Blowing on the latent dominant embers

The thing about developing a new dynamic in your relationship is the time scale is so long, and there are ups and there are downs.

Sarah did release me a week or so again, but it was all wrong, she released me because it had been about a week, and I knew she was not in the mood. I even told her I did not want her to release me because I knew she was not in the mood, even though I desperately needed a release.

In hindsight what I should have done is asked for a 30 second hand job, but Sarah was fairly insistent on giving it a go. But we did have a discussion about the cage, you see there are other stresses on us right now and I am not really sure if cage play is a good thing when there are too many other things going on in your life. I said to Sarah that it was not fair on her because I DO become more emotionally demanding on her, I do seek more attention from her, despite the benefits to her, which there is a disproportionate amount, there ARE additional, well different pressures placed on her. I suggested we might be better to leave the cage play again, this was the second time in as many weeks I had this discussion, but after the conversation when Sarah gave the keys, I handed them back to her saying, these are offered, but u do not need to take them. Sarah took them back.

The thing about Sarah is that she does not like foreplay, thats right fokes, most guys get in trouble for NOT enough foreplay, well Sarah will not let me anywhere near her pussy with my hands or mouth. The only thing I am allowed to rub her pussy with to get her in the mood is my hard penis, and sometimes because of the lack of tactile input on sarahs part that can be a real challenge. Of course after a week, or nearly a month now of continuous (save for the day release) getting hard once out of the cage is not really a issue.

This time I did not have any viagra, and truth is there was no need for it. I donned a non-latex condom. These are made from polyurethane and are far far better than latex condoms because they conduct HEAT. The problem is they are a bit too good...lol...Sarah did try hard to get her motor going, but the trouble is I was so hypertensive, and no matter how hard I tried to maintain control, I lost it, I tried to pull away but it was too late, I felt the climax coming and it just would not stop. I was so embarrassed, I had to tell Sarah because I knew I was not going to maintain my erection for long. Sarah was very good about it but I was really hard on myself, I was really upset. I suspect that in some respects Sarah was relieved because I don't think, although I will never know if she was going to manage to fireup, but alas I blew it..literally. I told Sarah I will have to invest in some desensitizing condoms....or at least I made a mental note to use a latex one next time!!

On waking up and showering I noticed that the keys were out of sight, so She had hidden them, which means a lock up for me again. I could not help thinking about our failed session though. I really hated myself for cumming before Sarah. I mean I offered to go down on her, or do anything for her, but I knew the answer to that before I even asked the question.

That evening after I had had my day of freedom, I was not quite so active, after wearing for 3 weeks one does not really feel quite so overly charged so the number of times I took advantage of my day release was only 3 or four times, less than half that of the previous release. In any case that night I took a hot drink to Sarah in bed, I noticed the keys sitting in her bedside draw that was open. I was annoyed yet I realized that at least she had put them out of immediate sight, the following morning they were gone.

Fast forward a week of endless massages and Sarah has developed a fetish for foot rubs as well. There has been a few instances of dominant titillation but nothing to write home about until last night.

In short I told Sarah that her pleasure was far more important than my own.
I gave Sarah the keyholders guide to chastity book, which I do not think she has opened.
In cleaning up I accidentally on purpose left a copy of "around her finger" out, I saw her eyes run over the title before I put it away, and I know she knows where it is. I have pulled a page partly out so I will know if the paper has been disturbed...lol

Well yesterday morning we had another discussion about things, Sarah during our morning massage, cuddle, that I love so much while caged, told me that she was going to have to let me out of THAT thing , and this ensued a conversation about if it worked for her or not. She said to me that "if you like wearing it then I have no problem with it", to which I laughed and said, well, no the part I like about wearing it is IF it does anything for us and if it takes some pressure off you, and again Sarah acquiesced that yes she does feel less pressure with it on then off. I think she is still struggling with "good girls would never do that", I think she likes it a lot more than she lets on.

Fast forward to bedtime, to which I was looking forward with great anticipation, its been 7 nights now, and on coming to bed Sarah tells me point blank that she can't find the keys.

What the %$#@, now I was mad, I know I shouldn't have been, but how the hell could she bloody loose them?? she has done this before and I was equally disturbed, I explained to Sarah (and I was containing myself) that if she TOLD me that she wasn't ready (which following the morning conversation there was an expectation) I would be fine, but I told her that in this instance that I was VERY upset that she could loose something as important as that.

Sarah quiped, thats ok darling if I can't find them tomorrow we will have to take you to the hospital and have them cut it off... hmmmm

I think she was kind of getting some sadistic joy out of this.

Anyways again I am far from perfect because I countered her sadistic pleasure by telling her that some bolt cutters would solve that, and I even went further saying that if she wanted me too I could probably break the lock open.

Well, the truth is Sarah did not want me too, she told me she wanted to find the keys in the morning, in other words she wants to wait till tomorrow. I must admit in the back of my mind I am worried because I know Sarah period is nearly upon us...eeeekkkkk

So to the dominant moment of the week. After watching her shows for a while with no further discussion, and I did behave myself, I let it drop, I said as she turned off the lights for sleep that she could let me lick her to a orgasm tonight and give me a 30 second handjob tomorrow, the thought of it had me hard in my cage, and I had been lying there thinking about it choosing the time to say it. Sarah knows I really want to do this, its like this will be the turning point, where Sarah gives me the gift of giving her pleasure while I am locked up. I feel that once Sarah allows me this it will be the breath that blows fire into those latent dominant embers. An acknowledgment of her sexual dominance.

Sarah came back without even thinking about it:

"You do not call the shots, I do" Well, not what I wanted but bloody close!!

Well, my turn to say "yes I guess you do, would you like a massage dear, was all I could muster, and in my mind saying my thanks to the higher powers for the firm cock in my cage"

The thing about this statement is that it is the first time Sarah has been outrightly dominant in a sexual connotation, there has been others as I have told you but this was quite explicitly sexual domination. I don't like to think I was topping from the bottom as it was merely a suggestion, but I guess since I have asked before on more than one occasion means I was pestering her. Well I was certainly put in my place!!

