Changes

Have not posted for ages, actually I tried the other day but I just ran out of time. Been so very busy lately, went on a long holiday as well and since we have been back......

I have been doing some reading, and again I have to thank Ms Rika, because a lite again has come on.

Sarah always senses when I expect a reward, and in doing this Sarah feels like she owes me something, and Sarah really HATES feeling like she owes anyone anything.

So My mistake has been giving Sarah the impression that she OWES me for keeping me locked up, when in fact she is doing me a favor. After it is me who wants it, and it is me that enjoys pampering her once I fall into that delicious Subspace. But for me subspace only lasts for so long before it manifests into me feeling like Sarah OWES me, and she Sarah feels it...and Sarah stops ...or stopped enjoying it.

So how can I recover from this disaster??

We basically I have to accept that all this submissive stuff is in MY head not Sarah's and that any indulgent on her part is a favor to me. If she holds my keys then it is a TREAT, and not something she will owe me for later!!! My previous behavious have only served to damage what was beginning to germinate as a dominant Sarah.

So I have approached her again...but this time I told her that I am doing it for me...and aksed if she could just supervise the key, not hide it....then it is ME that is providing the self control in not using it....and not her enforcing it, I have suggested that I wear it from Sunday night till Friday night, and if she keys are still out then I will remove it, but if she chooses to hide them then that is her prerogative...Sarah seems fine with this so far, but then she has not hidden them or taken them either...

Its funny though almost immediately following this discussion, even though it was not going on for a few days yet, Sarah because to issue orders again...and I felt I already had my cock locked up, and on the Saturday night we had some delicious intimacy such that I could not wait to get my cock in its cage Sunday night.

As the week has progressed though, Sarah seems to be avoiding leting me do anything extra" for her, and so in respect of this I am just taking it easy and treading softly, that said this morning we were woken an hour earlier than usual and I massaged her for a full hour, until i think she had had enough..lol...

Well we will see how it goes, i know its not really correct to connect this behavior with the cage but it seems to work for me.

Giving up orgasms though is kind of like smoking, Smokers call their addiction a nicotine "chatter", that bends your mind and trys to convince u to have a smoke.

For me having no orgasms is like that, the longer I go the louder the chatter, justifying the need for release, convincing me that I deserve a release, and convincing me that Sarah OWES me a release. It has been my inability to hand this in the past that has been my failure.

I gave up smoking, and I silenced the chatter, (yep I found that masturbating helped with nicotine cravings...lol...definitely increased frequency and ability following quiting)

Early days yet but I am hoping I can silence this chatter too, or at least put it in a cage till it grows smaller and more manageable. Maybe let Sarahs voice be that voice that calls me to action.

Have to Take it easy...and let Sarah like this mindset once again. At least if I get really desperate I can use the key and maybe head things off if I really have to, dropping from sometimes as many as 6 sometimes 8 orgasms per day to zero is a tough call.

Lol maybe this blog should be entitled, "A sexual deviates fight with orgasm addition and how this fits into a vanilla marriage" Still at least my orgasm addiction is fixated on either my hand or my wife..

*****EDIT****** I just read Subservier's journey latest entry, and I have to agree with everything he said, perhaps if I am lucky I will find some middle ground, but pressuring is definitely not the way. I guess in some respects I am by harping on about the cage, and yet Sarah has told me point blank she likes it, then point blank for me to get rid of it, both totally opposites. I think in my case Sarah tends to talk in absolutes, I behaved badly at the end of the last session which was a stupid mistake and so Sarah painted the whole experience bad. So this experience had better be good, or its over for good.

But the dream of Sarah actually DOMINATING me even half way to what Elise Sutton advocates is never going to happen, and nor would I really want her to...not really into cuckholding anyway even if for some reason I love reading about it, I could never handle a reality like that.

