In Trouble

My son was having a math’s exam and my wife asked if I could get home early to help him study. She told me he would be home at 2.30PM. I said I would get home early but not by 2.30. Normally I work through my lunch and then go to the gym for an hour before going back to work. So that day I was actually really busy so I ended up going to the gym a bit later planning to be home a hour early so I could help my son with his math’s work.

Well we have some work going on at our house presently and one of the tradesmen asked Sarah a question that she needed to consult me on. Now I cut my gym work out short because I really wanted to come home early, by four so my mobile phone would have been in the locker for about 40 minutes max. Imagine my horror when I picked up my phone (because it was ringing) and its my wife asked where the %$#^ I am!!!. Later when I looked at the log, she had called me 12 times in 40 minutes…to make matters worse that day happened to be my day out of the cage because we had some good lurvin the night before. I let it air for the day (and reminisce a few times) before locking it up before bed time.

Sarah was pissed at me for a few days…until a few nights ago she told me how disappointed in me she was that I had chosen to go to the gym on a day where she had asked me to be home early to help my son. Well she is right and I apologized, even though in my mind at the time, I WAS home early by an hour early. If she had not have had the issue with the tradesman then she would never known and she would have been none the wiser. Her point is that I have to accept is that because I could have been home earlier then I should have been.

Originally when I wrote this I was going to go for comments of support, that Sarah was indeed hard on me for really winding me through the grinder. In writing this however I can see that , well she was right. I should not have gone to the gym at all. Even though my son won’t possibly concentrate for any more than a hour, so me being home at 4PM would have been ample enough time to maximize the study time available. That said, I still should have been available.

Discipline: I have been reading some of the other sub blogs around the place and I have considered being disciplined with a “switch”. I can actually see great benefit in it although I do not think it is something I would enjoy altogether I can see how it would relieve pressure for both Sarah and me. It allows her to pass on ill feeling, express them and let them go, for me I know what I have done wrong and what to avoid in the future and not have to endure days of coolness!!.

How to introduce this concept to Sarah to try it out, although I am finding out it’s a bit risky trying things out because if I do not end up liking then its kinda too bad!!. Anyway truth be known I did not really know why Sarah had been cool the last few days. I was not sure if it was the big night and subsequent hangover or the going to the gym affair…I decided to give discipline a try….so I found a wooden spoon (hey it’s a start) and accidentally on purpose dropped in the bedroom. So later on in the evening I came up with her drink and feigned stepping on something and picked it up and kind of waved it in front of her and said a lightly, were you planning on using this on my bottom were you?? Unfortunately she did not take the bait because she just said “I don’t know how it got in here!!! Anyway it led onto the conversation about what she had been annoyed about, and I gave her another opportunity by saying, well u could always use this on me, for which I got in trouble again because she thought I was making light of the situation. At which point I gave up. I think if I am to travel down that particular path I will have to introduce the concept via reading material somehow. Well more on that later.

Once I apologized Sarah more or less accepted it and I asked if she wanted a back rub. She hesitated as if acknowledging that me giving her a back rub is a privilege for ME rather than a service to her. Now there is a change in pace. This is something I never have had in return is a back rub. I did have high hopes at one point when in the early days of our marriage Sarah attended a masseurs course, but apart from some painful demonstrations I have never been on the receiving end of a sensuous massage, nor am I likely too. No I have to admit I love giving Sarah massages. She has skin as soft as silk, and it is an extra privilege to be allowed to rub her bum. If she ever says she does not want a massage in my current mindset then I actually feel rejected. Being caged helps immensely with this feeling. I don’t really follow why but Sarah sure does not get as many uncaged compared to caged. I just don’t feel as inclined. I want something in return. Of course even while being caged the thought runs through my mind that I am putting out a awful amount of emotional energy, investment, and what do I get at the end of giving Sarah a 45 minute massage, well 9 out of ten days I get a quietly snoring spouse!. I know its not meant to be balanced but sometimes questions arise.

I usually massage Sarah until she falls asleep, the time for which can vary greatly. Usually I try and roll away quietly so I do not disturb her. I guess I knew I was forgiven when I attempted roll away and I was reminded that her neck was still sore!!