Well massage her I did, and no I did not attempt to go down on here, I was perfectly behaved and rubbed her back till she slept.

This morning Sarah phoned for some other reasons, and told me that she had found the keys...so tonight may or may not be interesting, she certainly is building my expectations, but she sure sounded happy, so yeah its tight just thinking about tonight.

I must try and not have too many expectations though. Ever being told how fucken good a movie is then u go see it and its like...well it wasn't that good?

There is certainly embers there, whats more they do seem to be developing. The real proof will be this cycle, if and when she gives me the keys, if she takes them back while she has her period, I have a feeling she won't, she will tell me to have a break, but I will offer them to her, I have told her I do not need a break, and I don't, and I really don't want a break (although this will change post orgasm...lol), right now I am not even sure if I want a orgasm, I do and I don't, a very strange feeling.

What I do need to feel though is Sarah's orgasm, her gift of ultimate intimacy, trouble is if it is given with my cock, then I am unlikely to be able to contain myself, I wonder if I could even if Sarah instructed me not to (though I think she is a way away from doing that, she still does not understand the point of that, yet if she reads the material she just might)

Sorry this is so prolific but I need to do some work now....

Moving it along.

I asked Sarah this week if she thought more or less of me because I liked wearing the cage for her. Sarah's initial response was that she did not think of me any differently, but then she paused and changed her mind and told me that she actually thought more of me.

I then asked her permission if I could in future wear it constantly, without a break (except when she released me of course) until such time as she asked me to stop, I told her that I did not need a break from it, even during her period, and that it made it harder for me to have a break than not have one.

This is true because I very quickly fall into old habits and then I have a very difficult time asking her or returning to the fold so to speak.

Sarah has agreed.

Sarah has also been showing dominant signs just recently, apart from what I told you about the web site, there has been a few things she has told me during these last week that has had my submissive fires burning, after the above conversation, a few nights later Sarah announced that she had "better make a list then" referring to tasks around the house, to which I agreed wholeheartedly.

But now along to the night of my release the other night. I didn't get what I deserved but I very nearly did.

I was feeling very much like I DESERVED a released, I really worked my guts out all day and I achieved everything Sarah had asked me two before cooking dinner for the family, I quite honestly wore myself out.

I have mentioned previously that this is where I really struggle, and libido reduction helps a tad but not much. If I feel like I deserve release I have a real internal fight on my hands. I know I shouldn't but I can't help what I feel despite telling myself that its got to be up to Sarah, that I don't decide when my release will be....anyway with that frame of mind I went to bed. I could feel my adrenaline pumping around my body, a anxiousness, I was worried that I would not be able to control myself.

On climbing into bed, Sarah was watching he shows on TV, and she instructed me to give her a massage, not asked, she told me to. Fine, mini contained erection, and I proceeded to patiently rub her back for about 30 minutes before she announced hse would go and use the bathroom.

Now I know that Sarah sometimes puts the key to my cage under her pillow if she is intending to release me so while she was in the bathroom I snuck a peak under her pillow, and imagine my relief when I saw it was there.....but....and there is a but

Sarah returned to the bedroom, and I told her I needed to check the locks downstairs, but while was downstairs I went into my office and tool a quarter of a viagra pill, because I wanted to make sure that it was a enjoyable for both of us, I felt assured of release (although not 100% because she has gotten the key out before and changed her mind). I then proceeded to check the front doors and return to the bedroom where I found Sarah still watching her show. All good need some time for the pill to do its job, I even ground it up in my teeth to fine powder which speeds its penetration, which tasted absolutely disgusting!!

Gez I am a desperate pathetic individual

So I climbed into bed and dutifully rubbed Sarahs back for the next 20 minutes feeling sure that she was going to tell me to go wash myself at any moment.

So imagine my surprise when she turns of the light and says or more states to me sternly.

" now you are going to rub my back until I go to sleep even if it takes you all night, and if you do go to sleep before me and start snoring I am going to wack you up the arse!!"

I was floored but I did say, well u can do that anyway if you want....lol...but she did not say anything, but her sheer act of dominance was enough to quiten any act of defiance or feeling that I deserved release.

But then I thought...CRAP...I have taken that viagra AND I am wearing that tight ring. I still do not have any night time arousals but I know from past experience that a little bit of viagra goes a very long way....so.....

The night began, I must have rubbed Sarahs back for about 2-3 hours, each time I thought she was asleep i would roll over and just about be asleep myself when I would hear....."I am NOT asleep yet", it did occur to make snoring noises to see if I could get that wack but I thought better of it.

Eventually in the very morning hours I could not resist suggesting that perhaps it might help her sleep if we had a cuddle "or something" and I began change the focus of my massaging to her so yummy butt, Sarah did not resist me so encouraged I began to become more ambitious, I did not get swatted, so I continued until she allowed me to bare her butt and I began to softly kiss it.

I was seriously hoping she would allow me to give her pleasure without any release for me, but her body language was such that she did not allow access for me,then Sarah said, you are if anything persistent and handed me the keys. To be honest I did not argue with her, or say at the time that she did not need to let me out. I told her that last time and was denied, however after I was cleaned up and returned to bed I said to her that it was still a large fantasy of mine to service her while I was locked up. Sarah did not respond to this but I suspect it may have been filed away.

I put on a condom as is my obligation following cage time for hygiene (and sensitivity reasons) and proceeded to have a very enjoyable session.

Interesting Sarah did not allow me to penetrate her for a long time and indeed I thought at one point she was not going to at all. She kept me right on the outside , and not did I seek entry enjoying that she was guiding me to her own pleasure. I even believe she has a mini climax before allowing me to continue to rub on the outside, very unusual for her because usually she has one and that is it, I began to think that Sarah was teasing me by not allowing me penetration, and this is absolutely her prerogative, so when she did direct my entry I had a very hard time controlling myself.