There are aspects I could handle and enjoy for sure, but Sarah would never ever do it. It is just as Subservier says ...a fantasy. At least for Subservier you DID get to experience it for a time, I guess I do in some ways as Sarah goes hot and cold about the cage but I think it is me that makes it into a domination thing, that said Sarah has said somethings in the past that are unmistakably along the dominating path "you don't decide what to do I do" quote when I asked her if I could go down on her...lol

Subservier I think that you are lucky in some respects that your wife had a libido sufficient to indulge your fetish to the extent that she did, my use of the anti sex device is a different experience but one born from lack of Sarahs libido, now if Sarah DID have a libido then I think it would be verrry interesting..lol

But getting back to what you said, I end up being a selfish submissive as well, I want to be submissive and I ALSO want to be rewarded for it. And why should Sarah reward me for something that she is already rewarding me by indulging me.

I hope you find some middle ground eventually, I know how these feelings and cravings never go away.

I am amazed at how much I craved and how much I missed wearing the cage, so bazaar since I also miss satisfying myself now I am wearing it ....I can't, and I hate not being able to cum...

Looking forward to friday....Sarah not hidden them so unless she does it comes off for the weekend :d LOL Imagine my face if she decided to hide them on friday....now that will rock my little world

Then I have to focus on not pestering her for sex....and certainly not because I have been wearing the cage all week.

I am hoping that I can find some middle ground as well, but the dream needs a reality check, and there are I agree some aspects of the dream that should they be real....I would want it to stop pretty quick....

Eyes opening

First of all I want to thank Ms Rika for the time that was taken in her very thoughtful and informative comment to my last entry. In fact I decided it was so well articulated I hope that Ms Rika does not mind that I reproduce it here:

This is an area on which I've done a lot of research, counseling, and writing. Making D/s or FLR work for the long term in an existing relationship requires a lot of work and communication. Most men realize this, but think that their communication efforts should be focused on teaching their wives how to be dominant. I'm here to tell you that's a sorely misguided focus!

What these men fail to understand (at first), is that their inner need to submit and serve their partners is a psychological need, more than a physiological one. It's not what you do, it's WHY you do it! The desire to serve a woman can be satisfied in many, many ways. The kinky games and plastic devices are not real - they're playtime; scene-based - and therefore can only address the surface of the desire...the real satisfaction comes from the emotional connection and commitment to the D/s dynamic. This dynamic has to be natural to both partners or it cannot last for any real length of time.

Consider what "service" means. Who is serving whom? If you're submissive, your primary focus should be on serving your dominant partner...right? Do you think your wife is best served by her having to learn to want something new? Or do you think it will be better served if you were to learn what she wants...and then deliver it? Furthermore, do you think it will be easier for her to ACCEPT your service, if the service provides something she naturally wants, considers 'normal', and honestly enjoys?

Men too often approach their wives with predetermined views of what domiannce is; how an FLR operates, how the woman acts; what she wants, and what he does. His demands are usually presented as a list of things she can do TO him...very seldom are these things really FOR her. Afterall, it's something he's been focused on for a long time. He's done a lot of research on the subject: read a lot of books, followed a lot of blogs, seen a lot of videos. He's got is PhD in the 'submissive arts'! Of course he's an expert on the subject..So he wonders: if only she'd take the time to learn what it is that I know she wants! Why won't she learn to dominate me correctly??? Why doesn't she see the enormous benefit to having me as her slave?

There are real, practical, workable ways to overcome this problem. You are definitely NOT breaking new ground. However, the first step in defining your unique service to your unique wife is to divorce yourself of the standard-fare, male-centric fantasy you've studied all these years and figure out what she really wants! Then you need to communicate your intent to serve her and gain her agreement to accept your service. She needs to step up to the plate as well, as she needs to commit to accept your service from a position of dominance. Once you've achieved this agreement, she will recognize the benefit of your service and you can begin to recognize satisfaction in service in ways you never thought possible!

This is a long, long subject - in fact I've literally written a book about it! In a VERY Short space, I've tried to break the ice with you...I don't know if you'll simply dismiss it or take it seriously. I recommend you check out my site (www.msrika.com) and join my forum...and even consider my book!
- Rika.

