Pre Sexual Stress (PSS)

Even in my current mindset, old habits, thoughts keep ticking over. I did warn you that I am a warts and all kind of guy. Its not all a bed of roses, then again its not all bad.

What I have observed over the last day or so is a phenomenon that I think is like PMT except it occurs about when Sarah start to feel like she should offer herself up for sex.

I guess I should be clear, to coin one of diggers terms my wife is not exactly a high libido person, in fact she has a very low libido, “LL” being the term. This means it is actually extremely hard to arouse Sarah. It is something that she finds hard work. Something she really has to put her mind to get into, and hence something that she does not really want. Once aroused however she seems to enjoy sex as much as I do, but even after climax she then won’t fall asleep (like us men do) she claims that inevitably she will stay up most of the night.

Some would say then that I have an obligation to stay up with her and keep her company. I would agree with you, but following sex, no matter how good it is I am not permitted to talk to her, just in case she DOES fall asleep, and if I do talk to her then its guaranteed she won’t go to sleep all night!!. Such as the case all I am permitted to do following sex is give her a back massage, which I am happy to do, and I usually manage about 30 minutes, but with no mental stimulation or conversation, and the fact that having so many kids usually means this occurs around midnight means that I will find myself dropping off no matter how hard I try and stay awake.

So maybe the pre sexual stress is related to the perceived lack of enjoyment, or then means certainly does not justify the end. In her eyes sex is simply not worth the effort, it takes a lot of effort to get into it and then when she does succeed she is rewarded with a night of no sleep.

Yet sex is a necessary part of any relationship. Playing with chastity does not effect the regularity persay, it does increase the quality. Sarah definitely seems to become aroused more easily, but I would assume this is probably because she has received morning and night massages for the week. That said I tried an experiment a few times, giving her lots of massages while I was not wearing the cage. There is definitely a correlation between her enjoyment and me wearing the cage. Perhaps it is a demonstrated sacrifice that encourages her to sacrifice a night of her precious sleep.

Of course it really saddens me that this part of our life is not as enjoyable for her as it is for me, I do not know how to address it, I have even suggested alternative times so it does not interrupt her sleep, even offered to come home at lunch time (I work locally), but for a LL person sex does not register as a priority, its not anywhere near up there with her favorite soapy, jigsaw puzzle or card game on the computer. This is something that in moving to a submissive position I have to try and accept. At the same time it is very hard to remain in servitude when certain buttons are not being pressed.

How does PSS manifest itself? Increasing agitation, comments about the house being messy, comments about how life is too busy, and it just sucks. The crazy thing is when Sarah begins to exhibit PSS my feeling of submission begins to drop, truth is it PLUMETS when ideally I should be at the peak of my submission!!. Its so very different to be told to clean some windows because it would make her happy, even contribute to giving me a chance at a night of passion, add the job to a passion list for example, than to simply be in a shity mood and comment that the windows are disgustingly dirty, pointed at no one in particular as if she is blaming the world (including me) for her dirty windows.

I do not quite follow the rational but I have observed it many times this cycle of behavior. Ultimately of course we will have sex, but the path too it could do with resurfacing. Of course part of this is entirely my fault because in the past she has felt my tension building, and in the past I have ended up exploding in frustration. One of my challenges is to not to ask for it, it is only in rejection that an explosion surfaces. This is one of the benefits of the cage is that Sarah does give me the key without me asking her for it, when she is ready perhaps the PSS this time around is because she knows I have been in the cage for longer than usual so she may feel I am teetering on a eruption. I am determined not to. But I would hope that I have demonstrated this new behavior enough that PSS may be avoided, not so it seems. That said it is becoming a challenge, there are real pressures at work internally after 11 days (coming up to 21 days with 24 hour break).

Following the traverse of the rocky road to passion, In spite of the night of lack of sleep, the day following a night of passion Sarah’s voice sounds like it has a song in it. This could be my imagination since I have been relieved, and yet this flys in the face of what many orgasm denialists tend to indicate that once a man has had his orgasm he switches off, I am quite the contrary. I tent to feel like my love has been born again, and make sure that the privilege of having her is rewarded. Her good mood seems to last for days, she seems to have a glow and a genuine happiness about her. Caged or uncaged! More recently being caged seems to extend this effect. Please understand that it has taken some time for the cage to become totally accepted. It was off and on for a good 6 months, then on for a while then off. I am expecting with some trepidation that its going to be a normal to be caged for some time to come.

This is a journey, part of the journey is for me to help my precious lady understand how a mans mind thinks, more specifically her submissive husband. Around her finger is a great read, and I do intend to show the entire book to her once I am in a sufficient subspace once again. Both parties in a relationship require learning in order for this dynamic to work. I am not sure if you would call this topping from the bottom. Perhaps in some respects it is, on the other hand maybe I am just offering up information that Sarah can choose to accept or ignore. I honestly hope she accepts the information since I truly believe that although not very much would actually change, the dynamics could change dramatically for the better. After all, as long as we are happy, does anything else really matter?

Thanks for your kind words in the comments, keep em coming, and I will write about how I introduced my wife to the cage soon :)