A summary of all

I have posted much of this previously so if you have seen a lot of this material before, this is a response in another forum, it ended up being rather lengthy but worthy of reposting here I think.

I originally intended this to be a reply to this thread http://www.lockmeup.com/discus/messages/66/2842.html?1172664540 but I ended up so far off topic I thought I should probably start a new thread. Hope this means something to someone :)

I can’t remember if I am a member here or not, but these days I generally lurk and read and move on. This thread though I have found fascinating, especially with Davey Dark playing the devils advocate.

I have owned a CB3K for near enough to 2 years and I do keep a blog http://cageone.blogspot.com/ for those with interest enough to bother reading it.

While my chastity experience has been less than the idyllic that some people would have you believe I think at least it is realistic. I do think the fantasy of being locked up is far better than the reality of it, well I at least enjoy fantasizing about it more when I am free for obvious reasons!!

But what I found it DOES do is change the way I see my wife. Whether it is ideal or not, and I would agree that one should feel idyllic about your spouse all the time, the divorce rate would indicate we live in a far from idyllic world!!

I do not think there is anything wrong with masturbation, and in fact it DOES serve as a safety valve for imbalance in sex drive that is apparent in so many marriages. While I freely admit I masturbate far more than I need to it does not interfere with my performance as a man. My wife can have me whenever she chooses, she just chooses not to most of the time because she has a low sex drive.

What I have found however in wearing a chastity cage is that there is the issue of making masturbation difficult, enough difficult that the effort is not worth it and the let down while still locked mentally horrible, the feeling of “what the %$@# am I doing this for” becomes an order of magnitude greater if u still have the cage on and you do manage to cum. The payoff is not worth it, so in many respects wearing a cage effectively eliminates masturbation at least for me.

So the first mechanism is lack of orgasm, but I have tried simply abstaining for a week with no cage and the feeling was not nearly as intense as while wearing a cage why??

The second mechanism is after a few days the cage at least for me begins to actually FEEL GOOD, when I move the action of my penis inside the cage actually feels like I am in a pussy, or at least in something, it feels nice. Driving along in a car I have nearly but not quite been able to cum just by rocking forwards and back, but just as it does begin to feel good of course swelling begins and the action stops leaving one in a state of arousal, interestingly not frustrated but aroused.

Being aroused a man is in pursuit frame of mind, he wants sex, and is prepared to do anything to get it. EVEN be very very nice to his wife no matter what she says, and this I believe is where wearing a chastity cage is likened to the courtship days of a marriage, some people call it subspace, it is all the same thing. But it is common knowledge men like the thrill of the chase, which is the enjoyable part of chastity, is chasing your spouse, pleasing her wooing her into releasing you. But lets be clear, as much as pleasing your spouse an important part of the process, the release IS the target, it is the culmination of acknowledgements that you have succeeded in pleasing your spouse.

The third mechanism is the awareness of your situation, like a gloved hand holding you cock constantly, the knowledge that your wife is the ONLY one that can release you keeps your mind focused where it should be on your spouse, the subtle power shift. While I admit women in general become infinitely more attractive after a few days caged, and I find myself undressing women in the supermarket in far more greater detail than normal (well I do it when I am uncaged also but my imagination goes on overdrive) the arousal is further enhanced by other woman, but with the knowledge that one can’t do anything about it anyway so there is no guilt associated with it because sex with another is no longer realistic. Focus on ones spouse is certainly enhanced.