You do indeed know your topic well, and I have done and am guilty of all those things. This is a very very complicated topic and I have asked myself those very same questions time and time again. It is not a simple matter to simply submit in all aspects of ones life and this is what can make the path precarious at times. The temptation to convey how you feel, or what you think you deserve for service is tempting at times, whats more the dynamic of FLR can change dependent on environmental influences. Things change in family life and it requires at times a shift of the FLR dynamic to and from submission and even dominance. Sarah wants and needs this from me at times.

But if we average things out, the focus is always on what it is that makes Sarah happy. Even before I became intrigued by the more materialistic aspects of FLR.

I am sure you will gain many a chuckle on the PHD in submissive arts comment, it is so true, if only I had paid so much attention during class, I would perhaps be making some more money!!

BTW I am already a member of your forum and we have spoken previously (some time ago) although I can't remember under which alias. But your advice back then was as equally valuable.

I take completely what you have said on board and thank you once again for your comments.

That plate is a challenge though, I am not sure if she wants to step up to it.

I will definitely be looking at your book

The end of the cage

First of all, GREAT to hear from you Helpmate, I was so sorry to see your blog go private, if you are still updating it I would love to read what you have been up to.

Thanks for your comments, they are taken on board. I am so consciouses of my deteriorating fitness not its very near time for action. I am helping out at training for one of my sons once a week, its start, much running around, but I need more. I have cut down on my drinking (with the exception of this weekend just gone...went away with some other families), and do feel a bit better for it.

As for the cage, it seems this is dead and buried, I asked Sarah before a session of passion a few nights ago if she wanted the keys again, nope, does not want them and then proceeds to tell me she does not like the cage and never has....well so much for that then.

I could delude myself and tell myself she is fibbing and there is certainly a lot of evidence to support that theory, at some point she has been fibbing because she had told me previously that she liked me wearing it. Sarah does this though, she says whatever is in her head CURRENTLY, and does not average her thoughts out, I am not sure if you know what I mean, she won't look at things holistically but rather takes a snapshot, in other words, at that point in time Sarah did not like the cage and has never liked it. This is of course subject to change.

So I will be keeping it and not throwing it out as I suggested the other night ( I asked her if she thought then if I should get rid of it...which she issued an affirmative but not positively) but I won't be asking if she wants the keys for a good few months.

I think its time for a complete break from these thoughts, give Sarah a break as well. There is time enough and judging by many of the blogs and other resources on the web it appears that this kind of thinking and lifestyle matures with age. Sarah does not have the time to spend thinking about this stuff at this time in her life, I know many women do make time for this but not Sarah, this just makes her a more dedicated mum perhaps.

The other thing if I am to approach the cage again is to present it to her such that she is doing it for me, my mistake has been presenting it such that I am doing it for her (and us). I think the truth of it is that perhaps I am deluding myself into thinking I am doing it for us? I am not sure.

Trouble is there is too much evidence that it helps our relationship, but one thing that is important in a FLR is acknowledgment and Sarah struggles with this I think. Sarah can't acknowledge the cage and FLR because she has a barrier against it, it makes her a mean cock teaser and sadistic wife, this is in conflict with how she views herself which is as a supportive wife and fantastic mum. Of course she is those things as well, and she can be those things AND lock my cock up and lead my marital life as well, but I don't think Sarah sees it that way.

So much of this blog has been about the cage, and so it seems like my whole erotic fantasy revolves around this little plastic device. Probably the reason is that its the ONLY thing I have EVER done that has managed to stimulate Sarah into intimacy and FLR if only a little bit. The cage does put me in a submissive state and Sarah HAS demonstrated dominant FL tendencies, more so when I am wearing it, it DOES give her power, and she does seem to relinquish this power when the cage comes off. To put an end to it does seem sad and does seem to be an end to pursuing the more interesting aspects of a FLR.

That said, its weird, the cage experience has been good for both of us, even though Sarah does not want me wearing it, Sarah seems happier and we do seem closer than we have been for years. Perhaps the cage has simply served its purpose and it is time to move on.

This is also worth considering.

Ii am not sure if Sarah will ever participate in O/D or tease and denial, strap on play or some of the other more explicit forms of fem domination. I wish she would if only to experience what it is like, I don't even know if I would like it, though I think I would....

