After the rain

Hi Tom, I understand exactly where you are coming from, I have in fact succeeded in hiding these feelings of frustration completely from Sarah, she is not aware of the inner turmoil I feel, if she knew then she would say games over anyway.

One thing that does make the game harder is the lack of sexual attention or acknowledgement, this has been covered over and over, and perhaps its simply not a game that should be played by a couple that has such a busy life, with 4 kids.

I certainly am more needy when my cock is locked up, I need more emotional reassurance from Sarah to make me feel happy each day. If she does not have this emotional support to give then perhaps I should give the cage away. I am not sure if I am truly seeking a D/S relationship persay any more, I am and have always been looking for a way of increasing intimacy with Sarah, and have been exploring different ways of achieving this. I must admit that being dominated by a woman sexually certainly triggers arousal in me, but at the same time dominating women from a D/S perspective also arouses me. For Sarah I am quite happy to play either game. Fact is I would play ANY game Sarah wanted me too. I just want her to engage with something.

I always start out OK, I always start out thinking Sarah can keep me locked up for a month this time, I even feel turned on by the thought, I have even fantasized about longer periods, but these fantasies are always accompanied with substitute sexual attention, ie Sarah allowing me to service her with my tongue, or Sarah teasing me mercilessly or milking me with a strapon, or me having sex with Sarah with a strapon (no release for me). Unfortunately none of these substitutes for release are ever likely to happen, and so the only sexual attention I ever get is when I get let out!! I have even suggested to Sarah that some of these substitutes might be a way of keeping it on for longer, but she does not seem very interested.

Sarah did let me out on Thursday night last week, and once again Sarah made a very special effort, it was a really really good session. I was even permitted to suck on her nipple, which was something I am not usually allowed to do. It was really very nice.

It is hard to tell if it is the cage resulting in this, or if it is the fact that Sarah knew she had stretched me over the last few days and that because I had kept the pressure off, kept my mouth shut, I was rewarded. And rewarded I was.

I still struggle though, waking every night twice a night, nightly and morning massages, extra chores around the house while she sleeps in. IS it worth for sex that I would get anyway, it would just not be as good. But then, Sarah DOES seem much happier, but is this because I am doing more around the house and have taken the pressure for sex right off her or is it because she is denying me self pleasure.

Yet I have tried simply keeping up the service and I honestly do not think that Sarah seems as happy. I think she is happiER when I am locked up. Sarah also becomes more conscious of how long it has been since I have had a release. It makes it harder for her to ignore sex and intimacy.

In any case I am still free. I asked Sarah if she minded if I took a break for a while. I told her it was “doing my head in” which it is, plus we went camping over the weekend and I was glad to be free for that, just simply because it would have been a hassle.

But now I am thinking should I put it on tonight?, Sarah did take the key again, it was in the morning after while I was massaging her if she minded if I took a break. Sarah of course agreed, in fact she claimed she did not even know I had been wearing it till a few days prior (a little white lie I do believe). Sarah still wants to remain indifferent to its use.

And so begins the cycle of should I or shouldn’t I.

I probably should but I don’t know if I want to.

Of course if Sarah asked me to I would, but I know now she will never ask me to. There is good reason for this. If she did ask me to then it would mean she wanted me to do it, and then this could give rise for greater resentment when I felt like I deserved release.

Like Digger, on his birthday, I would have been upset, as I was on Valentines day. That said, I bet that what made digger more angry is because she FORGOT, it was the indifference that made him angry, as it does me. If Sarah was doing it to me to tease me then I would be Ok with it. I bet if for Diggers birthday Arwyn had said, now digger tonight I am not going to release you BUT for your birthday I am going to have you service me with your tongue, he would be in heaven….as I would be.

Its hard to be in a D/S mindset when only one of u is in the mindset, now lets not get into, its hard to be in a D/S mindset when one of you has little or no libido.

Let me ask a question, find me a Domina or Mistress that does NOT have a libido to go with it. That does not mean they are necessarily interested in men, but they have an interest in sex, or exchange of sexual attention.

While the pink vibrator indicates that Sarah has a bit of a sex drive, I read somewhere that women masturbate roughly in the same frequency that they like to have sex. That means that Sarah would probably like to have sex about twice a month, I would hardly classify that as having high libido, although judging by some I am not so badly off!!!.

What I would do to peer into her mind, I asked Sarah very recently again if she ever fantasizes, and she once again said nope, I went on to complain that in the 14 years or so we have been married she has never once shared any fantasy with me. I was bold enough to ask if she was interested in mine, pffft…I should have known better…

I inclined to run with it off for now, and watch digger suffer at the hands of the Forever Aroused Girl. I think I will keep the service up (although it is certainly easier to keep the service up while caged, I genuinely like that aspect) and see how it runs. I know I probably have at least one more session this cycle coming my way. It might serve as a control. I am enjoying my freedom probably too much, Oh interesting though following nearly three weeks of restricted orgasm, I do find my ability to self pleasure has diminished somewhat. I have observed this before, but after a week or so it comes back. If your not using it you do loose it, but then I am rather a chronic self pleasurer when I am free.