The forth mechanism is closely tied to the third mechanism, and only works up to a point. At least for me after a certain period of time uncaged I almost feel obligated to try it on for sex, ask my wife for sex, when or if I am rejected, my response is almost well stuff u then I will have a wank, or a realization that my next release will be coming from my own hand, an end to the pursuit mode. A waste of arousal by my own hand. Of course abstinence could well be a solution to this but it does not address the rejection, masturbation only acerbates these destructive feelings. Wearing a cage means that my wife decides purely and simply when sex will occur, it helps take away the feeling of obligation to ask for sex, and rather increases a need for other sexual energy, and I know I can’t waste my sexual energy by masturbation. I do find though if I feel I deserve a release then my inner turmoil can reach a point close to breaking, but it does largely transfer the power of sexual initiation to your spouse. Sure one could harass your spouse for the key and she would probably give it over, but after the INVESTMENT of days in a cage without orgasm, you really WANT the release to be special, and you KNOW its only going to be special if your wife decides when.

Getting back to an earlier statement, fantasy is quite different from reality. I often fantasize about my wife keeping me locked up for weeks on end even months, occasionally I will even have a no orgasms for the rest of my life wank. But the reality is after about 10 days (I have gone 15 days locked up) I start climbing the walls. I know that the game stops being enjoyable after about 7 days. The fantasy about my wife mercilessly teasing me, paying me endless sexual attention without my release, giving her oral sex is never going to be anything other than a fantasy. The reality is that I end up teasing myself, I scrape tidbits of tease by pressing up against her flesh while I massage her. She is not into the tease bit, in fact I am hard pressed to identify changes in HER behaviour, although she does seem to be happier and she will reward me at the end of a cage session by making a proper effort at sexual intimacy and it usually IS awesome. But is it worth it?? I find myself far more emotionally needy, I need and crave hugs and intimacy aside from sex, and this scares me sometimes.

One of the reasons I am not locked now, my wife will not take the step of asking me to wear it, nor do I really expect her to or probably want her too, but that is another discussion. But the other reason is that if I do put it on my wife tends to leave it on until I start climbing the walls!! I find myself in this needy state which is not sated by other forms of intimacy.

Getting back to the thread topic, if my wife DID pay me SEXUAL ATTENTION during the time between releases I think I probably could go for a month or more without release and probably enjoy it. If she did tease and deny me, with the knowledge ultimately I would get released I think that would be an interesting enjoyable trip. But the trip would ONLY be enjoyable if my wife got something out of it as well.

Right now I am in the process of trying to behave identically uncaged as with the cage and see if the intimacy can stay on the level. That way of course I get to keep my favourite plaything and wank about being locked up as often as I like. I will end up locking it back on just because it is kind of addictive, and my wife does not object to the device. And it does make the fantasy better if occasional reality occurs. On the other hand I want to convince myself its worth locking myself back up again. It really is a hot and cold kind of fiasco.

Unfortunately I doubt I will ever find out what it would be like to be the husband of Princess Melanie, I can see a huge attraction and a path to where they are, but also there are aspects that are far beyond my limits. But who is to say that those limits would not change should the path be walked rather than imagined.

Then some would say that perhaps in marriage there are some paths that should never be walked.

P.S. I will probably post this on my blog as well.

Mind Blowing

A week after my release and my request for a break, although I am still very much in a submissive frame of mind I feel it slipping away, and old habits returning in terms of self gratification. I make a really special effort though to keep up the massages, and keep up the service, as if I was still under the key so to speak.

So many people have told me to drop the cage, I wanted to see if it made any difference.

I maintained my level of service like any good submissive would, except I begun to feel less and less like doing so.

After about 8-9 days I tried in on for sex and Sarah said no, maybe tomorrow night, again, as if I was caged I simply gave her a back rub and went to sleep, admittedly with an expectation for the following night, well I was on a promise ffs.

Tomorrow night came and Sarah did not stop me, which is usually the only sign I get that intimacy is going to be on, so I proceeded, Sarah demanded a long massage, that’s find, I can deal with that, and we proceeded, and for once it was bare back, normally while caged I wear a condom.

But it was crap.

