of our bed, approximately where my waist would be, I then lay down and measured how much cord it would take if I attached it to my guide pins on my cock cage so that I could lie comfortable facing the edge of the bed but so that if the cord was attached to the eyelet it would prevent me from rolling over, in fact without maneuvering a fair bit I would not even be able to face Sarah unless I was right on the very very edge of the bed.

So now I had a system where I could attach myself by my cock to the bed via a padlock, there was something kind of erotic about this as I played with the padlock and key I had purchased, there I was lying there on the bed with my pants down and a cord attached to my cage with no cutting implements near by, I closed the lock. Of course I had the key so I could unlock myself but I could not help but imagine, what if the key wouldn’t work, or if I suddenly, I don’t know had a spasm and threw the keys out of reach. I would be basically stuck there, tied to the bed by my cock. Imagine my embarrassment when Sarah got home, having a nap are we dear???, what that’s you say?, what do u want “the key” for?

I did actually feel a sense of vertigo at the thought of it, what would be worse if one of my boys came home early and wondered why dad wouldn’t get out of bed. Hmmm sufficient to say I did not leave it locked longer than was necessary to check I had the length correct, to enable unimpeded sleep yet I would be unable to touch Sarah at all unless she wanted me too.

Night time came and I did have everything ready so that I would not have to make a fuss about it. As I lay there after Sarah had finished watching her TV shows and I had spent a long time rubbing her back, I said to her that I had found a solution to disturbing her in the morning. Now you have to understand Sarah has clearly accepted the cock cage, this is not a particularly large step, just another dimension, well that’s what I kept telling myself. So I handed Sarah the key to my second padlock, truth is she kind of rolled her eyes, and did not say anything, nor did I show her anything as it was actually out of her view. I could have still actually gotten out of it but I attached myself and closed the lock, no going back now I thought. I simply said to Sarah after I had been fiddling for a bit, kind of on purpose to get some attention, there, now I CAN’T wake you early in the morning.

At first she did not say anything but I was hoping and it did, curiosity got the better of her, “what do you mean” she asked as she kind of moved over for a bit of a look. So I showed her, and I then showed her that I could not actually roll over much to face her. Sarah then said, well THIS is probably the best development I have EVER seen, I can’t believe you have tied yourself to the bed by your balls!!! She thought it was really funny before she remarked I guess that makes you quite helpless then, and then as if to test the theory she started tickling me, fark I was not expecting that, and she was relentless, and she was right I was helpless, completely, the then flounced out of reach, and I looked at her with feigned anger, that’s not fair I said.

Sarah then said more seriously, so you really can’t get off then?, I said well no its attached to the cage and you know I can’t get that off!, “What happens if there is a fire she asks?” Fair enough I thought, so I told her that I really could break the cage open if I really had to, but it would destroy it. The truth is however it would not be that simple with the KSD inserted it might take some doing to get it off without damaging myself but I was prepared to take that risk, I made a mental note to keep some metal side cutters next to the bed just in case I had to cut the guide posts.

Alas Sarah seemed to like the idea. As she had finished tickling me and I was forced to arrange myself for sleep, Sarah to my surprise actually came over and gave me a hug from behind. Normally I wear a tee shit to bed and Sarah wears a long nighty, the only time I see whats under the nighty is when we are having sex and I am permitted to fondle her breasts. Now, I was not able to turn to face Sarah but I sensed that there was less material in-between my back and Sarah than there should be, had Sarah actually taken off her nightly? No way, but the thought of it instantly made me hard inside my cage, along with the scent of Sarah’s breath whispering over my shoulder.

But then Sarah started shifting a bit, it actually felt like she was grinding her pubic bone into my botton, now my bum was bare, and there was no mistaking the fact the Sarah had nothing on down there either. This can’t be happening I thought, this is not like Sarah but then she EVEN actually pushed my teeshirt up and brushed her BARE breasts on my back followed up by grinding her pubic bone even harder against me. WTF OK OK I thought there was no mistaking that, and I was now hard enough inside my cage to really know about it bordering on pain. I have always asked her to tease me a bit more when I am caged, but she has NEVER done so, I could not help thinking now that perhaps its because the cage only makes my cock helpless, not ME ENTIRELY.

I reached my hand over the side to Sarah’s arse without saying anything, fact is I know Sarah hates me speaking at times like this, and I felt her small bare arse in my hand, and god I love the feel of that arse, it felt like silk, so warm and so close, and my situation I was in had obviously done something for Sarah.

What surprised me even more was it was like her pussy was radiating heat, I swear I could feel warmth and that she was horny but I dare not test the theory, because if my hand wandered to far down there I know that I would be in the shit so, but my imagination was running rampant. I was sure I was just fantasizing. Then Sarah actually spoke to me, she said, you know I just realized you really are completely helpless for the very first time in our marriage, I could do anything I want to you, and there is nothing you could do about it.

I attempted to roll on to my back a bit so I could face her but the cord pulled on my balls preventing me, I was very much a helpless man in Sarahs grip, As I had moved my hand back I managed by complete accident (not) to brush the back of Sarahs pussy, omg I was not wrong about the heat, she was wet.

I actually felt dizzy as this realization came over me. I had not been here before, many many times in my dreams but the reality? Sarah did not pull away as she normally would if my hand brushed her pussy, in fact she seemed to want me too, now my cock was extremely hard, and throbbing within its confines, I felt short of breath and yet I was in a state of ecstasy. Should I risk it, or should I behave, should my hand find her wet pussy again, there was no mistaking it, Sarah was horny, and my helpless situation was the cause.

My hand went behind me and I touched her heaven again, and again she did not pull away in fact Sarah positioned herself so I COULD touch her, and I did, she was wet, and truly swollen down there, again I tried to turn and again the pull of the cord on my cock prevented me, “no fair” I whispered, Sarah actually gave ne a nip on the neck and one of her hands draped over my chest play with my chest hair, while she brought up a leg and rubbed it over my hip, and my hand had better and better access but the angle was making my arm sore. I was not sure how long I could keep it up, but I was determined not to make a mess of this situation….my hand was nearly drenched, I had not felt Sarah this horny since I can’t remember when. I can’t describe the mixture of emotion that coursed through my mind and body, my painful cock and yet I was just so happy that something I had done had aroused Sarah so.

I really wanted to give Sarah a orgasm, there was only one way I could think of that I could possible manage it…there was a bit of movement going on my down, there were no more games about hiding the fact that the was a game a foot. And Sarah once aroused tends to be a lot more open to suggestions…so I slid off the side of the bed, I was so close to the side anyway, this caused some slack in the cord enabling me to turn and face Sarah and I gently rubbed and opened her legs before I lent down and begun to taste what has been such a long hiatus from giving oral sex to Sarah. Sarah states that she does not like oral sex yet every time I have performed for her she climaxes quickly, so it has always been a bit of a puzzle why she says she does not like it. She does say that the prefers me to be “in” her when she cums, perhaps that is simply it. Whatever she did not resist me now even though I felt nervous about breaking the atmosphere. Sarah opened her legs completely for me and I was very conscious of listing to her and monitoring what she liked and what she did not.

Then Sarah actually moved away from me. I was not sure at first, I thought she was getting herself more comfortable, but then she moved again, and as I moved to recommenced I felt a sudden tautness down there. Sarah was teasing me I could not reach her pussy with my mouth because of the cord holding my cock to the base of the bed …I looked up at her and I saw her majestic breasts and then, my heart nearly stopped when I saw her wicked smile, it was nearly scary. It seems Sarah is not so innocent after all….I stretched on the cord and it pulled on my balls and I was able to just reach…and yet Sarah inched away again…yet my hands could still reach her so I grabbed her legs firmly yet gently and pulled her too my mouth, I am not THAT helpless I thought, Sarah did not resist and a few seconds later Sarah climaxed in my mouth, whereby me kneeling at the side of the bed and Sarah rested on her back she slowly closed her legs and returned to her side of the bed.

The only thing she said to me was,”I think you had better get used to that leash” before kissing me on my lips that were still slippery with her juices….

I knew better than to say anything, but I lay there a long time, awake, I was so satisfied and yet so frustrated, it was a long time, the scent of her pussy woke me various times in the night. I must have woken from nigh time erection more times than ever before. Come morning I needed to use the bathroom, but I couldn’t, I had to lay there for about an hour waiting for Sarah to wake up whereby Sarah just looked at me and said, “is something wrong?” before going off to the bathroom herself.

So I guess I should get back to reality now, the bit after the “*” was the stuff of dreams.

After the rain

2007-03-05T14:46:00.000+11:00

Hi Tom, I understand exactly where you are coming from, I have in fact succeeded in hiding these feelings of frustration completely from Sarah, she is not aware of the inner turmoil I feel, if she knew then she would say games over anyway.

One thing that does make the game harder is the lack of sexual attention or acknowledgement, this has been covered over and over, and perhaps its simply not a game that should be played by a couple that has such a busy life, with 4 kids.

I certainly am more needy when my cock is locked up, I need more emotional reassurance from Sarah to make me feel happy each day. If she does not have this emotional support to give then perhaps I should give the cage away. I am not sure if I am truly seeking a D/S relationship persay any more, I am and have always been looking for a way of increasing intimacy with Sarah, and have been exploring different ways of achieving this. I must admit that being dominated by a woman sexually certainly triggers arousal in me, but at the same time dominating women from a D/S perspective also arouses me. For Sarah I am quite happy to play either game. Fact is I would play ANY game Sarah wanted me too. I just want her to engage with something.

I always start out OK, I always start out thinking Sarah can keep me locked up for a month this time, I even feel turned on by the thought, I have even fantasized about longer periods, but these fantasies are always accompanied with substitute sexual attention, ie Sarah allowing me to service her with my tongue, or Sarah teasing me mercilessly or milking me with a strapon, or me having sex with Sarah with a strapon (no release for me). Unfortunately none of these substitutes for release are ever likely to happen, and so the only sexual attention I ever get is when I get let out!! I have even suggested to Sarah that some of these substitutes might be a way of keeping it on for longer, but she does not seem very interested.

Sarah did let me out on Thursday night last week, and once again Sarah made a very special effort, it was a really really good session. I was even permitted to suck on her nipple, which was something I am not usually allowed to do. It was really very nice.

It is hard to tell if it is the cage resulting in this, or if it is the fact that Sarah knew she had stretched me over the last few days and that because I had kept the pressure off, kept my mouth shut, I was rewarded. And rewarded I was.

I still struggle though, waking every night twice a night, nightly and morning massages, extra chores around the house while she sleeps in. IS it worth for sex that I would get anyway, it would just not be as good. But then, Sarah DOES seem much happier, but is this because I am doing more around the house and have taken the pressure for sex right off her or is it because she is denying me self pleasure.

Yet I have tried simply keeping up the service and I honestly do not think that Sarah seems as happy. I think she is happiER when I am locked up. Sarah also becomes more conscious of how long it has been since I have had a release. It makes it harder for her to ignore sex and intimacy.

In any case I am still free. I asked Sarah if she minded if I took a break for a while. I told her it was “doing my head in” which it is, plus we went camping over the weekend and I was glad to be free for that, just simply because it would have been a hassle.

But now I am thinking should I put it on tonight?, Sarah did take the key again, it was in the morning after while I was massaging her if she minded if I took a break. Sarah of course agreed, in fact she claimed she did not even know I had been wearing it till a few days prior (a little white lie I do believe). Sarah still wants to remain indifferent to its use.

And so begins the cycle of should I or shouldn’t I.

I probably should but I don’t know if I want to.

Of course if Sarah asked me to I would, but I know now she will never ask me to. There is good reason for this. If she did ask me to then it would mean she wanted me to do it, and then this could give rise for greater resentment when I felt like I deserved release.

Like Digger, on his birthday, I would have been upset, as I was on Valentines day. That said, I bet that what made digger more angry is because she FORGOT, it was the indifference that made him angry, as it does me. If Sarah was doing it to me to tease me then I would be Ok with it. I bet if for Diggers birthday Arwyn had said, now digger tonight I am not going to release you BUT for your birthday I am going to have you service me with your tongue, he would be in heaven….as I would be.

Its hard to be in a D/S mindset when only one of u is in the mindset, now lets not get into, its hard to be in a D/S mindset when one of you has little or no libido.

Let me ask a question, find me a Domina or Mistress that does NOT have a libido to go with it. That does not mean they are necessarily interested in men, but they have an interest in sex, or exchange of sexual attention.

While the pink vibrator indicates that Sarah has a bit of a sex drive, I read somewhere that women masturbate roughly in the same frequency that they like to have sex. That means that Sarah would probably like to have sex about twice a month, I would hardly classify that as having high libido, although judging by some I am not so badly off!!!.

What I would do to peer into her mind, I asked Sarah very recently again if she ever fantasizes, and she once again said nope, I went on to complain that in the 14 years or so we have been married she has never once shared any fantasy with me. I was bold enough to ask if she was interested in mine, pffft…I should have known better…

I inclined to run with it off for now, and watch digger suffer at the hands of the Forever Aroused Girl. I think I will keep the service up (although it is certainly easier to keep the service up while caged, I genuinely like that aspect) and see how it runs. I know I probably have at least one more session this cycle coming my way. It might serve as a control. I am enjoying my freedom probably too much, Oh interesting though following nearly three weeks of restricted orgasm, I do find my ability to self pleasure has diminished somewhat. I have observed this before, but after a week or so it comes back. If your not using it you do loose it, but then I am rather a chronic self pleasurer when I am free.

Pressurisation

2007-02-28T10:59:00.000+11:00

Thanks again for your valuable comments.

Your dead right digger, there was a lot going on there with the vib thing, Pics?, hmmmm USB webcam on a long extension, could record hours and hours that way!!

Its actually been a long few days.

Someone said that its not really Sarah that’s struggling with the cage any more its me. To be honest your probably right. Its tough after a week. Its funny physically I have no really issue wearing it all the time. I do like the mindset it puts me in and I am sure Sarah does as well. But the mind is an amazing thing, it can make you physically feel that you HAVE to have a release.

Truth is after about 3 days I know I am “full” because even without using a prostate milking tool if I squeeze my tummy muscles like I am trying to crap I can actually squeeze ejaculate out sometimes, sometimes quite a lot and it serves help remove the pressure to some degree.

