Tiny Update

just thought I would let you know I am locked up again (few days ago). I left the keys on Sarah's table following her period, well just before it was going to finish and when I came to bed the keys were gone, so I took the signal and locked it up.

Next morning I discovered she had not put them away just moved them...grrrr, so I asked her if she was ready or not, not to put her under any pressure or anything, and she said yep she was ready and would put them away.

Alas that night she STILL had not put them away so here I am walking around caged up but with easy access to the keys, hmmm thats not good, I am just wondering if she is humoring me.

So I ask her this time if she wants to wait another month, after new years, that she can give me the keys back and leave it alone, no pressure, bla bla...all said very nicely, Sarah said nope your not having them back.....

But then I just don't get it, after giving her loads of attention last night, just back rubs, Sarah won't allow me to pleasure her without intercourse, she does not see the point....she STILL did not put them away in the morning...

FFS, anyways I could not hide my frustration, she claimed she has other priorities on her mind.

sheesh its not that hard to hide some friggin keys is it???

Anyways she did eventually, but I am still wondering what its all for. I like her being in control but leaving the keys out leaves me in control, self control, and to be honest I just don't have any when it comes to opportunities to self satisfy.

I don't feel in the right frame of mind presently, there are other reasons for this. I don't expect to be let out before new years though. The extra tight ring is giving me a bit of grief because the diameter is not quite enough for there not to be some fold in the skin somewhere and this seems to be causing some pain at night when i am not able to adjust myself. that said if I were having nocturnal erections wearing this size ring would be impossible. circulation is no problem, everything remains a nice pink color.

I think I am going to stop talking about my attempts to lower my libido, it just seems people do not understand. Not one person has indicated positively or understand my position, and I feel it is because either

1. If there is d r u gs involved it must be bad.
2. The have not spent the HOURS of research that I have, or understand how careful I am being. tiny little steps.

No I am not a doctor but I did have (still have) the intellect to be one if I had of chosen that for my profession. I am smart enough to know what I am doing thanks

people have two choices when they are in a relationship.

cruise on and hope things work themselves out
or do what it takes and that may mean anything, go to any lengths to make their relationship the best it can be.

I have chosen the later. I am very sensitive to what Sarah wants and needs, and I have found a way to soften the dark side of the wolf in me. I know our relationship is uneven, I wish Sarah would respond more, i also think she is slightly insane, but then many of you would say that about me.

life is a journey and I am exploring avenues, I will make mistakes like most people, but they will be with the best of intentions not based on some kinky fantasy.

While i won't deny there is not some fantasy involved in a FLR, I am also realistic about the reality of life.

I would love Sarah to sit on my face and grab my caged cock and give me instructions for the day and tell me that if they are not done to her liking then she might just drop the keys in a vat of acid....i can visualize her absolutely stunning petite butt descending on to my face and her so silkened milk white soft cheeks coming to rest on either side of my face, I can even taste the scent of her. The picture of her perfect pussy, the shape the texture, the soft clam of pearls. I can feel her grab my cock encased in the hard plastic, instantly trying to find a way to escape, the extra tight ring begins to bite into my flesh, as Sarah uses it to change her gears during her instruction.

Yes, putty I would be.

Regrettably that is only in my minds eye.

The reality is somewhat more like I give her unpressured massages for an hour at night and in the morning, and my reward is her smile, and a non wavering look into each others eyes, that says I appreciate you as a person, and I love what you are trying to do, or simply a exchange of knowledge that we are closer as a couple.

I hope thats where we end up this session, the previous one was nearly there but Sarah backed away. perhaps this time.

i think I probably should have waited till next cycle tho....

Strap-on?

I bet you thought I had gone the way of many blogs and stopped bothering to write. Fact is I have been so busy that I have barely had time to breath.

I have a full time job but I also run a small moonlighting business that really picked up in the run up towards Christmas to the point where I was having trouble coping with both my real job and my moonlighting one. Now after the Christmas rush things might settle down a bit and hence why I am able to write now, although that is not to say it won’t get busy later today.

After the last episode, Sarah did let me out as she always does. I managed to keep myself nice and did not ask for release. But it is interesting that in taking drugs that supposedly reduce ones sex drive do not seem to do very much in the respect of needing intimacy with your wife. It DOES help tempter the angry resentment though that we all know and llll...hate.

As for the cage, Sarah ended up leaving the keys on her bedside table for weeks, so I never put it back on. Seemed pointless if she was not interested enough to put them away. In the end we had a talk about it because I was starting to become psychotic coming to be and looking to see if she had put them away!! Sarah basically said that at this time of the year she was too busy for it (like it takes too much effort on her part!!) and that even though I was very good the last few sessions at not asking or even putting any sort of pressure all on her, that she still felt that she had to release me after a week or so and that she felt pressured to “perform”. This saddened me of course because we really seemed to me to be making progress, and I felt at least that we were closer than ever before. A combination of my reduced libido state and the cage seemed to me at least to be making a significant difference to our relationship.

I actually still believe that it did, but I think that it actually scared Sarah a bit. I went on a business trip for a few days and it was after I had been away for a few days that she suddenly seemed to grow cold again, I asked her about this and she told me I was imagining it. But my gut feeling is that she was thinking about things and once again she got weirded out a bit about the whole cage thing.

That said she has seemed to make it clear that we will be playing with it again, but we will see, it has been a very hectic silly season after all.

One thing of note while I have not been wearing the cage for the last 6 weeks or so, Sarah did say coincidently one night while we had a unsuccessful attempt at sex (unsuccessful attempt at sex for us is when Sarah does not get into it. I usually won’t complete myself either just because when Sarah does not get into I really don’t either) Well Sarah passed the comment that she will have to start taking hormons (and grow a beard). She dropped this right out of the blue, and I began to think perhaps she found some of my pills and looked them up on the internet. I actually said that there were anti hormons out there, kind of jokingly and Sarah responded, if you take them I will take hormons. Not seriously though, not enough to pursue. Anyway it did give me reasons to check the computers in the house internet histories.

I did not find anything though (we have 2 communal computers, one in my eldests sons bedroom +mine) , but I did find something else which really blew my mind because it was unrelated to androcur, or the other drug I am taking.

It was actually on my sons computer. I check it from time to time anyway because it is in his bedroom, and although I have crippled it so that his access is restriced, for example MSN does not work, nor does myspace, but his internet access is unrestricted, there has never been any reason for me to restrict it. Imagine my surprise when right one the very edge of the history, about to expire there was a search request for “strap on” and another for “anal sex” and the links led to wiki entries for the same, this is weird because there has never been any entries sex related on his computer before, and for a kid his age if he wanted to explore something like that then I would expect there to be entries like fuck, sex or naked or more simple sexual references. Not strap on and anal sex!!. Ok so who did it then? I know I didn’t so does that mean Sarah has been researching strap on sex and anal sex??

I have always wondered if Sarah was slightly a fence sitter with respect to the way she carries on in particular with one girlfriend, the entry in the wiki pertains to both lesbian and heterosexual activities using strap ons, but then the additional entry for anal sex?

How can this be explained? I can only draw one conclusion that Sarah has been thinking about some fairly kinky activities? I wonder how I should approach this? If she is interested in this stuff then I would certainly love to explore anything she is prepared to, the thought of it is quite exciting, but would you believe as I was trying to resolve the dates of these internet visits, the reference to strap ons disappeared, the history link expired. Really weird, it was like it ceased to exist and was a figment of my imagination or fantasy. Only I could determine is that these sites were visited quite some time BEFORE the last cage play or during it. I could not pin down the exact date. It is possible that she decided to look into some of the reading material I had given her in the past, and of course possible that she decided it repulsed her, but this was BEFORE our last intimate session where I felt we were closer than ever before.

Alas this part of our lives has definitely been on hold for the last six weeks because we have been so busy.

On the drug front I ended up reducing the adrocure to just 12 mg per day, which is a tiny dose and mixing it with the finasteride which as stated before is a recognized drug for treating baldness. The combination of the two are certainly very effective. I have noticed a considerable drop in libido, and the pleasure of orgasm has also reduced to the point that it was a lot of hard work to have one and when I did it was hardly worth the effort. But the desire for intimacy with Sarah has actually increased I think which really does not make much sense. The other side effect of hair growth on my head has been definitely noticeable even after such a short amount of time, although it has been some months since I started taking the adrocure so that may have started things off, but the regrowth has been considerable, more than I thought it would be and this can only be seen as a positive thing. It will be interesting to see just how much hair will come back, but its been a while since I could feel the wind on my hair I can tell u!!

I have stopped taking the adrocure now entirely for a few weeks but maintained the finasteride for this reason (I like the thicker hair on my head), as I don’t really like the diminished feeling of pleasure from orgasm, but it has taken some weeks for the feeling to start to come back, in fact I think the ongoing use of finasteride is contributing to the length of time it is taking. I still do not have any erections at night and occasionally I will put the cage on out of my own volition just to see if there are any nocturnal ones that I don’t know about. So far just using the finasteride has continued to maintain my lack of nocturnal erections completely, yet my orgasms and ability to masturbate have almost returned to normal but without the real angry sex drive, all good. Also makes sleeping with the cage a whole lot easier, not that I need to presently.