Sarah could not or would not get into it, I tried not to put pressure on her, but she wanted me to cum, so I did so in a bit of a hurried way, I hate having sex when its just me that’s enjoying it, so once I realized it wasn’t working for Sarah, I managed to cum in under mmmm 10-15 seconds I guess, only because Sarah gets very guilty if I don’t, something I have tried to manage before by assuring her its ok that I would rather wait for her, but this puts her under more pressure for next time…..so alas.

It would seem caging does at least improve our sex life. Not once following a cage session has Sarah failed to get her motor started, I guess this has got to be telling me something.

*I murmured that I guess my break away from being caged should probably come to an end, Sarah did not really respond, nor did I expect her too but I did get an enthusiastic hug goodnight, I guess that means yep…

So the following day I put it back on, Sarah has the key already as per usual so its just a matter of me closing the lock. This time I did so without too much trouble. Later on that evening at bed time during her nightly massage I told her that she could sleep easy again, and well, she just smiled at me but then she told me that I wasn’t to wake her in the morning moving about or giving her a back rub at first light, and also that I wasn’t to be getting up in the middle of the night either, and if I woke her I would be in dog doo doo. In fact she added that she should tie me down (in my dreams I thought), still I felt a little twing..lol

I did manage to comply but I lay there thinking about things for a while, and I thought about how I could stop myself from moving about , getting up, forcing myself not to drink before bed so I did not have to get up and use the toilet. I did come up with a rather kinky idea, which I was not sure if Sarah would go for or not, but hey I thought this was pretty cool. I did manage to get through the night ok, although I did get up much earlier than Sarah because I wanted to go rummage for some materials in my shed. I found one of those steel eye screw things, a real solid one that can screw into wood.

I knew Sarah was going out for the day and I only work pretty local so I went up to the DYI store and bought some strong cord, but covered in soft plastic, I know you know the cord I mean, and also some clamps so I could make loops in the end of the cord, then I went home and screwed the eyelet into the bottom of the base of our bed, approximately where my waist would be, I then lay down and measured how much cord it would take if I attached it to my guide pins on my cock cage so that I could lie comfortable facing the edge of the bed but so that if the cord was attached to the eyelet it would prevent me from rolling over, in fact without maneuvering a fair bit I would not even be able to face Sarah unless I was right on the very very edge of the bed.

So now I had a system where I could attach myself by my cock to the bed via a padlock, there was something kind of erotic about this as I played with the padlock and key I had purchased, there I was lying there on the bed with my pants down and a cord attached to my cage with no cutting implements near by, I closed the lock. Of course I had the key so I could unlock myself but I could not help but imagine, what if the key wouldn’t work, or if I suddenly, I don’t know had a spasm and threw the keys out of reach. I would be basically stuck there, tied to the bed by my cock. Imagine my embarrassment when Sarah got home, having a nap are we dear???, what that’s you say?, what do u want “the key” for?

I did actually feel a sense of vertigo at the thought of it, what would be worse if one of my boys came home early and wondered why dad wouldn’t get out of bed. Hmmm sufficient to say I did not leave it locked longer than was necessary to check I had the length correct, to enable unimpeded sleep yet I would be unable to touch Sarah at all unless she wanted me too.

Night time came and I did have everything ready so that I would not have to make a fuss about it. As I lay there after Sarah had finished watching her TV shows and I had spent a long time rubbing her back, I said to her that I had found a solution to disturbing her in the morning. Now you have to understand Sarah has clearly accepted the cock cage, this is not a particularly large step, just another dimension, well that’s what I kept telling myself. So I handed Sarah the key to my second padlock, truth is she kind of rolled her eyes, and did not say anything, nor did I show her anything as it was actually out of her view. I could have still actually gotten out of it but I attached myself and closed the lock, no going back now I thought. I simply said to Sarah after I had been fiddling for a bit, kind of on purpose to get some attention, there, now I CAN’T wake you early in the morning.