Where I seem to have real major issues is when I feel like I should be let out. For example if Sarah does not seem tired, the kids are asleep, I have done everything she has asked me to, I have delivered on nightly and morning massages, done all my chores then I figure I have earnt it. Then at bed time I feel extremely stressed partially because Sarah always makes me wait till the last moment, and never ever gives me a indication either way. Over the last few nights not only have a felt stressed by I physically felt I was ready to explode…quite literally felt as if I have a billard ball up my clacker. During the vib night I did actually try and relieve that by using the aneros, and it did help but obviously the scene in my mind playing with Sarah and the vib/dong (it never has batteries in it) drove me nuts over the weekend.

On Monday night was the worst, as I knew I had to travel (plane) Tuesday morning, everything seemed fine. Sarah was in a good mood, kids went to sleep, Sarah had has suitable time for vib recovery, so I thought it would be good. But nope, Sarah left me alone. She did not produce the key.

I have to admit I ended up simply asking her if she intended on freeing me, just so I knew what the score was. I asked without any pressure, because there was no way I was going to be able to sleep unless I knew one way or the other. Sarah simply says, my bladder is a bit dicky tonight…ARRRGGGGGG !!!...I felt like screaming, and saying yeah you probably stabbed yourself in the bladder when you were using your vib the other day!! Alas I kept my mouth shut, and I actually told her I loved her and gave her a hug and tried to sleep.

Now I must admit, here is certainly a dark side of chastity, locked for a week, desperate to cum, no recognition of this need, to make matters worse I was stressed about this business trip, and of course there is always the ever present fear that the lock will set the metal detector off!!

Yet I could not help feeling Sarah knew full well what she was doing, the weird thing is if she had of chosen to say to me that she wanted me to wait until I got home for release, or she liked the thought of me traveling caged, or something to that effect, that she was DOING it to me then I am pretty sure I would have been in heaven. But to say simply she has a dicky bladder, left me feeling unfulfilled even if it was true. As I mentioned previously I was ready to explode but I kept my mouth shut. After massaging Sarah in anticipation of the key I was actually quite hard inside the cage and it was feeling nice as they do until you get a full rockon.

Then would you believe I actually came. I could not believe it, it was kind of a shock really. It was a crap orgasm of course, it was more like a overflow than a orgasm, although there was definitely a orgasmic component. It would seem the pressure was so great that my body simply took care of itself. But nothing really came out because my cock was squeezed tight inside, later on though when things softened down, well ick.

At least this allowed me to go to sleep, and because it was kind of a accident I did not feel such a depression as I did before, although I did feel some let down it was not nearly as pronounced. I actually slept until 5am which is pretty good but once I woke up I could not sleep again as it was near time to get up to go to the airport.

It remains a scary thing once your booked in and you are cueing to go through the metal detector. The first time I did this despite what I had read on the internet I actually at that point had a third key for the lock, and I removed the lock and walked through with the lock in my pocket to test it. I did this about 4 times previously (some time ago).

I destroyed that third key ages ago, I actually cut it in half with some side cutters, the two bits sit in my office draw at work, and yes I do look at them from time to time. Useless. So this trip was actually the first time where there was absolutely no going back. It was locked on and if it went off, well, I would be red faced I guess. It really does make u paranoid though, when there is a huge number of people waiting to go through and every third one of them sets off the alarm. I do wonder about this people though, I mean how fucken stupid are they, the lumps of metal they carry on them while they attempt to walk through. What are they thinking? Does every third person really want to test the system that badly?

But this fact makes one very nervous. Have they turned up the sensitivity since I last passed through? Maybe this one is more sensitive than the ones I passed through when I had the lock in my pocket. All these things passed through my mind as I walked through, and didn’t set it off. I might add I also have a belt buckle on that probably has more metal than the lock I have on my cage.

Btw digger I do not have the original master lock, I have one that has a much deeper more complex key but its not any larger but I doubt I could pick it.

Alas I know I can pull out the back despite using a KSD. The fact is that wearing a CB3000, it does prevent sex %100, but it only really discourages masturbation. It really does succeed in discouraging masturbation. Its not fun, and you can’t get it off once its locked on, so once you get by the obsession of wanting something escape proof then the CB3000 is just fine. There is no such thing as a escape proof device, its even possible to cum in a metal full belt by using a orbital sander as a vibrator, so there is a element of self control in everything.

I do think the CB3000 succeeds though in increasing the value of a orgasm. Sure you can have one while inside, but they are almost always shit and just make u feel bad. Sex on the other hand with Sarah has never been better. I just wish she released me more often.

So the trip ended up going OK and I returned home on the evening flight, I was very tired, I did passed through the metal detector once again without so much as a blip.

On arriving home I was informed that one of our mice had died, one of my children was devastated and my six year old had told the 9 year old to stop crying because after all its only a mouse. This in turn upset my wife who now wonders how she has failed to instill the value of life, any life into our six year old. And so it goes when you have four kids. There is always something causing unrest. The mouse had actually been unwell for weeks, and we were considering having it put down, so in some respects its death was welcomed.

I had 2 beers to unwind, one before dinner, one during, and I did finally start to relax after my trip, although later on in the evening those two beers just made me tired. I just wanted to go to bed, despite how tired I felt, I still really really anticipated being released that night. Although there was not nearly the same amount of pressure as the previous night, gawd all I had to do is look at Sarah’s butt and hooley dooley!!!

Sarah told me she wanted an hours peace before I came to bed, no problem I am used to this requests and I asked her if she wanted a drink of hot chocolate or anything else to which she politely declined (unusual). So I went and watched the end of a movie and fiddled around with a few things. Now I have learnt never to assume now that release is a given, I am a bit superstitious and figure I am tempting fate if I go to bed without my night time prep so I did the bandaide thing over the vent holes and vaso on the balls and went to bed.

Sarah was awake and waiting for me, but she was tired I could tell, Sarah said, “I don’t suppose you could let me have a early night could you?”. Now it can be as simple as that, the simple acknowledgement that she knows I need release but she is too tired for it that can diffuse so much of my internal pressure. I explained to Sarah that there was no point in releasing me if she was not up to it, that this is meant to mean that she is only to release me if she really feels like it….

But then she kind of spoiled it, she says to me that if she is not asleep in 10 minutes she will let me out, arrrgggg. You have no idea what its like to lie there quietly waiting for her to go to sleep, wondering if she is asleep, then the slightest sound, or movement causes one to bleep out of sleep because it might be Sarah about to give me the keys.

As a result I COULD NOT GET TO SLEEP, despite being totally exhausted.

Eventually I did though and woke as usually at about 5AM, but this time I succeeded in returning to sleep to be woken again just before the alarm, all in all a good night.

I did chastise Sarah lightly and humorously for keeping from sleeping, and for once she said that her night was great and she had a good sleep. Yet she told me she wanted a break from me massaging her this morning. Weird she did not want one last night either. She did qualify it though when she said, just for the day.

Sarah became to grumble about her old bones and body, to which I responded by telling her how beautiful she was. Sarah claimed “but not for much longer” indicating she is getting older.

“you will always be beautiful to me, no matter what” and THAT was the right thing to say because I was rewarded with a very neked lingering embrace.

Tonight, tonight, tonight…but don't expect...how can I not? but what if she doesn't, she will, I hope, this is the hardest part. Oh yes this part is true about chastity, it sure makes the man think about their spouse a WHOLE lot more...lol

Then do I put it back on?….U know I feel like I could do with a break, we are going camping this weekend, only for one or two nights tho, not really an excuse not to wear it although there will be other families we know there.

I think I probably should if Sarah takes the keys, I think she does like the control, although as digger said I don’t know if she wants to be the total “leader” of our household, but there are different elements of a relationship where one can take charge, Sarah seems to be at least prepared to give me some of her mind share on this. I do wish she would admit it to herself and to me that there is a power element she is enjoying and hence she could get a lot more from me and a happier husband if she actually pushed my buttons.

Spose I better do some work

The pink vibrator

2007-02-24T23:18:00.001+11:00

I have always told you I am less than a perfect sub, I am also less than a perfect husband, spouse, father , and anything else you consider male.

I guess part of being submissive is acceptance of this fact.

Tonight’s post is because I feel like an asshole, because I have spied on Sarah, not directly but enough to know that she has been fucking herself.

A few years ago I bought Sarah a jelly vibrator. We bought it to together with a view to finding a way to get her motor started together.

Somehow I knew it was ever going to be a masturbatory tool for her.

But wait Sarah does not have a libido, she is a LL, so why would she need one of those.

Take note LL wife people. Wives can be very convincing, but they will never ever ever admit they masturbate.

Sarah does, even though Sarah won’t admit it.

I just wish she would share it with me, not the same thing I guess, so much for the intimate trust of a married partner, I kinda feel betrayed in a way. Cuckhold to a dong. A t the same time I have betrayed her because I spied on her.

So how do I know? Well after we bought it we tried it a few times and the fact is it did not really help much. It’s about 6 inches long, not sure how wide, all I can tell you is that I do actually exceed it in length and girth by minimal amounts. My yardstick in girth is if you can fit inside a toilet paper roll., which I am happy to say I don't just barely

To cut a long story short. Sarah kind of indicated it had died and gone to heaven, yet I know, where she hides it in her closet. I know exactly the way it lies, and I also know when it moves, and when it has been used. To validate the movement, there is also the KY jelly tube, for a long time Sarah has needed a supplement to her own lubrication, not exactly a turn not, but a necessary addition to the tools required for a family with four kids.

So what about me, caged and all, how do you think it makes me feel to know your wife has been making use of her dong and I can't even return the favour? OK if she did it WITH me, and denied me, no problem, then she is sharing her intimacy with me. That would actually be a turn on for me. But because she did it herself…..man that’s hard

Truth is, I felt realllly horny in any case knowing she had being having sex with her pink vibrator….in fact so horny, since I had read that some men had succeeded in jiggling their cage to the point where they had cum so I decided to try it.

I am so so sorry to report I succeeded, it was a crap orgasm though. I equate it to a ruined orgasm. I felt it Cumming, It spurted, and it was gone. Yet I never got to feel my shaft in my hands, or enjoy the full climax, it was a waste and just left me feeling depressed and degenerate. And to top it off, I am sure u have read, the hot and cold feeling I have had about chastity, imagine your caged and u cum, and then you wonder why you are doing this at all, yet your caged and can't get it off anyway. It’s a bad thing. Don’t do it, its not worth it, seriously not worth it. The only reason I was ABLE to cum what because of the pressure in my loins, once released. The release was not worth it and its taken me at least 24 hours to feel any semblance of submission once again.

Tonight, well I know Sarah has to be up early tomorrow, so I know its not on tonight, yet I know Sarah feels under pressure to release me. I am thinking I should tell her that from now on I want her to control my orgasms…I deserve to be caged for a very long time.

This is definitely the low point of this cage session. One thing, I guess you live and learn. I don't intend to be jiggling the cage ever again, although it was really a turn on to know Sarah had been using her tool.....

Just wish, she would do that with me in the room, while I was holding her....

Stuff of dreams

2007-02-22T09:07:00.000+11:00

Well yesterday sucked,

I was at work, working away and around lunch time I decided to give Sarah a call because I just wanted to hear her voice, I don’t normally call her at home during the day for two reasons, one is she does not really like to be disturbed and the other if she happens to be doing something she doesn’t like then she can be in a awefull mood.

Sarah does not have a job, although she is kept very busy with our four children, yet many people do not have this luxury, and in spite of having 4 kids the wife HAS to work.

Fortunately I earn enough that Sarah does not have to work and we still get to go away on holidays at least twice per year, I generally chew through all of my available leave.

Anyway back to yesterday, I decided to use the excuse to remind her that there was a nice salad that I had made from the night before in the fridge and I was going to suggest that she ate it for lunch.

Well you have no idea, for the next 20 minutes a got a ear bashing about how she has wasted her life in this house and that she is 44 years old and has no life, and all she ever does is tidy up, pick up and that this is serious this time, she wants to go away for 3 months and see how we fare.

Ok I know its not easy being a housewife, and I try and help our as much as I possible can, of course our kids do not do enough to help, but that’s kids. I can’t even pay my eldest to do the back lawn because he is a spoilt brat and has no need for money.

We even paid for a cleaner for a while but Sarah found she spent so much time getting the house ready for the cleaner that it wasn’t worth it!!

I think we need a live in maid, but we could never afford that as well, we are not rich, just make enough that Sarah does not need to work. I have suggested previously that she might LIKE to work, but that is always met with scorn.

Well following a conversation like this I felt like ripping my cage off, of course I can’t. I don’t feel submissive at all when Sarah gets like this. I know its tough for her. A very pretty lady stuck in a house with four kids, but she wanted four kids . I am not sure what she expected, did she expect it was going to be easy?. I wonder what she visualized, in fact I think the word “if” comes to mind,

Sarah and I fought over having a forth child. In fact my ideal would have been 2 kids, a boy and a girl, the fact we had three was only because the first 2 were both boys. In the end I only agreed to a forth child because I put myself in Sarah’s position and wondered, although I am not sure I still would have wanted a forth even if they were all girls.

Logistically there is a huge jump from having 3 kids to having four kids. Suddenly you can’t all fit in a normal sedan car, you have to have a people mover. Suddenly the house was too small so we had to renovate and also and the thing that probably grates sarah the most is that it makes it incredibly hard to travel. NOONE anywhere in the world caters for a family of six. Family of four yes, 5 at a stretch, but 6?? It means you have to get two hotel rooms every where, it basically ends up doubling the cost of accommodation, not to mention the incremental cost of having a forth child.

Anyways, following our conversation, I guess there was a still a submissive part of me working, because it physically HURT me to hear Sarah so upset, yet I felt so helpless to do anything, one thing that Sarah kept saying over and over is that there is no end to it. She kept saying if she could see an end to it she could cope but she can’t. Fact is there is no end to it, fact is that as the kids get older we are going to get busier and busier, so I was feeling very distressed and depressed that I had absolutely no hope in ever having a happy Sarah.

Anyway I could not focus on work any more so I went out to try and rectify one of the things Sarah griped about, something that had been broken for a few weeks, but I had not been able to locate a spare part. Unfortunately I still failed, so I decided to go home and at least try and give Sarah some help for a few hours, even though its not a solution, it might help. I can’t do this very often because I would end up getting fired, and that would do neither of us any good!!, still I got home and Sarah was not there, so I went around and did some of the most pertinent tasks. Funny her friend came around and caught me red handed doing stuff in the garden…”that’s what I like to see” she says, well at least someone appreciates me.

