Cage Showdown

Its been well 10 days, and over the Christmas and boxing day break I have spent locked away. I guess I should have realized that it was a dumb time of the year to get myself locked up, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.

Actually I behaved myself well, Sarah got her period about 5 days ago, and I knew it was coming so I was prepared for a long stint without any release. Sarah on the other hand obviously felt pressure because when it started she sounded very guilty, like she felt like she should have let me out before her period started. I picked this up and responded that I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread, all good…and she seemed to be in a good mood.

The few days before Christmas were frantic, and our street was very busy at night because of the Christmas lights (yes we live in one of THOSE streets), and so there were a constant stream of visitors, lots of beer drinking, lots of social cheer, although by Christmas its like enough already!!!

So here we are December the 29^th, I have discovered I have put on half a KG over Christmas, although working out I have managed to reduce this fat damage somewhat. I am still caged and feeling a bit despondent.

Since returning to work Sarah has been sleeping in past when I leave for work, hey that’s OK except I really love mornings in the quiet, rubbing her back and talking about things, so it really stings especially since I am woken each morning pretty early by you know who, and I can’t disturb her because she is asleep so I totally miss this OUR time, the only OUR time we ever get. Anyways I could probably cope ok if this was substituted with some kind of conversation in the evenings but Sarah loves this time to herself. She sits in her bed like the queen that she is, I get her her hot chockolate and then she orders me from the bedroom so she can watch her soapys in peace. She does this till gone past where I am comfortable staying up, after all I have to get up early. And so begins a cycle of discontent, by the time I am allowed in the bedroom, I am tired, and Sarah just keeps that stupid TV running. It drives me nuts. Still I keep my mouth shut although I must admit this week I apologized and told her I needed to sleep so I sandwiched my head in the pillows and went to sleep. I did not coerce her I just went to sleep but she did not get her backrub.

Even on a good night when I am asked to rub her back I am not permitted to speak to her, because the back rub is to send to to sleep, its not for talking. So its like when are we going to get some talk time for US?, over a few days this was building. I guess I was starting to feel a bit despondent that I am still outputting all this emotional energy and I am not getting any acknowledgement what so ever, I am not even permitted to talk.

So last night I brought it up, and I asked her what she was thinking about things with respect to the cage and how things had being going.

All I was seeking was a bit of acknowledgment, just some show of affection, I mean even if she did let me out it would still not be on because of her period. And Sarah made some comment that I had only been in it for 3 days while she was free of her period!!, that made me cranky because for one thing it was more like 5, and the other was that she had not appreciated that I had not put any pressure at all on her during that time, it also meant that this is nothing for than a sex avoidance game for her. That she could not care less how much I wank myself when I am not locked up. In fact she told me that I should not be locked up during her period and that she meant to release me but she forgot. She stopped short of telling me to take it off now though. Anyways I guess I was pestering her because eventually she said “if you say another word to me about it tonight you will be staying in it for at least another week!!!”

Well, I guess I considered that a submissive button press, because zip my mouth I did and rub her back I did, until such time as I could not stay conscious any longer, and sarah slept.

The next morning I woke up early, and for once I had not been woken repeatedly during the night. It may have been the panadol I took just before bedtime, but anyway it was a really pleasant change to be woken by the first hardon and there be actually light coming through the window, I looked at the clock and it was 6.30am….bliss!! Anyone that has done significant time in a cage knows what I mean. Anyway I started thinking about the previous nights conversation and it really started to bug me. I knew I had to carry on this conversation further even if it meant pissing Sarah off. Normally at this time of the morning I have trouble getting rid of the hardon in the cage. This morning my mind being occupied it went away and stayed away.

That is until Sarah turned her head to me, still asleep, her face looked so serene, her nostril flaring slightly with each breathe she took. I lay there admiring her face, gazing as one does and of course my cage begun to fill….dammmit.

So I lay on my bad and returned my thoughts to the previous night, I was upset but this needed resolution one way or another…But if I woke Sarah then my life would not be worth living. I noticed that the alarm light was on she Sarah had set the alarm for some reason, so in theory all I had to do is wait. So wait I did, and wait, until at 7.30Am the clock made a click sound but NO ALARM went off, now Sarah did stir, the clock alarm had gone off but the switch was on radio and the volume was turned down. Had Sarah meant to be woken or not? Well I took a risk and gave her a hug, she stirred and I begun talking to her.