I did in fact end Up missreading her and I did climax before Sarah which really pissed me off, Sarah did not know because I was wearing a condom anyway and I managed to bring her off before there was any significant shrinkage, but it was annoying because I was trying so hard to stop it the orgasm I had can only be described as ruined.

As I say I got what I deserved most probably.

I rubbed Sarahs back for another hour before she told me that I had to work the next day and I should go to sleep. Luckily she found some sleeping tablets and so I felt I could relax, I was tempted to make snoring noises though and i chuckled to myself.

In the morning sure enough, I was sure as hell glad Sarah did let me out because the woody I woke up with was a woody of all woodies and I am not sure if I could have tolerated it if the cage had been on. It have would hurt like frig!!

I allowed myself the day for freedom, I did need it, the week of wearing the tight ring had left me a bit sore, but I am not sure if it was an excuse for me being able to have access to my penis for the day. i think I managed about 7 orgasms , and I was relieved to report that they were extremely intense and normal feeling every one of them, even if the old fella was a bit sore at the end of the day. I have offered to lock up straight after sex but Sarah is not interested and i have also asked her if she minds if I masturbate the following day, She does not have any issues with it, I have even told her about my excessive habit before, she was a bit shocked but she does not seem to worry her.

In fact, I only found out I was unusually high sex drive when we were dating. I could happily have 5 orgasms with Sarah without ever going soft and no rest. It was only after Sarah had been to the doctor about woman stuff and she told me her doctor had told her that I was a very unusual man...lol.

Unfortunately these days I could not manage anything like that, but with a bit of a respite between...well yeah,

Later on in the evening on arriving home from work I checked to see if Sarah had put the keys away again (she hadn't in the morning) and sure enough they had gone.

My freedom once again came to a close.

Following my day of freedom and subsequent relockup, I noticed in the morning my balls are swollen, not discoloured but swollen, big enough to pull the skin tighter than normal making it a bit more uncomfortable than usual. Punishment for the previous day perhaps? I think maybe next session I will give the tight ring a break, I dare not ask Sarah for the key to change it over, if she finds out I am uncomfortable she will probably call the game off.

That said she seems to be certainly heading down the dominant path, she might just say tuff!!

Sarah does have a lot of stuff on her mind presently, it will be interesting to where this leads when things quieten down a bit. We are going camping this weekend and I very much doubt I will be taking this cage off for this trip.

Tiny Update

just thought I would let you know I am locked up again (few days ago). I left the keys on Sarah's table following her period, well just before it was going to finish and when I came to bed the keys were gone, so I took the signal and locked it up.

Next morning I discovered she had not put them away just moved them...grrrr, so I asked her if she was ready or not, not to put her under any pressure or anything, and she said yep she was ready and would put them away.

Alas that night she STILL had not put them away so here I am walking around caged up but with easy access to the keys, hmmm thats not good, I am just wondering if she is humoring me.

So I ask her this time if she wants to wait another month, after new years, that she can give me the keys back and leave it alone, no pressure, bla bla...all said very nicely, Sarah said nope your not having them back.....

But then I just don't get it, after giving her loads of attention last night, just back rubs, Sarah won't allow me to pleasure her without intercourse, she does not see the point....she STILL did not put them away in the morning...

FFS, anyways I could not hide my frustration, she claimed she has other priorities on her mind.

sheesh its not that hard to hide some friggin keys is it???

Anyways she did eventually, but I am still wondering what its all for. I like her being in control but leaving the keys out leaves me in control, self control, and to be honest I just don't have any when it comes to opportunities to self satisfy.

I don't feel in the right frame of mind presently, there are other reasons for this. I don't expect to be let out before new years though. The extra tight ring is giving me a bit of grief because the diameter is not quite enough for there not to be some fold in the skin somewhere and this seems to be causing some pain at night when i am not able to adjust myself. that said if I were having nocturnal erections wearing this size ring would be impossible. circulation is no problem, everything remains a nice pink color.

I think I am going to stop talking about my attempts to lower my libido, it just seems people do not understand. Not one person has indicated positively or understand my position, and I feel it is because either

1. If there is d r u gs involved it must be bad.
2. The have not spent the HOURS of research that I have, or understand how careful I am being. tiny little steps.

No I am not a doctor but I did have (still have) the intellect to be one if I had of chosen that for my profession. I am smart enough to know what I am doing thanks

people have two choices when they are in a relationship.

cruise on and hope things work themselves out
or do what it takes and that may mean anything, go to any lengths to make their relationship the best it can be.

I have chosen the later. I am very sensitive to what Sarah wants and needs, and I have found a way to soften the dark side of the wolf in me. I know our relationship is uneven, I wish Sarah would respond more, i also think she is slightly insane, but then many of you would say that about me.

life is a journey and I am exploring avenues, I will make mistakes like most people, but they will be with the best of intentions not based on some kinky fantasy.

While i won't deny there is not some fantasy involved in a FLR, I am also realistic about the reality of life.

I would love Sarah to sit on my face and grab my caged cock and give me instructions for the day and tell me that if they are not done to her liking then she might just drop the keys in a vat of acid....i can visualize her absolutely stunning petite butt descending on to my face and her so silkened milk white soft cheeks coming to rest on either side of my face, I can even taste the scent of her. The picture of her perfect pussy, the shape the texture, the soft clam of pearls. I can feel her grab my cock encased in the hard plastic, instantly trying to find a way to escape, the extra tight ring begins to bite into my flesh, as Sarah uses it to change her gears during her instruction.

Yes, putty I would be.

Regrettably that is only in my minds eye.

The reality is somewhat more like I give her unpressured massages for an hour at night and in the morning, and my reward is her smile, and a non wavering look into each others eyes, that says I appreciate you as a person, and I love what you are trying to do, or simply a exchange of knowledge that we are closer as a couple.

I hope thats where we end up this session, the previous one was nearly there but Sarah backed away. perhaps this time.

i think I probably should have waited till next cycle tho....