Eventually Sarah did get home, and she behaved as if the previous conversation earlier in the day had never occurred. And we worked together for a while cleaning up. Even though she never said thank you I think she at least appreciated my help. I acknowledged her pain by telling her that I felt the same way and I was also aware that there was no end in site. I told her that I would do everything I could to help out, and left it at that. Trouble is I fear its still not enough. There are just not enough hours in the day and by 10PM when we are finally released from the children I don’t feel like working any more, I just want to kick back. I did end up yelling at the kids tho, in fact I really really got angry with them. Three of them had gotten into the bath and destroyed the bathroom with bubbles and water, there was a trail of cloths dumped in the hallway. I left them in no uncertain terms aware of what was expected of them when they got out of the bath, and when dad gets mad it makes mums temper look like a fresh breeze. They did clean up, in fact they did more than I expected them too. Trouble is they will have forgotten by today and there will be crap everywhere.

Domestic bliss

I think sarah is aware I am caged again tho, I rubbed her back to sleep for ages last night, then she woke me in the middle of the night, not intentionally but by her moving around, I think I was awake anyway because of nocturnal erection, so I rubbed her back again for ages, but when I turned to go to sleep, sarah ordered (not asked) me to keep going, and I complied for a very long time.

Later in the night I was woken by a painfully strong attempt at a full hardon, one of the advantages of wearing a cage is that you tend to remember your dreams because it is during dreaming you tend to get erect. I was glad I remembered this one, because I was dreaming I was giving Sarah oral sex. I can still taste her, no wonder I was so hard. To bad its only the stuff of dreams

Out and back in

2007-02-19T10:50:00.000+11:00

That’s all for your support and advice, it has helped a lot.

As I said in my comments, Thursday night was a whole lot easier than Valentines night simply because I was not really expecting any kind of release. Of course I was hopeful. One is always ever hopeful of course that your wife will want to play. Alas Thursday night was not the night.

Friday morning started per usual and I really enjoyed our morning of close physical intimacy, although Sarah is not really big on talking, at least she allows me the pleasure of being close to her and feeling her so soft silken skin under my probing massaging fingers.

We do exchange some words of course, discuss what needs to be done, but it is unusual for it to turn towards our role play, or of course the “cage”. And I am sorry to say this morning was no different.

Friday evening was a busy one, with a really nice school function down at the beach, it was quite a social evening, and I consumed only a few beers and Sarah actually matched me with 2 wines (one more than usual for her!!). On the way home we droped my eldest at a local youth group run by a local Church, even though I am not the slightest bit religious I think it is good for my kids to be exposed to the basic good tenants Christianity has to offer.

Since my eldest needs to be picked up at 9.30 PM then it pretty much meant the rest of the night had to be drink free, so I was kind of missing sipping on a glass of red, so I took the dog for a long walk while our other children watched ice age for the 10 millionth time.

Finally bed time, of course I was hopeful again, but in reality I was not really expecting, and I KNOW I should NOT expect anything, let me put it this way I thought that Saturday was more probable.

Hence when the light went off, I asked for a cuddle, nothing more and Sarah turned to me and said “I thought you might be after these tonight” as she offered me the keys.

Well, I bet you can imagine my excitement, then she tempered me a bit when she told me she thought she might be getting her period early so she thought she had better let me free. I asked her if she wanted the keys back because I said the whole idea of this was for her not to feel pressured, she said, no, “fairs fair”. Not ideal but good enough for me to slip the key in the lock, and feel the relief as the catch sprung up, even though its still trapped, its still a great feeling.

So here is the critical point, I then offered the keys back to Sarah, and she took them without hesitation, no pause at all. So I guess that’s a pretty good indication of what her expectations are.

So off I went, first to my office to remove the cage, which takes a bit of doing given I use the KSD device to enhance the security and then for a wash before returning to bed. It’s a hassle but one really must wash after being inside a plastic cage for 9 nights.

On returning to bed, Sarah , wow, Sarah just blew me away. I am so blessed (although sometimes I wish I had of married a less attractive woman..lol) to have such a pretty wife, Sarah is very petite, naturally blond with blue eyes, what a cliché , she looks about 10 years younger than she is.

Normally Sarah does her best to cover herself up, I am not really permitted to see her naked, although sometimes I have to go and ask her something while she is in the shower, this is definitely frowned upon. Sarah feels that “I don’t need any encouragement” and hence any sexy panties or anything like that end up being left in the bottom of her draw only to end up on someones flee market stall.

Imagine my response when Sarah welcomed me back to bed with open, inviting legs and she actually pulled me on top of her. I nearly blew then and there. I actually had to tell her to stop because I felt I should put a condom on. I always wear a condom following a cage session out of respect and a fear that I don’t really know what bacteria has been accumulating down there following more than a week of enclosure, even though I have thoroughly washed myself. Of course the other reason for wearing a condom is that I am so sensitive that it really would not take much to push me over the edge. A condom helps me control my orgasm, but only just.

Needless to say what followed was extremely hot, and I must admit I did not ask for permission to cum, I simply could not contain myself once I felt Sarah pass her point of no return. I was completely overwhelmed by the strength of my climax. Probably was the strongest I had had in my memory and I just could not believe how long it lasted, the waves just kept coming. I never thought I was going to die but you get the idea!!!

We lay together for some time before we separated and I thanked Sarah and told her that it was verrrry nice, and Sarah actually told me that it was also really nice for her. This is also very unusual for Sarah to make an admission like that. Clearly there is something too this. I then tried to massage Sarah to sleep but of course I kept dropping off to sleep, I tried so hard to stay awake, and I did massage her back for a good half hour before sarah announced she wanted to watch TV for a while. So sleep I did.

It was a nice change not being woken in the night by the cage, and in the morning, the morning glory was in full swing. Not for long I thought, as I had made a mental commitment that I must put the cage back on at least before bed that night.

In the shower I was examining my shaft for signs of injury, and unfortunately on the base the KSD has made some minor pressure wounds. I needed to rub some vitamin E oil to help the healing process. The wound was not significant, not compared to some I have had before I modified the KSD. Whatever I was able to reminisce in the shower about the night before, I know I shouldn’t, but Sarah has never indicated that’s he minds if I help myself like that so I did, actually a few times on Saturday. This btw in no way would hinder the healing process.

Saturday night came, and I examined myself again, much better but I really felt that I needed another night to heal properly. I did not want to discuss this with Sarah, if she knew it was doing me any kind of injury then she would not play, so I decided to act as if I was caged at least for Saturday night. I am fairly sure I actually injured it on the first night, which was by far the worst night for hardons, and the small raw bit has been a bit of annoyance all week.

Sunday came and Sarah announced that her period had started, way earlier than normal, weird, well I guess a girl always knows. Of course this threw me into a bit of a spin given Sarah had told me previously she did not like me wearing while she had her period. Not sure why, but I could not help wondering if I should put it on or not, but given my act the previous night….

Sunday night came and I had really run out of excuses, my shaft had healed almost completely and I decided that if Sarah did not want me wearing it then all she needed to do is give me the key. The fact that she had taken it I felt meant I should put it on as soon as possible.

Hence Sunday night ended my reign of freedom, and a few days of rampant self satisfying which would have continued had I still been free today.

Fact is after only 2 days freedom, last night was way way easier than the first night after a long break. I know things are good in there today, its very comfortable and comforting back inside.

Even after 2 days of freedom I felt my subspace mindset slipping, although subspace becomes a habit, it takes a few days for the asshole in me to resurface. Locked back in maintains the feeling of love and affection and devotion even though Sarah is effectively out of commission. Sarah deserves better to be sure. Locked back in after 2 days means my body does not have to get reused to being caged, and believe me that is a good thing.

One thing of note, Although I will openly admit I self pleasure way too much. I would like to say I have experimented with chastity with no device. Those of you who are in a FLR who simply abstain, I can’t begin to describe the difference between wearing a cage and simply abstaining from self pleasure. Wearing a cage amps up the feelings a whole lot more because it makes you horny all the time. At the same time it lessens the pressure knowing you can’t, and it allows one to totally focus on she who is most important to you, and also serves as a constant reminder, a constant hand on your shaft, who controls when you get to release. I am not sure if much has been made of this or not, but I find wearing the cage during the day extremely pleasurable, it feels really nice.

The other day I was driving along in the car and I discovered by rocking backwards and forwards it actually felt like I was fucking, this was all good until I started to swell and the action stopped, impossible to cum, yet keeping one constantly horny, and in CHASE mode.

Chase mode being a male response to the woman they love, chase mode = courtship mode and hence really nice, will do anything for Sarah mode, asshole mode usually comes when you realize your not going to get any so one masturbates and then spends most of their life resenting the woman they love. I think the cage really enhances the chase concept as compared to simply abstaining because I did not find that I was in a constant horny state. Of course when I caught a glimpse of Sarah’s flesh after a week of abstaining then yep, I was there, but it was not a constant can’t stop thinking about her which the cage seems to instigate. The interesting thing is that one can remain in chase mode for exceptionally long periods of time. Save Valentines night where I did have a fit of frustration, I managed to stay in chase mode for 9 straight days, and apart from a tapering off on Sunday due to my extra curricular activities, I am back in chase mode now.

This morning I gave Sarah a long and sensual backrub but I did not let my cage contact her as sometimes she allows me to do, so its possible she does not know I have put it back on, still on leaving for work I gave her a nice hug and I am pretty sure she would have felt it. I expect Sarah will act as if she doesn’t know, and then will act surprised when she finds out later in the week….

We will see

Valentinesex NOT

2007-02-15T10:38:00.000+11:00

I have to admit, last night was horrible. I had high hopes for last night. I felt certain Sarah would let me out for some play. In fact I even did not really do my normal preparation for bedtime because I thought it would be coming off.

The evening went normal enough, and I did normal things. Sarah even seemed in a good mood, although she did say she was tired a bit later on in the evening.

I was really pumped up ready for bed, in anticipation I was pressing against the end of the cage. I went in to see Sarah with her night chocolate half expecting to thee the keys waiting for me. Alas they did not appear.

I really felt anxious. Was it wrong of me to think that I would be let out on Valentines day?? Even in a wife led marriage one would think there should at least be something spoken. It had been 6 nights near a week and the internal pressure was enormous.

Somehow I managed to hold my tongue and climb into bed with Sarah unobvious. And then she suddenly switched off the light, much earlier than usual, I thought well that’s a good sign and rubbed her back for about half an hour, after which time I was pretty as hard as I can get within the cage, and still Sarah said nothing. I thought she was teasing me. In fact I thought she was probably waiting for me to ask, she seems to get some joy out of pushing me until I ask. I guess its all part of the game but I really hate asking because then I feel I am putting pressure on her, so last night I just stayed quiet.

Eventually I wished her happy valentines day and I asked her if she wanted to go off to sleep, to which she replies yes, and my heart sank and all sorts of emotions exploded through me, resentment, even anger. I felt I deserved sex that night. I felt I had earnt it. I felt that Sarah owed it to me after a week of morning and night time massages and a week of emotional investment.

Still I kissed her and rolled over and tried to sleep. Sleep was basically impossible, my insides were wound up as tight as a tennis racket string. I tried to hide is and succeeded, Sarah I think had gone to sleep. I was left hanging, completely frustrated. I do not know how other men can handle being completely frustrated like that but then again there is a huge difference between say being edged and left frustrated and being ignored and frustrated. I am pretty sure if Sarah had even acknowledged that I was bursting at the seems and told me that she was just tooo tired, even if she teased me obviously and she was DOING it to me to wind me up that would even be OK because it would be sexual attention. But to be ignored and left hanging was seemingly intolerable.

Eventually I did sleep, but then I woke only one hour later, still frustrated and unable to get back to sleep, It was not even due to a night time erection. Anyways I decided it would be a good opportunity to get up and do my preparation for the rest of the night. On returning to bed I still was unable to sleep and loose these thoughts of resentment, I rolled over quietly and nearly onto to Sarah because she had moved over to closer to me than I realized and I accidentally touched her hand. She actually asked me what I was doing so I just simply told her I couldn’t sleep. I still managed to refrain from putting pressure on her. Or even opening a dialogue about it.

Mercifully eventually I did fall asleep as I wondered how I would deal with these emotions if they continued tomorrow. If I betrayed myself then I know it will be the end of any cage play forever. I wondered if I am cut out for this. Should I just drop it and go back to normal.

Morning came and I did get woken by mr woody, actually it was a nice wakening, not painful, it actually felt nice. Its really cool those ones, not a supper rockon because those ones usually border on painful, but more of a super firmon. So I had time to think. I decided to ask Sarah if she would mind at least acknowledging me when she knew I was bursting at the seams so to speak, as this would help me at least know that I can go to sleep. Part of the reason why I could not sleep was because every time she moved I thought the was going to give me the key. If I knew it wasn’t going to happen perhaps I could have gone to sleep better.

We did end up having a fairly intimate morning with back rubs and cuddles which was nice. I feel better now, and in hindsite I am SOOOO glad I controlled myself. Sarah accepted my suggestion although did not make any commitments about when it may come off.

Sarah was tired last night, pure and simple and I need to respect that.

Writing this here helps with the inner turmoil I feel and I recognize that Sarah is still far better at determining when I should be released regardless of the day be it valentines day or any other occasion. Sarah will let me out when SHE is ready and not before, and I should thank her for this. Imagine I had of coerced her, and I know she would have allowed me if I had of, certainly if I had not been wearing the cage last night I would have attempted sex for sure, and Sarah would have “let” me for sure.

But the sex given she was tired would have been crap. And that would have been even worse that not sleeping last night because the whole week would have been wasted, and the emotional damage to us both could make future play improbable.

I do wonder though if it is Ok for me to ask Sarah to acknowledge me, I can’t handle just being ignored like that. I know she was trying to get to sleep which is why we do not speak then, but I far prefer to know its not going to happen then to wonder if its going to happen. I should just assume no and that should be enough, but a little bit of sexual attention, a intimate hug and a statement to be told “its not coming off tonight darling because I am just too tired” would not kill her? Does a man in a wife led marriage deserve that? Is it wrong to expect that? Sarah would know I would be peaking last night, whereas the last 6 nights I have had things well under control. I guess I knew valentines day was coming and inside I thought it was a sure bet.

How wrong was I.

I know Sarah will give me the privilege of making love to her in the next few days, and then it will be that time in her cycle within 4-6 days of that. My challenge now is what to do the following night. Do I put it back on again? I will offer her the keys, I always give them straight back to her after unlocking my lock, and she is pretty good at hiding them these days but it is still up to me to lock it back on. If she hides them I guess I will be obligated, or should I give it another break. I can’t ask her, yet she has indicated previously that she does not really like me wearing it when she has her period, don’t really understand that one. Perhaps she feels pressure to let me out as soon as her period has finished??