As far as the cage is concerned I have been experimenting with the next smaller ring which in the past I could not tolerate because of night time arousals and it is even fairly tight during the day. With my normal ring I could wiggle with some effort out the back of the cage and have a play if I really wanted, not that I did because it really took some effort and not very comfortable with a cage hanging off your balls (which you can’t get off), but with this next ring down in size pulling out the back becomes impossible. I have managed to wear it for 2 days with the smaller ring, which is a first. This ring on the CB6000 is different to the 3K, I was able to get out the back of the same size ring on the 3K device but on the 6K they have made it flatter over to top, and this small reduction in diameter and the shape of the ring makes it just tight enough that I can’t get my fingers in there to pull the skin back.

The implications of this are that now next time Sarah and I play with the cage I truly will be locked up with escape impossible short of breaking the cage, and also orgasm will be impossible due to the slight reduced sensitivity within the cage, although I have not spent a week in the cage, its possible after a week the sensitivity might amp up a bit…lol and so might the night time arousals, in which case I would be in for some painful nights with the smaller ring and Sarah holding the key…scarey.

Oh and I also purchased “Male Chastity-A guide for keyholders” paperback which I thought might help validate the idea of chastity for Sarah given that it is a published book. Interested people can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145

That’s it for now, I know it’s a lot of waffling but that’s basically what is going on. Still in the pursuit of a happier marrage and a closer relationship with my wife J

Back in again

Sarah has been complaining for weeks now that she can't sleep, in fact she was so consistent about her complaining I began to feel like she was hinting that I should lock myself back up again.

Sarah knows that the cage really changes how I behave to her, and it really does. There is no bullshit about it.

A week or so ago in the morning I offered to put it back on that it might help her with her sleeping problem. Sarah knows that she gets endless massages and attention once I am locked up in a effort to shorten the amount of time between release. Sarah not only agreed but she went on to say not once but twice that she thought it was a good idea. In fact she was almost enthusiastic.

So I was free for 12 more hours before the evening, i did take advantage of my last few hours of freedom as much as possible, however the after effects of the libido reduction meant I could only manage a few before the evening.

Even the knowledge that I had committed to locking this thing back on was enough to begin to put me into a submissive frame of mind and I began to wonder if my morning awakenings would have recommenced yet. I had not noticed uncaged any morning woodys but I did wonder.

I decided to start taking a very low dose again, not enough to deplete anything but more like halt any further return of my sex drive at least while I am caged up.

This week however has been pretty tough, my morning firmons have returned, not enough to be uncomfortable (which they used to downright hurt sometimes) but enough to be conscious of them, reassuring in some respects, but what has made this week tough is two things, I know Sarah took her vib for a run the first day I was locked up, the object had moved suspiciously from where it had been sleeping, well I guess I should see this as a good thing because it means perhaps that the idea of me being locked up appeals to her in a sexual way, what pisses me off though a bit is that I wish she would share it with me while I am locked up, but I spose I have to accept that self pleasure is a private thing and I really should leave it alone, its just so easy to check tho!!

The other thing that has made it tough is that Sarah has taken FULL advantage of my massages and attention but she is not really giving anything at all in return. I am lucky if I get spoken to at all at bedtime because she just wants me to massage her to sleep, which given the motivation for wearing the cage I guess is fair enough, but even in the morning I am lucky if I get a hug and a thanks for the massage....with my drive partially reinstated, and my need for intimacy, and its been near a week in the cage now I am starting to climb the walls. I know I should not really expect anything in return, in fact I am not really sure what I want her to do. It was funny though the other morning I was having a bit of a moan about her lack of affection...and I suggested that a reward might be making me stare at her bare bum for 5 minutes, and Sarah actually stuck it out for me...not enough that i was 100% sure that was what she intended, unfortunately despite her movement it was still under the covers and I darent lift the cover for a look but god knows I wanted to, but had she snapped the cover back down I would have been pissed off so I didn't risk it. I also feel a bit depressed, I think because my drive seems to be returning full force and I am not sure if I can control it and end up asking for release from the cage. I really want Sarah to relax and be happy and I really hate putting pressure on her.

Anyways back to the drugs

Despite taking a low dose of androcur, progressively the morning woodys have been geting more intense as my days without orgasm go by. I am not tempted to increase the dose though, I do not want to revisit the same level as before, just want to make nights sleepable...lol and if i get a bit of libido reduction then good. But I can't see it really happening, I know how this drug works and basically all I am doing now is maintaining a slightly depleted level of testosterone on my body.

One thing of note is that I did find before androcur that if I shook the cage enough, if I was horny enough I could climax in the cage, that scenario is quite impossible with a lowered sex drive. I tried and I can't even get close, which makes sense I spose because even masturbation without the cage took some effort.

I am actually thinking of geting hold of some finasteride which is used to treat bald guys like me, apparently 50% of men will get some regrowth taking this drug even in micro doses, its approved in many countries to treat baldness and in fact its use in preventing prostate cancer is been researched. It is actually very similar to androcur but it blocks/reduces a more aggressive form of testosterone called DHT. it also has some libido reduction capability. The combination of the two in low dose is sposed to mitigate some other issues and are prescribed together in many cases in much higher doses for prostate size reduction. It is very dangerous around women of child bearing age, even micro exposure can have a impact on developing male fetus.

Apparently normal testosterone bonds to muscles but DHT doesn't, DHT has more to do sexual and male pattern baldness but normal testosterone obviously also contributes to sexual function. In theory I should be able to take small quantities of both and have the desired effect without the loss of vitality. We will see, AND I might even grow some hair...believe THAT when it happens.

Time to come back

I guess its time for an update. Life has continued on pretty much as usual, though I had a interesting morning a few weeks ago, geeze time passes so quickly!!.

I was wearing the cage and had begun my morning ritual of giving Sarah a massage, but this morning, rather than turning to her side and presenting me with her back, or rolling onto her stomach Sarah stayed on her back, seemingly dozing.

Now I am almost 100% certain that Sarah knew I was wearing the cage, the only doubt I have was that she told me afterwards she didn’t…alas

As the time passed my massaging grew a bit bolder and my hands began to travel all over her body, her breasts and I felt her nipples get hard under my touch, her skin felt silkenly smooth, and yet still Sarah did not attempt to stop me, and allowed my wandering hands get bolder and bolder until eventually I was brushing her pussy with my passing hand, ever gaining confident.

I was still in my chemical induced libido reduced state but despite this I felt myself getting hard within my cage, I thought for certain Sarah knew I was caged and that she was finally going to allow me the pleasure of giving her a orgasm without my own release.

Eventually Sarah rolled onto her side whereby I spooned her, I was wearing some briefs so as to not jab her with the cage and continued to rub her back while beginning a small thrusting motion pushing the hard cage between her cheeks, surely she knew I was wearing the cage. Whats more Sarah began to grind her beautiful rear end onto my covered cage with increasing vigor until she announced she was getting up to the toilet and then she was coming back to bed.

We we have not has sex in the morning for a very long time, and I was caged, and, to say I was breathless was a understatement.

She came back to bed and I instantly started to rub her back again and my hands drifted down to her curved arse, such a beautiful shape and I felt her pussy, it was so open, wet and inviting, it was clear Sarah was incredibly turned on, and yet I was caged, there was still nothing I could do, I decided now must be the time to go down and deliver Sarah a orgasm via oral sex, so down I went, but just as I got down there and caught a sight of that I so wanted to taste, Sarah was rubbing herself, helping her arousal, she stopped me from tasting her.

This puzzled me somewhat, because now I just wondered what I was being expected to do, we returned to the spoon position and my hand began to rub her swollen pussy while my covered cage rubbed her in her crack, when Sarah reached down and bega to pull my caged penis from under my briefs. It was then she says, are you wearing that thing????

Umm well yes, as if she didn’t know??.....She then reached over and grabbed the keys and handed them to me while saying, well that kind of breaks the mood….I explained that she did not have to release me I really wanted to give her a orgasm to which she replied what is the point of that?? I guess orgasm denial just is not Sarah’s thing L Normally I would have to get up and wash myself after a released but I told Sarah if I wore a condom I should be ok.

I kid you not I do not think I have ever managed to get that cage off more quickly than I did that morning, I was surprised actually that it was not harder, in both senses of the word but I guess I can thank the androcur for that. But get it off I did, and fortunately my anticipation of the upcoming event was more than enough to light my fire and fire it did, nearly too early in fact. But clearly under the right circumstances the libido reduction had no impact on my ability to perform. This was somewhat of a relief.

I asked Sarah if she wanted me to replace the cage and she suggested I give it a break for a while, so it remains off till now. I still wonder if she knew or not, I really can’t see how she didn’t. A few days prior I noticed her looking at my crotch, I am 99.9% sure she was playing with me. But I don’t know why she would risk the mood breaker, even though it turned out ok.