Strap-on?

I bet you thought I had gone the way of many blogs and stopped bothering to write. Fact is I have been so busy that I have barely had time to breath.

I have a full time job but I also run a small moonlighting business that really picked up in the run up towards Christmas to the point where I was having trouble coping with both my real job and my moonlighting one. Now after the Christmas rush things might settle down a bit and hence why I am able to write now, although that is not to say it won’t get busy later today.

After the last episode, Sarah did let me out as she always does. I managed to keep myself nice and did not ask for release. But it is interesting that in taking drugs that supposedly reduce ones sex drive do not seem to do very much in the respect of needing intimacy with your wife. It DOES help tempter the angry resentment though that we all know and llll...hate.

As for the cage, Sarah ended up leaving the keys on her bedside table for weeks, so I never put it back on. Seemed pointless if she was not interested enough to put them away. In the end we had a talk about it because I was starting to become psychotic coming to be and looking to see if she had put them away!! Sarah basically said that at this time of the year she was too busy for it (like it takes too much effort on her part!!) and that even though I was very good the last few sessions at not asking or even putting any sort of pressure all on her, that she still felt that she had to release me after a week or so and that she felt pressured to “perform”. This saddened me of course because we really seemed to me to be making progress, and I felt at least that we were closer than ever before. A combination of my reduced libido state and the cage seemed to me at least to be making a significant difference to our relationship.

I actually still believe that it did, but I think that it actually scared Sarah a bit. I went on a business trip for a few days and it was after I had been away for a few days that she suddenly seemed to grow cold again, I asked her about this and she told me I was imagining it. But my gut feeling is that she was thinking about things and once again she got weirded out a bit about the whole cage thing.

That said she has seemed to make it clear that we will be playing with it again, but we will see, it has been a very hectic silly season after all.

One thing of note while I have not been wearing the cage for the last 6 weeks or so, Sarah did say coincidently one night while we had a unsuccessful attempt at sex (unsuccessful attempt at sex for us is when Sarah does not get into it. I usually won’t complete myself either just because when Sarah does not get into I really don’t either) Well Sarah passed the comment that she will have to start taking hormons (and grow a beard). She dropped this right out of the blue, and I began to think perhaps she found some of my pills and looked them up on the internet. I actually said that there were anti hormons out there, kind of jokingly and Sarah responded, if you take them I will take hormons. Not seriously though, not enough to pursue. Anyway it did give me reasons to check the computers in the house internet histories.

I did not find anything though (we have 2 communal computers, one in my eldests sons bedroom +mine) , but I did find something else which really blew my mind because it was unrelated to androcur, or the other drug I am taking.

It was actually on my sons computer. I check it from time to time anyway because it is in his bedroom, and although I have crippled it so that his access is restriced, for example MSN does not work, nor does myspace, but his internet access is unrestricted, there has never been any reason for me to restrict it. Imagine my surprise when right one the very edge of the history, about to expire there was a search request for “strap on” and another for “anal sex” and the links led to wiki entries for the same, this is weird because there has never been any entries sex related on his computer before, and for a kid his age if he wanted to explore something like that then I would expect there to be entries like fuck, sex or naked or more simple sexual references. Not strap on and anal sex!!. Ok so who did it then? I know I didn’t so does that mean Sarah has been researching strap on sex and anal sex??

I have always wondered if Sarah was slightly a fence sitter with respect to the way she carries on in particular with one girlfriend, the entry in the wiki pertains to both lesbian and heterosexual activities using strap ons, but then the additional entry for anal sex?

How can this be explained? I can only draw one conclusion that Sarah has been thinking about some fairly kinky activities? I wonder how I should approach this? If she is interested in this stuff then I would certainly love to explore anything she is prepared to, the thought of it is quite exciting, but would you believe as I was trying to resolve the dates of these internet visits, the reference to strap ons disappeared, the history link expired. Really weird, it was like it ceased to exist and was a figment of my imagination or fantasy. Only I could determine is that these sites were visited quite some time BEFORE the last cage play or during it. I could not pin down the exact date. It is possible that she decided to look into some of the reading material I had given her in the past, and of course possible that she decided it repulsed her, but this was BEFORE our last intimate session where I felt we were closer than ever before.

Alas this part of our lives has definitely been on hold for the last six weeks because we have been so busy.

On the drug front I ended up reducing the adrocure to just 12 mg per day, which is a tiny dose and mixing it with the finasteride which as stated before is a recognized drug for treating baldness. The combination of the two are certainly very effective. I have noticed a considerable drop in libido, and the pleasure of orgasm has also reduced to the point that it was a lot of hard work to have one and when I did it was hardly worth the effort. But the desire for intimacy with Sarah has actually increased I think which really does not make much sense. The other side effect of hair growth on my head has been definitely noticeable even after such a short amount of time, although it has been some months since I started taking the adrocure so that may have started things off, but the regrowth has been considerable, more than I thought it would be and this can only be seen as a positive thing. It will be interesting to see just how much hair will come back, but its been a while since I could feel the wind on my hair I can tell u!!

I have stopped taking the adrocure now entirely for a few weeks but maintained the finasteride for this reason (I like the thicker hair on my head), as I don’t really like the diminished feeling of pleasure from orgasm, but it has taken some weeks for the feeling to start to come back, in fact I think the ongoing use of finasteride is contributing to the length of time it is taking. I still do not have any erections at night and occasionally I will put the cage on out of my own volition just to see if there are any nocturnal ones that I don’t know about. So far just using the finasteride has continued to maintain my lack of nocturnal erections completely, yet my orgasms and ability to masturbate have almost returned to normal but without the real angry sex drive, all good. Also makes sleeping with the cage a whole lot easier, not that I need to presently.