Not a perfect story by any stretch, there are certainly still challenges. Last night really did suck but I have really loved the other 6 nights and mornings. I have really loved feeling closer to Sarah, the touch of her skin and no pressure to ask for sex. I also love the feelings of devotion it elicits, the adoration it creates, it makes Sarah look 10 years younger, even though she looks great anyway!! Its certainly not all bad for her or for me, otherwise we would not play at all.

BTW I am getting paranoid about my lack of commentators, I know I ramble and crap on but surely someone can throw some mud on me.

P.S. Blogger very slow I guess its still Valentines day in lots of other parts of the world, Hope you all have better luck than moi :)

Valentines Day

2007-02-14T22:03:00.000+11:00

I have had an incredibly busy week. So much so I have not really had much time to think about a wife lead marriage and the implications of being caged.

Certainly I am feeling more submissive than I was before being caged after 6 nights being locked away the pressure for release is certainly building.

I am still trying to work through what it is Sarah wants, well at the very root I want to find something that generates interest from her in me. This has been the basis I guess of the cage thing, as well as the presentation of “around her finger” to her, although I have not mentioned this to her for some time nor have I shown her the whole book.

I did leave it out in all its glory in my office for a few weeks, I thought I saw that it had been disturbed and this was before I went through the cage showdown.

In spite of these negative thoughts the last week has been quite nice being caged. I have been sharing some intimacy with Sarah each night and every morning and she has been enjoying non pressured massages, although we did exchange some heated words one night this week when at 1.30am I asked if she could turn the TV off because I was realllly tired.

I am pretty sure Sarah likes the way our relationship is heading however I am wondering if it is in fact capable of succeeding. Digger Jones makes note of a LL (low libido) spouse, and Sarah definitely fits into this category. One of my mistakes is to think that this direction at all stimulates her libido! I will note however that following a cage session the intimacy seems to be exceptional, not just for me which one would expect after a whole week of no touchy would be awesome, but also it seems to light Sarah’s candle as well.

I did press the point this week that I really wanted to please Sarah with oral sex, its been over a year now since I was allowed to go down on her caged or uncaged. Unfortunately I very much doubt that’s going to happen. I miss the taste, the thought of it….uh oh!

I am trying not to spend so much time talking about the cage but for me it is so entwined with bringing out my submissive nature, it also represents an escape or an excuse to revert to my normal self , but there I go, what is my normal self??

I can’t make myself something I am not.

Anyways its Valentines day today, this morning I gave Sarah a lovely card and wrote some nice words on it. I guess I am hoping that she will let me out of my cage tonight after all it has been 6 nights in already. It will be a challenge to say nothing if she decides not to. Of course Sarah did not manage to get me a card, same as she never even remembers our anniversary.

I wonder if I am fighting a loosing battle sometimes.

Journey on

2007-02-09T13:29:00.000+11:00

I think anyone reading this should have taken me up on my bet if I would be caged by the end of the weekend.

Friday night I ended up drinking a bit too much red wine, as you do on Friday nights and Sarah and I ended up sharing some intimacy late that evening. It ended up being pretty good in spite of the fact I had probably had too much to drink. Sarah did not seem to notice though and I guess by my age I can hide it fairly well and since Sarah is not big on kissing then its not like I was breathing and slobbering on her which I am sure would gross her out. This is kinda funny though because although Sarah climaxed, I couldn’t, I think I must have drunk too much, so after her climax Sarah told me to cum which I tried and I asked her if she really wanted me to. She really wanted me too. I actually ended up faking it, that’s right kids I faked an orgasm. I did not feel frustrated, Sarah climaxing was really enough for me, I think, or it might have been the fact I was partially brain dead.

We did have some conversation following while I rubbed her back, the interesting part was that I was lubricated enough to ask her if she thought it was time for a week of special massages (I can’t remember exactly what I said though), but I do remember Sarah caught on very quickly this time to what I was talking about and replied. “don’t put it on …..yet”, the “yet” rung in my ears as I said back to her that I only really ever feel like putting it on after we have made love (or the next day…you get the drift) to which she did not really reply and we left it at that.

What came to mind of course is what Becker said in the comments that I really should not ask her, that I should just put it on as asking her adds to the pressure. The fact that she has hidden the keys is enough of an act to signify her intent to hold on to them.

So I let it pass, this week has been very busy with my boss in town and yearly reviews and customer visits and since this is my first full year with my current company it was somewhat of a stressful experience. When I rang Sarah to tell her I was on my way home, the first thing she asks is if I still had a job, so I guess she was feeling a bit stressed as well. Actually I ended up with a bonus and a pay rise, so naturally I was in fairly high spirits, although I wanted to wait till I got home and tell Sarah to her face.

We had a great dinner and naturally I was feeling in the mood for some celebrating at bed time (and I had not been drinking save one beer), to which Sarah did not push me away, yet at the same time I was probably a little too hurried. Truth is I got myself reved up too fast, too early and Sarah is not really big on foreplay so I started to get worried about maintaining my mood, Of course had I not have dropped back into my bad habits of self fulfillment on a regular basis then I would not have any need for concern!!

Things progressed and Sarah really did not get into it, and although she did make a effort to start her engines for me, it just wasn’t going to work. I sensed this and of course things became harder (well hard is not quite right) for me. Sarah told me to make it a quicky which is basically a signal for me to drop my load and get off her. I hate that so much because it feels like such a selfish act, but then if I don’t Sarah feels really bad so I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I asked Sarah if she was sure she wanted me to cum and she did, I said to her its would be really ok if I didn’t. I don’t think she is really big on the idea of orgasm denial, or the idea just hasn’t kicked in. She is still not really in control here, I am trying to give it too her, but she keeps telling me to do what I want. She doesn’t get it that I want her to tell me to do something sexually that I don’t want such is the strangeness of chastity and orgasm denial.

Sleeping on this I managed to convince myself that I should follow Beckers advice and lock myself in without asking Sarah, she still has the key somewhere and the lock is open, all I have to do is DO IT. My other motivation was that I was still feeling bad about the previous night, and the fact that Sarah had allowed me to use her body as a dumping ground for my seed.

I felt like I deserved to be locked up.

Now this is still much easier said and thought than done believe me.

Its not like I am a newby at chastity play now as I have owned a device for near 2 years now and Sarah has been aware of it for 18 months.

What appeals to me at one moment, is a great fantasy, to think about it gives one reason to beat ones meat about it. The trouble is that as soon as you do the last thing u want to do is put a cage over it!!. I know I have covered this many times in previous posts but this is one of the main reasons I ask Sarah because if she tells me too then I would do it, doing it yourself is very hard, and a potentially never ending cycle of fantasy/self satisfaction/put it off.

So last night I decided to have a bit…well ok it ended up being a fair amount of red wine, Sarah had gone to bed and I was left to my own devices, so I watched some of my favorite downloaded TV shows …did some stuff in my office then decided to have one last orgasm before I donned the cage.

Dammit, well I know this happens, cage seems like a bad idea again…wtf am I thinking. But I was expecting this so I did a few more things around the place and then I looked at some of my favorite pictures of Sarah….and then like I was in a trance (in reality a bit of a drunken stupor) I put the cage on, now putting the cage on is one thing but then at the very end there is the padlock, it’s the final step, the point of no return.

Like leaping of a platform on a bungee rope I clicked it shut .

Well its done, its so final, there is no going back. I have to tell Sarah because ultimately she will need to let me out. There is no point in not telling her because she has to know sometime, and there is no point in letting myself ramp up the subspace curve and then ask her if she has noticed, and so I prepared myself for bed.

There is a bit of a ritual in preparing oneself for bed once caged, and this is something I now work through very rapidly. Now the lock was shut and there was no going back, all there was to do was get ready for bed.

The first thing about the CB3000 is that it has air vent holes at the top and at the bottom, though the ones at the bottom are not so problematic as the ones at the top. During the day they are OK and they are essential for cleaning, but during the night when those night time erections occur they can be a real problem. There is a lot of pressure within the cage and you kind of BULGE out of the air holes in a big way. Although it does not hurt for the most part if the lock happens to catch on the skin, now that can really hurt. You can also end up with 3 red circles on your skin. The solution to this is very simple. A band aid, dressing strip with the sticky tabs, simply place it over the air holes at night. There is enough pressure to prevent the skin from bulging through. Perfect solution as come morning you just take the dressing off and proceed to wash J

The other essential preparation is putting some Vaso (petroleum jelly) around the bottom of the A-ring (where your balls are captured). This means the skin can slide easily through the ring and adds greatly to the comfort of the nighttime erection blues. I also found it is far better to have the spacer SMALLER between the A ring and the cage ie as small as possible without cutting off the blood circulation. This means these is less space for your balls to try and squeeze though and it actually makes it far more comfortable during the night time. Of course once its locked you can’t make these adjustments so this is found from experimentation much earlier on.

That pretty much completed bed time prep so I took myself up stairs, and, Sarah was asleep…dammit. Oh well in the morning then. I am glad I had locked it in some respects because If I knew she was asleep I probably would have put it off….alas all there was to do was go to sleep.

The first night is always tough and cage wearers know and as such I was awake pretty early. When the alarm went off I proceeded to give Sarah a long and sensual massage, and after getting a few smiles I said to her that I had something to admit to her. I told her that I had put it on, and if she didn’t really want me wearing it it was up to her to give me the key. She did not really reply but I am fairly certain the was pleased, then when I said her “so it looks like I am at your whim” to which she smiled and said “good” and gave me a nice hug. I then simply asked her if there was anything I could do for her and nothing unusual there, I went and made her breakfast.

I know I am probably imagining it but I think that not only is there a instantaneous change in my thinking but I would nearly swear that Sarah was nicer to me that morning as well. When she left before me (because I had lost my car keys…) she cave me a really nice hug, but there was something more than normal. Is it my imagination?

I wonder how long this time?

The submissive Dog

2007-02-02T22:36:00.000+11:00

I have been thinking about the difference between being in a wife led marriage and being submissive and I am beginning to wonder if indeed I am cut out to being submissive.

Our dog died 6 months ago, she was such a proud animal, she was a bit of kelpie and staffie bull terrier. She was a fantastic family dog and we all loved her so much. Her only problem was that we could not take her anywhere off the leash because she would kill on sight. She was one of those dogs that when it came to sniff time…it was attack first and ask questions later, yet she was so gentle with our children even with a toddler biting her.

She even made it on television, some kids show was taping…and “some dogs are nice, and some dogs are not so nice” as our dog tried to eat an adjacent dog. It was not a particular nice trait, but one that made her…so proud and so dominant. She bowed to no dog. Yet…she was submissive to me, and at the same time she would fight with me. I could rumble her and play with her..she would bite and growl…never actually hurt me, she would even chase after me and try and crash tackle me….and sound so ferocious, bite my arm like I was some criminal and yet if I ever actually got the shits with her she would run and hide, and I never ever hit her. I loved her, she had such character. One so proud and so strong yet so gentle and loving to our children. She still lives with us, her ashes, a urn in the house. Its not a prominent place but a place where we see her regularly………………….

She was a proud submissive, She would take no shit from anyone else except me, and my wife, but she did identify me as being the alpha pack leader.

I can kind of identify with that.

We have a new dog now, she is black, and the most ANNOYING thing about her is that she is SO SUBMISSIVE. You only have to look at her sideways and she cringes and goes into her bed. Admittedly we got her from the pound (from death row), but she is Sooooo irritating. You walk into the garden in the morning and she is at your feet licking them..and if u look at her sideways she will piss herself….i mean farking hell… She is a sniveling wretch and yet she is a shit as well. If you leave ANYTHING outside that remotely resembles rubber she will eat it. She eats shoes, thongs (shoes in aussie language), tears the inner soles out. She will destroy toys, then in the morning when u wake up…she KNOWS she has been bad. As soon as she sees u she goes and hides down the back yard!!!....so if she knows so much why the frig does she do it??

Go outside and she is sniffing and licking your feet. My wife has no tolerance for her and she gets told very clearly told piss off.

So my submissive feelings have been equated to the dog, well in my mind anyway. Its clear to me that Sarah does not even remotely like sniveling wretched submissive things around her, and to be honest its put me off being submissive as well!!!

I have come to the conclusion that my need is more simple and not as complex as submission to Sarah. I think I simply need her to control when I get to orgasm. I feel it more deeply than anything I have felt before. I know I do not have the self control ..and I recognize every time I do it myself I am saying fuck u very much. I need and should be locked up.

Inherently this makes me more submissive but I am so clearly aware now that she does not want a sniveling wretch licking her feet. She wants a man who is strong, yet willing to bend to her will, even if it means resistance at times. She wants a man who is strong massaging her back, stronger physically and even mentally than her, one that can and is willing to protect her against anything that may come our way. But also one that is willing to bend, one that is willing to do anything she bequests.

That is me, or at the very least what I strive for, for I love her, the truth is I need her to acknowledge my love for her, and that I will truly do whatever it takes to bring her happiness.

bets the cage is on before the weekend is out

Lizard drinking

2007-01-30T14:10:00.000+11:00

Wow its been so busy, I have been meaning to update this blog for so long and even now I really do not have time to do it justice.

Following Christmas, mmm Sarah did end up letting me out on New years eve, but not the new years eve your thinking. Actually it was late on the 30^th of December but early in the morning on the 31^st, so technically it was new years eve. At the time Sarah handed me the keys I usually unlock myself then offer the keys back to her. I was hesitant given our last transaction regarding being caged, but decided to offer them back to her anyway and I did so saying “I am not sure if you want these any more”, to which she looked at them and took them away from me. I must admit I was somewhat surprised, elated, and troubled all in one. I was kind of looking forward to unlimited orgasms again…alas she took them. We had a great session, one that I am sure we both enjoyed immensely.. and naturally the following morning I reminisced but then I was remembering that we were due to leave for camping by the end of the week. I figured that caging myself would cause more friction than good because I would have to ask /check before we left what she was going to do, so rather than put us both in that predicament I asked Sarah if she thought it was worth my while caging up given we were going camping in a few days. “not unless you want to stay locked up for the next 2 weeks while we are away…not really practical in a camping environment so the cage was put away.