I can’t remember the blow by blow, word by word account, but Sarah basically told me that the cage did nothing for her and she did not like it. I explained to her that what started for me as a interesting kink had turned into well, if it wasn’t doing anything for her then I did not see the point in continuing down this track either. It is not something that I do for me I explained that it kind of started out that way and that there are attributes of it that I like and also things that I hate. What I like it how it made me feel about Sarah, and how I liked her being in control. But if it did nothing for her then there really is no point. I certainly would not be wearing it for self gratification.

Sarah complained that she did not feel in control because she felt that after 5 or so days she felt pressured to release me even if she did not want to. I countered that we had done this for 8 weeks previously ie I had worn it constantly for 8 weeks and had 5 releases which averages at around once ever 10 days, and that I had not put pressure on her not once in that time, until the very last time when I had worn it for 5 days and I knew she was about to get her period (see PMS post). I pointed out that this time just gone that I had not put her under ANY pressure at all.

Sarah acknowledges that I am definitely nicer to her when I am caged but she says that it only seems to last for about 5 days before I get “agro”, I know this was an issue in our earlier play, I am talking a year ago, but this long 8 week stint I did I made sure that it never ever surfaced. I am thinking it is something that Sarah is perceiving after about 5 days of service maybe she simply FEELS like she OWES me a release, or perhaps she just feels me tighten up. It is then that Sarah needs to learn to push my submissive buttons or at least acknowledge the tension in some way. What she tends to do is become indifferent which just makes it worse….still I had thought I had covered it up my need for some acknowledgment better.

I am not sure how to get around her perception of pressure, 8 weeks, should have been long enough to demonstrate that on the whole I am really trying to take the pressure off her for sex and trying to submit to her. I told her I really LIKE the fact that she decides when we have sex/intimacy. Please note I have told her that intimacy does not have to mean sex many times, but Sarah is not really interested in having a orgasm herself. She does not see the point in making the effort and me not having one as well. Unfortunately I think Sarah sees sex or ANY type of intimacy as too much hard work. It does make submission harder when your not really having any sub buttons pressed.

In any case, at the end of the conversation I submitted to her that if she really felt that way then there was not point in continuing. That she should give me the key now and we would forget about it this whole deal. In fact I told her I would be discarding the device so it could not bother her again. I was serious, and I really mean it, if its doing nothing for her, if its not helping us then it would be the end of it. The end of a fantasy because fantasies are only good if there is a chance they can become real. Although I also mean it when I say the fantasy is also better than the reality of day to day lock up. Its not like you can get off on it while your locked up. So I am/was prepared to never mention cock cages ever again to Sarah even if in 3 or 4 months time I would probably fantasize (with the edge taken off it) about it knowing about the reality of things.

So imagine my surprise

And I guess it’s a woman’s prerogative because then Sarah told me that she would not be letting me out just yet. Then she goes on to say that she really has not being taking advantage of her slave, and that she intended to make me a list of tasks. She rattled off a few things that she knew I would hate doing.

Talk about keeping one on ones toes, and making a sudden 180 degree turn.

I of course responded enthusiastically to the suggestion of tasks and a list, and when she added, “of course there will be SEVER punishments for misbehavior or those things not done”, she kind of caught me a bit off guard. I asked her what kind of punishments did she have in mind, she did not have anything particular in mind so I suggested a good hard smack on my bare bum if I hassled her for release, to which she did not really make any negative or positive sounds, so I suggested she lock the keys in a safe for a week.

The conversation paused here before I asked her, so what do you think is a fair number of releases per month?

One she says, one release per month, and that’s only if you behave!! And you will only get that one if your really very lucky.

I was fairly certain she was joking, so I lay on top her her (she was face down) and interrogated her, she had a sly teasing grin on her face, and then she ordered me (and I mean ordered me) to go get her a coffee and newspaper.

You bet and I complied, and guess what we had run out of milk…pmsl. I had to make her wait while I made a dash to the shops.