Anyways that was 2 weeks ago and I remain uncaged and Sarah ended up having a very short cycle this time, perhaps her body is making up for the really long one before.

Anyways a few days ago I decided to end my experiment with lessening my libido, while I found it really did help me control my sex drive, I don’t like the way it is making me feel, I am not sure how to describe it, but I feel older, not as strong. I think the clincher was when I throwing my kids around in the pool and the next day I could barely move, normally I would hurt a bit, but not THAT much, I also decided I do not like the feeling of breathlessness and I also think I have put on a few kgs.

All in all it was a nice holiday from my libido. It will no doubt take a few months to come back. Its very strange to orgasm with absolutely no ejaculate. Not something that Sarah minds (though probably not noticed), nor I as there really is no reason to wear a condom even for the wetness aspect. When I say dry orgasm I mean it really is completely dry!! But it feels completely normal. I may give myself another holiday sometime in the future, but intellectually I never lost the admiration for my wives female form or for that mater any other. It simply tempered the drive. I also found that the ONLY thing that lit my fire was when Sarah wanted to have sex. I have little doubt if I tried to have sex or initiate it even though sometimes it takes a while for Sarah to get into it I would not have been capable. I also found that my ability and my interest in masturbating was greatly reduced, some days I did not even bother. I would like to say though that there STILL seemed to be a hard limit on how long I wanted to go without intimacy. It seems that my need for intimacy although influenced by my sex drive is not impacted largely by the loss of drive. Its very hard to explain, but I still found myself needing intimacy without the need for sex persay, and I did begin to feel depressed and a bit resentful when I felt there was a lack thereof.

One scarey thing about androcur is the potential for a naughty wife to lace her husbands food with it. The tablets are the most tasteless material /pill I have ever encountered. As I was taking them in quarters I was literally grinding the quarter up with my teeth into a power and they are completely neutral like a blank pill. Being that you can get this stuff off the internet with just a credit card, well I can just imagine a wife who is sick of being pestered for sex taking advantage of it.

So after a few days off it, Sarah and I has some really nice lurvemaking last night. I was happy to say even despite a 7 weekish stint on the drug I had no problems, don’t feel any different for not taking it yet, nor has there been a peep from my old fella in the morning....yet

I doubt I will welcome my sex drive back, but I will welcome my feeling of vitality. And I am going to have to start going to gym again to get this weight off, unfortunately I have just been too busy lately.

Probably won’t hear from me for a while until something happens now. I am kinda sad about the realization that Sarah is not into any tease and denial games. She really is pretty vanilla with the exception of the occasional cage play. But even that she is seeming to discourage and certainly won’t ask me to wear it.

Still even so I think it’s a worthwhile tool to play with very now and then, even if only to draw attention to sexuality and my preparedness to try and please her. Sarah does appreciate this I know, but she just does not want it permanently part of our life. If she insisted then I would probably resent it anyway, so it seems perhaps we are finding a good balance.

Its all good, for now.

quick update

Starting week 3

I have to say its going really well, I have cut back to just half a pill per day, cut into quarters, one quarter in the morning and one at night, and after 3 days of this I can feel morning stirrings, just comfortable tightening around the cage, beginnings of a morning woody. I feel good in myself, I don't feel any side effects, not even weakness or any fatigue any more. The cage is working well as a barometer, if the morning firmness increases then can up the dose (back to 1 pill per day till it subsides then reduce it again. (bear in mind that even 1 pill per day is one sixth of the 6 per day prescribed to cancer patients....what I am taking now is 1/12 th)

It is so nice to be able to sleep through the night wearing the cage without being woken by a raging hardon.

I am also completely comfortable that at this dose this drug will bring me no harm even if I take it for a protracted period. This same drug is used in female contraceptive pills in smaller amounts mixed with other female homone stuff, it is also prescribed to women with very bad acne, obviously not prescribed to men except for cancer patients BECAUSE of the libido effect!!! as well as in a adolescent male it would stunt growth.

The best part of this is the lack of anger and sexual frustration despite being caged and unable to masterbate, the quietening of my need for sex and even better yet realization that my need for intimacy for Sarah is completely unabated. I have always been worried that my sex drive was tied and part of my love and need for intimacy. So the realization that I can all but take away the drive and still want Sarah is a fundamental one. I can want Sarah without getting angry and frustrated if its not on. In the past intellectually I could equate why it would not be a good night for intimacy, but despite KNOWING this my drive would almost FORCE me to instigate sex. I am now in complete control intellectually, you have no idea what a relief this is.

Now I don't want to make out that I asked Sarah every night for sex, maybe in the early years of a mariage I barraged her for it regularly, which set up the unfortunate habits for later in our life together Of recent years though I would probably start trying my luck after 5-7 days, and even if say at day 6 there were good reasons not to have sex my sexual frustration would start to take over, pressure builds I am sure you know the drill. I will qualify though that if Sarah was sick or had some physical reason to not be able to have sex then I was fine with it, I was not THAT bad.

I hope that anyone that reads this understands just how deep these realizations run, and I now feel I can confidently demonstrate this to Sarah by showing her all the affections I want but without any pressure what so ever.

Some of you may think what is the point in wearing the cage then? well there are a few reasons.
1. It keeps a intimate, sexual connection between Sarah and I, it also makes it clear to her that it is Sarah that is to instigate sexual relations and not me.
2. It is working as a barometer to help me monitor how much Androcur to take.
3. I am not tempted to see if it still works.
4. Drive and libido is also partially a mental addiction. not being able to masturbate helps keep me in control. Like smoking, nicotine is gone from your body in 3 days but it takes a year or so before you stop thinking about it. I do not want to give up sex though...but ultimately I would like to give up on Adrocur and maintain my control.

I am not sure if this is only temporary, or if I will throw a tire in the next few weeks, its hard to believe that I am me, I am so used to being driven . Still I know full well I am playing with fire, so I remain extremely cautiously optimistic. The other concerns I had for being motivated to DO THINGS have turned out to be fine, although I do admit when I was in the initial phase of higher does (to get to where I wanted to be) I felt tired and uninterested.

So far so good...

Oh Sarah still does not have her period, thats weird, she is usually pretty regular. Maybe she been playing up with the postman? or maybe she is so shocked at my lack of pressure its thrown her system...lol...or maybe she is starting menopause. We are going camping this weekend be interesting if Sarah let me out of the cage. I am not bothered either way other than the physical hassel aspect but I don't feel any pressure to ask her to....

New Experiences

Many of you will probably think that I have lost my mind but perhaps many of you will relate to what it is like to be driven by sex drive. About 10 days ago Sarah and I had a pretty crap sex session and I mentioned before once I perfected the KSD in the cb6000 I would hand her the keys again. I did complete/perfect the KSD for the 6K and Sarah does hold the keys. This time she has hid them really very well and I have no idea where she has put them…..this is good. This time I made it very clear to Sarah that she was only to let me out if SHE wanted to…under no circumstances was she to let me out of pity or guilt. I really wanted her to decide when and if, I am so tired of pressing for sex

Last entry I mentioned that I was considering libido reducing drug which I was able to obtain very easily on the internet and relatively cost effectively. The drug I have been taking for the last 10 days is called Androcur which is used to treat Prostate cancer as well as sexual deviance/sex drive reduction as indicated on the instruction/data sheet. Basically what it does is block the action of testosterone in a mans body. In low doses though it can be used to reduce the action of testosterone rather than completely eliminate it which generally results in chemical castration. I am not interested in chemical castration but the thought of having absolutely zero sex drive is intriguing, but I see that as being potentially dangerous to my health as well as my relationship with Sarah. Me not wanting sex seems as alien to me as not wanting to breath!! Sarah does not know about this drug, it would only make her feel guilty so I have decided not to tell her about it, maybe later if it works out OK.

There is a lot of misinformation around that Androcur can cause liver failure. The fact is that some 30 men died from liver failure from taking 200-300mg per day of Androcur for 3 months out of 60000ish. These men all had prostate cancer and were aged between 80 and 90 years. The dose I am taking was basically 100mg per day until such time as my night time wakening from erections ceased. Now this stuff is really powerful, after only 3 days I was being woken only once at 4am and they were only half firmons, by day 5 night time arousals had completely gone.

Unfortunately there are a few other side effects from this drug, slight headache, slight nausea….and sleeplessness kind of like a mild hangover, more annoying than anything else though I am not sure I would want to be taking 6 tablets (3 times my dosage)a day as a cancer patient!!, and even though I was no longer being woken by a woody, I was still waking at 4am and only able to find fitful sleep till morning. Since my objective is only to reduce my libido not kill it completely once I was sure my night time arousals had gone I then backed off the daily dosage to 50mg. Because the half life of Androcur is long it will accumulate with daily dosage, so once you have reached where you want to be it is important to back off the dosage to whats called a maintenance dose, ie replace what your body discards each day. Thankfully all the other side effects all but vanished once I backed off to 1 pill per day and I noticed that some mornings not others the cage felt tight but certainly not painful or can even call an attempted erection. This is about where I want to be…I think. I must admit that I do fatigue a bit faster, yard work seemed harder, I plan to restart working out shortly even though its guaranteed to be a painful experience..lol I have very little doubt if I kept taking 100mg per day for another 4 days-week I would be completely impotent.