A few nights later…sarah blew my socks off, no not that…but nearly..well actually better. Sarah, and read this twice because I still can’t believe it. Sarah actually woke me from sleep for sex. That’s right, you read correctly, she WOKE ME FROM SLEEP FOR SEX. Astonishing cataclysmic even, kinda like a comet passing through the solar system. I still am not convinced it wasn’t a dream. In fact in the morning I checked….yep…there was no mistaking I had sex during the night….lol

Well that deserved some long massages the next few nights….

We had a great holiday, we did loads of bike riding, caught up with some friends. I nearly frisbied the DVD players out the window because they kept skipping disks and the kids would not stop complaining that it was all my fault. Even sarah seemed to be in a good mood. Of course we sleep in separate beds while on holidays camping so there was no chance of any kind of intimacy, but that’s ok, its just good to get away.

I do note though that the longer that I have access to my own functions the less submissive I tend to feel, and I am not even sure if Sarah likes it either way. I certainly know she does not want a sniveling wretch sniffing around her all the time, I think Sarah likes me “doing things” for her but quite honestly she hates the lecherous bit, the need for lots of hugs bit. Its unfortunate because wearing a cage it ready does make you feel like cuddling all the time.

A few days after we returned from holidays following some intimacy I asked Sarah if she thought it was time that I caged up again. I know I should not expect her to ask me to do it, and her response should also have been expected when she replied….”I don’t care”…to which I responded, well if you don’t care then I won’t…to which she replied “well I don’t know” and since that time we have pretty much left it at that. So now at the end of Jan its still not on…and in all honestly I go so hot and cold on the thought of wearing it I am not even sure if I want to.

Sarah on the other hand complained to me that I have not been giving her massages lately, I am not sure if this is a hint or not. In reality I should probably just put it on…she does have the key, and the lock is open…if in a moment of madness I click it shut….then I am at her mercy. Trouble is that idear excites me to the point I may even do something about it. But then afterwards I absolutely feel no desire to lock my goods up at all!!! What a paradox, great fantasy but then once u do it u can’t execute on it…

I know we have not seen the last of this little adventure….I have run out of time so sorry this is a bit of a ramble

Cage Showdown

2006-12-29T15:15:00.001+11:00

Its been well 10 days, and over the Christmas and boxing day break I have spent locked away. I guess I should have realized that it was a dumb time of the year to get myself locked up, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.

Actually I behaved myself well, Sarah got her period about 5 days ago, and I knew it was coming so I was prepared for a long stint without any release. Sarah on the other hand obviously felt pressure because when it started she sounded very guilty, like she felt like she should have let me out before her period started. I picked this up and responded that I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread, all good…and she seemed to be in a good mood.

The few days before Christmas were frantic, and our street was very busy at night because of the Christmas lights (yes we live in one of THOSE streets), and so there were a constant stream of visitors, lots of beer drinking, lots of social cheer, although by Christmas its like enough already!!!

So here we are December the 29^th, I have discovered I have put on half a KG over Christmas, although working out I have managed to reduce this fat damage somewhat. I am still caged and feeling a bit despondent.

Since returning to work Sarah has been sleeping in past when I leave for work, hey that’s OK except I really love mornings in the quiet, rubbing her back and talking about things, so it really stings especially since I am woken each morning pretty early by you know who, and I can’t disturb her because she is asleep so I totally miss this OUR time, the only OUR time we ever get. Anyways I could probably cope ok if this was substituted with some kind of conversation in the evenings but Sarah loves this time to herself. She sits in her bed like the queen that she is, I get her her hot chockolate and then she orders me from the bedroom so she can watch her soapys in peace. She does this till gone past where I am comfortable staying up, after all I have to get up early. And so begins a cycle of discontent, by the time I am allowed in the bedroom, I am tired, and Sarah just keeps that stupid TV running. It drives me nuts. Still I keep my mouth shut although I must admit this week I apologized and told her I needed to sleep so I sandwiched my head in the pillows and went to sleep. I did not coerce her I just went to sleep but she did not get her backrub.

Even on a good night when I am asked to rub her back I am not permitted to speak to her, because the back rub is to send to to sleep, its not for talking. So its like when are we going to get some talk time for US?, over a few days this was building. I guess I was starting to feel a bit despondent that I am still outputting all this emotional energy and I am not getting any acknowledgement what so ever, I am not even permitted to talk.

So last night I brought it up, and I asked her what she was thinking about things with respect to the cage and how things had being going.

All I was seeking was a bit of acknowledgment, just some show of affection, I mean even if she did let me out it would still not be on because of her period. And Sarah made some comment that I had only been in it for 3 days while she was free of her period!!, that made me cranky because for one thing it was more like 5, and the other was that she had not appreciated that I had not put any pressure at all on her during that time, it also meant that this is nothing for than a sex avoidance game for her. That she could not care less how much I wank myself when I am not locked up. In fact she told me that I should not be locked up during her period and that she meant to release me but she forgot. She stopped short of telling me to take it off now though. Anyways I guess I was pestering her because eventually she said “if you say another word to me about it tonight you will be staying in it for at least another week!!!”

Well, I guess I considered that a submissive button press, because zip my mouth I did and rub her back I did, until such time as I could not stay conscious any longer, and sarah slept.

The next morning I woke up early, and for once I had not been woken repeatedly during the night. It may have been the panadol I took just before bedtime, but anyway it was a really pleasant change to be woken by the first hardon and there be actually light coming through the window, I looked at the clock and it was 6.30am….bliss!! Anyone that has done significant time in a cage knows what I mean. Anyway I started thinking about the previous nights conversation and it really started to bug me. I knew I had to carry on this conversation further even if it meant pissing Sarah off. Normally at this time of the morning I have trouble getting rid of the hardon in the cage. This morning my mind being occupied it went away and stayed away.

That is until Sarah turned her head to me, still asleep, her face looked so serene, her nostril flaring slightly with each breathe she took. I lay there admiring her face, gazing as one does and of course my cage begun to fill….dammmit.

So I lay on my bad and returned my thoughts to the previous night, I was upset but this needed resolution one way or another…But if I woke Sarah then my life would not be worth living. I noticed that the alarm light was on she Sarah had set the alarm for some reason, so in theory all I had to do is wait. So wait I did, and wait, until at 7.30Am the clock made a click sound but NO ALARM went off, now Sarah did stir, the clock alarm had gone off but the switch was on radio and the volume was turned down. Had Sarah meant to be woken or not? Well I took a risk and gave her a hug, she stirred and I begun talking to her.

I can’t remember the blow by blow, word by word account, but Sarah basically told me that the cage did nothing for her and she did not like it. I explained to her that what started for me as a interesting kink had turned into well, if it wasn’t doing anything for her then I did not see the point in continuing down this track either. It is not something that I do for me I explained that it kind of started out that way and that there are attributes of it that I like and also things that I hate. What I like it how it made me feel about Sarah, and how I liked her being in control. But if it did nothing for her then there really is no point. I certainly would not be wearing it for self gratification.

Sarah complained that she did not feel in control because she felt that after 5 or so days she felt pressured to release me even if she did not want to. I countered that we had done this for 8 weeks previously ie I had worn it constantly for 8 weeks and had 5 releases which averages at around once ever 10 days, and that I had not put pressure on her not once in that time, until the very last time when I had worn it for 5 days and I knew she was about to get her period (see PMS post). I pointed out that this time just gone that I had not put her under ANY pressure at all.

Sarah acknowledges that I am definitely nicer to her when I am caged but she says that it only seems to last for about 5 days before I get “agro”, I know this was an issue in our earlier play, I am talking a year ago, but this long 8 week stint I did I made sure that it never ever surfaced. I am thinking it is something that Sarah is perceiving after about 5 days of service maybe she simply FEELS like she OWES me a release, or perhaps she just feels me tighten up. It is then that Sarah needs to learn to push my submissive buttons or at least acknowledge the tension in some way. What she tends to do is become indifferent which just makes it worse….still I had thought I had covered it up my need for some acknowledgment better.

I am not sure how to get around her perception of pressure, 8 weeks, should have been long enough to demonstrate that on the whole I am really trying to take the pressure off her for sex and trying to submit to her. I told her I really LIKE the fact that she decides when we have sex/intimacy. Please note I have told her that intimacy does not have to mean sex many times, but Sarah is not really interested in having a orgasm herself. She does not see the point in making the effort and me not having one as well. Unfortunately I think Sarah sees sex or ANY type of intimacy as too much hard work. It does make submission harder when your not really having any sub buttons pressed.

In any case, at the end of the conversation I submitted to her that if she really felt that way then there was not point in continuing. That she should give me the key now and we would forget about it this whole deal. In fact I told her I would be discarding the device so it could not bother her again. I was serious, and I really mean it, if its doing nothing for her, if its not helping us then it would be the end of it. The end of a fantasy because fantasies are only good if there is a chance they can become real. Although I also mean it when I say the fantasy is also better than the reality of day to day lock up. Its not like you can get off on it while your locked up. So I am/was prepared to never mention cock cages ever again to Sarah even if in 3 or 4 months time I would probably fantasize (with the edge taken off it) about it knowing about the reality of things.

So imagine my surprise

And I guess it’s a woman’s prerogative because then Sarah told me that she would not be letting me out just yet. Then she goes on to say that she really has not being taking advantage of her slave, and that she intended to make me a list of tasks. She rattled off a few things that she knew I would hate doing.

Talk about keeping one on ones toes, and making a sudden 180 degree turn.

I of course responded enthusiastically to the suggestion of tasks and a list, and when she added, “of course there will be SEVER punishments for misbehavior or those things not done”, she kind of caught me a bit off guard. I asked her what kind of punishments did she have in mind, she did not have anything particular in mind so I suggested a good hard smack on my bare bum if I hassled her for release, to which she did not really make any negative or positive sounds, so I suggested she lock the keys in a safe for a week.

The conversation paused here before I asked her, so what do you think is a fair number of releases per month?

One she says, one release per month, and that’s only if you behave!! And you will only get that one if your really very lucky.

I was fairly certain she was joking, so I lay on top her her (she was face down) and interrogated her, she had a sly teasing grin on her face, and then she ordered me (and I mean ordered me) to go get her a coffee and newspaper.

You bet and I complied, and guess what we had run out of milk…pmsl. I had to make her wait while I made a dash to the shops.

But then fucken hell she knows how to scare the shit out of me.

Fact is though if she allowed me the privilege of giving her an orgasm I think I could cope with one release per month, I am not sure, but I think I could. I have told Sarah previously on a few occasions that she could release me less often if she would allow me the privilege of giving her oral sex, or an orgasm by any means of her choosing. But she has not taken me up on it.

Who knows when she will let me out, and if once out I am asked to go back in. I can’t read her thoughts. I do not know if she decided to turn circle because she really DOES like the way things are heading or because the thinks its what I want. But I was serious when I said to her I wanted to drop it if she did not get anything out of it, and I would have gotten rid of it so I was not tempted to ask her again. Sarah can be very hard to read sometimes. When asked what she really wants she just sidesteps the question.

I know I am bursting for a release now, but perhaps now is a good time to say to Sarah that I am prepared to forgo my release if she gives me the privilege of giving her an orgasm. Maybe I should go for the month?

Unfortunately I think that will have to wait for a future commitment as we are going camping in a week or so, and impractical to remain caged then. Maybe I should just give up this release then? What do you think? Would that demonstrate commitment? I would probably still ask for sex before we go camping….or should I not then as well?? Just let her take off the cage before we go and leave it at that…leave me to my own devices…if only orgasms were as valuable to her as they are too me, she may see the value in it. She is more likely just to think I am being foolish…

I know this is rubbish but I feel like I have a snooker ball up my bum my prostate feels so full. Interesting that I know its just my mind playing tricks on me but it feels real enough. Perhaps I should consider milking myself to relieve the pressure. Maybe I can think more rationally then.

All I want is for us to be more intimate. I know things seem to be happier in our family while I am in subspace to Sarah. Its better than been static which ever way it pans out.

Enough of a ramble for now, its Friday night and its time for some family time.

Whats for christmas

2006-12-23T09:24:00.000+11:00

Just a quick post today.

The other night we had some fantastic intimacy, at a busy time of the year I was really appreciative :)

I always go out of my way to be extra nice following some special intimacy, and so the next morning while giving her a really long massage I asked if she was ready and wanted the keys to my cage again.

It would appear I am to spend Christmas and possibly new year in the cage. Given my thoughts recently on wanting to re enter subspace, I am happy enough to have spent my first night in last night.

The first night is always murder, particularly at this time of the year we went out with friends last night and consumed a few beers. This morning I think I had a constant attempt at an erection for about 3 hours!! In some respects its great to be locked back in, and Sarah's back felt especially silken this morning as we woke to another busy day.

Sarah expressed her appreciation by hugging me closely and allowing the cage to nuzzle her behind, I love it when she allows me this pleasure as it is a acknowledgment of my situation.

We are having more guests tonight, so I have to go and shops to buy food for 12.

A rather long response

2006-12-21T10:34:00.000+11:00

Hey guys, tks for the comments...Yes Sarah is vanilla but she is not THAT vanilla, well at least not to the extent where I would say noooooooo!!!...lol. We together have been playing with this for 18 months now so I do not really think I am rushing stuff.

In any case much of this is still fantasy, As I say I have not thought or got these ideas in a form yet where I could present it to her. When I do I will post it here for comments, which are always invaluable.

Most of these things however have already been visited to some degree, we have touched on permission to cum during sex, she already chooses to hold the key rather than use timelock, although we have also used the safe before, she just prefers to have the power I guess and I have shown her material pertaining to prostate massage previously however it has not been discussed. I agree spanking has not been discussed at all but I doubt she would have too much problem with that if she wanted too.

BTW I gave her her late anniversary present last night, and at the same time the new lock for the bathroom...to which she said "good I was going to get those when i had time" bearing in mind she had said to me in the past if I am going to be wearing the cage then we need privacy locks on the bathroom.

With regard to the book, she has already read the around her finger primer, and she told me that she wants to re read it properly in the new year, when I told her I had the full book, she was definitely pleased, no danger there.

I would not use the term top from the bottom simply because she would not understand wtf I was on about, however your comment about me toping from the bottom, I am not sure how one can suggest things without it being deemed that way. I intend to offer her reading material only, she can decide what she wants to do. She will not know I wrote some of it. Simply I sit somewhere between "around her finger" and Elsie Sutton, there is no existing material that I think is appropriate so I will write it. I am still thinking about how I want to write it. Yes some may consider it manipulative, I call it adapting material for MY situation, which is not the same as a lot of other people.