Sarah won't ever know because she may never entertain the thought long enough to give it its due consideration.

But does it really matter?

As long as we are close then it should not matter.

But I can't help craving for more, I need to be wary of falling into the same trap others have and end up pushing too hard and destroying the gains we have made.

True FLR is when one simply does what the woman wants, puts her needs and wants first, I have ALWAYS tried to do this anyway, ever since we met, but with one caveat, I want and need sex and more recently and more importantly intimacy, and if I don't get it then fuck you, blunt I know, sad but probably true. That said about sex&intimacy, I ALWAYS put Sarah first when it comes to sex, AS LONG AS WE HAVE SOME, ...whatever form of intimacy it may be!!

I know I am too wrapped up in the kinkier aspects of FLR, but the dynamo that drives us men is after all our libido which is entwined with love for our spouses and so things that turn us on ARE some of the more attractive components of a FLR.

Sarah like so many women like to cherry pick the aspects of FLR that appeal to them, and a true man in a FLR should be happy for this to occur. But this is not what DROVE a man into this place in the first place, its in most cases kinky thoughts of a woman making him into a sex slave.

And again it all ends up being about sex.

But can a man survive in a FLR without ANY of those cherries he craved in the first place....I think not.

Simply put it takes two to tango, You can't have a FLR unless the female is prepared to lead AND offer up some of the other fruits on the trees. It may as well be vanilla

And so we are nearly vanilla again, but the craving is a hard fire to extinguish, and I do wonder how long I can keep it at bay.

I am trying to maintain some of the aspects of FLR, on a maintenance basis. It will be interesting to see if Sarah leads it anywhere over the next few months.

Thanks :)

Hey, thanks for all your comments. Way too busy to even to my normal rounds of the blogs presently. But it is so nice to hear that I am being read and understood.

Work is not going so well presently and I need to focus completely. I believe I have recognized depression in myself in that I am presently seeing the negative side of everything. Kind of like a dark cloud over me. I am unsure if this is as a result of my previous trials, i doubt it really, its been several months now, although I am maintaining the hair one just because it seems to work, and it is well known and approved in so many countries.

I am ensuring that I maintain many of the intimate aspects of a FLM in Sarah intimate massage in the morning, although nights are harder, the cage DOES drive one and DOES motivate one to be attentive at ALL times, alas I am making a effort. I believe Sarah is even hinting presently that she would like ti back on but I am not nibbling till she makes it clearer, in any case because of the present situation I would feel like a idiot if I was wearing a cage and I was fired, feeling dickless enough as it is.

I so wish I could tell them to all go and get knotted, but I am sure there are so many like me...lol, but I just can't, playing with my kids this weekend, so much responsibility, so many mouths to feed/pay for and look after.

I do not think it is close to that happening though just yet, but I do need to focus on my job as I have been distracted by my other money making sideline activities recently, unfortunately those other activities are not enough to sustain, just good pocket money.

I think I have to cut down on my alcohol consumption as I think it is contributing although I never drink during the day, but a half bottle normally and a full bottle some nights I think is taking its toll on my mood, and if my job suffers I am sure so will my marriage ultimately. I am also missing my daily trips to the gym, and because of my lack of exercise I have put on quite amount of weight, but its like if I go to the gym it costs me $200/day because of lost revenue (sideline), so i just can't do it and I can't fit it in any other time of day. If I can keep it up for another year I can make a big dent in finances even if it means I am starting to resemble homer.

Just too busy

Just too busy to write right now.

Just a comment on divorce, I am pretty sure that comment was said tongue in cheek, otherwise I think you deserve a good swat on your butt from your mistress for so quickly drawing that conclusion...lol

Cage play is dead and buried for now.

Sarah did not find it much of a turn on when she released me again and I had to keep pausing in order to control myself, then the following night when it was promised and denied I was frustrated and well basically I fucked up.

So we are vanilla again, so vanilla its boring, but because I am so busy right now, and so is Sarah , it is probably appropriate.