At first she did not say anything but I was hoping and it did, curiosity got the better of her, “what do you mean” she asked as she kind of moved over for a bit of a look. So I showed her, and I then showed her that I could not actually roll over much to face her. Sarah then said, well THIS is probably the best development I have EVER seen, I can’t believe you have tied yourself to the bed by your balls!!! She thought it was really funny before she remarked I guess that makes you quite helpless then, and then as if to test the theory she started tickling me, fark I was not expecting that, and she was relentless, and she was right I was helpless, completely, the then flounced out of reach, and I looked at her with feigned anger, that’s not fair I said.

Sarah then said more seriously, so you really can’t get off then?, I said well no its attached to the cage and you know I can’t get that off!, “What happens if there is a fire she asks?” Fair enough I thought, so I told her that I really could break the cage open if I really had to, but it would destroy it. The truth is however it would not be that simple with the KSD inserted it might take some doing to get it off without damaging myself but I was prepared to take that risk, I made a mental note to keep some metal side cutters next to the bed just in case I had to cut the guide posts.

Alas Sarah seemed to like the idea. As she had finished tickling me and I was forced to arrange myself for sleep, Sarah to my surprise actually came over and gave me a hug from behind. Normally I wear a tee shit to bed and Sarah wears a long nighty, the only time I see whats under the nighty is when we are having sex and I am permitted to fondle her breasts. Now, I was not able to turn to face Sarah but I sensed that there was less material in-between my back and Sarah than there should be, had Sarah actually taken off her nightly? No way, but the thought of it instantly made me hard inside my cage, along with the scent of Sarah’s breath whispering over my shoulder.

But then Sarah started shifting a bit, it actually felt like she was grinding her pubic bone into my botton, now my bum was bare, and there was no mistaking the fact the Sarah had nothing on down there either. This can’t be happening I thought, this is not like Sarah but then she EVEN actually pushed my teeshirt up and brushed her BARE breasts on my back followed up by grinding her pubic bone even harder against me. WTF OK OK I thought there was no mistaking that, and I was now hard enough inside my cage to really know about it bordering on pain. I have always asked her to tease me a bit more when I am caged, but she has NEVER done so, I could not help thinking now that perhaps its because the cage only makes my cock helpless, not ME ENTIRELY.

I reached my hand over the side to Sarah’s arse without saying anything, fact is I know Sarah hates me speaking at times like this, and I felt her small bare arse in my hand, and god I love the feel of that arse, it felt like silk, so warm and so close, and my situation I was in had obviously done something for Sarah.

What surprised me even more was it was like her pussy was radiating heat, I swear I could feel warmth and that she was horny but I dare not test the theory, because if my hand wandered to far down there I know that I would be in the shit so, but my imagination was running rampant. I was sure I was just fantasizing. Then Sarah actually spoke to me, she said, you know I just realized you really are completely helpless for the very first time in our marriage, I could do anything I want to you, and there is nothing you could do about it.

I attempted to roll on to my back a bit so I could face her but the cord pulled on my balls preventing me, I was very much a helpless man in Sarahs grip, As I had moved my hand back I managed by complete accident (not) to brush the back of Sarahs pussy, omg I was not wrong about the heat, she was wet.

I actually felt dizzy as this realization came over me. I had not been here before, many many times in my dreams but the reality? Sarah did not pull away as she normally would if my hand brushed her pussy, in fact she seemed to want me too, now my cock was extremely hard, and throbbing within its confines, I felt short of breath and yet I was in a state of ecstasy. Should I risk it, or should I behave, should my hand find her wet pussy again, there was no mistaking it, Sarah was horny, and my helpless situation was the cause.

My hand went behind me and I touched her heaven again, and again she did not pull away in fact Sarah positioned herself so I COULD touch her, and I did, she was wet, and truly swollen down there, again I tried to turn and again the pull of the cord on my cock prevented me, “no fair” I whispered, Sarah actually gave ne a nip on the neck and one of her hands draped over my chest play with my chest hair, while she brought up a leg and rubbed it over my hip, and my hand had better and better access but the angle was making my arm sore. I was not sure how long I could keep it up, but I was determined not to make a mess of this situation….my hand was nearly drenched, I had not felt Sarah this horny since I can’t remember when. I can’t describe the mixture of emotion that coursed through my mind and body, my painful cock and yet I was just so happy that something I had done had aroused Sarah so.

