Tiny Update

just thought I would let you know I am locked up again (few days ago). I left the keys on Sarah's table following her period, well just before it was going to finish and when I came to bed the keys were gone, so I took the signal and locked it up.

Next morning I discovered she had not put them away just moved them...grrrr, so I asked her if she was ready or not, not to put her under any pressure or anything, and she said yep she was ready and would put them away.

Alas that night she STILL had not put them away so here I am walking around caged up but with easy access to the keys, hmmm thats not good, I am just wondering if she is humoring me.

So I ask her this time if she wants to wait another month, after new years, that she can give me the keys back and leave it alone, no pressure, bla bla...all said very nicely, Sarah said nope your not having them back.....

But then I just don't get it, after giving her loads of attention last night, just back rubs, Sarah won't allow me to pleasure her without intercourse, she does not see the point....she STILL did not put them away in the morning...

FFS, anyways I could not hide my frustration, she claimed she has other priorities on her mind.

sheesh its not that hard to hide some friggin keys is it???

Anyways she did eventually, but I am still wondering what its all for. I like her being in control but leaving the keys out leaves me in control, self control, and to be honest I just don't have any when it comes to opportunities to self satisfy.

I don't feel in the right frame of mind presently, there are other reasons for this. I don't expect to be let out before new years though. The extra tight ring is giving me a bit of grief because the diameter is not quite enough for there not to be some fold in the skin somewhere and this seems to be causing some pain at night when i am not able to adjust myself. that said if I were having nocturnal erections wearing this size ring would be impossible. circulation is no problem, everything remains a nice pink color.

I think I am going to stop talking about my attempts to lower my libido, it just seems people do not understand. Not one person has indicated positively or understand my position, and I feel it is because either

1. If there is d r u gs involved it must be bad.
2. The have not spent the HOURS of research that I have, or understand how careful I am being. tiny little steps.

No I am not a doctor but I did have (still have) the intellect to be one if I had of chosen that for my profession. I am smart enough to know what I am doing thanks

people have two choices when they are in a relationship.

cruise on and hope things work themselves out
or do what it takes and that may mean anything, go to any lengths to make their relationship the best it can be.

I have chosen the later. I am very sensitive to what Sarah wants and needs, and I have found a way to soften the dark side of the wolf in me. I know our relationship is uneven, I wish Sarah would respond more, i also think she is slightly insane, but then many of you would say that about me.

life is a journey and I am exploring avenues, I will make mistakes like most people, but they will be with the best of intentions not based on some kinky fantasy.

While i won't deny there is not some fantasy involved in a FLR, I am also realistic about the reality of life.

I would love Sarah to sit on my face and grab my caged cock and give me instructions for the day and tell me that if they are not done to her liking then she might just drop the keys in a vat of acid....i can visualize her absolutely stunning petite butt descending on to my face and her so silkened milk white soft cheeks coming to rest on either side of my face, I can even taste the scent of her. The picture of her perfect pussy, the shape the texture, the soft clam of pearls. I can feel her grab my cock encased in the hard plastic, instantly trying to find a way to escape, the extra tight ring begins to bite into my flesh, as Sarah uses it to change her gears during her instruction.

Yes, putty I would be.

Regrettably that is only in my minds eye.

The reality is somewhat more like I give her unpressured massages for an hour at night and in the morning, and my reward is her smile, and a non wavering look into each others eyes, that says I appreciate you as a person, and I love what you are trying to do, or simply a exchange of knowledge that we are closer as a couple.

I hope thats where we end up this session, the previous one was nearly there but Sarah backed away. perhaps this time.

i think I probably should have waited till next cycle tho....

Strap-on?

I bet you thought I had gone the way of many blogs and stopped bothering to write. Fact is I have been so busy that I have barely had time to breath.

I have a full time job but I also run a small moonlighting business that really picked up in the run up towards Christmas to the point where I was having trouble coping with both my real job and my moonlighting one. Now after the Christmas rush things might settle down a bit and hence why I am able to write now, although that is not to say it won’t get busy later today.

After the last episode, Sarah did let me out as she always does. I managed to keep myself nice and did not ask for release. But it is interesting that in taking drugs that supposedly reduce ones sex drive do not seem to do very much in the respect of needing intimacy with your wife. It DOES help tempter the angry resentment though that we all know and llll...hate.

As for the cage, Sarah ended up leaving the keys on her bedside table for weeks, so I never put it back on. Seemed pointless if she was not interested enough to put them away. In the end we had a talk about it because I was starting to become psychotic coming to be and looking to see if she had put them away!! Sarah basically said that at this time of the year she was too busy for it (like it takes too much effort on her part!!) and that even though I was very good the last few sessions at not asking or even putting any sort of pressure all on her, that she still felt that she had to release me after a week or so and that she felt pressured to “perform”. This saddened me of course because we really seemed to me to be making progress, and I felt at least that we were closer than ever before. A combination of my reduced libido state and the cage seemed to me at least to be making a significant difference to our relationship.

I actually still believe that it did, but I think that it actually scared Sarah a bit. I went on a business trip for a few days and it was after I had been away for a few days that she suddenly seemed to grow cold again, I asked her about this and she told me I was imagining it. But my gut feeling is that she was thinking about things and once again she got weirded out a bit about the whole cage thing.

That said she has seemed to make it clear that we will be playing with it again, but we will see, it has been a very hectic silly season after all.