As far as the cage is concerned I have been experimenting with the next smaller ring which in the past I could not tolerate because of night time arousals and it is even fairly tight during the day. With my normal ring I could wiggle with some effort out the back of the cage and have a play if I really wanted, not that I did because it really took some effort and not very comfortable with a cage hanging off your balls (which you can’t get off), but with this next ring down in size pulling out the back becomes impossible. I have managed to wear it for 2 days with the smaller ring, which is a first. This ring on the CB6000 is different to the 3K, I was able to get out the back of the same size ring on the 3K device but on the 6K they have made it flatter over to top, and this small reduction in diameter and the shape of the ring makes it just tight enough that I can’t get my fingers in there to pull the skin back.

The implications of this are that now next time Sarah and I play with the cage I truly will be locked up with escape impossible short of breaking the cage, and also orgasm will be impossible due to the slight reduced sensitivity within the cage, although I have not spent a week in the cage, its possible after a week the sensitivity might amp up a bit…lol and so might the night time arousals, in which case I would be in for some painful nights with the smaller ring and Sarah holding the key…scarey.

Oh and I also purchased “Male Chastity-A guide for keyholders” paperback which I thought might help validate the idea of chastity for Sarah given that it is a published book. Interested people can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145

That’s it for now, I know it’s a lot of waffling but that’s basically what is going on. Still in the pursuit of a happier marrage and a closer relationship with my wife J

Back in again

Sarah has been complaining for weeks now that she can't sleep, in fact she was so consistent about her complaining I began to feel like she was hinting that I should lock myself back up again.

Sarah knows that the cage really changes how I behave to her, and it really does. There is no bullshit about it.

A week or so ago in the morning I offered to put it back on that it might help her with her sleeping problem. Sarah knows that she gets endless massages and attention once I am locked up in a effort to shorten the amount of time between release. Sarah not only agreed but she went on to say not once but twice that she thought it was a good idea. In fact she was almost enthusiastic.

So I was free for 12 more hours before the evening, i did take advantage of my last few hours of freedom as much as possible, however the after effects of the libido reduction meant I could only manage a few before the evening.

Even the knowledge that I had committed to locking this thing back on was enough to begin to put me into a submissive frame of mind and I began to wonder if my morning awakenings would have recommenced yet. I had not noticed uncaged any morning woodys but I did wonder.

I decided to start taking a very low dose again, not enough to deplete anything but more like halt any further return of my sex drive at least while I am caged up.

This week however has been pretty tough, my morning firmons have returned, not enough to be uncomfortable (which they used to downright hurt sometimes) but enough to be conscious of them, reassuring in some respects, but what has made this week tough is two things, I know Sarah took her vib for a run the first day I was locked up, the object had moved suspiciously from where it had been sleeping, well I guess I should see this as a good thing because it means perhaps that the idea of me being locked up appeals to her in a sexual way, what pisses me off though a bit is that I wish she would share it with me while I am locked up, but I spose I have to accept that self pleasure is a private thing and I really should leave it alone, its just so easy to check tho!!

The other thing that has made it tough is that Sarah has taken FULL advantage of my massages and attention but she is not really giving anything at all in return. I am lucky if I get spoken to at all at bedtime because she just wants me to massage her to sleep, which given the motivation for wearing the cage I guess is fair enough, but even in the morning I am lucky if I get a hug and a thanks for the massage....with my drive partially reinstated, and my need for intimacy, and its been near a week in the cage now I am starting to climb the walls. I know I should not really expect anything in return, in fact I am not really sure what I want her to do. It was funny though the other morning I was having a bit of a moan about her lack of affection...and I suggested that a reward might be making me stare at her bare bum for 5 minutes, and Sarah actually stuck it out for me...not enough that i was 100% sure that was what she intended, unfortunately despite her movement it was still under the covers and I darent lift the cover for a look but god knows I wanted to, but had she snapped the cover back down I would have been pissed off so I didn't risk it. I also feel a bit depressed, I think because my drive seems to be returning full force and I am not sure if I can control it and end up asking for release from the cage. I really want Sarah to relax and be happy and I really hate putting pressure on her.

Anyways back to the drugs

Despite taking a low dose of androcur, progressively the morning woodys have been geting more intense as my days without orgasm go by. I am not tempted to increase the dose though, I do not want to revisit the same level as before, just want to make nights sleepable...lol and if i get a bit of libido reduction then good. But I can't see it really happening, I know how this drug works and basically all I am doing now is maintaining a slightly depleted level of testosterone on my body.

One thing of note is that I did find before androcur that if I shook the cage enough, if I was horny enough I could climax in the cage, that scenario is quite impossible with a lowered sex drive. I tried and I can't even get close, which makes sense I spose because even masturbation without the cage took some effort.

I am actually thinking of geting hold of some finasteride which is used to treat bald guys like me, apparently 50% of men will get some regrowth taking this drug even in micro doses, its approved in many countries to treat baldness and in fact its use in preventing prostate cancer is been researched. It is actually very similar to androcur but it blocks/reduces a more aggressive form of testosterone called DHT. it also has some libido reduction capability. The combination of the two in low dose is sposed to mitigate some other issues and are prescribed together in many cases in much higher doses for prostate size reduction. It is very dangerous around women of child bearing age, even micro exposure can have a impact on developing male fetus.

Apparently normal testosterone bonds to muscles but DHT doesn't, DHT has more to do sexual and male pattern baldness but normal testosterone obviously also contributes to sexual function. In theory I should be able to take small quantities of both and have the desired effect without the loss of vitality. We will see, AND I might even grow some hair...believe THAT when it happens.

Time to come back

I guess its time for an update. Life has continued on pretty much as usual, though I had a interesting morning a few weeks ago, geeze time passes so quickly!!.

I was wearing the cage and had begun my morning ritual of giving Sarah a massage, but this morning, rather than turning to her side and presenting me with her back, or rolling onto her stomach Sarah stayed on her back, seemingly dozing.

Now I am almost 100% certain that Sarah knew I was wearing the cage, the only doubt I have was that she told me afterwards she didn’t…alas

As the time passed my massaging grew a bit bolder and my hands began to travel all over her body, her breasts and I felt her nipples get hard under my touch, her skin felt silkenly smooth, and yet still Sarah did not attempt to stop me, and allowed my wandering hands get bolder and bolder until eventually I was brushing her pussy with my passing hand, ever gaining confident.