So what has it done to my libido? My desire has not diminished at all, my need to please Sarah as not diminished at all either, in fact my admiration for female anatomy seems to have been enhanced somehow, but with a major difference. In the past after a week or so in the cage with Sarah’s period approaching I would be climbing the walls to an extent that Sarah would pick up the vibe and let me loose, not because she wanted to but probably because she felt guilty. The drive inside me would manifest itself as anger and frustration, which I really tried hard to contain it was a real effort, it took everything in me to prevent myself from screaming. The difference now is that although intellectually I feel a need to be intimate it is without the internal rage, the internal driving force that I guess made me an animal. I think this is a good thing as it lets me be in control. I was worried that I might lose all desire for Sarah..might even stop loving her if my libido was the engine that drove that part of me, so this so far at least is a relief, and the calmness is also a relief, not perfect but comparatively a relief.

So guess what, for some reason Sarah’s period is very late this month so I have been waiting for her to become unavailable to me which in a lot of respects has always been a relief while caged because I no longer would have any expectation for release. I seriously doubt I could have handled the last week if it were not for the drive reduction I have experienced, in fact relatively its been a walk in the park. Because I am not getting night time erections the cage is much more comfortable to wear, it seems that all those attempted erections if they were not damaging my shaft from the KSD they were bruising me or something, but it really has made a difference to night AND daytime wear.

Of course I have been worried that this reduction in testosterone may impact my performance sexually which I maintain is still intellectually important to me even if the drive is diminished and last night when I came to bed Sarah handed me the keys and told me to go clean myself up. So with much anticipation and some concern I proceeded to leave the room and unlock myself and clean myself up. I have to admit I purchased some generic Viagra at the same time as the androcur so that it would at least help my confidence should it be needed so before I did any cleaning I swallowed a quarter of a tablet, proceeded to wash myself and head back up stairs.

Sarah was still watching her TV show which was fine by me I even told her not to rush through it (its on a PVR), I needed at least 30 minutes to make sure the Viagra had time to do its work. On top of this I put on the solid number 3 ring from the CB3K, I have taken to using this as a cock ring as it also pushed my balls forward and prevents me from penetrating too deeply which I know does Sarah a injury. I am pretty sure Sarah like me wearing the ring, although when I told her she rolled her eyes, but since then she seems to like touching it to see if it is there once intimacy has started. Anyway it WAS a little hard for my motor to get started, but it DID start and I rolled a condom on. I always use a condom following time in the cage for hygiene reasons and Sarah asked me to climb on top, unusual for her to start in this way. Well once my motor started it felt completely normal, in fact during our foreplay I had to pause a few times to prevent premature ejaculation. Things progressed really nicely and eventually Sarah indicated she wanted to move to her favorite spooning position which allows me to penetrate her from behind while allowing my hand to reach around and stimulate her. This may have been imagination, but Sarah has always been very difficult to read for me, and generally it’s a case of proceeding until her completion followed by me letting go. Life before Sarah I was able to read largely what was going on and I was able to have a bit of fun, I love to be a bit of a tease with a womans orgasm, extend the time before climax, which always well to me anyways adds to the fun. Last night was the first time I can remember skating along that edge with Sarah, or that Sarah allowed me to explore that edge before she indicated to me that she wanted to complete, and complete she did, it is not often she pulls me hard into her, so in all aspects it turned out to be a really nice experience which I followed by rubbing her back till she slept, whereby I promptly fell asleep also. I did wake again 4am, and I did have a half decent hardon, not surprising since it takes Viagra a day or so to get out of your system. Thankfully I was not caged but interestingly normally I would have taken advantage of a free hardon and used it to return to sleep, but I really did not feel so inclined and I did go back to sleep, when I did wake again I was completely flaccid. Talking about senses, I have also noticed my sense of smell is enhanced.

Sarah this morning seemed a bit grumpy, weird I thought she would be in a good mood. I asked if there was anything wrong….no, back rub, coffee and I made the kids lunch seemed to make a her a bit happier, I returned the keys to her (which for some reason she did not seem so keen to accept)and reapplied the cage following my shower, normally again I would have taken advantage of the after effects of the Viagra but it was relatively easy to abstain, although it was a bit harder to put the cage on because I guess there was a bit of stimulation going on…lol

So here I am. I am not sure what is going on with Sarah’s period, by my calculation she should have had it nearly a week ago, maybe that’s why she was a bit grumpy this morning and not so enthusiastic about the keys. I guess she does not realize yet that I am a lot calmer about it than before.

Well so far this experiment is working well, so for the time being I will continue taking these pills, I intend to use my morning wood as my barometer, if I can I will back the dosage off again so that I feel a slight firmness in the morning so I know there is some testosterone in my system. If I can get to half a pill a day then at 70USD for 50 pills will last for 3 months…small price to pay for lack of night time awakenings, control of my sexual aggression and perhaps an improvement to my marriage.

I am not prepared to endorse this yet, I am worried about how it will affect my athletic ability longer term but so far it seems promising. I am not tempted to try and reduce my libido to less than that of Sarah’s, I don’t think that is healthy, and I think in order to get to that point I would lose my ability to perform, although if Sarah knew she might feed me the entire box.

One thing, although to start with there is some kink aspect to reducing ones sex drive, even proceeding to complete reversible chem castration, kind of like wearing a cage. Of course once your drive is reduced then so is ones kink level. This gives me some comfort in knowing that my motivations of proceeding down this path is true to Sarah and my marriage.

CB6000 and review

I don’t have a lot to update on the wife led aspect of my marriage, increasingly I am convinced in many respects that the status quo needs to remain as it is. If Sarah were left to make all the decisions then nothing would ever get done period.

That said she is still my queen, her happiness is what I strive for, even if it means that I have to lead a lot of the time.

Our house project is finally coming to a close, Sarah was completely against it from the start, and I ended up having to use those fateful and risk filled words “I can’t paint you a picture so your just going to have to trust me” those are fighting words. The fact is that although we ended up running about 20% over budget (which is a shit load of money when you spend what we spent) it has turned out brilliantly, even better than I imagined. And Sarah, although a blatant admission is never going to be forthcoming the invitations are flowing forth and she is certainly not shy in showing people around. She loves it.

The last time I updated this blog I was determined to do a 3 month stint in the cage with Sarah strictly in control of my masturbation habit. Well as you probably guess because I have not updated this blog for so long it fell in a heap, and I have gone back to my usual habits. Our sex life has improved though a bit since the house project has finished…possibly moving from 2 decent sessions per month to perhaps 3-4/month..which is not insignificant. Sarah seems to be happier than usual which is a good thing.

I am still thinking about chastity though and I still self satisfy way too much, what killed it last time was Sarah refused to put the keys away, she just left them on the bed side table, and when I prompted her she told me she did not like me wearing it when she had her period. I don’t really get that, unless clearly she still only views the cage as sexual avoidance, she does not seem to give a rats bum how much I flog myself which seems to take the attraction away from wearing it. I think orgasm control is where the attraction is to me since per the above Sarah having control of the rest of family life does not really work, that said Sarah is still very much on a pedestal and I will do anything to please her, simply Sarah making decisions or being the dominant figure in the household does not please her.

Anyway I decided to buy a CB6000, what really attracted me to it is someone said the tube was slightly narrower which means that there is no need to use a KSD, which would be a big plus if this were true. We are not tight on money although now that I have it I am not sure if it was money well spent. We are not finished with chastity play I am sure, so the CB3K tube was looking pretty grubby and used/stained so I spose I would have had to buy a new one anyways.

For those who are interested here is what I think of the CB6000

1. The new ring system is a pain in the ass especially if you have pubic hair. Getting the ring system on is not complicated but keeping your hair out of the ring system while putting it on IS complicated.

2. The new post are oval shaped which prevents the lock from turning around, while this feature IS good, it means using a stainless steal pin is no longer an option.

3. The tube is narrower than a CB3K and it does help keep things in place but after wearing it for a day, after bending over I found that I all but popped out the back of the device. When you first out it on you tend to think wow, I won’t be able to get out of this, but sure enough as you wear it and your skin sweats and self lubricates then you can get out of it easy enough, although it IS more secure than the CB3K without a KSD.

4. I would not say the new rings are any more comfortable than the solid rings, the only advantage is that they are flatter across the top which gives you less finger room to facilitate pulling out the back. But even with the second smallest ring which I can only tolerate during the daytime barely I was still able to pull out. I tried to put the number 3 ring on already pre assembled as I would a solid ring (to avoid the hair pinching) and I was not able to get my balls through because the flat part at the top actually makes the dimension too small. I think I could if I persevered but it would probably end up hurting, so the ability to open the ring is a plus in that case even if it is a pain in the arse. Wearing the device with the number 3 ring is comfortable along with the second smallest spacer which I guess according to millars means I am mr average.