But then fucken hell she knows how to scare the shit out of me.

Fact is though if she allowed me the privilege of giving her an orgasm I think I could cope with one release per month, I am not sure, but I think I could. I have told Sarah previously on a few occasions that she could release me less often if she would allow me the privilege of giving her oral sex, or an orgasm by any means of her choosing. But she has not taken me up on it.

Who knows when she will let me out, and if once out I am asked to go back in. I can’t read her thoughts. I do not know if she decided to turn circle because she really DOES like the way things are heading or because the thinks its what I want. But I was serious when I said to her I wanted to drop it if she did not get anything out of it, and I would have gotten rid of it so I was not tempted to ask her again. Sarah can be very hard to read sometimes. When asked what she really wants she just sidesteps the question.

I know I am bursting for a release now, but perhaps now is a good time to say to Sarah that I am prepared to forgo my release if she gives me the privilege of giving her an orgasm. Maybe I should go for the month?

Unfortunately I think that will have to wait for a future commitment as we are going camping in a week or so, and impractical to remain caged then. Maybe I should just give up this release then? What do you think? Would that demonstrate commitment? I would probably still ask for sex before we go camping….or should I not then as well?? Just let her take off the cage before we go and leave it at that…leave me to my own devices…if only orgasms were as valuable to her as they are too me, she may see the value in it. She is more likely just to think I am being foolish…

I know this is rubbish but I feel like I have a snooker ball up my bum my prostate feels so full. Interesting that I know its just my mind playing tricks on me but it feels real enough. Perhaps I should consider milking myself to relieve the pressure. Maybe I can think more rationally then.

All I want is for us to be more intimate. I know things seem to be happier in our family while I am in subspace to Sarah. Its better than been static which ever way it pans out.

Enough of a ramble for now, its Friday night and its time for some family time.

Whats for christmas

Just a quick post today.

The other night we had some fantastic intimacy, at a busy time of the year I was really appreciative :)

I always go out of my way to be extra nice following some special intimacy, and so the next morning while giving her a really long massage I asked if she was ready and wanted the keys to my cage again.

It would appear I am to spend Christmas and possibly new year in the cage. Given my thoughts recently on wanting to re enter subspace, I am happy enough to have spent my first night in last night.

The first night is always murder, particularly at this time of the year we went out with friends last night and consumed a few beers. This morning I think I had a constant attempt at an erection for about 3 hours!! In some respects its great to be locked back in, and Sarah's back felt especially silken this morning as we woke to another busy day.

Sarah expressed her appreciation by hugging me closely and allowing the cage to nuzzle her behind, I love it when she allows me this pleasure as it is a acknowledgment of my situation.

We are having more guests tonight, so I have to go and shops to buy food for 12.

A rather long response

Hey guys, tks for the comments...Yes Sarah is vanilla but she is not THAT vanilla, well at least not to the extent where I would say noooooooo!!!...lol. We together have been playing with this for 18 months now so I do not really think I am rushing stuff.

In any case much of this is still fantasy, As I say I have not thought or got these ideas in a form yet where I could present it to her. When I do I will post it here for comments, which are always invaluable.

Most of these things however have already been visited to some degree, we have touched on permission to cum during sex, she already chooses to hold the key rather than use timelock, although we have also used the safe before, she just prefers to have the power I guess and I have shown her material pertaining to prostate massage previously however it has not been discussed. I agree spanking has not been discussed at all but I doubt she would have too much problem with that if she wanted too.

BTW I gave her her late anniversary present last night, and at the same time the new lock for the bathroom...to which she said "good I was going to get those when i had time" bearing in mind she had said to me in the past if I am going to be wearing the cage then we need privacy locks on the bathroom.

With regard to the book, she has already read the around her finger primer, and she told me that she wants to re read it properly in the new year, when I told her I had the full book, she was definitely pleased, no danger there.