I think the largest issue for me moving forward is that Sarah does not push me into subspace enough, ie she does not take advantage of my willingness to submit to her. I am not sure if this is because she does not want to or because she has not given it enough thought. Certainly she has demonstrated she enjoys aspects of D/S, I am merely trying to encourage this by trying to customize approaches that I believe she will find acceptable. One thing you are completely correct about is that it would be very bad if I started using labels such as D/S, however she has already read the primer which says blatantly that I as in me wants to summit to her, to be a submissive husband and she has already told me that she is happy with this and that she is in agreement to explore this further ie she agreed to read the book in its entirety. I have actually read the entire book, and while it is very very good, it still does not say exactly what I want to say, but it is pretty near. It obviously touches on orgasm control, but it does not touch on chastity because this is deemed too extreme for many couples. Well we are already there with respect to chastity devices. Sarah accepts the chastity device because she knows I lack self control. For her however I am not sure is she gives a rats arse how much I flog myself off, although I doubt she knows just how often I do it despite me telling her that its quite a lot. I think she is beginning to understand however that while I am deprived any orgasms that it does impact my behavior, and it really does. I don’t fake it, I really DO feel like climbing inside her skin, it really DOES make me crave massaging her, it DOES help push me into subspace.

Sarah has never taken too kindly to me telling her anything or for me to try and teach her anything, you should see us when I need to show her something on the computer. Instruction may last approximately 30 seconds before the thermal nuclear missiles are engaged, enabled and in final countdown!! This is why discussion about such things is difficult, it is better if any of this material is presented to her for her to read at her leisure.

One of the things that I really HAVE to get through to Sarah if I am going to continue traveling down this path is that Sarah needs to acknowledge my submission more regularly and with greater depth. This is covered in some detail in “around her finger” and almost everywhere were we read about submission. For Sarah it really needs to hit her otherwise she will skip over it. Hey I know my wife and she will just skip over that bit. After reading the primer however she did start to tell me to do things, this was positively wonderful as I know she was behaving this way and she enjoyed it, but it did not carry through, pretty soon we settled down into …well I massaged her each night till she went to sleep and that was that.

I need her to push some buttons, not make any effort, but simply when I bring her drink at night to be told to sit at the foot of the bed and rub her feet rather than take it for granted that I will, this does not constitute a lot of effort for her. I would love her to show me her butt, just because she knows it drives me nuts and she knows I can do nothing about it. I also think she will go for penalties if I ask for release…this is a certainty, but probably the safe thing, I doubt she will go for the points.

I don’t think Sarah has quite “got it” although I think she is on the cusp of understanding, and I think that when she does she will enjoy it. I do not know if she will adopt denial although in many respects she already does that, she just does it in a unfun way..lol, certainly I doubt she will ever go for strap on play although before we were married she did try and put a vibrator up my butt, I had to stop her because it was going to make me cum too quickly, I told her so, but I did not say I did not like it!! So maybe there is some hope…lol I think the string around my cock is a great fantasy, I doubt she would go for that…but that will be just a fantasy I think.

Tom I know that you are one of the vets when it comes to chastity and denial with your wife, I have been reading your material and your advice for years now. Thanks for your comments, but I figure 18 months of playing off and on, its getting time to get the show on the road so to speak. I remember new years eve last year I was “told” to put on my cage, and I was a bit red wined at the time and I complied. I wonder if I will be caged this new years eve?

Hey this ended up being such a long reply I decided to put it in the blog...lol

Its nearly Christmas

2006-12-20T11:15:00.000+11:00

Its so near to Christmas and there is so little time to do anything.

I have been way too busy to write to this blog until recently. Our trip to the states was brilliant and the kids had an absolute ball. We visited Disneyland in both LA and Florida, and now in the lead up to Christmas making a mad last minute rush to buy pressys etc.

Actually it was our anniversary recently and I am ashamed to admit that I forgot all about it, fortunately or not Sarah also forgot completely, although Sarah never remembers, I think I will buy her some flowers and a card today and give her a belated offering.

There has been no further cage talk, or anything pertaining to D/S, like so many other blogs I have read it seems that the time of the year is just too busy to entertain such activities, I know that it’s the furthest thing from Sarah’s mind, although I doubt she would label it as such.

I have however in my spare minutes such as when I drift of to sleep being taking advantage of my freedom and doing a fair amount of fantasizing about where I would like to go when things settle down next year, although of course the key in a female lead relationship is for our relationship to go where Sarah wants it too. I have read much about toping from the bottom and I am very conscious about this, however I still intend to present the full version of “around her finger” to Sarah for her approval. I may also make some additions with some references to chastity and also some games that may interest her.

I think that it is better that she read it as if someone else has written it as suggestive than if I directly suggest it since it gives her an opportunity to evaluate and accept or reject what she chooses without rejecting me. I will merely tell Sarah in handing to her that I am happy for her to choose anything and apply how she chooses, in this way I hope to avoid “toping from the bottom” by making suggestion rather than telling her directly it is my wish. Of course if she asks me then I will answer truthfully.

One of the key aspects of “Around her finger” is orgasm control, ie the woman has full control of the mans orgasm to the point where the woman may or may not give the man permission to orgasm during sex. This is something that drives me crazy and for what reason I can not fathom because I know it would be extremely frustrating in actuality particularly after being locked away and denied self pleasure for a lengthy period. I do not know if Sarah would actually do it or not but certainly an extension of this is punishment if I am unable to hold back would be cream (forgive the pun) on the cake.

I am gradually formulating a list of suggestions in three categories. Treats, punishments and releases. Sarah may decide on a given night what I am to have. This is still in genesis and I probably won’t have time to write it all out properly till next year.

Treats for me aka servitude to Sarah:

Full body massage for Sarah

Neck massage

Foot massage

Oral worship (I wish, more of a treat for me).

Punishments may include

Lock keys in safe for 2 weeks using timelock, then Sarah gets key at the end

Wear points in cage for a night (aka painful night time)

Spanking with wooden spoon

Releases or sexual attention:

1. Normal Vanilla Straight sex (although I never cum before Sarah)

2. Normal vanilla sex but Sarah must tell me when to cum otherwise I just don’t.

3. Delayed orgasm, Sarah climaxes but I have to wait until the morning before I am allowed to masturbate. A real treat would be to be able to look at her bare butt while I do it.

4. Climax for Sarah but no orgasm at all for me, relocked in the morning following shower on my word of no release. Variations of this (and this for some reason drives me nuts) may be using sensation reducing condoms, or even I read somewhere about a mistress who had her partner wrap string around his stiff member, the loops very close together so basicly it made his shaft thicker, then roll a condom over the top. The result is a thicker cock with bumps (from the string) but no sensations other than the pressure of the string would get through. Of course no fluid release for me in this one may mean jump to #5

5. Prostate massage via dildo, strapon or aneros, ie cage is not removed at all, Sarah may simply tell me to do it, or if she wants to do it (unlikely) then cool.

One of the things that Sarah seems to struggle with is that if there is any sexual attention then I may as well take the cage off and have sex. She does not see the point in me bringing her to orgasm and me not also climaxing. I can see her rational and I am not sure how to encourage her to try it, even once. I think the only way for me to start his is by encouraging her to say no to me during vanilla sex and me forgo my orgasm for the week, yet this is also VERY hard for me because after going 7-10 days in the cage I really NEED release and the prospect of no release for another long period is daunting. Ideally I would love her to allow me the pleasure of bring her to orgasm once in-between my releases. I think I need to demonstrate that I am really serious about her having TOTAL control over my orgasms and that I am not going to get the shits if she says no.

Please feel free to make any suggestions to my categories of punishments/treats or releases, although please remember that Sarah is fairly vanilla, although I don’t have a problem of letting her read about Prostate massaging, although I probably would not actually ask her to do it in case she called me a sick puppy..lol. Sarah is not really a stranger to anal play with her on the receiving end, and liking it (when the mood is right)

I guess I had better hurry up and change the bathroom door locks

My PMS

2006-11-28T22:44:00.000+11:00

Thanks again for your comments, Ann, I am about a subtle as a brick when it comes to asking if I can orally please my wife with no expectation of sex in return. I basically have asked her point blank because I got tired of beating around the bush (forgive the pun). It appears that this is something that simply does not interest her :(

Its about 5 days after my birthday, and I am starting to feel stressed, not so much about the 5 days but because I know Sarah is about to reach that time of the month. The trouble is if her period starts it means that I am going to be locked away for at least another 8-10 days which means a 14 day stint, and for me this is reaching the limits of my endurance. Funny thing is in the past when I have been made to wait, once its started my PMS goes away, its like I have accepted my fate and know I am going to have to wait the extra 10 days anyway.

I guess I get kind of antsy, although for the last few months I have really tried to hide it. After all I have only been unlocked 4 times in total in 6 weeks. Whatever, this time Sarah must have sensed that I was getting antsy and she also know that her time was coming, so she offered to let me out.

To cut a long story short in the morning Sarah decided she wanted a break from the thing, although she acknowledged that the last 6 weeks had really been worth while. I do not think it will be the last time we will be playing with chastity, it is just simply a very busy time of the year, and as I mentioned before we are going on a O/S holiday in a few weeks so wearing is not going to be very practical, and then shortly after we will have Christmas and new year.

During our conversation regarding the break from caging, we talked about “around her finger” again and I told her I had the whole book now to which she replied “good”, and I suggested we pick things up when things had calmed down a bit, to which she agreed. As so many people reiterate communication is the key and it seems at last we are doing some of that. There was no friction during any of this, just calm discussion and acceptance, so it was all good.

Interesting now it has been a good few days now since that conversation, already I feel my self slipping away from submissiveness , the cage really does help one get into and stay in subspace. It makes one (well me) feel like doing all these things, alas once I have access once again to my favorite toy many of these feelings go out the window.

It does work as advertised, it truly does but it also takes a lot of perseverance. It may not be the perfect answer for everyone but I can honestly say it seems to help us along. I wonder if just simply wearing it, Sarah recognizes I am doing something just for her, I know it satisfies some part of me, but I think I am past the kink aspect. Initially sure it was a kink that turned me on, and I admit for god knows what reason it still does turn me on, the idea of being unable to masturbate, at a woman’s mercy still excites me, but that is no longer my real driving force. The driving force is to make Sarah happy, and I guess my real motivation is to increase our intimacy, by whatever form it takes.

I also find that I am not so enthusiastic about giving Sarah hour long massages, I am not sure if this is a reaction from me because I WANT her to ask me to cage up again or not. Some would say that withdrawal of service is toping from the bottom. Perhaps it is, but I just don’t feel the same kind of servitude as I did before.

I do worry that this blog focuses too much on caging and not enough on a female lead marriage, but Sarah is leading the way. I am still encouraging this behavior however Sarah does ask me to make decisions, it is not entirely fair to ask her to have the burden of all decisions, but Sarah does make the decisions she wants to. I would certainly love her to have a greater interest in sex….as in sex for her pleasure. I read about so many men in this kind of relationship who’s wives allow them to orally please them in-between releases. I am so envious of them, I so love the taste, there is nothing that quite compares as I find it quite the natural aphrodisiac. There is nothing like a responsive swollen flower being caressed into full bloom, and what that could do to my blood pressure, could be quite painful….

Right now I am coming down with a cold, so this might be a bit of a ramble. It seems a bit ironic that its 37 deg C (near 100F)and I have a friggin cold!!!...i am going to bed!!

It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks go prior to our holiday go

Happy Birthday

2006-11-21T10:41:00.000+11:00

First of all thanks my new readers, and your comments, especially to Anne who is my very first lady commenter. They are all invaluable as I travel this journey. I expect though as we approach the stupid season my entries will become a little sparse. Plus I am going O/S in a few weeks with the fam for a holiday.

Hi Helpmate, just want to make a comment that I have never had any issues with a female led relationship from a religious perspective, simply because I am not religious. In fact I am sure many of you would consider me a heathen in spite of my religious upbringing. Nor do I completely agree with Polyfetishist comments about Elsie Sutton being a bad influence. I am more inclined to agree with Tom in that Elsie is right for Elsie, it is up to her readers as to what they decide they want to believe. For me that is each sex has their attributes, one is not more superior than another. How can one say that ALL women are superior to any man? Its absolute rubbish. In fact to give an example, say a man with a very high IQ is married to a women with a lower IQ, the fact that he is smarter, does this make him superior ? No of course it doesn’t. Her physical attributes, her genetic makup may make her a far better physical specimen, she may live longer, may not have a disposition to heart disease or cancer. But does that make her superior? Perhaps not because where the man with the high IQ may remember to take his medication, she having a lower IQ takes his medication by mistake and it kills her!! Of course the above example could be completely sexually reversed!!

No one in truth can stereotypically make a statement that women are superior to men (of course Elsie is free to make the statement). While it is true without equivocation that most men from a sexual sense are at a disadvantage, simply because men want sex a few orders of magnitude greater than women do. Women have something that men want and it is therefore certainly possible for a woman to control men to a point.

Stereotypically it is probably also OK to say that should a woman choose to do so they would have the ability to rule most men in their lives via their penises. But this very fact that women lack the sexual motivation that men have prevents/inhibits them from taking advantage of it. Many wives are simply not interested in taking advantage of their sexual energy, it represents a effort or a priority that is low on the scale after the myriad of other activities they must cope with in their lives. This is how the equation is balanced and represents a major flaw in the whole concept if this is the basis of female superiority.

There are also many submissive women in the world, in fact there are probably many more submissive women in the world than there are dominant women. Elsie would argue that this is social conditioning, and while true to a certain degree, there are many women who like being submissive, but again does being submissive make one less of a person. Of course it doesn’t, it is a preference, the way a person it built. There are many attributes to be admired in a submissive person as with the other 3 quadrants of a personality profile.

All of that said, its sounds like I am arguing myself out of believing in a female led relationship. Certainly not!!. I am interested in a harmonious happy intimate marriage, and I totally accept that in order to achieve this it is appropriate to submit to Sarah’s will. Sarah decides when we will have sex, and to a large extent when I have a orgasm. Sarah also has a final say in almost all aspects in day to day life in our household. It is not a “yes dear” scenario, it is recognition that in our relationship it is better, life has greater harmony if she makes these decisions. It is my love for her that is my gift of submission and recognition in myself that I love her deeply enough to admit this to myself as a socially conditioned dominant male.