I was still in my chemical induced libido reduced state but despite this I felt myself getting hard within my cage, I thought for certain Sarah knew I was caged and that she was finally going to allow me the pleasure of giving her a orgasm without my own release.

Eventually Sarah rolled onto her side whereby I spooned her, I was wearing some briefs so as to not jab her with the cage and continued to rub her back while beginning a small thrusting motion pushing the hard cage between her cheeks, surely she knew I was wearing the cage. Whats more Sarah began to grind her beautiful rear end onto my covered cage with increasing vigor until she announced she was getting up to the toilet and then she was coming back to bed.

We we have not has sex in the morning for a very long time, and I was caged, and, to say I was breathless was a understatement.

She came back to bed and I instantly started to rub her back again and my hands drifted down to her curved arse, such a beautiful shape and I felt her pussy, it was so open, wet and inviting, it was clear Sarah was incredibly turned on, and yet I was caged, there was still nothing I could do, I decided now must be the time to go down and deliver Sarah a orgasm via oral sex, so down I went, but just as I got down there and caught a sight of that I so wanted to taste, Sarah was rubbing herself, helping her arousal, she stopped me from tasting her.

This puzzled me somewhat, because now I just wondered what I was being expected to do, we returned to the spoon position and my hand began to rub her swollen pussy while my covered cage rubbed her in her crack, when Sarah reached down and bega to pull my caged penis from under my briefs. It was then she says, are you wearing that thing????

Umm well yes, as if she didn’t know??.....She then reached over and grabbed the keys and handed them to me while saying, well that kind of breaks the mood….I explained that she did not have to release me I really wanted to give her a orgasm to which she replied what is the point of that?? I guess orgasm denial just is not Sarah’s thing L Normally I would have to get up and wash myself after a released but I told Sarah if I wore a condom I should be ok.

I kid you not I do not think I have ever managed to get that cage off more quickly than I did that morning, I was surprised actually that it was not harder, in both senses of the word but I guess I can thank the androcur for that. But get it off I did, and fortunately my anticipation of the upcoming event was more than enough to light my fire and fire it did, nearly too early in fact. But clearly under the right circumstances the libido reduction had no impact on my ability to perform. This was somewhat of a relief.

I asked Sarah if she wanted me to replace the cage and she suggested I give it a break for a while, so it remains off till now. I still wonder if she knew or not, I really can’t see how she didn’t. A few days prior I noticed her looking at my crotch, I am 99.9% sure she was playing with me. But I don’t know why she would risk the mood breaker, even though it turned out ok.

Anyways that was 2 weeks ago and I remain uncaged and Sarah ended up having a very short cycle this time, perhaps her body is making up for the really long one before.

Anyways a few days ago I decided to end my experiment with lessening my libido, while I found it really did help me control my sex drive, I don’t like the way it is making me feel, I am not sure how to describe it, but I feel older, not as strong. I think the clincher was when I throwing my kids around in the pool and the next day I could barely move, normally I would hurt a bit, but not THAT much, I also decided I do not like the feeling of breathlessness and I also think I have put on a few kgs.

All in all it was a nice holiday from my libido. It will no doubt take a few months to come back. Its very strange to orgasm with absolutely no ejaculate. Not something that Sarah minds (though probably not noticed), nor I as there really is no reason to wear a condom even for the wetness aspect. When I say dry orgasm I mean it really is completely dry!! But it feels completely normal. I may give myself another holiday sometime in the future, but intellectually I never lost the admiration for my wives female form or for that mater any other. It simply tempered the drive. I also found that the ONLY thing that lit my fire was when Sarah wanted to have sex. I have little doubt if I tried to have sex or initiate it even though sometimes it takes a while for Sarah to get into it I would not have been capable. I also found that my ability and my interest in masturbating was greatly reduced, some days I did not even bother. I would like to say though that there STILL seemed to be a hard limit on how long I wanted to go without intimacy. It seems that my need for intimacy although influenced by my sex drive is not impacted largely by the loss of drive. Its very hard to explain, but I still found myself needing intimacy without the need for sex persay, and I did begin to feel depressed and a bit resentful when I felt there was a lack thereof.

One scarey thing about androcur is the potential for a naughty wife to lace her husbands food with it. The tablets are the most tasteless material /pill I have ever encountered. As I was taking them in quarters I was literally grinding the quarter up with my teeth into a power and they are completely neutral like a blank pill. Being that you can get this stuff off the internet with just a credit card, well I can just imagine a wife who is sick of being pestered for sex taking advantage of it.

So after a few days off it, Sarah and I has some really nice lurvemaking last night. I was happy to say even despite a 7 weekish stint on the drug I had no problems, don’t feel any different for not taking it yet, nor has there been a peep from my old fella in the morning....yet

I doubt I will welcome my sex drive back, but I will welcome my feeling of vitality. And I am going to have to start going to gym again to get this weight off, unfortunately I have just been too busy lately.

Probably won’t hear from me for a while until something happens now. I am kinda sad about the realization that Sarah is not into any tease and denial games. She really is pretty vanilla with the exception of the occasional cage play. But even that she is seeming to discourage and certainly won’t ask me to wear it.

Still even so I think it’s a worthwhile tool to play with very now and then, even if only to draw attention to sexuality and my preparedness to try and please her. Sarah does appreciate this I know, but she just does not want it permanently part of our life. If she insisted then I would probably resent it anyway, so it seems perhaps we are finding a good balance.

Its all good, for now.

quick update

Starting week 3

I have to say its going really well, I have cut back to just half a pill per day, cut into quarters, one quarter in the morning and one at night, and after 3 days of this I can feel morning stirrings, just comfortable tightening around the cage, beginnings of a morning woody. I feel good in myself, I don't feel any side effects, not even weakness or any fatigue any more. The cage is working well as a barometer, if the morning firmness increases then can up the dose (back to 1 pill per day till it subsides then reduce it again. (bear in mind that even 1 pill per day is one sixth of the 6 per day prescribed to cancer patients....what I am taking now is 1/12 th)

It is so nice to be able to sleep through the night wearing the cage without being woken by a raging hardon.

