A rather long response

Hey guys, tks for the comments...Yes Sarah is vanilla but she is not THAT vanilla, well at least not to the extent where I would say noooooooo!!!...lol. We together have been playing with this for 18 months now so I do not really think I am rushing stuff.

In any case much of this is still fantasy, As I say I have not thought or got these ideas in a form yet where I could present it to her. When I do I will post it here for comments, which are always invaluable.

Most of these things however have already been visited to some degree, we have touched on permission to cum during sex, she already chooses to hold the key rather than use timelock, although we have also used the safe before, she just prefers to have the power I guess and I have shown her material pertaining to prostate massage previously however it has not been discussed. I agree spanking has not been discussed at all but I doubt she would have too much problem with that if she wanted too.

BTW I gave her her late anniversary present last night, and at the same time the new lock for the bathroom...to which she said "good I was going to get those when i had time" bearing in mind she had said to me in the past if I am going to be wearing the cage then we need privacy locks on the bathroom.

With regard to the book, she has already read the around her finger primer, and she told me that she wants to re read it properly in the new year, when I told her I had the full book, she was definitely pleased, no danger there.

I would not use the term top from the bottom simply because she would not understand wtf I was on about, however your comment about me toping from the bottom, I am not sure how one can suggest things without it being deemed that way. I intend to offer her reading material only, she can decide what she wants to do. She will not know I wrote some of it. Simply I sit somewhere between "around her finger" and Elsie Sutton, there is no existing material that I think is appropriate so I will write it. I am still thinking about how I want to write it. Yes some may consider it manipulative, I call it adapting material for MY situation, which is not the same as a lot of other people.

I think the largest issue for me moving forward is that Sarah does not push me into subspace enough, ie she does not take advantage of my willingness to submit to her. I am not sure if this is because she does not want to or because she has not given it enough thought. Certainly she has demonstrated she enjoys aspects of D/S, I am merely trying to encourage this by trying to customize approaches that I believe she will find acceptable. One thing you are completely correct about is that it would be very bad if I started using labels such as D/S, however she has already read the primer which says blatantly that I as in me wants to summit to her, to be a submissive husband and she has already told me that she is happy with this and that she is in agreement to explore this further ie she agreed to read the book in its entirety. I have actually read the entire book, and while it is very very good, it still does not say exactly what I want to say, but it is pretty near. It obviously touches on orgasm control, but it does not touch on chastity because this is deemed too extreme for many couples. Well we are already there with respect to chastity devices. Sarah accepts the chastity device because she knows I lack self control. For her however I am not sure is she gives a rats arse how much I flog myself off, although I doubt she knows just how often I do it despite me telling her that its quite a lot. I think she is beginning to understand however that while I am deprived any orgasms that it does impact my behavior, and it really does. I don’t fake it, I really DO feel like climbing inside her skin, it really DOES make me crave massaging her, it DOES help push me into subspace.

Sarah has never taken too kindly to me telling her anything or for me to try and teach her anything, you should see us when I need to show her something on the computer. Instruction may last approximately 30 seconds before the thermal nuclear missiles are engaged, enabled and in final countdown!! This is why discussion about such things is difficult, it is better if any of this material is presented to her for her to read at her leisure.

One of the things that I really HAVE to get through to Sarah if I am going to continue traveling down this path is that Sarah needs to acknowledge my submission more regularly and with greater depth. This is covered in some detail in “around her finger” and almost everywhere were we read about submission. For Sarah it really needs to hit her otherwise she will skip over it. Hey I know my wife and she will just skip over that bit. After reading the primer however she did start to tell me to do things, this was positively wonderful as I know she was behaving this way and she enjoyed it, but it did not carry through, pretty soon we settled down into …well I massaged her each night till she went to sleep and that was that.

I need her to push some buttons, not make any effort, but simply when I bring her drink at night to be told to sit at the foot of the bed and rub her feet rather than take it for granted that I will, this does not constitute a lot of effort for her. I would love her to show me her butt, just because she knows it drives me nuts and she knows I can do nothing about it. I also think she will go for penalties if I ask for release…this is a certainty, but probably the safe thing, I doubt she will go for the points.

I don’t think Sarah has quite “got it” although I think she is on the cusp of understanding, and I think that when she does she will enjoy it. I do not know if she will adopt denial although in many respects she already does that, she just does it in a unfun way..lol, certainly I doubt she will ever go for strap on play although before we were married she did try and put a vibrator up my butt, I had to stop her because it was going to make me cum too quickly, I told her so, but I did not say I did not like it!! So maybe there is some hope…lol I think the string around my cock is a great fantasy, I doubt she would go for that…but that will be just a fantasy I think.

Tom I know that you are one of the vets when it comes to chastity and denial with your wife, I have been reading your material and your advice for years now. Thanks for your comments, but I figure 18 months of playing off and on, its getting time to get the show on the road so to speak. I remember new years eve last year I was “told” to put on my cage, and I was a bit red wined at the time and I complied. I wonder if I will be caged this new years eve?

Hey this ended up being such a long reply I decided to put it in the blog...lol