On to lighter things

Sarah surprised me this week, it was my birthday week for sure but the night before my birthday she asked me if I wanted my birthday present now!!.

It seemed like a good idea to me. These days its rare for the house to be quiet, even at 11.30 PM, there always seems to be one child awake, sick, can’t sleep or just being naughty, so I figured that I should take the opportunity and run.

It had been 8 nights since my last release, I knew I would not be let out for some action until my birthday since my last release, still I could not resist saying, but you would have been letting me out soon anyway wouldn’t you? Stupid me, I still put both feet in my mouth sometimes, the least I should have done is waited till afterwards so it would not shoot the mood down.

To my surprise it didn’t anyway, Sarah just commented, “probably” and left it at that. She was just being honest after all.

I was so stoked to be free, I went downstairs tip toeing past the kids bedrooms in case I woke them..that would be the pits if I woke them. I have to go down stairs for a bit of a wash, being entrapped for 8 days, its really important to have a wash once taking the cage off because there is a bit of odor and god knows what else, which is another reason why I always use a condom following cage time.

Anyway things went really well, and Sarah really made a effort to make me feel wanted, just really subtle things, like opening right up for me. I am pretty sure things went very well for her and as I felt her reach her climax I was completely helpless to contain my own. I made sure I thanked her by rubbing her back until she was asleep. Now that’s what I call a great beginning to a birthday :)

The next day started off really well, I think it’s the first time in a long time Sarah has actually bothered to write on my card. Usually it’s a card from the children, with priceless coloured picture writing thanking me for being the pirate that I am. Admittedly Sarah’s handwriting betrayed that it was done in a rush, as if she really did not have time to write what she wrote, and that she really only did it because she knew it was important to me, not so much because she wanted to, still at least she did.

Happy birthday darling and thank you for all the massages.

Hey it’s a start.

Actually truth be known the rest of the day at work went like crap, it was a horrible day at work, stuff just would not work for me. And I did go to the gym, and again my workout was crap, felt so de energized, I could not help thinking that perhaps its true about the night before bedroom antics interfering, but nar it was not a 30 Km marathon….

As I locked myself away again for the evening I had a flicker of hope that I would get a real birthday treat and be asked to service Sarah orally while locked up. I did drop a little hint, but I realized its futility and did not press the point as I massaged her to sleep.

Taking my Sub hat off

2006-11-15T16:29:00.000+11:00

Observing bitching dominating behavior in other women

I was talking to my friend the other day and he was complaining about his wife. He told me that even his daughter thinks his wife is a complete bitch to him.

He was complaining that his wife gets so dammed personal when she attacks him. Sometimes she speaks with such disrespect, she would speak to the dog with more kindness. Its almost like he is considered a sub human species. He will stop outside our house for a bit of a chat and his phone rings and its like “WHERE ARE YOU!!!!”. Now he is not really a submissive kind of a guy, more of a “yes dear” guy, and if u don’t like it fuck off!!. I wonder if things in his family life would change if he accepted his wife’s dominance. I am betting it would. But I doubt he could bring himself to do it. He admits he normally ends up apologizing if only to keep the peace, but it is not an apology because he is accepting his position of submission, it is one just to shut her up. I know she has even made him apologize to his children in front of her because she felt he was rude to her in front of them. I think this was when his daughter passed the comment once wife was out of ear shot. He correctly told his daughter that she should not speak about her mother in such a manner no matter what she thought…..

Sarah has behaved, even recently (not in the last month or so) in a similar manner.

And now I have just been reading Helpmate Hubby’s latest experience:

Wow dude, I am not sure if I would want my wife to go that far. I am prepared to do a lot of things for my wife, like wear this cage, I am prepared to be submissive to her in almost all things, but this does not give her a license to be a bitch to me. That said I would probably get crucified if I implied my wife was a wench..lol

LOVING female led relationship.

That’s certainly not to say I do not have bad days like Helpmate have had, maybe not quite that bad but nearly, but to be honest if my wife ever behaves (or when she has behaved) like that I would let her have it. Call it what you will, but everyone has their limits, an I do let Sarah know when she crosses it….its one thing to be ordered around lovingly, its quite another to be treated like shit, unless its part of a scene….and Sarah is not into scenes, well not yet but one can dream…..

I do wonder if its ok to be Submissive to a point, but Ok with whom?. Maybe there should be a “safe word” just like in a BDSM scene. Once your partner crosses a line then all sub bets are off!! I am still quite capable of losing my temper although in my current mindset I go to great efforts to control myself. One can only be pushed so far. Submission is a real gift and one that should be appreciated and not exploited to the point of breakage, on the other side of the coin some domms see servitude as a privilege, while this is true there is still a protocol, called humanity that needs to be followed. We do need to be acknowledged, and need to be loved because we are submissive to our wife. I try and make it clear to Sarah, that she is the only person in the whole world that has this power over me, and it is because that I adore her. On the other hand it is also so important to be strong....to stand up for her AT ALL TIMES, even if you don't think she is right at the time, and sometimes I am not so good at that.

I do have submissive limits, I am prepared to modify my behavior or mould myself such that we have something that works for Sarah and works for me. I enjoy it when she asks me to do things for her in the context of a loving relationship. Sarah is still practicing and learning and particularly at this time of the year things are not moving too fast because its just so busy, but there are certainly elements of progression. She likes it because I do things for her, to make her happy, and that makes me happy, I enjoy it. However when the loves goes out of it, so does my motivation and it is replaced with resentment and I feel like pushing the whole thing out the window.

This happens sometimes particularly wearing a cage because it is a constant all day (and night) reminder of my submissive status. Sometimes I have to instigate reassurance from Sarah that this exercise, or this mindset/ wearing the cage is worth while. Recently she has been fast to reassure me that is “definitely” worth while and serves as some acknowledgment. I do note that some doms do not like cages. I don’t really understand that because it truly helps put me in a submissive frame of mind, and for a dom I would think this is a good thing. It works. Probably won’t for all people…I read something a while back, the rush hardwired got when his wife pulled his face to her breast and patted him on the head and said "good boy", I can imagine the rush that gave him. That would have worked for me also, I would nearly go so far if Sarah did that it might even bring a tear to my eye.....sad but true. I truely wish Sarah would learn how to push some more of my buttons of her own accord, I still need to illicite those special hugs, and or verbal acknowledgments.

I must admit I would never show my wife Elsie Sutton’s web pages because I think she takes things too far in terms of believing in female superiority. Women are not superior, just different. They are better suited than men to lead a household to be sure. But this does not make women superior persay, men deserve respect as much as any woman does. As do they in most cases deserve love from their spouse. While a lot of what Elsie says appeals to me, there is much that does not. I do intend to show her the “around her Finger” book in its entirety (I paid for it).

In Trouble

2006-11-13T11:13:00.000+11:00

My son was having a math’s exam and my wife asked if I could get home early to help him study. She told me he would be home at 2.30PM. I said I would get home early but not by 2.30. Normally I work through my lunch and then go to the gym for an hour before going back to work. So that day I was actually really busy so I ended up going to the gym a bit later planning to be home a hour early so I could help my son with his math’s work.

Well we have some work going on at our house presently and one of the tradesmen asked Sarah a question that she needed to consult me on. Now I cut my gym work out short because I really wanted to come home early, by four so my mobile phone would have been in the locker for about 40 minutes max. Imagine my horror when I picked up my phone (because it was ringing) and its my wife asked where the %$#^ I am!!!. Later when I looked at the log, she had called me 12 times in 40 minutes…to make matters worse that day happened to be my day out of the cage because we had some good lurvin the night before. I let it air for the day (and reminisce a few times) before locking it up before bed time.

Sarah was pissed at me for a few days…until a few nights ago she told me how disappointed in me she was that I had chosen to go to the gym on a day where she had asked me to be home early to help my son. Well she is right and I apologized, even though in my mind at the time, I WAS home early by an hour early. If she had not have had the issue with the tradesman then she would never known and she would have been none the wiser. Her point is that I have to accept is that because I could have been home earlier then I should have been.

Originally when I wrote this I was going to go for comments of support, that Sarah was indeed hard on me for really winding me through the grinder. In writing this however I can see that , well she was right. I should not have gone to the gym at all. Even though my son won’t possibly concentrate for any more than a hour, so me being home at 4PM would have been ample enough time to maximize the study time available. That said, I still should have been available.

Discipline: I have been reading some of the other sub blogs around the place and I have considered being disciplined with a “switch”. I can actually see great benefit in it although I do not think it is something I would enjoy altogether I can see how it would relieve pressure for both Sarah and me. It allows her to pass on ill feeling, express them and let them go, for me I know what I have done wrong and what to avoid in the future and not have to endure days of coolness!!.

How to introduce this concept to Sarah to try it out, although I am finding out it’s a bit risky trying things out because if I do not end up liking then its kinda too bad!!. Anyway truth be known I did not really know why Sarah had been cool the last few days. I was not sure if it was the big night and subsequent hangover or the going to the gym affair…I decided to give discipline a try….so I found a wooden spoon (hey it’s a start) and accidentally on purpose dropped in the bedroom. So later on in the evening I came up with her drink and feigned stepping on something and picked it up and kind of waved it in front of her and said a lightly, were you planning on using this on my bottom were you?? Unfortunately she did not take the bait because she just said “I don’t know how it got in here!!! Anyway it led onto the conversation about what she had been annoyed about, and I gave her another opportunity by saying, well u could always use this on me, for which I got in trouble again because she thought I was making light of the situation. At which point I gave up. I think if I am to travel down that particular path I will have to introduce the concept via reading material somehow. Well more on that later.

Once I apologized Sarah more or less accepted it and I asked if she wanted a back rub. She hesitated as if acknowledging that me giving her a back rub is a privilege for ME rather than a service to her. Now there is a change in pace. This is something I never have had in return is a back rub. I did have high hopes at one point when in the early days of our marriage Sarah attended a masseurs course, but apart from some painful demonstrations I have never been on the receiving end of a sensuous massage, nor am I likely too. No I have to admit I love giving Sarah massages. She has skin as soft as silk, and it is an extra privilege to be allowed to rub her bum. If she ever says she does not want a massage in my current mindset then I actually feel rejected. Being caged helps immensely with this feeling. I don’t really follow why but Sarah sure does not get as many uncaged compared to caged. I just don’t feel as inclined. I want something in return. Of course even while being caged the thought runs through my mind that I am putting out a awful amount of emotional energy, investment, and what do I get at the end of giving Sarah a 45 minute massage, well 9 out of ten days I get a quietly snoring spouse!. I know its not meant to be balanced but sometimes questions arise.

I usually massage Sarah until she falls asleep, the time for which can vary greatly. Usually I try and roll away quietly so I do not disturb her. I guess I knew I was forgiven when I attempted roll away and I was reminded that her neck was still sore!!

Updated evenings

2006-11-09T23:13:00.000+11:00

One of the highlights of my days and morning is being close to my wife. I really love rubbing her back, and for some reason I love arousing myself in my cage while I am feeling her skin under my hands as I rub her back giving her her massage.

This to her she says gives her a greater pleasure than sex. Which of course to me makes little sense. Alas I am not one to argue.

Sometimes I miss out on this pleasure....Usually our evenings run something like this:

Dad arrives home from work at about 5.30PM ( I am lucky enough to work locally). Once home I usually help out in some way, I might clean up the kitchen after the tribe has had their afternoon feeding, or I may be lucky enough to get a game of table tennis with one of the boys…or…dread I may have to help them with their homework. Homework really sucks, one of the best things about leaving school was the realization that THERE WAS NO MORE FRIGGIN HOMEWORK. Well its all a lie, a sad sad terrible farce. Once you have kids, you commit yourself to X^2*12 more years of HOMEWORK, where X equals the number of children. The exponential is there because the more children you have the harder it is to find time to do friggin anything!!! and the 12 is how many years kids are at achool

OK now I have that off my chest, towards meal time I usually try and help prepare the meal for us all, although admittedly I am doing this more recently than I have done in the past, with my new mindset I have been looking for ways of lightening the load a bit for Sarah.

Once dinner is consumed then I usually do the cleaning up of the dishes and kitchen, I am working on getting the kids to help, after all I do work all day and its only fair the kids learn to pull their weight. Whilst I am cleaning up Sarah normally attends to the younger ones and making sure they are not actively headhunting the family pooch or playing the computers instead of going to bed.

Lights normally go off about 9.30PM after which Sarah retires to her bedroom and I come down here to do whatever. I ALWAYS take a hot chocolate up to her (always have done actually) where I ask her how much time alone she desires. Usually about 11.30PM I will join her in the bedroom, although I am not normally allowed to talk to her since she is enjoys her recorded TV shows.

The after the lights go out I would normally giver her a massage till she drifts off to sleep. Sarah has a lot of trouble sleep, I think have mentioned previously?...probably

One of the interesting things here, is that this behavior sounds to me anyway like a submissive husband SHOULD behave. Yet I have actually being behaving this way for years, less the massages because uncaged I would invariably after a few nights ask for sex…lol In showing Sarah “Around her finger” all I did was admit to it!! Point is, that this is not really a NEW mindset persay, it is just new for me to acknowledge that I am doing it because I am being submissive to her.

So where is this rambling thread headed?, well a few nights ago the “pressure was building” and I went to bed and Sarah had already turned off the light. Now this is something I REALLY hate because it means there will be no interaction at all, nothing, no acknowledgement whatsoever, and not only that, there is the fear factor if I happen to wake Sarah as I creep into bed!! So that particular night I drifted off into a very frustrated interrupted sleep, after which I woke at my 3.30AM hard one wake up call after which I could not sleep. I decided that in the morning I needed to talk to Sarah about things, I had plenty of time to think about bring it up without me sounding like I was whining about being caged. I simply ended up asking here if she had noticed much over the last few weeks, if it was worth continuing, to which she acknowledged she had noticed a BIG difference (mini firmon), I further, feeling a bit encouraged asked her if she had a chance to re read the “around her finger” material, to which she answered very apologetically that she intended to but had not yet had the chance….it is interesting that my night of frustration was placated simply by her acknowledgment, and her willingless to talk about stuff. This is actually a bit of a new thing for Sarah!!

Alas that talk went well, and then that night I was released!!! And we had some awesome much needed release!! I did not ask for release, all the better because it was offered

Running out of time again, blogging IS time consuming….

Tonight marks my 4^th week of wearing the CB3K with only 3 releases, shame I can’t celebrate with some self gratification. I doubt Sarah recognizes this milestone. I think I will have to wait for my birthday which is coming up soon for another release L.