I would not use the term top from the bottom simply because she would not understand wtf I was on about, however your comment about me toping from the bottom, I am not sure how one can suggest things without it being deemed that way. I intend to offer her reading material only, she can decide what she wants to do. She will not know I wrote some of it. Simply I sit somewhere between "around her finger" and Elsie Sutton, there is no existing material that I think is appropriate so I will write it. I am still thinking about how I want to write it. Yes some may consider it manipulative, I call it adapting material for MY situation, which is not the same as a lot of other people.

I think the largest issue for me moving forward is that Sarah does not push me into subspace enough, ie she does not take advantage of my willingness to submit to her. I am not sure if this is because she does not want to or because she has not given it enough thought. Certainly she has demonstrated she enjoys aspects of D/S, I am merely trying to encourage this by trying to customize approaches that I believe she will find acceptable. One thing you are completely correct about is that it would be very bad if I started using labels such as D/S, however she has already read the primer which says blatantly that I as in me wants to summit to her, to be a submissive husband and she has already told me that she is happy with this and that she is in agreement to explore this further ie she agreed to read the book in its entirety. I have actually read the entire book, and while it is very very good, it still does not say exactly what I want to say, but it is pretty near. It obviously touches on orgasm control, but it does not touch on chastity because this is deemed too extreme for many couples. Well we are already there with respect to chastity devices. Sarah accepts the chastity device because she knows I lack self control. For her however I am not sure is she gives a rats arse how much I flog myself off, although I doubt she knows just how often I do it despite me telling her that its quite a lot. I think she is beginning to understand however that while I am deprived any orgasms that it does impact my behavior, and it really does. I don’t fake it, I really DO feel like climbing inside her skin, it really DOES make me crave massaging her, it DOES help push me into subspace.

Sarah has never taken too kindly to me telling her anything or for me to try and teach her anything, you should see us when I need to show her something on the computer. Instruction may last approximately 30 seconds before the thermal nuclear missiles are engaged, enabled and in final countdown!! This is why discussion about such things is difficult, it is better if any of this material is presented to her for her to read at her leisure.

One of the things that I really HAVE to get through to Sarah if I am going to continue traveling down this path is that Sarah needs to acknowledge my submission more regularly and with greater depth. This is covered in some detail in “around her finger” and almost everywhere were we read about submission. For Sarah it really needs to hit her otherwise she will skip over it. Hey I know my wife and she will just skip over that bit. After reading the primer however she did start to tell me to do things, this was positively wonderful as I know she was behaving this way and she enjoyed it, but it did not carry through, pretty soon we settled down into …well I massaged her each night till she went to sleep and that was that.

I need her to push some buttons, not make any effort, but simply when I bring her drink at night to be told to sit at the foot of the bed and rub her feet rather than take it for granted that I will, this does not constitute a lot of effort for her. I would love her to show me her butt, just because she knows it drives me nuts and she knows I can do nothing about it. I also think she will go for penalties if I ask for release…this is a certainty, but probably the safe thing, I doubt she will go for the points.

I don’t think Sarah has quite “got it” although I think she is on the cusp of understanding, and I think that when she does she will enjoy it. I do not know if she will adopt denial although in many respects she already does that, she just does it in a unfun way..lol, certainly I doubt she will ever go for strap on play although before we were married she did try and put a vibrator up my butt, I had to stop her because it was going to make me cum too quickly, I told her so, but I did not say I did not like it!! So maybe there is some hope…lol I think the string around my cock is a great fantasy, I doubt she would go for that…but that will be just a fantasy I think.

Tom I know that you are one of the vets when it comes to chastity and denial with your wife, I have been reading your material and your advice for years now. Thanks for your comments, but I figure 18 months of playing off and on, its getting time to get the show on the road so to speak. I remember new years eve last year I was “told” to put on my cage, and I was a bit red wined at the time and I complied. I wonder if I will be caged this new years eve?

Hey this ended up being such a long reply I decided to put it in the blog...lol

Its nearly Christmas

Its so near to Christmas and there is so little time to do anything.

I have been way too busy to write to this blog until recently. Our trip to the states was brilliant and the kids had an absolute ball. We visited Disneyland in both LA and Florida, and now in the lead up to Christmas making a mad last minute rush to buy pressys etc.

Actually it was our anniversary recently and I am ashamed to admit that I forgot all about it, fortunately or not Sarah also forgot completely, although Sarah never remembers, I think I will buy her some flowers and a card today and give her a belated offering.

