Strap-on?

I bet you thought I had gone the way of many blogs and stopped bothering to write. Fact is I have been so busy that I have barely had time to breath.

I have a full time job but I also run a small moonlighting business that really picked up in the run up towards Christmas to the point where I was having trouble coping with both my real job and my moonlighting one. Now after the Christmas rush things might settle down a bit and hence why I am able to write now, although that is not to say it won’t get busy later today.

After the last episode, Sarah did let me out as she always does. I managed to keep myself nice and did not ask for release. But it is interesting that in taking drugs that supposedly reduce ones sex drive do not seem to do very much in the respect of needing intimacy with your wife. It DOES help tempter the angry resentment though that we all know and llll...hate.

As for the cage, Sarah ended up leaving the keys on her bedside table for weeks, so I never put it back on. Seemed pointless if she was not interested enough to put them away. In the end we had a talk about it because I was starting to become psychotic coming to be and looking to see if she had put them away!! Sarah basically said that at this time of the year she was too busy for it (like it takes too much effort on her part!!) and that even though I was very good the last few sessions at not asking or even putting any sort of pressure all on her, that she still felt that she had to release me after a week or so and that she felt pressured to “perform”. This saddened me of course because we really seemed to me to be making progress, and I felt at least that we were closer than ever before. A combination of my reduced libido state and the cage seemed to me at least to be making a significant difference to our relationship.

I actually still believe that it did, but I think that it actually scared Sarah a bit. I went on a business trip for a few days and it was after I had been away for a few days that she suddenly seemed to grow cold again, I asked her about this and she told me I was imagining it. But my gut feeling is that she was thinking about things and once again she got weirded out a bit about the whole cage thing.

That said she has seemed to make it clear that we will be playing with it again, but we will see, it has been a very hectic silly season after all.

One thing of note while I have not been wearing the cage for the last 6 weeks or so, Sarah did say coincidently one night while we had a unsuccessful attempt at sex (unsuccessful attempt at sex for us is when Sarah does not get into it. I usually won’t complete myself either just because when Sarah does not get into I really don’t either) Well Sarah passed the comment that she will have to start taking hormons (and grow a beard). She dropped this right out of the blue, and I began to think perhaps she found some of my pills and looked them up on the internet. I actually said that there were anti hormons out there, kind of jokingly and Sarah responded, if you take them I will take hormons. Not seriously though, not enough to pursue. Anyway it did give me reasons to check the computers in the house internet histories.

I did not find anything though (we have 2 communal computers, one in my eldests sons bedroom +mine) , but I did find something else which really blew my mind because it was unrelated to androcur, or the other drug I am taking.

It was actually on my sons computer. I check it from time to time anyway because it is in his bedroom, and although I have crippled it so that his access is restriced, for example MSN does not work, nor does myspace, but his internet access is unrestricted, there has never been any reason for me to restrict it. Imagine my surprise when right one the very edge of the history, about to expire there was a search request for “strap on” and another for “anal sex” and the links led to wiki entries for the same, this is weird because there has never been any entries sex related on his computer before, and for a kid his age if he wanted to explore something like that then I would expect there to be entries like fuck, sex or naked or more simple sexual references. Not strap on and anal sex!!. Ok so who did it then? I know I didn’t so does that mean Sarah has been researching strap on sex and anal sex??

I have always wondered if Sarah was slightly a fence sitter with respect to the way she carries on in particular with one girlfriend, the entry in the wiki pertains to both lesbian and heterosexual activities using strap ons, but then the additional entry for anal sex?

How can this be explained? I can only draw one conclusion that Sarah has been thinking about some fairly kinky activities? I wonder how I should approach this? If she is interested in this stuff then I would certainly love to explore anything she is prepared to, the thought of it is quite exciting, but would you believe as I was trying to resolve the dates of these internet visits, the reference to strap ons disappeared, the history link expired. Really weird, it was like it ceased to exist and was a figment of my imagination or fantasy. Only I could determine is that these sites were visited quite some time BEFORE the last cage play or during it. I could not pin down the exact date. It is possible that she decided to look into some of the reading material I had given her in the past, and of course possible that she decided it repulsed her, but this was BEFORE our last intimate session where I felt we were closer than ever before.

Alas this part of our lives has definitely been on hold for the last six weeks because we have been so busy.

On the drug front I ended up reducing the adrocure to just 12 mg per day, which is a tiny dose and mixing it with the finasteride which as stated before is a recognized drug for treating baldness. The combination of the two are certainly very effective. I have noticed a considerable drop in libido, and the pleasure of orgasm has also reduced to the point that it was a lot of hard work to have one and when I did it was hardly worth the effort. But the desire for intimacy with Sarah has actually increased I think which really does not make much sense. The other side effect of hair growth on my head has been definitely noticeable even after such a short amount of time, although it has been some months since I started taking the adrocure so that may have started things off, but the regrowth has been considerable, more than I thought it would be and this can only be seen as a positive thing. It will be interesting to see just how much hair will come back, but its been a while since I could feel the wind on my hair I can tell u!!

I have stopped taking the adrocure now entirely for a few weeks but maintained the finasteride for this reason (I like the thicker hair on my head), as I don’t really like the diminished feeling of pleasure from orgasm, but it has taken some weeks for the feeling to start to come back, in fact I think the ongoing use of finasteride is contributing to the length of time it is taking. I still do not have any erections at night and occasionally I will put the cage on out of my own volition just to see if there are any nocturnal ones that I don’t know about. So far just using the finasteride has continued to maintain my lack of nocturnal erections completely, yet my orgasms and ability to masturbate have almost returned to normal but without the real angry sex drive, all good. Also makes sleeping with the cage a whole lot easier, not that I need to presently.

As far as the cage is concerned I have been experimenting with the next smaller ring which in the past I could not tolerate because of night time arousals and it is even fairly tight during the day. With my normal ring I could wiggle with some effort out the back of the cage and have a play if I really wanted, not that I did because it really took some effort and not very comfortable with a cage hanging off your balls (which you can’t get off), but with this next ring down in size pulling out the back becomes impossible. I have managed to wear it for 2 days with the smaller ring, which is a first. This ring on the CB6000 is different to the 3K, I was able to get out the back of the same size ring on the 3K device but on the 6K they have made it flatter over to top, and this small reduction in diameter and the shape of the ring makes it just tight enough that I can’t get my fingers in there to pull the skin back.

The implications of this are that now next time Sarah and I play with the cage I truly will be locked up with escape impossible short of breaking the cage, and also orgasm will be impossible due to the slight reduced sensitivity within the cage, although I have not spent a week in the cage, its possible after a week the sensitivity might amp up a bit…lol and so might the night time arousals, in which case I would be in for some painful nights with the smaller ring and Sarah holding the key…scarey.

Oh and I also purchased “Male Chastity-A guide for keyholders” paperback which I thought might help validate the idea of chastity for Sarah given that it is a published book. Interested people can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145

That’s it for now, I know it’s a lot of waffling but that’s basically what is going on. Still in the pursuit of a happier marrage and a closer relationship with my wife J