I am also completely comfortable that at this dose this drug will bring me no harm even if I take it for a protracted period. This same drug is used in female contraceptive pills in smaller amounts mixed with other female homone stuff, it is also prescribed to women with very bad acne, obviously not prescribed to men except for cancer patients BECAUSE of the libido effect!!! as well as in a adolescent male it would stunt growth.

The best part of this is the lack of anger and sexual frustration despite being caged and unable to masterbate, the quietening of my need for sex and even better yet realization that my need for intimacy for Sarah is completely unabated. I have always been worried that my sex drive was tied and part of my love and need for intimacy. So the realization that I can all but take away the drive and still want Sarah is a fundamental one. I can want Sarah without getting angry and frustrated if its not on. In the past intellectually I could equate why it would not be a good night for intimacy, but despite KNOWING this my drive would almost FORCE me to instigate sex. I am now in complete control intellectually, you have no idea what a relief this is.

Now I don't want to make out that I asked Sarah every night for sex, maybe in the early years of a mariage I barraged her for it regularly, which set up the unfortunate habits for later in our life together Of recent years though I would probably start trying my luck after 5-7 days, and even if say at day 6 there were good reasons not to have sex my sexual frustration would start to take over, pressure builds I am sure you know the drill. I will qualify though that if Sarah was sick or had some physical reason to not be able to have sex then I was fine with it, I was not THAT bad.

I hope that anyone that reads this understands just how deep these realizations run, and I now feel I can confidently demonstrate this to Sarah by showing her all the affections I want but without any pressure what so ever.

Some of you may think what is the point in wearing the cage then? well there are a few reasons.
1. It keeps a intimate, sexual connection between Sarah and I, it also makes it clear to her that it is Sarah that is to instigate sexual relations and not me.
2. It is working as a barometer to help me monitor how much Androcur to take.
3. I am not tempted to see if it still works.
4. Drive and libido is also partially a mental addiction. not being able to masturbate helps keep me in control. Like smoking, nicotine is gone from your body in 3 days but it takes a year or so before you stop thinking about it. I do not want to give up sex though...but ultimately I would like to give up on Adrocur and maintain my control.

I am not sure if this is only temporary, or if I will throw a tire in the next few weeks, its hard to believe that I am me, I am so used to being driven . Still I know full well I am playing with fire, so I remain extremely cautiously optimistic. The other concerns I had for being motivated to DO THINGS have turned out to be fine, although I do admit when I was in the initial phase of higher does (to get to where I wanted to be) I felt tired and uninterested.

So far so good...

Oh Sarah still does not have her period, thats weird, she is usually pretty regular. Maybe she been playing up with the postman? or maybe she is so shocked at my lack of pressure its thrown her system...lol...or maybe she is starting menopause. We are going camping this weekend be interesting if Sarah let me out of the cage. I am not bothered either way other than the physical hassel aspect but I don't feel any pressure to ask her to....

New Experiences

Many of you will probably think that I have lost my mind but perhaps many of you will relate to what it is like to be driven by sex drive. About 10 days ago Sarah and I had a pretty crap sex session and I mentioned before once I perfected the KSD in the cb6000 I would hand her the keys again. I did complete/perfect the KSD for the 6K and Sarah does hold the keys. This time she has hid them really very well and I have no idea where she has put them…..this is good. This time I made it very clear to Sarah that she was only to let me out if SHE wanted to…under no circumstances was she to let me out of pity or guilt. I really wanted her to decide when and if, I am so tired of pressing for sex

Last entry I mentioned that I was considering libido reducing drug which I was able to obtain very easily on the internet and relatively cost effectively. The drug I have been taking for the last 10 days is called Androcur which is used to treat Prostate cancer as well as sexual deviance/sex drive reduction as indicated on the instruction/data sheet. Basically what it does is block the action of testosterone in a mans body. In low doses though it can be used to reduce the action of testosterone rather than completely eliminate it which generally results in chemical castration. I am not interested in chemical castration but the thought of having absolutely zero sex drive is intriguing, but I see that as being potentially dangerous to my health as well as my relationship with Sarah. Me not wanting sex seems as alien to me as not wanting to breath!! Sarah does not know about this drug, it would only make her feel guilty so I have decided not to tell her about it, maybe later if it works out OK.

There is a lot of misinformation around that Androcur can cause liver failure. The fact is that some 30 men died from liver failure from taking 200-300mg per day of Androcur for 3 months out of 60000ish. These men all had prostate cancer and were aged between 80 and 90 years. The dose I am taking was basically 100mg per day until such time as my night time wakening from erections ceased. Now this stuff is really powerful, after only 3 days I was being woken only once at 4am and they were only half firmons, by day 5 night time arousals had completely gone.

Unfortunately there are a few other side effects from this drug, slight headache, slight nausea….and sleeplessness kind of like a mild hangover, more annoying than anything else though I am not sure I would want to be taking 6 tablets (3 times my dosage)a day as a cancer patient!!, and even though I was no longer being woken by a woody, I was still waking at 4am and only able to find fitful sleep till morning. Since my objective is only to reduce my libido not kill it completely once I was sure my night time arousals had gone I then backed off the daily dosage to 50mg. Because the half life of Androcur is long it will accumulate with daily dosage, so once you have reached where you want to be it is important to back off the dosage to whats called a maintenance dose, ie replace what your body discards each day. Thankfully all the other side effects all but vanished once I backed off to 1 pill per day and I noticed that some mornings not others the cage felt tight but certainly not painful or can even call an attempted erection. This is about where I want to be…I think. I must admit that I do fatigue a bit faster, yard work seemed harder, I plan to restart working out shortly even though its guaranteed to be a painful experience..lol I have very little doubt if I kept taking 100mg per day for another 4 days-week I would be completely impotent.