There has been no further cage talk, or anything pertaining to D/S, like so many other blogs I have read it seems that the time of the year is just too busy to entertain such activities, I know that it’s the furthest thing from Sarah’s mind, although I doubt she would label it as such.

I have however in my spare minutes such as when I drift of to sleep being taking advantage of my freedom and doing a fair amount of fantasizing about where I would like to go when things settle down next year, although of course the key in a female lead relationship is for our relationship to go where Sarah wants it too. I have read much about toping from the bottom and I am very conscious about this, however I still intend to present the full version of “around her finger” to Sarah for her approval. I may also make some additions with some references to chastity and also some games that may interest her.

I think that it is better that she read it as if someone else has written it as suggestive than if I directly suggest it since it gives her an opportunity to evaluate and accept or reject what she chooses without rejecting me. I will merely tell Sarah in handing to her that I am happy for her to choose anything and apply how she chooses, in this way I hope to avoid “toping from the bottom” by making suggestion rather than telling her directly it is my wish. Of course if she asks me then I will answer truthfully.

One of the key aspects of “Around her finger” is orgasm control, ie the woman has full control of the mans orgasm to the point where the woman may or may not give the man permission to orgasm during sex. This is something that drives me crazy and for what reason I can not fathom because I know it would be extremely frustrating in actuality particularly after being locked away and denied self pleasure for a lengthy period. I do not know if Sarah would actually do it or not but certainly an extension of this is punishment if I am unable to hold back would be cream (forgive the pun) on the cake.

I am gradually formulating a list of suggestions in three categories. Treats, punishments and releases. Sarah may decide on a given night what I am to have. This is still in genesis and I probably won’t have time to write it all out properly till next year.

Treats for me aka servitude to Sarah:

Full body massage for Sarah

Neck massage

Foot massage

Oral worship (I wish, more of a treat for me).

Punishments may include

Lock keys in safe for 2 weeks using timelock, then Sarah gets key at the end

Wear points in cage for a night (aka painful night time)

Spanking with wooden spoon

Releases or sexual attention:

1. Normal Vanilla Straight sex (although I never cum before Sarah)

2. Normal vanilla sex but Sarah must tell me when to cum otherwise I just don’t.

3. Delayed orgasm, Sarah climaxes but I have to wait until the morning before I am allowed to masturbate. A real treat would be to be able to look at her bare butt while I do it.

4. Climax for Sarah but no orgasm at all for me, relocked in the morning following shower on my word of no release. Variations of this (and this for some reason drives me nuts) may be using sensation reducing condoms, or even I read somewhere about a mistress who had her partner wrap string around his stiff member, the loops very close together so basicly it made his shaft thicker, then roll a condom over the top. The result is a thicker cock with bumps (from the string) but no sensations other than the pressure of the string would get through. Of course no fluid release for me in this one may mean jump to #5

5. Prostate massage via dildo, strapon or aneros, ie cage is not removed at all, Sarah may simply tell me to do it, or if she wants to do it (unlikely) then cool.

One of the things that Sarah seems to struggle with is that if there is any sexual attention then I may as well take the cage off and have sex. She does not see the point in me bringing her to orgasm and me not also climaxing. I can see her rational and I am not sure how to encourage her to try it, even once. I think the only way for me to start his is by encouraging her to say no to me during vanilla sex and me forgo my orgasm for the week, yet this is also VERY hard for me because after going 7-10 days in the cage I really NEED release and the prospect of no release for another long period is daunting. Ideally I would love her to allow me the pleasure of bring her to orgasm once in-between my releases. I think I need to demonstrate that I am really serious about her having TOTAL control over my orgasms and that I am not going to get the shits if she says no.

Please feel free to make any suggestions to my categories of punishments/treats or releases, although please remember that Sarah is fairly vanilla, although I don’t have a problem of letting her read about Prostate massaging, although I probably would not actually ask her to do it in case she called me a sick puppy..lol. Sarah is not really a stranger to anal play with her on the receiving end, and liking it (when the mood is right)

I guess I had better hurry up and change the bathroom door locks