5. I would say that the CB6K is slightly but only slightly more comfortable during nigh time arousal.

6. The side vents are a big plus for the CB6K and I did not really find any problem flushing the CB with water during washing using the side vents

So in conclusion I would say that the CB3K WITH the KSD is probably a bit more secure and probably a little less comfortable at night. The side vents are a big bonus but not one I would rush out and spend 250 bux AUD on in a hurry.

I then started thinking that putting a KSD in the 6K would be interesting because even if there is not that much difference in the device, having the side vents and the narrower tube in combo with the KSD might be a good thing so I set about modifying one of the KSDs I had. Here are some pictures of what I was able to do.

Basically I used a small angle grinder to sand around the outside of the KSD to reduce its diameter so it would fit inside the CB6K tube, then because the lip in the 6K is smaller than the 3K I had to make the KSD narrower over all. I then beveled the edges with sand paper and splayed the exit because of my past experience with KSD doing an injury to my shaft during night time arousal. I also had to extend the hole at the top so the guide pin could go through. As you can see I succeeded in fiting the KSD into the CB6K.

Wearing it was very comfortable during the day, and actually surprisingly secure, the thicker ring and the flat top in combination with the KSD made escape almost impossible. I say almost because I only wore it for 24 hours, enough for some sweating to occur but not compared to several days wear. Night time arousals were significantly better because the KSD gives an additional 5mm of length to the tube and when you consider the 6K is about 5 mm longer than the 3K then a extra 10mm over all is significant.

The problem was that I used a older smaller KSD to modify for the CB6K, I did not want to kill my KSD that I had made comfortable for the CB3k, the morning after wearing over night I checked for injury and unfortunately the pressure from the nighttime arousal had resulted in damage to the underside of my shaft, which means I can’t try it again for a few days. I am however encouraged and have decided to modify my CB3K KSD, although I am certain that the security will be slightly compromised. What is most important is spread the pressure, so you have to make sure that there are no lips especially where the bottom of the lip meets the inside of the cage. You must make sure that you sand back the thickness of the KSD so that it is almost flush with the tube and that you tapper down the edge. What surprised me is that this time the injury occurred both on the entry and exit of the KSD sides, which tells me that the KSD I was using was simply too small…I am definitely a grower.

Once I get the new KSD working properly I will offer the keys to Sarah once again. I have little down she will take them, wether or not she decides to keep them while she has her period is up to her. I have a sneaking suspicion though that she will though. I have not talked to her about caging for about 6 weeks and I think she actually misses it.

I am also considering a libido reducing drug which can easily be sort on the net without a prescription and try very low dose, been reading a lot about that recently and know what the risks are, not that I want to castrate myself but I would like to have a bit more control over myself, and possibly reduce wake up calls while wearing the cage..eh eh…and apparently some of my hair might even grow back. My main concern is that my sex drive must have a large contribution of who I am and is the engine that drives much of what I do. If its shut down completely then depression could be a real risk, so I would not want to do that, but lack of sex/sexual imbalance is also depressing. If it were possible to dial it back just a bit and get in the same region as Sarah then life might be a whole lot more harmonious.

updated

It was another 3 days before Sarah eventually released me. I can't say it was particularly good release, but it was a release. I had intended to ask Sarah for permission to cum but when I felt her climax I was unable to contain myself. I did my best to hold back but all i managed to do was to stop myself from ejaculating fluid (or much fluid as there is always some), but when I checked the condom in the morning there was very little if anything in it. I guess I managed a ruined orgasm for myself which was deserved since I was not able to control myself.

Sarah did not turn the TV back on and promptly fell asleep which meant I was able to sleep the night without the cage on for the first time in 10 days and in the morning we had another chat, which was nice, although I was in trouble for something I had said the day before.She told me she did not care that I came without her permission....I wish she did care.

I asked Sarah if it would be OK if I cleared my pipes properly during my shower to which she gave me permission, again she does not really care what I do with myself...

I must admit it was surely satisfying to see the gobs of cum come out in torrents, I was a little worried because of the lack of fluid in the condom from the night before...so at least I knew there were no blockages. It was also a bit fortunitate that I was given the night out of the cage because there was a small wound on the underside from the KSD, nothing serious, but enough I decided to leave it off for the rest of the day and rub some vitamin E oil into it. By the end of the day it has subsided to just being a bit red.

I managed to abstained from further self manipulation all day and reapplied the cage prior to bed and so I have not had a orgasm without Sarah's knowledge since my commitment began.

These next few days will again be a challenge, I am coming up to my thirds day after my release and I can feel the pressure building again, and I know Sarah will be expecting her period in 5 or so days time. Sarah always feels pressured to release me prior to her period...and I also feel the most pressure to ask as well because I know that once started its going to be at least a week ON TOP of what I have already been locked for. I always start out determined this is OK but after 3-4 days in I start feeling stressed.

Sarah HAS been sleeping MUCH better though so I must keep this up. I intend to tell Sarah that I have no expectation of release before her period so as to alleviate any pressure she might feel, Of course there is a cavete....unless she wants too which regrettably is unlikely.

I will tell her that I will tell her if the pressure becomes too much for me and I may ask her for a "30 second handjob" which means basically I am to make my self ready without disturbing her while she watches TV....and roll on a condom as to not make any mess. I will bring myself right to the edge of orgasm and keep myself there until a advertisement whereby I will tell Sarah and she will give me 30 seconds of her time to take me over the edge, after which I will go and put the cage back on. Sarah has kind of agreed to this although I have yet to see if she will do it. But at least it offers some release without hardly any inconvenience and hence guilt on my part for asking her to go out of her way too much. After all if I do it right she will probably only have to barely touch it. Hopefully through doing this maybe she will learn to tease and deny which might make things a bit more interesting. I know I want it I am just not sure if I can handle it...I hope Sarah's PMT is not bad this month, when she starts going ballistic for no real good reason it makes it a whole lot harder to feel like this is worthwhile.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Still I am hoping that by Sarah REALLY controlling every orgasm I learn to go longer inbetween and offering Sarah a chance to sleep and trust me, to feel comfortable with me hence become closer, maybe ultimately Sarah will want to engage with me more with sexual attention...be it intercourse or any other form of intimate play. I miss orgasms a lot, today I had lunch with a woman who is the friend of a work colleague, as I parked my car I thought about having some thoughts about her and felt myself fill up my cage, and then I realized that thats all it would be is a thought.

Jez I ramble

Coming clean

After lying awake most of last night I came to the conclusion that I had to have a talk with Sarah about things. We do not ever communicate much on a intimate level so what I wanted to say to Sarah was fairly challenging.

So I bit the bullet, and Bud, you can't say I wasn't listening to you!!

I can't really remember the order of the conversation because I am just so tired today, but I think I started by asking how she slept, she slept fine of course, I was honest with her and told her I had barely slept a wink. I followed this conversation by asking her how she though the last week had gone, and she answered very positively,I then went on to comment that we never really have many intimate conversations, and that I had something really personal to tell her.

"oh?"
"well you know how I have a reallllly high sex drive"
alarm bells ringing omg he is going to tell me he is having/had an affair
"yes??"
quickly "well its nothing like i am having sex with anyone else or anything"
"but, well an average guy will bring himself off about once per day, well I kind of have a bit of a problem, I do it about 5 times per day"
"WHAT???" jaw drops out of head, shocked silence
"so I have decided that I will keep wearing the device for the next 3 months"
"hmmm Ok well we will see how u go"

That is the essence of it all of course I told her I worshiped her as a woman, and that although I did it so much when we made love it was not even a tiny bit lessened by my extra curricular activities. The conversation lasted far longer than this and we worked through some other things

I even told her that last night I was so desperate because it had been over a week I had used a prostate massager on myself, so I really came clean about everything, I am stunned myself that I admitted this to my wife...lol

The upshot is Sarah has agreed to ration my orgasms for the next 3 months, i will wear the cage and she will decide when or if I get to orgasm. The cage will be reapplied straight after any release.

How we go from here is up to her.

On one hand I am shit scared, on the other hand I am glad I came clean and we actually HAD a intimate conversation, it is probably the most personal thing I have ever shared with Sarah in all the time we have been married. And today Sarah has been great, but I do wonder when my next release will be.

Thanks Bud...hmmm or not.

This can be so hard sometimes

Saturday night, well actually Sunday morning here in Aus, and well I can't sleep. Sarah and I have been getting on great but as yet there is no sign of her letting me loose. I really have to be carefull what to expect but the last two nights have been really hard. I have managed to keep my mouth shut and give her a back rub until she falls asleep...which is just the way it should be.

But the pressure is unbelievable.

Tonight Sarah at bed time seemed completely indifferent. Its almost as if she is pressuring me to ask her for a release. Maybe she is just testing me, its a test I am struggling to pass, and its only been a week.

So now its 2am on Sunday morning and I simply can't sleep because of a combination of 2 things, one is I don't understand why Sarah has not let me loose and the other is, well I am so full I am leaking!!