One thing of note while I have not been wearing the cage for the last 6 weeks or so, Sarah did say coincidently one night while we had a unsuccessful attempt at sex (unsuccessful attempt at sex for us is when Sarah does not get into it. I usually won’t complete myself either just because when Sarah does not get into I really don’t either) Well Sarah passed the comment that she will have to start taking hormons (and grow a beard). She dropped this right out of the blue, and I began to think perhaps she found some of my pills and looked them up on the internet. I actually said that there were anti hormons out there, kind of jokingly and Sarah responded, if you take them I will take hormons. Not seriously though, not enough to pursue. Anyway it did give me reasons to check the computers in the house internet histories.

I did not find anything though (we have 2 communal computers, one in my eldests sons bedroom +mine) , but I did find something else which really blew my mind because it was unrelated to androcur, or the other drug I am taking.

It was actually on my sons computer. I check it from time to time anyway because it is in his bedroom, and although I have crippled it so that his access is restriced, for example MSN does not work, nor does myspace, but his internet access is unrestricted, there has never been any reason for me to restrict it. Imagine my surprise when right one the very edge of the history, about to expire there was a search request for “strap on” and another for “anal sex” and the links led to wiki entries for the same, this is weird because there has never been any entries sex related on his computer before, and for a kid his age if he wanted to explore something like that then I would expect there to be entries like fuck, sex or naked or more simple sexual references. Not strap on and anal sex!!. Ok so who did it then? I know I didn’t so does that mean Sarah has been researching strap on sex and anal sex??

I have always wondered if Sarah was slightly a fence sitter with respect to the way she carries on in particular with one girlfriend, the entry in the wiki pertains to both lesbian and heterosexual activities using strap ons, but then the additional entry for anal sex?

How can this be explained? I can only draw one conclusion that Sarah has been thinking about some fairly kinky activities? I wonder how I should approach this? If she is interested in this stuff then I would certainly love to explore anything she is prepared to, the thought of it is quite exciting, but would you believe as I was trying to resolve the dates of these internet visits, the reference to strap ons disappeared, the history link expired. Really weird, it was like it ceased to exist and was a figment of my imagination or fantasy. Only I could determine is that these sites were visited quite some time BEFORE the last cage play or during it. I could not pin down the exact date. It is possible that she decided to look into some of the reading material I had given her in the past, and of course possible that she decided it repulsed her, but this was BEFORE our last intimate session where I felt we were closer than ever before.

Alas this part of our lives has definitely been on hold for the last six weeks because we have been so busy.

On the drug front I ended up reducing the adrocure to just 12 mg per day, which is a tiny dose and mixing it with the finasteride which as stated before is a recognized drug for treating baldness. The combination of the two are certainly very effective. I have noticed a considerable drop in libido, and the pleasure of orgasm has also reduced to the point that it was a lot of hard work to have one and when I did it was hardly worth the effort. But the desire for intimacy with Sarah has actually increased I think which really does not make much sense. The other side effect of hair growth on my head has been definitely noticeable even after such a short amount of time, although it has been some months since I started taking the adrocure so that may have started things off, but the regrowth has been considerable, more than I thought it would be and this can only be seen as a positive thing. It will be interesting to see just how much hair will come back, but its been a while since I could feel the wind on my hair I can tell u!!

I have stopped taking the adrocure now entirely for a few weeks but maintained the finasteride for this reason (I like the thicker hair on my head), as I don’t really like the diminished feeling of pleasure from orgasm, but it has taken some weeks for the feeling to start to come back, in fact I think the ongoing use of finasteride is contributing to the length of time it is taking. I still do not have any erections at night and occasionally I will put the cage on out of my own volition just to see if there are any nocturnal ones that I don’t know about. So far just using the finasteride has continued to maintain my lack of nocturnal erections completely, yet my orgasms and ability to masturbate have almost returned to normal but without the real angry sex drive, all good. Also makes sleeping with the cage a whole lot easier, not that I need to presently.

As far as the cage is concerned I have been experimenting with the next smaller ring which in the past I could not tolerate because of night time arousals and it is even fairly tight during the day. With my normal ring I could wiggle with some effort out the back of the cage and have a play if I really wanted, not that I did because it really took some effort and not very comfortable with a cage hanging off your balls (which you can’t get off), but with this next ring down in size pulling out the back becomes impossible. I have managed to wear it for 2 days with the smaller ring, which is a first. This ring on the CB6000 is different to the 3K, I was able to get out the back of the same size ring on the 3K device but on the 6K they have made it flatter over to top, and this small reduction in diameter and the shape of the ring makes it just tight enough that I can’t get my fingers in there to pull the skin back.

The implications of this are that now next time Sarah and I play with the cage I truly will be locked up with escape impossible short of breaking the cage, and also orgasm will be impossible due to the slight reduced sensitivity within the cage, although I have not spent a week in the cage, its possible after a week the sensitivity might amp up a bit…lol and so might the night time arousals, in which case I would be in for some painful nights with the smaller ring and Sarah holding the key…scarey.

Oh and I also purchased “Male Chastity-A guide for keyholders” paperback which I thought might help validate the idea of chastity for Sarah given that it is a published book. Interested people can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145

That’s it for now, I know it’s a lot of waffling but that’s basically what is going on. Still in the pursuit of a happier marrage and a closer relationship with my wife J