Am I a slave

I wonder if anyone still reads this blog, its been so long since I wrote, I have forgotten about it, I am sure most of readers have as well. 

The interesting thing about chastity is that once bitten by the big its very very hard to let it go, even if your spouse really is not that into it…for a man with an extremely high sex driver, poking your cock into a conundrum is like a moth drawn to a flame. Its been a good 5 or 6 years now since I placed my first order for a CB3000.

I did end up purchasing a stainless steel device called a jailbird made by mature metal, and it is my current device. Sarah still remains pretty much indifferent although she is definitely dominant . What Sarah is really in need of is a slave that wants for nothing. 

Unfortunately I am not built that way, I can not serve with no expectation of reciprocation. If I work hard enough dammit I feel like I deserve some pussy!! Which is still a problem for me and for her. There are plenty of doms out there who would scorn indeed plenty on collar me who state “I am after a slave who has NO EXPECTATIONS” of reward, I think I know now what that really means, it’s a pretty tough call.

It would not take much for Sarah to dom me so that I would fill more fulfilled though, if I was not presented with a back each night with an expectation to rub it while she goes to sleep…even some verbal domination would be enough to tweek those flames, some form of acknowledgment. Surely even a slave can expect some acknowledgment….then the definition of SLAVE must be absolutely no reciprocation, no thanks and definitely no privileges like eating her cunt. Being a slave must mean that she only puts up with me being married to her, that she could have done a whole lot better than me, the privilege of being with her is enough, the privilege of holding her. Yet if she simply told me to do things because of my predicament this would be acknowledgment, but Sarah won’t even do that. Therefore I am relegated to slave status…reciprocation=zero

I can’t bring myself to watch femdom movies that depict snivelling fools grovelling to ‘goddess” without cringing a bit, I am not one of those people, I am just not built that way.  So I try and focus on the things that she does allow me. Sarah does allow me a fair bit of lee way in the morning (rarely at night though). I am allowed to rub her all over including her breasts…and of course touching her is pure heaven, but I am not permitted to give her an orgasm, I am not allowed to drift near her snatch, sometimes I try my luck of course but I am usually swatted away. Sometimes if I am lucky she will put my head in a headlock and my face gets pressed up inches away from her nipple. 

Usually after about a week after a stretch of no orgasm and of giving Sarah heaps of massages and attention I kind of start feeling full up and fed up at which point I will ask Sarah if I can have a stretch (our word for me having a spurt with no sex). Usually after a few days of pestering I will be allowed to remove the cage and put a condom on and Sarah will let me rub my cock on her bottom until I cum and these days I am expected to pretty much put the cage straight back on. Sarah does not ask me to, I just do it and she expects it. She does not hold the key (this again would involve too much effort on her part), the key is actually on my bed side table hence there is still a certain amount of will power involved. After a Stretch though I usually feel appropriately pathetic ..and usually wish I hadn’t. But after a week I can start getting very fructuous, I have no idea how some people can go so long without cuming, even after all these years of chastity, two weeks is still my best effort, and even then it was a bit of a disappointment, after two weeks the dream sort of dies and the orgasm with it. One week seems to be a sweet spot for me anyway, after a week an orgasm feels awesum even if it does make one feel pathetic.

I am still not sure if I am cut out to be a slave which is probably why I describe myself as a switch, because I actually like to do the fucking sometimes…and I like to tease and deny …and I really love seeing a woman’s eyes glaze over. Interestingly when we do fuck, Sarah once aroused actually enjoys to be really fucked…and not that gently….this just not happen very often though, once every other week if I am fortunate (I guess many “slaves” would consider themselves VERY fortunate with this regularity, maybe I am just being greedy!! ) Given my system is usually “full” on these rare occasions, a good fucking becomes a challenge because I dare not cum early and not masturbating for a week then being expected to thrust quickly is like a hair trigger!!. 

The life with Sarah feels like I am by default ending up as what can be called “a slave”, what so many men seem to think they want….and I still fight it!!! Am I a slave? Should I just accept it…accept that I will receive no accolade for accomplishments, I will give her endless massages and attentions for these titbits of pleasure. Maybe I need a good slapping for expecting too much (actually that would be attention wouldn’t it)

So why do I do this, well because I am a moth drawn to a flame, and Sarah is Happier, I just wish that this dynamic if you can call it that made her happy enough to want let me give her a orgasm, or have more physical interaction in whatever form it took.

For the gear heads, I discovered fairly early on that the jailbird after a few days its not very secure in that with some effort one can  shake the shit out of it and you can cum inside the jailbird.  If anyone is interested in in how I solved this problem, its not that new but basically I took some chain and threaded it through a old leather belt (they usually have two layers), padlocked the chain at the back just above my arse crack and threaded the chain down and padlock to bottom of the cage making the cock  permanently pointed own. I also attached a small metal plate from the cage to the middle of the belt just below my belly button making it impossible to pull out…so what is virtually a open  full belt the good thing about this is that the “security belt” can be removed completely independently of the cock cage, its only really necessary when I am not near Sarah. I can’t really shake the shit out of the cage when I am lying in bed with her so I can take the security belt off at night. I have tried and tried to come in this getup and I assure you its not possible. Perhaps with a giant vibrator, but I don’t have one of those. I do worry if I ever have a accident or if I have to go to a hospital what they would say, also I am sure they see stranger things in emergency than a belt that cant come off and a cock cage.  Its even comfortable enough to ride a bike in (current health kick is to ride my bike 12KM/day)

If anyone is interested I will try and check my comments and I can send pics of how it was constructed. I do feel a comfort when wearing it, every cage I have owned, CB3K, CB6K and jailbird I could cum by shaking it. Wearing a cage where you can cum if you really want to is one thing but being absolutely unable to cum no matter how hard you try is a whole new thing and trust me I have tried….even better it cost a whole $18 in materials to make

I doubt I will update this blog again for some time, because I am still very busy with our not so new business which is still doing well…J But yeah I am still around…and there are so many other bloggers with too much time on their hands…more time than I have ...and so pictorial these days.....unlike this boring old word blog...ooookkkk...here is my arse...and you try taking a pic of your own arse with a phone cam

Take care….