Today Sarah went out for most of the day and I spent most of the day cleaning the house, washing and ironing the kids cloths, I think I did a pretty good job as well, even Sarah's parents commented when they came around how tidy it looked. Did Sarah so much as thank me....she did not even acknowledge that I had done anything.

Well I have listened to my last commenter, and apparently I have been a chronic masturbator, lol, well its not like it was something I did not already know, but perhaps, well more than perhaps thats why I really seem to hit a wall at about 7 days with no orgasm, but I am determined to see this through, going cold turkey and totally relying on Sarah for release. I am determined not to ask for it, but I am not sure if she understands the enormous pressure I feel. it is interesting to note though, I know these feelings are largely in my mind, I have gone for 14 days before, but some of that was during Sarah's period, and while Sarah couldn't, the pressure was not nearly as great as once the green lights came back on.

Tonight I decided that if I was to sleep at all I had to relieve at least some of the pressure some way, so I ave managed to drain myself using the aneros, which is basically a prostate massaging tool.

I must admit it was incredibly stimulating I actually think I could cum with it in there just by clenching my muscles and not touching my cage at all. I was soooo close but I did not. So I am still orgasmless, and pleased as well as I would feel infinitely depressed if I did. I managed to get quite a lot of ejaculate from my body without any orgasm at all, so while I am waiting for my body to calm back down I am typing this.

So what gives with Sarah? I am frightened quite honestly that she won't let me out until I cave in and ask, which will mean the cage serves no purpose at all.

what a roller coaster ride.

It is times like this when the reality is not so hot as the fantasy, and yet in the back of my mind I hope she never lets me out, now thats weird.

What I do wish though is that she wasn't so indifferent. I could cope so much more if she acknowledged me, and she was doing it too me

Sorry this is a ramble, I do that a lot especially when I am tired.

i hope I can sleep now, I can feel a bit of relief, but quite honestly its the indifference which is killing me.

Some words of encouragement please....chin up cagedone...I must make sure I do not put her under any pressure....I must

I wonder how other people cope when they feel like this??

Back on 24/7

Thanks for your comment whatever she says, I am fairly certain I did acknowledge I knew what I should have done, also I have said previously that I am far from the perfect submissive. In fact I am not even sure if I am, some concoction of everything I expect, as everyone is to some degree.

To drill down on that particular incident, I will only say this, if there had of been some kind of engagement, some aspect of teasing, some aspect of FUN to what she suggested at the time then I would not have even issued a complaint. I don’t think it is a matter of confusion, Sarah is simply not really interested in tease and denial.

That said what she DOES like is lying in bed at night and demanding a massage knowing that I am not able to initiate sex, and now I have enough control over myself nor do I ask for it, it really does seem to help her relax and she does seem a happier person in general.

Unfortunately this does not form the ideal imagery often bespoken of people playing with chastity where their hot wives tease the crap out them, ie pay them lots of sexual attention which serves as a substitute for sex. Sarah regrettably is simply not interested in my offering her sexual pleasure while I get none, Sarah does not have a high libido, in fact quite the opposite. This means that while I give her endless massages and lots of extra affection I have to be solaced with my perception of her increased happiness, not exactly a tangible thing because I am not sure if it is because I am looking at her with different eyes. I am lucky if I get a reciprocated hug, and I have to ask for that.

This does make it hard to travel the journey of chastity. Like us all I am learning by having approached my wife on the submissive foot, I am not even sure any more that a submissive man is what she wants.

I would go further to say that I am pretty sure she doesn’t want a submissive man although I will always be at her mercy from a sexual point of view but from a day to day point of view our life requires that I make decisions for Sarah, Although I worship her as a woman, there are things that I have to take control over, even if sometimes it results in some conflict

This certainly does not fit into the submissive mould, but I am me.

Then there IS the sex aspect, although Sarah does like cage play, and I have always since I met her tried to ensure she climaxed before I did, sometimes Sarah likes to be fucked, and done by a dominant man, sometimes she even likes it where it doesn’t quite fit, and it hurts so good, hardly a dominant position during sex for her. But that is fine with me, I will do and will climb mountains to find what “works” for Sarah.

So given the last few weeks we have not been really getting on very well and sex has been crap and I have decided to cage up again, although I suggested it to Sarah and this time she agreed that “it might give her a break”. What she means by this is that she agrees because in reality I do not really hassel her for sex more than once a week, though I am sure she perceives that it is far more often, I think she is talking about the pressure for sex.

Sarah has not even being masturbating much recently, from my previous posts I know roughly when she does by observation, for example when the KY tube changes shape AND the pink vibrator has moved, it’s a fair indication. It actually been quite some time since I have been able to confirm her self gratification which may reflect her general mood. Lately its only been about once a month and if I compare that to me which is more like 4-5 times a day that makes Sarah essentially orgasm less. Yet this cycle, and admittedly I tend to check more often when I am caged, but she has self gratified twice in two weeks, although I have only been locked for one of those weeks. On one hand I am happy for her that she might be feeling happier, on the other hand I feel resentful, I can’t help asking myself, why doesn’t she want ME?? I can’t help wondering if the second session she had was because I locked up.

A few nights ago we were actually having a bit of a chat and I offered to Sarah that I probably should give her a long session of back rubs and woman worship, and that this time I thought that when she does eventually decide to reward me that I should put the cage back on with no delay. Sometimes after we do make love Sarah can’t sleep and turns the TV back on for a while, so I suggested to her that I go and wash up and put the cage back on while she is watching her tv show. Sarah more or less agreed to this by saying “if you want to” to which I told her that “she was worth it”. So people it does appear that I am in for quite a session this time, Sarah simply by turning on the TV following a release will be a signal for me to go and recage. I hope I can handle it. Of I will go and put the cage back on alright, but the night after sex I ALWAYS have a hardon just about all night, that’s not going to be a comfortable night L

I know that previous extended lock ups with releases I have had at least 24 hour hours of freedom with which I probably managed to cum 10-15 times, trying desperately to make up for all those orgasms I missed out on I guess before putting the cage back on the following night. Even with that program I noticed that my libido fell, not significantly but it definitely fell after 5-6 weeks or so. So with this program I am about to embark on I will only have one orgasm with Sarah assuming she lets me have one, though she almost certainly will. It will be interesting to see if I can get used to being orgasmless myself. This means that say on average (not recently) Sarah orgasms 3 times a month with me and twice by herself, that makes 5 orgasms per month for her and 3 for me. Compare that to what I am used to, say 4 per day. That means I am cutting back from 120 orgasms per month to 3. That’s scarey.

What is also scarey is that the building work still continues and it is dragging on, so maybe I will be lucky if I get 3.

What I have in the back of my mind though is that maybe this is a good idea, maybe I can force my sex drive to become equivalent to hers, maybe we will be happier for it apart from the DSM stuff that really is a extension of my kinky libido.

Sure I still dream of Sarah pushing my head down between her thighs while I am locked up. I really wish she would do that or even let me do it just once, but I don’t think she will. But perhaps at the end of the day what matters is that we are happy.

The imbalance in our sex drives has been causing friction since before we were even married. Maybe this is a way of reaching a end to that friction. I just hope I can make it through, this first week has been tough to maintain a completely happy exterior especially following Sarah’s self satisfying session (ssss in the future), truth is it is very very tough. Sarah will release me this week end, I am not sure which night but she will, and I will put the cage straight back on following. I do know that there are many many men who can go longer than me being orgasmless but I down there are many that go from 120+(and I enjoy EVERY ONE!!) to 3 lol. I have to beat Diggers record tho of consecutive days lockup. If I keep this straight back on deal then it will probably reach that over Sarah’s next period.

Hopefully the second week will be easier.

Just a side note, very sad to see Helpmate blog go on invite only, that was one of my regular reads, I wonder what happened there?

Oh yes the CB6000 is released, not that impressed really and I think I will stick to my 3K, I do not see any advantage in it. I posted this in the CB3k yahoo group:

don't think I will go rushing out and buying one although the ring
system may be more comfortable. ....so are the solid rings for the CB3K.

There are two main things I would have done differently and maybe some
other suggestions for the manufacturer.

1. rather than just move the vent holes to the side I would have
simply halved their size and make more of them, so instead of three
openings at the top make say 9 openings but make the holes small
enough that the skin can't BULGE through during a woody, yet large
enough that you can still flush water through. Puting th slots at the
side is an improvement for sure because pinching your skin between the
lock and the cage is no fun at all, but apart from that the red marks
and eventual injury from the sheer volume and pressure of skin poking
through is still going to be problematic with the side vents if they
are the same size as they were before (and they look to be). Puting a
bandaide over the holes before bed each night is a pain.

2. There is NO WAY I would have put that seem through the locking
hole. That has surely got to be a mistake.

3. I would have loved and still would love to see a clip on cyber skin
attachment/cover that simply goes over the top of the CB like a silken
glove...so when I spoon my wife I am not jabbing her with the sharp
end of the cage or worse the sharp bits of the lock (which I have
ground down)...I am only talking about a cover that would look more
like a mound than a locked penis...and spooning my wife she may even
like to rub herself on it....of course a larger mass of cyberskin may
turn into a fake penis but a simple cover would serve my needs and
enable me to cuddle my wife while wearing without fear of giving her a
injury. Wearing briefs is simply not the same thing, but it helps.