I really wanted to give Sarah a orgasm, there was only one way I could think of that I could possible manage it…there was a bit of movement going on my down, there were no more games about hiding the fact that the was a game a foot. And Sarah once aroused tends to be a lot more open to suggestions…so I slid off the side of the bed, I was so close to the side anyway, this caused some slack in the cord enabling me to turn and face Sarah and I gently rubbed and opened her legs before I lent down and begun to taste what has been such a long hiatus from giving oral sex to Sarah. Sarah states that she does not like oral sex yet every time I have performed for her she climaxes quickly, so it has always been a bit of a puzzle why she says she does not like it. She does say that the prefers me to be “in” her when she cums, perhaps that is simply it. Whatever she did not resist me now even though I felt nervous about breaking the atmosphere. Sarah opened her legs completely for me and I was very conscious of listing to her and monitoring what she liked and what she did not.

Then Sarah actually moved away from me. I was not sure at first, I thought she was getting herself more comfortable, but then she moved again, and as I moved to recommenced I felt a sudden tautness down there. Sarah was teasing me I could not reach her pussy with my mouth because of the cord holding my cock to the base of the bed …I looked up at her and I saw her majestic breasts and then, my heart nearly stopped when I saw her wicked smile, it was nearly scary. It seems Sarah is not so innocent after all….I stretched on the cord and it pulled on my balls and I was able to just reach…and yet Sarah inched away again…yet my hands could still reach her so I grabbed her legs firmly yet gently and pulled her too my mouth, I am not THAT helpless I thought, Sarah did not resist and a few seconds later Sarah climaxed in my mouth, whereby me kneeling at the side of the bed and Sarah rested on her back she slowly closed her legs and returned to her side of the bed.

The only thing she said to me was,”I think you had better get used to that leash” before kissing me on my lips that were still slippery with her juices….

I knew better than to say anything, but I lay there a long time, awake, I was so satisfied and yet so frustrated, it was a long time, the scent of her pussy woke me various times in the night. I must have woken from nigh time erection more times than ever before. Come morning I needed to use the bathroom, but I couldn’t, I had to lay there for about an hour waiting for Sarah to wake up whereby Sarah just looked at me and said, “is something wrong?” before going off to the bathroom herself.

So I guess I should get back to reality now, the bit after the “*” was the stuff of dreams.

After the rain

Hi Tom, I understand exactly where you are coming from, I have in fact succeeded in hiding these feelings of frustration completely from Sarah, she is not aware of the inner turmoil I feel, if she knew then she would say games over anyway.

One thing that does make the game harder is the lack of sexual attention or acknowledgement, this has been covered over and over, and perhaps its simply not a game that should be played by a couple that has such a busy life, with 4 kids.

I certainly am more needy when my cock is locked up, I need more emotional reassurance from Sarah to make me feel happy each day. If she does not have this emotional support to give then perhaps I should give the cage away. I am not sure if I am truly seeking a D/S relationship persay any more, I am and have always been looking for a way of increasing intimacy with Sarah, and have been exploring different ways of achieving this. I must admit that being dominated by a woman sexually certainly triggers arousal in me, but at the same time dominating women from a D/S perspective also arouses me. For Sarah I am quite happy to play either game. Fact is I would play ANY game Sarah wanted me too. I just want her to engage with something.

