Starting week 3
I have to say its going really well, I have cut back to just half a pill per day, cut into quarters, one quarter in the morning and one at night, and after 3 days of this I can feel morning stirrings, just comfortable tightening around the cage, beginnings of a morning woody. I feel good in myself, I don't feel any side effects, not even weakness or any fatigue any more. The cage is working well as a barometer, if the morning firmness increases then can up the dose (back to 1 pill per day till it subsides then reduce it again. (bear in mind that even 1 pill per day is one sixth of the 6 per day prescribed to cancer patients....what I am taking now is 1/12 th)
It is so nice to be able to sleep through the night wearing the cage without being woken by a raging hardon.
I am also completely comfortable that at this dose this drug will bring me no harm even if I take it for a protracted period. This same drug is used in female contraceptive pills in smaller amounts mixed with other female homone stuff, it is also prescribed to women with very bad acne, obviously not prescribed to men except for cancer patients BECAUSE of the libido effect!!! as well as in a adolescent male it would stunt growth.
The best part of this is the lack of anger and sexual frustration despite being caged and unable to masterbate, the quietening of my need for sex and even better yet realization that my need for intimacy for Sarah is completely unabated. I have always been worried that my sex drive was tied and part of my love and need for intimacy. So the realization that I can all but take away the drive and still want Sarah is a fundamental one. I can want Sarah without getting angry and frustrated if its not on. In the past intellectually I could equate why it would not be a good night for intimacy, but despite KNOWING this my drive would almost FORCE me to instigate sex. I am now in complete control intellectually, you have no idea what a relief this is.
Now I don't want to make out that I asked Sarah every night for sex, maybe in the early years of a mariage I barraged her for it regularly, which set up the unfortunate habits for later in our life together Of recent years though I would probably start trying my luck after 5-7 days, and even if say at day 6 there were good reasons not to have sex my sexual frustration would start to take over, pressure builds I am sure you know the drill. I will qualify though that if Sarah was sick or had some physical reason to not be able to have sex then I was fine with it, I was not THAT bad.
I hope that anyone that reads this understands just how deep these realizations run, and I now feel I can confidently demonstrate this to Sarah by showing her all the affections I want but without any pressure what so ever.
Some of you may think what is the point in wearing the cage then? well there are a few reasons.
1. It keeps a intimate, sexual connection between Sarah and I, it also makes it clear to her that it is Sarah that is to instigate sexual relations and not me.
2. It is working as a barometer to help me monitor how much Androcur to take.
3. I am not tempted to see if it still works.
4. Drive and libido is also partially a mental addiction. not being able to masturbate helps keep me in control. Like smoking, nicotine is gone from your body in 3 days but it takes a year or so before you stop thinking about it. I do not want to give up sex though...but ultimately I would like to give up on Adrocur and maintain my control.
I am not sure if this is only temporary, or if I will throw a tire in the next few weeks, its hard to believe that I am me, I am so used to being driven . Still I know full well I am playing with fire, so I remain extremely cautiously optimistic. The other concerns I had for being motivated to DO THINGS have turned out to be fine, although I do admit when I was in the initial phase of higher does (to get to where I wanted to be) I felt tired and uninterested.
So far so good...
Oh Sarah still does not have her period, thats weird, she is usually pretty regular. Maybe she been playing up with the postman? or maybe she is so shocked at my lack of pressure its thrown her system...lol...or maybe she is starting menopause. We are going camping this weekend be interesting if Sarah let me out of the cage. I am not bothered either way other than the physical hassel aspect but I don't feel any pressure to ask her to....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
cagedone,
Boy, do I relate to frustrations experienced by men with stronger libidos than that of their wives. It's part of the motivation you've stated for wearing a cage. And that is the motivation you state for your self-prescribed hormone therapy.
And of course, that's exactly what you're doing: giving yourself hormone therapy. And I'm sure you've got no professional understanding of what you're dealing with here. You may rationalize that this is 1/12 the dose that a cancer patient gets...but no cancer patient would choose to jeopardize his well being when it isn't necessary. And your self-prescribed hormone therapy isn't medically necessary. You can't possibly understand possible long-term impacts of this decision.
Ask yourself what your wife would say if she knew you were doing this. Without knowing her at all, I'm sure she'd completely flip out. In my opinion, it would be well justified.
Addictions and obsessions can become overpowering and all-consuming. I know from experience, for example, that I can't smoke 2 cigarettes per day, because 2 quickly becomes 20. I hope this quest you're on does not become so obsessive that it causes you to lose your perspective or your grip on reality.
I have no right, whatsoever, to judge you for your actions...so I'm sorry. I just can't help but worry that this course of action is quite literally dangerous...and I hope you'll not lose sight of the fire you're playing with.
Best wishes,
s
Hi S,
Thanks for your frank words, I am well aware that it is reducing the level of testosterone in my body and that this is a hormone. millions of women are on hormone therapy every day in the form of the pill. Not to mention HRT. But you never eally hear about men do we?...well except for body builders....maybe
I am also well aware of the other side effects. While i am not a doctor I am a well educated person having done various degrees in various technical disciplines. While I do not want to sound disrespectful to doctors, they are just people, and many of them idiots, and some not. I have the intellectual capacity to read a medical datasheet/clinical studies and understand exactly what is going on.
I very much doubt my wife would flip out to be honest. I may even end up telling her if it works out.
The long term (years) of medication are very well documented in much higher doses and I am in no danger of turning into a transexual..lol and nor am I going to suddenly keel over or suddenly have fits of depression. Nor am I going to spontaneously sprout boobs.
I know all about smoking, I gave up 2 and a half years ago, was the hardest thing I ever did, but now I do not give it a thought :)
I am aware of MANY other men who have taken this drug for the same reasons as I have and found similar relief, although many try and eliminate their libido and I do not think this is healthy, some of these guys sometimes have issues with depression, but more often than not they don't.
I know I have basically disagreed with everything you said except for the smoking bit, but I AM being cautious, but it does seem to be working so far.
Sarah and I have for so long sought to increase her libido, this is not possible, but it IS possible for me to dial mine back a bit to match hers, if i can do this without any repercussions...then why not??
If it does not work out, all of the clinical data states that stopping the drug everything will return to normal
I enjoy your blog, and I definitely understand your quest to bring parity between you and your wife's libido. Personally, although I also deal with a much stronger libido than that of my wife's, I try to increase her libido rather than decrease mine. Admittedly, I haven't had much success, and frustration is significant.
I suppose my first comment is judgmental, and it shouldn't be. I don't think your course of action is wise...but I respect your comments enjoy reading about your thoughts on dealing with a frustration I share.
Continue to be safe.
s
Post a Comment