4. a receptacle or provision for a PA if this could be incorporated
without damaging the look of the device. although I am not pierced and
probably never will be, this would be a good feature.

5. Better form of anti pull out, this of course is the toughest

2 sugestions:

A make the tube thinner at the entry point, achieving a similar effect
to the KSD.

B Perhaps make some rings that are WIDER at the top than they are at
the bottom. This would be similar to wearing 2 rings which some people
have found to help security, I tried this but I found because the
bottom was also widened it became too uncomfortable. This would have
the effect of keeping the cage pointed down which would certainly keep
some mistresses happier.

6. availability of Stainless steel locking pins (for home use)

7. Availability of a small padlock that can't be picked in 30 micro
seconds.

Ok thats my wish list....maybe the CB10000

Asking for it.

Well what happened at the end of the last cage session? It has been some time ago now so I had better write it down before I forget all of the details completely. Life has been so busy lately, for those of you that are interested Sarah eventually produced the key after about 10 days or so…maybe 11, all I knew was I was really really aching for release. So I I went and washed myself and hoped back into bed…waiting for the instruction to rub her back, which came as no surprise….things progressed as one would expect and I decided I had better use a numbing condom because I wanted some control. After 10 days as once can appreciate it can be very difficult to contain yourself and even using a numbing condom it feels like your in contact with bare flesh.

In any case I had just rolled the condom onto my already throbbing shaft when Sarah said to me, “that’s enough, you can go put the cage back on now”, I mean what? Then she followed it by saying, see I did read it, and I can do that you know.

I was in a bit of a state of panic, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, Sarah was supposed to TEASE me, not wait till I got all excited by myself, roll a condom on and then have to put the cage back on without any kind of play. That’s no fun I thought!!! I did not have time to think because I was completely surprised by what she had said…I admit I probably screwed up because rather than just get up and do as I was told…I said..but but…I just got the condom on..but if you really want me too I will……..anyways Sarah relented and what followed was a fairly intense session.

Afterwards however I received the instruction not to put the cage back on until she told me to.

Weird, of course since then the instruction has never come, so I have been cageless for some time. Although Sarah seems to hint at times and I wonder if I should just put it back on, well I go hot and cold as I have previously said on the cage idea, what seems like a hot idea when I am horny seems like a bad idea after release. If only Sarah would engage in the play a bit more. I am pretty sure it does something for her, even if it is a demonstration of what I would do to try and please her…even if it does not do anything to actually turn her on. I have yet to find that button and I wonder if it actually exists….actually the turn on button is a fallacy I think anyways. I am simply online all the time, the only time I have a respite is immediately after a orgasm, and that only lasts for 15-30 minutes before if time permits I would do it again till such time it fell off!!

But then again our life has just been so busy lately, and I have been lightyears away from being in a submissive mindset. In fact our life has turned around in the other direction if anything and because of some building works at home I have been forced to assert a dominance simply because our life requires it presently.

I am not altogether comfortable in my current mode, but when it comes to yard work and building modification it seems that Sarah (and it would seem many women) have extreme difficulty in visualizing what the end will look like, or understanding the practicality of some of their suggestions. They need a picture drawn, so they can form a visual representation. Unfortunately although I can visualize stuff really clearly in my mind, drawing is not my strong point

It has gotten to the point that whenever we try and discuss things we end up in a heated discussion, I loose patience and I think she really hates the fact that she can’t visualize what I am trying to achieve, by her own admission she just can’t see it, yet in my mind there is not many surprises. I may say that I may be lacking in my ability to transmit the image that I see in my mind, yet this is not the first time.

Men ARE visual creatures, and CAN visualize things in great detail, which is why engineering is probably balanced in terms of aptitude in men’s favour. I don’t think Sarah can understand that I do lie in bed at night visualizing exact dimensions of where this wall will go, where a drain should be, how much concrete needs to go there, where a gate should be, what angle a wall should be to optimize the special effect, where lights should go, whats going to look good and what isn’t. That’s why when I go shopping I already know what I need, what I want. I do not generally need to go into a bazillion showrooms to get ideas. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lack the ability to visualize, it must be a empty existence.

I wonder what does occupy her mental space then, is it streams of words/concepts of emotions?. Maybe pictures of people speaking to each other, facial expressions. Maybe women are just not good at picturing levels, or THINGS.

Maybe that’s why women like to shop so much….or even tend to be more prone to wanting to travel. For a man I can see what a place will be like before I even get there. It is not so important for me to actually GO THERE to experience it. I am not saying I don’t like going on holidays…I love it, but I get a lot of enjoyment from staying at home as well. I do not always have this compelling desire or the feeling of boredom with home that many women seem to have, and a hence a drive to the point of obsession with always planning the next holiday….or wanting to move about. I can go places in my mind, and sometimes when I get there I wish I hadn’t, my minds eye would have been best left alone!

Sarah hates the fact that I am running these projects, I try and incorporate her suggestions but sometimes in incorporating her suggestions the end result I fear will lack in its potential. Sometimes I have no choice but to piss her off, and just hope and pray when it gets to the end, and the image I see becomes real that she actually likes it. I am really doing this stuff to please her, and that’s really important to me…The stress and pressures I feel are not from the tradesmen, the cost, or the arguments with tradesmen, it is whether on not Sarah will like the end product at the end that stresses me the most.

The problem with landscaping and building modification is you can’t move stuff around and see if you like it, you have to get it right first time. Its not like a room where Sarah has me bailed up for hours shifting chairs and tables around to get the right combination in a room, which I find intensely annoying and a waste of time…alas I keep my mouth shut!!

So I can’t afford to be in a submissive mindset so cage play has really has all gone out the window as well as the wife led marriage, and this is probably why there is a lot of friction in our marriage right now. But I do think about the cage daily, it’s a great fantasy still , but presently the reality does not allow it. Of course if Sarah did ASK me to put it on I would, we did touch on it a month ago and I told her that I would be frightened she would never take it off for the duration of the project…lol…She kind of agreed I think.

I guess at the end I can look forward to delving into this lifestyle again, certainly if these roles we currently have continued we would end up divorced I think. It is not a natural position for me with respect to Sarah, I look forward to relinquishing the dominant role at the end of the works and re enter a generally submissive mindset with enthusiasm.

Not exactly what I wrote

Call me a bit crazy, well I am sure I am, no doubt I will cope some heat from you all for this but then I have always warned I am not the perfect sub, or a perfect person by any stretch, probably a bit confused ...I had to laugh as I wrote that. I have been way to busy just recently to update this blog, and right this minute I am feeling the most unsubmissive to my wife in living marital memory there are reasons for that and it will pass......but now lets jump back a few months.....

I gave this to Sarah a couple of months or so ago. It is actually a earlier version, as my hard drive went down and this was a back up copy. it is not nearly as refined as what I gave Sarah to read, for a bit of a chuckle. What I was hoping to achieve was see if I could pop some idea into her head with out the pressure of her knowing that much of this was actually my fantasy. The only way I could think of, of perhaps offering information to her without toping from the bottom....this will be along read. I will tell you what happened later...but I presented this to her while I was caged, and in a pretty submissive state. All I will tell you is that she did NOT tell me I was a sick man....actually she told my son the next day...and he told me what she said (which really made me feel good about myself) that she thought that I was a really nice man...

Anyway here is is...:

Its took me about a year to completely accept the device that Geoff now wears between his legs. While I liked the effects it seemed to have on him I could not fathom why wearing such a thing would have such a bearing on his behavior. Not only that but I thought it was kind of weird and I felt like I was being cruel. I was worried that one day I might be made out to be some torturous bitch who enslaved her husband even if it was his idea.Yet I could not ignore the fact that it seemed to be having a positive influence on our marriage. I did not want to dismiss it out of hand and Geoff for god knows what reason seemed keen enough.

I decided to do a bit of research on the internet and what really helped me feel comfortable with it was the number of people using a device like ours. Based on sales figures 1 in 100 men in the western world own some kind of cock control device. I was very surprised that the number was that high or perhaps there are just lots of strange people, but many people means its not so strange! I just thought Geoff was weird but as it turns out not so uncommon when you consider all the men that should wear one that don’t, or that do not even know about them, or think they should and don’t act on it.

According to my research one of the driving forces behind the behavior change is the inability for Geoff to take matters into his own hand while wearing this device. Its pretty common knowledge that almost all men are chronic masturbators in fact many men are completely and hopelessly addicted to sex, but why not just abstain from the habit. Well Geoff openly admits he does not have the self control to abstain for any length of time, but he told me he did once for a week and the effect is not nearly as dramatic. But Why? It seems that the action of the device is of many facets. On one hand it prevents one from self pleasuring and on the other it seems that most men find it actually pleasurable to wear (at least during the day), it actually makes them almost permanently aroused because it feels like there is a hand holding their sex all the time. Each time they move there is a constant reminder who is in control of their goods. Since there is no way they can act on these good feelings their attention turns to the person who has the ability to release them. So if this is true then why don’t they get frustrated? Geoff tells me that after a few days he feels a overwhelming sense of love and adoration for me…isn’t that sweet. He says I grow angel wings.