I always start out OK, I always start out thinking Sarah can keep me locked up for a month this time, I even feel turned on by the thought, I have even fantasized about longer periods, but these fantasies are always accompanied with substitute sexual attention, ie Sarah allowing me to service her with my tongue, or Sarah teasing me mercilessly or milking me with a strapon, or me having sex with Sarah with a strapon (no release for me). Unfortunately none of these substitutes for release are ever likely to happen, and so the only sexual attention I ever get is when I get let out!! I have even suggested to Sarah that some of these substitutes might be a way of keeping it on for longer, but she does not seem very interested.

Sarah did let me out on Thursday night last week, and once again Sarah made a very special effort, it was a really really good session. I was even permitted to suck on her nipple, which was something I am not usually allowed to do. It was really very nice.

It is hard to tell if it is the cage resulting in this, or if it is the fact that Sarah knew she had stretched me over the last few days and that because I had kept the pressure off, kept my mouth shut, I was rewarded. And rewarded I was.

I still struggle though, waking every night twice a night, nightly and morning massages, extra chores around the house while she sleeps in. IS it worth for sex that I would get anyway, it would just not be as good. But then, Sarah DOES seem much happier, but is this because I am doing more around the house and have taken the pressure for sex right off her or is it because she is denying me self pleasure.

Yet I have tried simply keeping up the service and I honestly do not think that Sarah seems as happy. I think she is happiER when I am locked up. Sarah also becomes more conscious of how long it has been since I have had a release. It makes it harder for her to ignore sex and intimacy.

In any case I am still free. I asked Sarah if she minded if I took a break for a while. I told her it was “doing my head in” which it is, plus we went camping over the weekend and I was glad to be free for that, just simply because it would have been a hassle.

But now I am thinking should I put it on tonight?, Sarah did take the key again, it was in the morning after while I was massaging her if she minded if I took a break. Sarah of course agreed, in fact she claimed she did not even know I had been wearing it till a few days prior (a little white lie I do believe). Sarah still wants to remain indifferent to its use.

And so begins the cycle of should I or shouldn’t I.

I probably should but I don’t know if I want to.

Of course if Sarah asked me to I would, but I know now she will never ask me to. There is good reason for this. If she did ask me to then it would mean she wanted me to do it, and then this could give rise for greater resentment when I felt like I deserved release.

Like Digger, on his birthday, I would have been upset, as I was on Valentines day. That said, I bet that what made digger more angry is because she FORGOT, it was the indifference that made him angry, as it does me. If Sarah was doing it to me to tease me then I would be Ok with it. I bet if for Diggers birthday Arwyn had said, now digger tonight I am not going to release you BUT for your birthday I am going to have you service me with your tongue, he would be in heaven….as I would be.

Its hard to be in a D/S mindset when only one of u is in the mindset, now lets not get into, its hard to be in a D/S mindset when one of you has little or no libido.

Let me ask a question, find me a Domina or Mistress that does NOT have a libido to go with it. That does not mean they are necessarily interested in men, but they have an interest in sex, or exchange of sexual attention.

While the pink vibrator indicates that Sarah has a bit of a sex drive, I read somewhere that women masturbate roughly in the same frequency that they like to have sex. That means that Sarah would probably like to have sex about twice a month, I would hardly classify that as having high libido, although judging by some I am not so badly off!!!.

What I would do to peer into her mind, I asked Sarah very recently again if she ever fantasizes, and she once again said nope, I went on to complain that in the 14 years or so we have been married she has never once shared any fantasy with me. I was bold enough to ask if she was interested in mine, pffft…I should have known better…

I inclined to run with it off for now, and watch digger suffer at the hands of the Forever Aroused Girl. I think I will keep the service up (although it is certainly easier to keep the service up while caged, I genuinely like that aspect) and see how it runs. I know I probably have at least one more session this cycle coming my way. It might serve as a control. I am enjoying my freedom probably too much, Oh interesting though following nearly three weeks of restricted orgasm, I do find my ability to self pleasure has diminished somewhat. I have observed this before, but after a week or so it comes back. If your not using it you do loose it, but then I am rather a chronic self pleasurer when I am free.