I am sure our dabbling in this lifestyle are not finished, not by a long shot. I know there are still elements of this that interest Sarah. I can't see her ever embracing it completely, but then like so many frustrated wanna be submissives, I am not sure I am cut out for it anyway. Whenever I start getting what I want I find flaw with it and end up frustrated.

While its true that I would like Sarah to consider my needs more so, is it fair to make these demands on her when she has such a large compliment of children to cater for as well. In a ideal world yep for sure.

No marriage is perfect.

I need to give these thought processes a rest for a while, and I am enjoying my freedom. The frequency of backrubs for Sarah are diminishing and so is her feeling of obligation to put out, lol.

I actually asked the doctor the other day about my/her libido, and if it were possible to reduce a mans libido. He told me no to mine, and said that there was a female hormone replacement that could enhance Sarah's, then when we traveled on to the frequency and I told him that Sarah and I had decent sex about 3 times a month he told me that was completely normal for people our age.

I know there are some of my readers that would kill for decent sex 3 times a month, so I should think myself extremely lucky, and I do for the most part.

But like all humans I guess and I am human, I just want more, not more sex though (although I would not complain!!) or even orgasms, more intimate play that includes more than me rubbing her back for hours on end with no feedback or movement other than a indication that she has gone to sleep by her snoring. I want to be able to share my innermost fantasies, even if they are demented in some cases, and not be judged, it would be nice to engage in any form of actual play than included interaction , one way play is not much fun.

Just that Sarah wants more of different things...do tell..intimacy is not high on her priority list....lol

But still, I am luckier than some and some would say I am a greedy bastard!

Can't see myself posting again for a while, but last time I said that my cage was back on the following week lol.

I do wonder why it was so bloody sensitive these few sessions though, could it be because I was using the tighter ring? I should have used some numbing condoms the second time....but I doubt it would have made much difference, the need to ejaculate feeling did not come from feeling in my penis it was more the pressure from deep within me, almost like my prostate was being pressed on by the base of my cock.

btw since uncaging everything as far as THAT goes has returned completely to normal, with the exception that I have been simply too busy to please myself as often

Blowing on the latent dominant embers

The thing about developing a new dynamic in your relationship is the time scale is so long, and there are ups and there are downs.

Sarah did release me a week or so again, but it was all wrong, she released me because it had been about a week, and I knew she was not in the mood. I even told her I did not want her to release me because I knew she was not in the mood, even though I desperately needed a release.

In hindsight what I should have done is asked for a 30 second hand job, but Sarah was fairly insistent on giving it a go. But we did have a discussion about the cage, you see there are other stresses on us right now and I am not really sure if cage play is a good thing when there are too many other things going on in your life. I said to Sarah that it was not fair on her because I DO become more emotionally demanding on her, I do seek more attention from her, despite the benefits to her, which there is a disproportionate amount, there ARE additional, well different pressures placed on her. I suggested we might be better to leave the cage play again, this was the second time in as many weeks I had this discussion, but after the conversation when Sarah gave the keys, I handed them back to her saying, these are offered, but u do not need to take them. Sarah took them back.

The thing about Sarah is that she does not like foreplay, thats right fokes, most guys get in trouble for NOT enough foreplay, well Sarah will not let me anywhere near her pussy with my hands or mouth. The only thing I am allowed to rub her pussy with to get her in the mood is my hard penis, and sometimes because of the lack of tactile input on sarahs part that can be a real challenge. Of course after a week, or nearly a month now of continuous (save for the day release) getting hard once out of the cage is not really a issue.

This time I did not have any viagra, and truth is there was no need for it. I donned a non-latex condom. These are made from polyurethane and are far far better than latex condoms because they conduct HEAT. The problem is they are a bit too good...lol...Sarah did try hard to get her motor going, but the trouble is I was so hypertensive, and no matter how hard I tried to maintain control, I lost it, I tried to pull away but it was too late, I felt the climax coming and it just would not stop. I was so embarrassed, I had to tell Sarah because I knew I was not going to maintain my erection for long. Sarah was very good about it but I was really hard on myself, I was really upset. I suspect that in some respects Sarah was relieved because I don't think, although I will never know if she was going to manage to fireup, but alas I blew it..literally. I told Sarah I will have to invest in some desensitizing condoms....or at least I made a mental note to use a latex one next time!!