Men in fact are far more interested in the chase for sex than the act itself and because wearing a cock cage they are horny all the time so they are in pursuit all the time and they are incapable of getting out of the pursuit feeling because they can’t masturbate. So it mostly comes down to a change in attitude and body chemistry. Men are wired for the pursuit of sex, once they get it and orgasm they go to sleep, if they wank, they don’t need you and resent the fact they have to. So cut off his ability to wank and couple it with constant arousal and you have a man in pursuit of you constantly wanting to please. He will literally climb mountains to please, he will even be hanging on your every word waiting for words of encouragement, he becomes totally tuned to what is your pleasure and transposes his own addiction to sex to wanting to pleasure you.

My research has also shown me that it seems as men get older the big “O” at the end of sex has far less importance than most women would assume. Yes ultimately that is what the chase is all about and it is important to remind him what the chase is about via teasing him, and it is also important that you reward him, but not too much…more on that later.

The other thing that internet sites talk up is the subtle power shift in a relationship that occurs once that lock thing is done up. Almost instantly I find Geoff to be more agreeable and nice to me, this is before there can be any physical contribution to his mental state. As the days pass this powershift seems to become greater and geoff becomes more and more submissive towards me but not to other people, I want and need him to be a strong man, my protector, but I enjoy the fact he will bend to me. Also I find if Geoff has been having a break from the device then it takes a lot longer for him to get back into the saddle. After a few days though I only need to say jump and Geoff really does say how high, and he is happy to do it!! Holding the key to Geoffs cock means that I decide when he gets an O, whether it be via sex or by other means. An awfully large incentive for him to be cooperative, some will read this as being manipulative. But what many women just don’t get is that men want to be manipulated by sex, they love it, they crave it and it makes them happy, so it truly is a win win if the woman is able to empower herself using her sex appeal. You get what you want and he gets what he wants and largely the woman does not have to put out. You don’t even need a chastity device for that, but it sure helps.

Geoff also told me that he feels obligated to ask for sex when he is free, and when I was not in the mood it really devastated him when I said no. The shift in power to me, means he does not feel obligated to ask for sex any more because he knows its up to me, in fact its against the rules for him to ask, and so it removes that pressure for him to ask. It actually helps to avoid Geoff feeling rejected because he does not need to ask.

But there were a still things that annoyed me about geoff and his cage though. One of them was that I would start to feel guilty after 4-7days and let him out because I began to feel pressure anyway regardless of if I felt like it or not, I could sense he wanted me to let him out. But to my surprise I could head off this building tension by teasing him intensely, in fact the more intensely I teased him the more it seemed to relieve him, this is because I am paying him sexual attention. One would think that this would increase his tension, which in a way it does, but in a positive sense. Indifference I found leads to frustration which is what I was initially because I was feeling that pressure! Teasing serves as encouragement, motivation, the promise of what will come if he works hard enough and behaves. The part of the psychology can not be simply ignored otherwise there is no point in playing it, and the whole relationship ends up being indifferent. I found that by teasing and denying Geoff I was able to extend the time he spent in his cage by quite large amounts, which meant we avoided the “down time” after he has had his O, and then when he did, it blew his socks off, and mine.

I also found that a lot of couples make formal rules about this adult play and in the end I decided if we were going to try this lifestyle at all we may as do it the right way, I am not sure if Geoff was entirely too sure about this at first but in the end he agreed, he really had little choice.

These rules that we use work for us. I am sure they will sound strange to some, they would have sounded strange to me a few years ago! We do not role play this 365 days of the year, most of the time our life continues along as it would normally. I think its also important to have a break from this play from time to time and we will take a few months break, but it is usually Geoff who offers to go back in.

There is no point in having rules unless there are penalties for breaking them. Any broken rules means that Geoff has to suffer sexually in some way, which makes this all the more entertaining and part of the engagement or sexual attention. Sometimes I will choose his punishment, other times we have a punishment bag with marbles in it. One color marble corresponds to a punishment which Geoff agrees to follow. Of course Geoff may stop the game at any time, but he understands that if the game stops then its over, finished, if not for good for a very long time. I recommend that you discuss this with your spouse them ask HIM to draw up the rules for your approval.

Our rules:

Geoff recognizes that any sexual attention is a privilege and not a given. He also understands that pleasing me sexually is a privilege and does not necessarily mean he will get to cum. Often when he pleasures me sexually he is unable to cum in any case.

1. Absolutely no asking for a release.
2. No hinting or asking in a whinny voice.
3. No reduction in service, reduction in service is paramount to extorting release. Geoff is required to service me in anyway I see fit. This includes full body massages, servicing me orally or any other way I want him to without his release, waiting on me hand and foot, or anything else I can think of. Geoff must earn his release, but it is not to be expected. I decide when that is.
4. When he is released Geoff may not have his O until I have had mine (sever punishment. Sometimes I try and make him O before me so I can punish him, he knows this and it makes it all the harder for him to resist).
5. Geoff may not have an O during sex unless I give him permission. Sometimes I may refuse him or delay it, and Geoff must thank me for it either for the denial or for release.
6. Absolutely no masturbation ever without my permission. No more morning after long showers remembering the night before. I will never ask him to lock but up but he expected to replace the cage as soon as he and it are clean. Many women suggest it is better to lock it back on as soon as sexual relations have finished, I am a bit lax here but I probably should.
7. Any attitude what so ever, while I do not want a sniveling wretch as a husband I do demand respect and compliance to any decision I might make.

The penalties:

1. locking keys in safe for a set period in addition to whatever time he has been already locked. We use a safe in conjunction with time lock. www.timelockrulesit.come.au Various options here, although Geoff knows how to work it. He is his own worst enemy, he suggested it.
2. Forgoing a release
3. Not permitted to pamper me for one day (sometimes this is a break , but ends up being punishment for me as well so that never lasts long). Complete indifference, this is Geoffs worst nightmare.
4. Tying his cage to his side of his bed, again Geoffs idea, but a good one. This is one of my favorite punishments because it leaves Geoff completely helpless. We attach his cage via one of the guide posts to the leg of the bed with sufficient length that Geoff can sleep comfortably facing away from me. This means that he can roll sufficiently so that I can have a massage if I choose, but once it is over I can choose to move to my side of the bed where Geoff can’t reach me. Of course this has lots and lots of other possibilities. I can tease him relentlessly because he is quite helpless, tickle, smack his bum, take him with my dildo or even masturbate myself out of his reach which just drives him crazy. Geoff can’t get up or touch me, wake me or get up in the middle of the night and disturb me. He must make sure he does not drink before bed so he does not need any midnight trips to the bathroom. If he needs to wake me then he knows the punishment will be sever.
5. Spanking, and yes I do spank Geoff sometimes see http://www.disciplinarywivesclub.com/ They have a huge membership. Men interpret a good spank as sexual attention strangely and its sure satisfying to me. The back of a hairbrush works wonders and his poor bottom can get quite red from my day to day frustrations. Geoff says he prefers being spanked to me ranting anyway. After he told me that I am not so sure he thought the same way, I made sure of that.

I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to engage in at least some form of teasing play. As with anything you will only get out of this what you put in. Ultimately your spouse/boyfriend, whoever will probably decide that its simply not worth his effort otherwise, after all he has given up his favorite toy. The longest amount of time I have denied Geoff his orgasm has been a month, but that was a very intense month and Geoff needed quite a lot of sexual attention even though he did not get to cum. These serve to push geoff’s buttons, he gets off when I control him sexually, so I test him and I have come to quite enjoy it.

1. I will give Geoff his key, but tell him that he will not be getting a O, then I will or I will tell him to edge. This means to bring him to the edge of his O and hold it there for a duration. After the session is finished he must go and replace his cage.
2. 30 second handjob. I like doing this when I have my period and I know Geoff is doing his best to hide the pressure that he feels in his loins. I give him his key and after he washes I ask him to bring himself to the edge, then when he tells me he is close I will give him a 30 second handjob. Since he has been caged he normally cums in under 10 seconds, hence he has his release and it has only taken 10 seconds of effort for me. If I am feeling particularly mean I will stroke him slowly. If geoff does not cum in the 30 seconds then he must replace his cage and wait until next time. He must thank me even if he does not get to cum.
3. Normal intercourse but I tell Geoff he must delay his O until morning, where I may use one of the above methods to release him. Sometimes the next morning if I am feeling really lazy I simply tell him he may take his time in the shower, but this is not preferred as I like to be the SOLE source of his pleasure. Sometimes of course I will inform him that I have changed my mind.
4. Numbing condoms, penis sheath or more than one condom, serves to thicken Geoff’s shaft but also means he gets little to no feeling. After I have had my O, Geoff has 30 seconds to complete. If he fails to complete then he has missed his chance to have a “O” and he goes back in his cage.