I wonder if anyone still reads this blog, its been so long
since I wrote, I have forgotten about it, I am sure most of readers have as
well.
The interesting thing about chastity is that once bitten by
the big its very very hard to let it go, even if your spouse really is not that
into it…for a man with an extremely high sex driver, poking your cock into a
conundrum is like a moth drawn to a flame. Its been a good 5 or 6 years now
since I placed my first order for a CB3000.
I did end up purchasing a stainless steel device called a
jailbird made by mature metal, and it is my current device. Sarah still remains
pretty much indifferent although she is definitely dominant . What Sarah is
really in need of is a slave that wants for nothing.
Unfortunately I am not built that way, I can not serve with
no expectation of reciprocation. If I work hard enough dammit I feel like I
deserve some pussy!! Which is still a problem for me and for her. There are plenty
of doms out there who would scorn indeed plenty on collar me who state “I am
after a slave who has NO EXPECTATIONS” of reward, I think I know now what that
really means, it’s a pretty tough call.
It would not take much for Sarah to dom me so that I would
fill more fulfilled though, if I was not presented with a back each night with
an expectation to rub it while she goes to sleep…even some verbal domination
would be enough to tweek those flames, some form of acknowledgment. Surely even
a slave can expect some acknowledgment….then the definition of SLAVE must be
absolutely no reciprocation, no thanks and definitely no privileges like eating
her cunt. Being a slave must mean that she only puts up with me being married
to her, that she could have done a whole lot better than me, the privilege of
being with her is enough, the privilege of holding her. Yet if she simply told
me to do things because of my predicament this would be acknowledgment, but
Sarah won’t even do that. Therefore I am relegated to slave status…reciprocation=zero
I can’t bring myself to watch femdom movies that depict snivelling
fools grovelling to ‘goddess” without cringing a bit, I am not one of those
people, I am just not built that way. So
I try and focus on the things that she does allow me. Sarah does allow me a
fair bit of lee way in the morning (rarely at night though). I am allowed to
rub her all over including her breasts…and of course touching her is pure
heaven, but I am not permitted to give her an orgasm, I am not allowed to drift
near her snatch, sometimes I try my luck of course but I am usually swatted
away. Sometimes if I am lucky she will put my head in a headlock and my face
gets pressed up inches away from her nipple.
Usually after about a week after a stretch of no orgasm and of
giving Sarah heaps of massages and attention I kind of start feeling full up
and fed up at which point I will ask Sarah if I can have a stretch (our word
for me having a spurt with no sex). Usually after a few days of pestering I
will be allowed to remove the cage and put a condom on and Sarah will let me
rub my cock on her bottom until I cum and these days I am expected to pretty
much put the cage straight back on. Sarah does not ask me to, I just do it and
she expects it. She does not hold the key (this again would involve too much
effort on her part), the key is actually on my bed side table hence there is
still a certain amount of will power involved. After a Stretch though I usually
feel appropriately pathetic ..and usually wish I hadn’t. But after a week I can
start getting very fructuous, I have no idea how some people can go so long
without cuming, even after all these years of chastity, two weeks is still my
best effort, and even then it was a bit of a disappointment, after two weeks
the dream sort of dies and the orgasm with it. One week seems to be a sweet
spot for me anyway, after a week an orgasm feels awesum even if it does make
one feel pathetic.
I am still not sure if I am cut out to be a slave which is
probably why I describe myself as a switch, because I actually like to do the
fucking sometimes…and I like to tease and deny …and I really love seeing a woman’s
eyes glaze over. Interestingly when we do fuck, Sarah once aroused actually
enjoys to be really fucked…and not that gently….this just not happen very often
though, once every other week if I am fortunate (I guess many “slaves” would
consider themselves VERY fortunate with this regularity, maybe I am just being
greedy!! ) Given my system is usually “full” on these rare occasions, a good
fucking becomes a challenge because I dare not cum early and not masturbating for
a week then being expected to thrust quickly is like a hair trigger!!.
The life with Sarah feels like I am by default ending up as
what can be called “a slave”, what so many men seem to think they want….and I
still fight it!!! Am I a slave? Should I just accept it…accept that I will receive
no accolade for accomplishments, I will give her endless massages and
attentions for these titbits of pleasure. Maybe I need a good slapping for
expecting too much (actually that would be attention wouldn’t it)
So why do I do this, well because I am a moth drawn to a
flame, and Sarah is Happier, I just wish that this dynamic if you can call it
that made her happy enough to want let me give her a orgasm, or have more
physical interaction in whatever form it took.
For the gear heads, I discovered fairly early on that the
jailbird after a few days its not very secure in that with some effort one can shake the shit out of it and you can cum inside
the jailbird. If anyone is interested in
in how I solved this problem, its not that new but basically I took some chain
and threaded it through a old leather belt (they usually have two layers),
padlocked the chain at the back just above my arse crack and threaded the chain
down and padlock to bottom of the cage making the cock permanently pointed own. I also attached a
small metal plate from the cage to the middle of the belt just below my belly
button making it impossible to pull out…so what is virtually a open full belt the good thing about this is that
the “security belt” can be removed completely independently of the cock cage,
its only really necessary when I am not near Sarah. I can’t really shake the
shit out of the cage when I am lying in bed with her so I can take the security
belt off at night. I have tried and tried to come in this getup and I assure
you its not possible. Perhaps with a giant vibrator, but I don’t have one of
those. I do worry if I ever have a accident or if I have to go to a hospital
what they would say, also I am sure they see stranger things in emergency than
a belt that cant come off and a cock cage.
Its even comfortable enough to ride a bike in (current health kick is to
ride my bike 12KM/day)
If anyone is interested I will try and check my comments and
I can send pics of how it was constructed. I do feel a comfort when wearing it,
every cage I have owned, CB3K, CB6K and jailbird I could cum by shaking it.
Wearing a cage where you can cum if you really want to is one thing but being
absolutely unable to cum no matter how hard you try is a whole new thing and
trust me I have tried….even better it cost a whole $18 in materials to make
I doubt I will update this blog again for some time, because
I am still very busy with our not so new business which is still doing well…J But yeah I am still
around…and there are so many other bloggers with too much time on their hands…more
time than I have ...and so pictorial these days.....unlike this boring old word blog...ooookkkk...here is my arse...and you try taking a pic of your own arse with a phone cam
Take care….