On waking up and showering I noticed that the keys were out of sight, so She had hidden them, which means a lock up for me again. I could not help thinking about our failed session though. I really hated myself for cumming before Sarah. I mean I offered to go down on her, or do anything for her, but I knew the answer to that before I even asked the question.

That evening after I had had my day of freedom, I was not quite so active, after wearing for 3 weeks one does not really feel quite so overly charged so the number of times I took advantage of my day release was only 3 or four times, less than half that of the previous release. In any case that night I took a hot drink to Sarah in bed, I noticed the keys sitting in her bedside draw that was open. I was annoyed yet I realized that at least she had put them out of immediate sight, the following morning they were gone.

Fast forward a week of endless massages and Sarah has developed a fetish for foot rubs as well. There has been a few instances of dominant titillation but nothing to write home about until last night.

In short I told Sarah that her pleasure was far more important than my own.
I gave Sarah the keyholders guide to chastity book, which I do not think she has opened.
In cleaning up I accidentally on purpose left a copy of "around her finger" out, I saw her eyes run over the title before I put it away, and I know she knows where it is. I have pulled a page partly out so I will know if the paper has been disturbed...lol

Well yesterday morning we had another discussion about things, Sarah during our morning massage, cuddle, that I love so much while caged, told me that she was going to have to let me out of THAT thing , and this ensued a conversation about if it worked for her or not. She said to me that "if you like wearing it then I have no problem with it", to which I laughed and said, well, no the part I like about wearing it is IF it does anything for us and if it takes some pressure off you, and again Sarah acquiesced that yes she does feel less pressure with it on then off. I think she is still struggling with "good girls would never do that", I think she likes it a lot more than she lets on.

Fast forward to bedtime, to which I was looking forward with great anticipation, its been 7 nights now, and on coming to bed Sarah tells me point blank that she can't find the keys.

What the %$#@, now I was mad, I know I shouldn't have been, but how the hell could she bloody loose them?? she has done this before and I was equally disturbed, I explained to Sarah (and I was containing myself) that if she TOLD me that she wasn't ready (which following the morning conversation there was an expectation) I would be fine, but I told her that in this instance that I was VERY upset that she could loose something as important as that.

Sarah quiped, thats ok darling if I can't find them tomorrow we will have to take you to the hospital and have them cut it off... hmmmm

I think she was kind of getting some sadistic joy out of this.

Anyways again I am far from perfect because I countered her sadistic pleasure by telling her that some bolt cutters would solve that, and I even went further saying that if she wanted me too I could probably break the lock open.

Well, the truth is Sarah did not want me too, she told me she wanted to find the keys in the morning, in other words she wants to wait till tomorrow. I must admit in the back of my mind I am worried because I know Sarah period is nearly upon us...eeeekkkkk

So to the dominant moment of the week. After watching her shows for a while with no further discussion, and I did behave myself, I let it drop, I said as she turned off the lights for sleep that she could let me lick her to a orgasm tonight and give me a 30 second handjob tomorrow, the thought of it had me hard in my cage, and I had been lying there thinking about it choosing the time to say it. Sarah knows I really want to do this, its like this will be the turning point, where Sarah gives me the gift of giving her pleasure while I am locked up. I feel that once Sarah allows me this it will be the breath that blows fire into those latent dominant embers. An acknowledgment of her sexual dominance.

Sarah came back without even thinking about it:

"You do not call the shots, I do" Well, not what I wanted but bloody close!!

Well, my turn to say "yes I guess you do, would you like a massage dear, was all I could muster, and in my mind saying my thanks to the higher powers for the firm cock in my cage"

The thing about this statement is that it is the first time Sarah has been outrightly dominant in a sexual connotation, there has been others as I have told you but this was quite explicitly sexual domination. I don't like to think I was topping from the bottom as it was merely a suggestion, but I guess since I have asked before on more than one occasion means I was pestering her. Well I was certainly put in my place!!

Well massage her I did, and no I did not attempt to go down on here, I was perfectly behaved and rubbed her back till she slept.