Yesterday Sarah was really pissed off with me, so even birthday pressy might be in doubt……..tell u next time.

Life goes on

2006-11-06T15:59:00.000+11:00

Time does get away from me.

Monday, and actually I feel like crap after having a big weekend. I have not written in this blog since last Wednesday, time for a few comments about what is going on now rather than last year.

I am still very much in subspace, even though on Wednesday night Sarah let me out of the cage for some play. Unfortunately things did not go so well for her, she did not tell me she had a bit of thrush left over from her period (yeah I know warts and all), and I did not know, I was just happy to be free.

I must admit, Sarah sure got a kick out of teasing me, I spotted the keys on her bedside table when I came to bed, which gave me reason to relax a bit. I knew I was going to be let out tonight….then she switches off the light. I could not help myself and I commented on what I thought I saw on her bedside table. She simply replied, oh that was a dirty cup…so I am told to massage her back, to which I comply….for a time. I can feel my urgency growing and then suddenly she looks up at me. I kid you not I have never seen my Sarah look at me with such pure evil. In fact she reminded me of this picture the way she looked at me. She reached over and baulked at the beside table, then demanded further massage before finely, after quite some time handing me the keys…was I wound up or what

Anyway after a very good attempt at getting her motor started it just wouldn’t start, then she told me why, she was soooo apologetic, which was really nice that she cared. I just loved her for that…..She told me to cum myself, and I asked her if she was sure it was ok, because I was quite prepared to not…even though t would have been a pretty frustrating experience, but she really did insist. I was wearing a condom anyway so it was not like it was going to make any difference now, I really did not need much encouragement. But since I am on a journey into a female lead relationship, I simply did as I was told..:) I always tend to wear a condom after wearing the cage, even following a wash I am not sure if I would like something that has been sweating and smelling inside a plastic cage for 10 days inside me. Sarah also hates being wet afterwards…

Sarah promised me that we would try again in a few days time which I am hoping that happens soon. I put the cage back on the very next day as I had promised, so now this Thursday I will have worn it almost non stop for a month.

I also finally actually asked Sarah what she thought of the “around her finger” material I gave her to read, we have been very busy lately so her reply was probably warranted, she told me that she needed to re read it, so whatever it seems that she is accepting the premise to the point where she wants to consider it more carefully.

Just over the weekend as well, she told me that since I am wearing the “thing” (she refers to it as “the thing”) that I had better purchase some locks for the bathrooms so that our kids don’t walk in on me while I taking a shower. That seemed to me to be a very practical thing for her to suggest, it would seem that this cage is to become a permanent part of our relationship. She is actually prepared to spend on keeping me locked up. This both scares me and also makes me horny, and submissive to her.

I am not really in the mood for writing today, I really did have a big night on Saturday night, Sarah went home early and left me at a party…and I quite honestly destroyed myself. One point of note, is that normally if I got home as late as that I would have been sleeping in the dog house. Can wearing a cage really make that much of a difference? Maybe she is relaxed knowing I am not up to any no good? But honestly Sarah seems to much nicer to me lately. I did not even get glared at the next day even though I was completely stuffed all day.

Maybe that’s why I am still in it and those few nights have not come to pass. Maybe I am going to be kept in for extra time…eeekkk, more than a few nights have passed…tonight will be night 5

I am still thinking about giving her the around her finger book which I purchased, although I am tempted to make a few additions of my own, kind of tailor it a little bit. I am not sure if I should or not.

Its our anniversary in about 6 weeks, so maybe I can write her a devotion letter.

Got to do some work…

A Bit of History

2006-11-01T11:38:00.000+11:00

....How I introduced the cage to my wife in a non threatening way

I originally posted this in Septemeber last year in a well known forum that deals with orgasm and denial. This particular thread has now been read over 7000 times so it must have rung a chord somewhere. Please remember my wife is completly vanilla, probably more vanilla than YOUR wife!! As I have said before I had been fantisising about chastity devices for some time. I still do not understand the attraction, alas I decided to move it into reality. These days I am in two minds, I like wearing it at the same time I hate it (two things I hate are not being able to masterbate and being woken religiously at 3.30AM with a woody). A lot of time has past now, but as I have said previously, the advertised benifits to relationships I tend to believe are real, or have been at least for me. Crazy that wearing a plastic cage on your cock can do this I know...I think I understand the mechanics of this, but that can wait till another post...

This is how it started, and our relationship development has by no means finished. Reading back over how I behaved then, I made sooo many mistakes by expecting things to just change too quickly, they don't just change, it takes time, and a lot of it as well as patience. That said this first installment is about 5 pages long, so don't get too bored...hopefully I will leave u hanging...hehe

Sept 2005
How it began:

few weeks ago...I was lying in bed close to my wife, and I chuckled to myself knowing that I would elicit a what are you chuckling about .I said well it was just some spam I received on the email about this cage that stops spouses from hassling their wives for sex it was on Ebay

Her immediate response and you have to understand this is a very light hearted conversation. well that sounds like a really good idea!!! , so I said that s good I thought you might find it funny so I put a bid in .doubt I will win it though

That was a few weeks ago, I made a few jokes about it between then and now all the time plucking courage to tell her that I had won it .because honestly I was fearful she might like it too much or it might weird her out ..so decided to keep it light

Anyway last week while I was buggin her for sex I told her I had won it and to cut a long story short on Saturday night just gone I decided to show it to her. I had also made up some instructions for her to read .that supposedly came with the device I might post this later but its is a bit moot now since she did not read them in detail. (although she DID capture some of the detail!! More on that later)

This weekend has been very interesting/frightening I can tell you!!!

When I showed her, her face was one of stony interest, she kind of examined it .I made some fumbled comments about the really kinky instructions that came with it and that there were 5 FULL pages of them!! I made some comments that I can t believe how serious these instructions are, they are a bit scarey!!! then I said do you reckon I should try it on , remembering this is still pretty light hearted .after all it was just something I picked up on ebay!! Once I had the affirmative .off I went saying I had left all the bits down stairs .

I took my time putting it on I did not know what to expect .I can tell u my adrenaline gland was working over time I wanted to give her time to read the instructions.

Once a suitable time had passed I went upstairs to show her now this is priceless

I had some long runners on as I walked into the room she looked up at me (she was sitting on the floor) then she looked down at my crotch .no obvious bulge there so then I showed her ..she did not look shocked she simply examined it in curiosity I made some comment that I really can t get it off .she said I am sure you will find a way da da da..

Then I kid you not .she scooped up the keys .and put them between her legs and said well I guess you will just have to see how comfortable it is to sleep in won t you . That s all she said and I mean all GULP!! That s it!!........She turns back to the TV and acts as if nothing has transpired .starts talking about the TV show.

Well my head is in a spin .I am really locked in this thing, and my wife really has the key, I am not sure right now if she really has any concept or understand that I REALLY can t get out .nor do I think she has read the instructions that explain night time is a hellish place and it might take some getting used too ..and then it hit home, this fantasy that has been manifesting itself for a very long time has just become reality it has really happened with her holding the key ..biting off more than I can chew had a whole new meaning,

So the next few hours went by, casual conversation, then finally the light went out .and STILL no further talk about my entrapment so I began to massage her back .and everything else I dared to I massaged her for a LONG time I even got close in a spoon position so she feel the hard plastic under my silk pajamas. And I was firming up under the plastic...dammm I gave her a kiss goodnight and as she kissed me back she said a thank you , like she really meant it..and went to sleep leaving me lying there thinking WTF have I got myself into.

Of course I could not sleep that night .my mind was racing .would not could not sleep .eventually I did well until 3AM when the first of my wake up calls occurred .I had to be careful not to wake her my wife is a very light sleeper and has trouble sleeping period, to wake her is a real no no .so I just had to put up with it .eventually I went back to sleep and then 5.30..again .then again 6.30!! @ 6.30 I just decided to lie there awake ..and I waited for my wife to wake .

I greeted her with a kiss and had some light conversation, I asked her if she slept well and she had .I commented that I had had a few wake up calls as started to rub her back again, again in the spoon position then she turns over and looks at me looking shocked . You don t still have that THING on do you How could you Sleep with that on ummm duh!! well yeah .I told you I could not get out of it, and you took the key remember. I dare not wake you up anyway it was not that bad , with that .she opens her dresser draw and hands me the key!!

Hmmmm well I thought that did not go that well..I was kind of disappointed that all she had done with the key was put it in the dresser draw it seemed like all bets were off anyway. I lay there with the keys in my hand again ..rubbing her back in the spoon position I love rubbing her back .I love the feel of her skin, it never ever fails to arouse me, and it did then, but I still trapped and the hard plastic begins sticking out from my body and being in the spoon position while rubbing my wife back .the hard plastic is buried somewhere on/in her behind, the pressure feels nice .for me ..and as it turns out for her because she then says but this it IS kind of nice with that I say Ok well if you like it .tell you what I will wear it for as long as I can tolerate it, and I handed the keys back to her ..and man I am a sucker for punishment because she took them!! And she got a very nice long massage in the morning, and since I told her jokingly I was her newest neutered slave she got coffee and breakfast in bed!

I might have to finish this story later its longer than I thought stay tuned cuz I am only up to Sunday Morning and I am writing this on Monday morning.:

Chapter 2

Hi There, thanks for your comments, it has the hallmarks of reality because it IS real, blow by blow One thing I would like to clarify, is normally I am a dominant person, I am not sure how to describe our relationship, she is the firey one, but if she says something stupid or unreasonable she gets told to go take a hike, its one thing to play a submissive game, its quite another to be a doormat which I am not. Sexually again I am the dominant one, but she does make me try very hard, and because she is so hard to please, she really does come first in the bedroom, otherwise when sex happens, which is rare, it would be very boring, she is usually completely passive..I have even threatened to tie her up before although I have never done this to her, I still would like too, actually when I threatened her he reaction was not negative, rather if I am turned on you can do whatever u want but getting her turned on is the hard part, and its never come about now here is a thought a bit of bondage for her while I am in the CB Torture her with pleasure I say .hehe anyways so I guess in some respects I am already sex denied Mrs palmer is a poor substitute in-between. I still do not fully understand my attraction to this game it is like there are warring factions within my mind its delicious, yet scarey, at the same time I am worried about passing too much power to my wife, but if it ever comes to manipulation outside of the game then .there will be one broken CB .if its working for her and for me then let it continue its something different .and a bit of spice lets see how it pans out

Ok where was I:

After serving her breakfast I took a shower, when I came out she had left the bedroom. Later on in the morning we decided to take the kids out but the wife was going to take a bus with the kids and I was driving and going to meet them there. On their departure I have my wife a hug and a kiss goodbye then I got it again . Your not still wearing that THING are you well I stammered a bit admittedly and said well u took the key, you know I can t get out of it.. with that she left but she had not told me where it was .even though I knew where she had put it .I debated now if I should take it off, I was beginning to feel like I was weirding her out again.

In the end I decided to leave it on, and off I went to meet up with them. We spent the morning and early afternoon in the shops, much to my chagrin, in any case about 2PM we arrived home and had a late lunch .

During lunch I said to my wife, you know I still have it on you know, but I have to admit it is surprisingly comfortable, I hardly even know I am wearing it!! she replyed by telling me it is in the draw where it was last time .I then told a white lie . I looked in there but I didn t see it, besides I really did not want to go rummaging through your draws with that we left it .and the kids were keen to go out and play some soccer at this point I went upstairs and my wife was in the bedroom. I told her that I was planning to go out and play soccer and that it would be a good idea to take it off for obvious reasons.

So I was released that afternoon .and I was glad of it because the soccer match ended up being very strenuous because some kids and another father joined in .I took a few tumbles, I am not sure I would want the CB on when that happened!!.

Soo lets skip to the night time .and here it gets interesting again I had decided to try my luck tonight and ask for sex kind of strategically because she had let me out, I wanted her to respond in a certain way call it manipulative perhaps but I got more than I bargained for:

I waited patiently for the light to go out and started to rub her back, I had hinted earlier that I intended to try my luck ..as I shuffled over to her .she asked are you wearing that thing tonight as I answered in the negative I was close enough she could feel my firmness. She says well I might WANT you to be wearing it tonight , as soon as she said that, I felt the blood pump into my penis at an accelerated rate into pretty much a full blown hardon, I am sure she must have noticed that her words had turned me on but I was pretty intent on sex that night, she kept on about it though, that thing did not last long did it!! and I replied : I really could not get it on now I am too hard & so I begun a negotiation process. I told her she should not have let me out!! And she returned that You were playing a contact sport (which the instructions advise against), THEN she floored me. She stated as a matter factly that she had read the instructions and it said that it should be worn 24 hours per day 7 days a week, and that she want me to wear it we had a bit of a light argument then, I asked if she had read the rest of the instructions, and that I might be open to bribery she said she did not HAVE to read the rest, she had seen all she needed to see and that was that it should be worn 24/7!! ok now I started shiting bricks, well at the same time I was feeling dizzy firkin hell I have created monster At the time I was misunderstanding her, I was reading what she was saying as me wearing it forever but what she was saying was for 7 days straight I did not realize this till half way through the night I was in a state of panic..

Anyways, I ended up saying look I PROMISE I will put it on tomorrow and give u the keys if we can make love tonight .typical man with a raging hardon can only think with brain in penis .so .although she never accepted the proposal we did end up having sex, although she made me wear a condom, which she does ask me to do sometimes, I don t mind because it means she will sleep naked instead of putting her panties back on..plus the new non latex condoms are like wearing nothing anyways .they are excellent. In some respects it was a godsend because since I had spent a lot of time in the last 24 hours locked up I had not masturbated .and at one point my wife asked why I wasn t moving .I had to admit to her I am trying to control myself ..it ended up being a wonderful session she had hers in fact I dare say she was turned on very easily that night and mine was absolutely awesome.

Once things had calmed down my Mind started up .farking hell what have I made a promise to do I knew I could not go 7 days..not at this point anyways ..It took a long time for me to get to sleep

Morning came and as usual I woke well before she did .gawd she looked beautiful asleep .uncaged I took matters into my own hands again .it was nearly as powerful as the night before .as usual tho, on the way to O, the chastity fantasy is overpowering then once u blow, its like farking hell what am I THINKING

Eventually she awoke and I gave her a morning rub .and to cut a long story short I admitted to her that I was worried about the promise I had made the night before .I asked her if she really meant 7 days, she just smiled ..then she said see how it goes.........