This morning Sarah phoned for some other reasons, and told me that she had found the keys...so tonight may or may not be interesting, she certainly is building my expectations, but she sure sounded happy, so yeah its tight just thinking about tonight.

I must try and not have too many expectations though. Ever being told how fucken good a movie is then u go see it and its like...well it wasn't that good?

There is certainly embers there, whats more they do seem to be developing. The real proof will be this cycle, if and when she gives me the keys, if she takes them back while she has her period, I have a feeling she won't, she will tell me to have a break, but I will offer them to her, I have told her I do not need a break, and I don't, and I really don't want a break (although this will change post orgasm...lol), right now I am not even sure if I want a orgasm, I do and I don't, a very strange feeling.

What I do need to feel though is Sarah's orgasm, her gift of ultimate intimacy, trouble is if it is given with my cock, then I am unlikely to be able to contain myself, I wonder if I could even if Sarah instructed me not to (though I think she is a way away from doing that, she still does not understand the point of that, yet if she reads the material she just might)

Sorry this is so prolific but I need to do some work now....

Moving it along.

I asked Sarah this week if she thought more or less of me because I liked wearing the cage for her. Sarah's initial response was that she did not think of me any differently, but then she paused and changed her mind and told me that she actually thought more of me.

I then asked her permission if I could in future wear it constantly, without a break (except when she released me of course) until such time as she asked me to stop, I told her that I did not need a break from it, even during her period, and that it made it harder for me to have a break than not have one.

This is true because I very quickly fall into old habits and then I have a very difficult time asking her or returning to the fold so to speak.

Sarah has agreed.

Sarah has also been showing dominant signs just recently, apart from what I told you about the web site, there has been a few things she has told me during these last week that has had my submissive fires burning, after the above conversation, a few nights later Sarah announced that she had "better make a list then" referring to tasks around the house, to which I agreed wholeheartedly.

But now along to the night of my release the other night. I didn't get what I deserved but I very nearly did.

I was feeling very much like I DESERVED a released, I really worked my guts out all day and I achieved everything Sarah had asked me two before cooking dinner for the family, I quite honestly wore myself out.

I have mentioned previously that this is where I really struggle, and libido reduction helps a tad but not much. If I feel like I deserve release I have a real internal fight on my hands. I know I shouldn't but I can't help what I feel despite telling myself that its got to be up to Sarah, that I don't decide when my release will be....anyway with that frame of mind I went to bed. I could feel my adrenaline pumping around my body, a anxiousness, I was worried that I would not be able to control myself.

On climbing into bed, Sarah was watching he shows on TV, and she instructed me to give her a massage, not asked, she told me to. Fine, mini contained erection, and I proceeded to patiently rub her back for about 30 minutes before she announced hse would go and use the bathroom.

Now I know that Sarah sometimes puts the key to my cage under her pillow if she is intending to release me so while she was in the bathroom I snuck a peak under her pillow, and imagine my relief when I saw it was there.....but....and there is a but

Sarah returned to the bedroom, and I told her I needed to check the locks downstairs, but while was downstairs I went into my office and tool a quarter of a viagra pill, because I wanted to make sure that it was a enjoyable for both of us, I felt assured of release (although not 100% because she has gotten the key out before and changed her mind). I then proceeded to check the front doors and return to the bedroom where I found Sarah still watching her show. All good need some time for the pill to do its job, I even ground it up in my teeth to fine powder which speeds its penetration, which tasted absolutely disgusting!!

Gez I am a desperate pathetic individual

So I climbed into bed and dutifully rubbed Sarahs back for the next 20 minutes feeling sure that she was going to tell me to go wash myself at any moment.

So imagine my surprise when she turns of the light and says or more states to me sternly.

" now you are going to rub my back until I go to sleep even if it takes you all night, and if you do go to sleep before me and start snoring I am going to wack you up the arse!!"

I was floored but I did say, well u can do that anyway if you want....lol...but she did not say anything, but her sheer act of dominance was enough to quiten any act of defiance or feeling that I deserved release.

But then I thought...CRAP...I have taken that viagra AND I am wearing that tight ring. I still do not have any night time arousals but I know from past experience that a little bit of viagra goes a very long way....so.....

The night began, I must have rubbed Sarahs back for about 2-3 hours, each time I thought she was asleep i would roll over and just about be asleep myself when I would hear....."I am NOT asleep yet", it did occur to make snoring noises to see if I could get that wack but I thought better of it.

Eventually in the very morning hours I could not resist suggesting that perhaps it might help her sleep if we had a cuddle "or something" and I began change the focus of my massaging to her so yummy butt, Sarah did not resist me so encouraged I began to become more ambitious, I did not get swatted, so I continued until she allowed me to bare her butt and I began to softly kiss it.

I was seriously hoping she would allow me to give her pleasure without any release for me, but her body language was such that she did not allow access for me,then Sarah said, you are if anything persistent and handed me the keys. To be honest I did not argue with her, or say at the time that she did not need to let me out. I told her that last time and was denied, however after I was cleaned up and returned to bed I said to her that it was still a large fantasy of mine to service her while I was locked up. Sarah did not respond to this but I suspect it may have been filed away.

I put on a condom as is my obligation following cage time for hygiene (and sensitivity reasons) and proceeded to have a very enjoyable session.

Interesting Sarah did not allow me to penetrate her for a long time and indeed I thought at one point she was not going to at all. She kept me right on the outside , and not did I seek entry enjoying that she was guiding me to her own pleasure. I even believe she has a mini climax before allowing me to continue to rub on the outside, very unusual for her because usually she has one and that is it, I began to think that Sarah was teasing me by not allowing me penetration, and this is absolutely her prerogative, so when she did direct my entry I had a very hard time controlling myself.

I did in fact end Up missreading her and I did climax before Sarah which really pissed me off, Sarah did not know because I was wearing a condom anyway and I managed to bring her off before there was any significant shrinkage, but it was annoying because I was trying so hard to stop it the orgasm I had can only be described as ruined.

As I say I got what I deserved most probably.

I rubbed Sarahs back for another hour before she told me that I had to work the next day and I should go to sleep. Luckily she found some sleeping tablets and so I felt I could relax, I was tempted to make snoring noises though and i chuckled to myself.

In the morning sure enough, I was sure as hell glad Sarah did let me out because the woody I woke up with was a woody of all woodies and I am not sure if I could have tolerated it if the cage had been on. It have would hurt like frig!!

I allowed myself the day for freedom, I did need it, the week of wearing the tight ring had left me a bit sore, but I am not sure if it was an excuse for me being able to have access to my penis for the day. i think I managed about 7 orgasms , and I was relieved to report that they were extremely intense and normal feeling every one of them, even if the old fella was a bit sore at the end of the day. I have offered to lock up straight after sex but Sarah is not interested and i have also asked her if she minds if I masturbate the following day, She does not have any issues with it, I have even told her about my excessive habit before, she was a bit shocked but she does not seem to worry her.

In fact, I only found out I was unusually high sex drive when we were dating. I could happily have 5 orgasms with Sarah without ever going soft and no rest. It was only after Sarah had been to the doctor about woman stuff and she told me her doctor had told her that I was a very unusual man...lol.

Unfortunately these days I could not manage anything like that, but with a bit of a respite between...well yeah,

Later on in the evening on arriving home from work I checked to see if Sarah had put the keys away again (she hadn't in the morning) and sure enough they had gone.

My freedom once again came to a close.

Following my day of freedom and subsequent relockup, I noticed in the morning my balls are swollen, not discoloured but swollen, big enough to pull the skin tighter than normal making it a bit more uncomfortable than usual. Punishment for the previous day perhaps? I think maybe next session I will give the tight ring a break, I dare not ask Sarah for the key to change it over, if she finds out I am uncomfortable she will probably call the game off.

That said she seems to be certainly heading down the dominant path, she might just say tuff!!

Sarah does have a lot of stuff on her mind presently, it will be interesting to where this leads when things quieten down a bit. We are going camping this weekend and I very much doubt I will be taking this cage off for this trip.