So what has it done to my libido? My desire has not diminished at all, my need to please Sarah as not diminished at all either, in fact my admiration for female anatomy seems to have been enhanced somehow, but with a major difference. In the past after a week or so in the cage with Sarah’s period approaching I would be climbing the walls to an extent that Sarah would pick up the vibe and let me loose, not because she wanted to but probably because she felt guilty. The drive inside me would manifest itself as anger and frustration, which I really tried hard to contain it was a real effort, it took everything in me to prevent myself from screaming. The difference now is that although intellectually I feel a need to be intimate it is without the internal rage, the internal driving force that I guess made me an animal. I think this is a good thing as it lets me be in control. I was worried that I might lose all desire for Sarah..might even stop loving her if my libido was the engine that drove that part of me, so this so far at least is a relief, and the calmness is also a relief, not perfect but comparatively a relief.

So guess what, for some reason Sarah’s period is very late this month so I have been waiting for her to become unavailable to me which in a lot of respects has always been a relief while caged because I no longer would have any expectation for release. I seriously doubt I could have handled the last week if it were not for the drive reduction I have experienced, in fact relatively its been a walk in the park. Because I am not getting night time erections the cage is much more comfortable to wear, it seems that all those attempted erections if they were not damaging my shaft from the KSD they were bruising me or something, but it really has made a difference to night AND daytime wear.

Of course I have been worried that this reduction in testosterone may impact my performance sexually which I maintain is still intellectually important to me even if the drive is diminished and last night when I came to bed Sarah handed me the keys and told me to go clean myself up. So with much anticipation and some concern I proceeded to leave the room and unlock myself and clean myself up. I have to admit I purchased some generic Viagra at the same time as the androcur so that it would at least help my confidence should it be needed so before I did any cleaning I swallowed a quarter of a tablet, proceeded to wash myself and head back up stairs.

Sarah was still watching her TV show which was fine by me I even told her not to rush through it (its on a PVR), I needed at least 30 minutes to make sure the Viagra had time to do its work. On top of this I put on the solid number 3 ring from the CB3K, I have taken to using this as a cock ring as it also pushed my balls forward and prevents me from penetrating too deeply which I know does Sarah a injury. I am pretty sure Sarah like me wearing the ring, although when I told her she rolled her eyes, but since then she seems to like touching it to see if it is there once intimacy has started. Anyway it WAS a little hard for my motor to get started, but it DID start and I rolled a condom on. I always use a condom following time in the cage for hygiene reasons and Sarah asked me to climb on top, unusual for her to start in this way. Well once my motor started it felt completely normal, in fact during our foreplay I had to pause a few times to prevent premature ejaculation. Things progressed really nicely and eventually Sarah indicated she wanted to move to her favorite spooning position which allows me to penetrate her from behind while allowing my hand to reach around and stimulate her. This may have been imagination, but Sarah has always been very difficult to read for me, and generally it’s a case of proceeding until her completion followed by me letting go. Life before Sarah I was able to read largely what was going on and I was able to have a bit of fun, I love to be a bit of a tease with a womans orgasm, extend the time before climax, which always well to me anyways adds to the fun. Last night was the first time I can remember skating along that edge with Sarah, or that Sarah allowed me to explore that edge before she indicated to me that she wanted to complete, and complete she did, it is not often she pulls me hard into her, so in all aspects it turned out to be a really nice experience which I followed by rubbing her back till she slept, whereby I promptly fell asleep also. I did wake again 4am, and I did have a half decent hardon, not surprising since it takes Viagra a day or so to get out of your system. Thankfully I was not caged but interestingly normally I would have taken advantage of a free hardon and used it to return to sleep, but I really did not feel so inclined and I did go back to sleep, when I did wake again I was completely flaccid. Talking about senses, I have also noticed my sense of smell is enhanced.

Sarah this morning seemed a bit grumpy, weird I thought she would be in a good mood. I asked if there was anything wrong….no, back rub, coffee and I made the kids lunch seemed to make a her a bit happier, I returned the keys to her (which for some reason she did not seem so keen to accept)and reapplied the cage following my shower, normally again I would have taken advantage of the after effects of the Viagra but it was relatively easy to abstain, although it was a bit harder to put the cage on because I guess there was a bit of stimulation going on…lol

So here I am. I am not sure what is going on with Sarah’s period, by my calculation she should have had it nearly a week ago, maybe that’s why she was a bit grumpy this morning and not so enthusiastic about the keys. I guess she does not realize yet that I am a lot calmer about it than before.

Well so far this experiment is working well, so for the time being I will continue taking these pills, I intend to use my morning wood as my barometer, if I can I will back the dosage off again so that I feel a slight firmness in the morning so I know there is some testosterone in my system. If I can get to half a pill a day then at 70USD for 50 pills will last for 3 months…small price to pay for lack of night time awakenings, control of my sexual aggression and perhaps an improvement to my marriage.

I am not prepared to endorse this yet, I am worried about how it will affect my athletic ability longer term but so far it seems promising. I am not tempted to try and reduce my libido to less than that of Sarah’s, I don’t think that is healthy, and I think in order to get to that point I would lose my ability to perform, although if Sarah knew she might feed me the entire box.

One thing, although to start with there is some kink aspect to reducing ones sex drive, even proceeding to complete reversible chem castration, kind of like wearing a cage. Of course once your drive is reduced then so is ones kink level. This gives me some comfort in knowing that my motivations of proceeding down this path is true to Sarah and my marriage.

CB6000 and review

I don’t have a lot to update on the wife led aspect of my marriage, increasingly I am convinced in many respects that the status quo needs to remain as it is. If Sarah were left to make all the decisions then nothing would ever get done period.

That said she is still my queen, her happiness is what I strive for, even if it means that I have to lead a lot of the time.

Our house project is finally coming to a close, Sarah was completely against it from the start, and I ended up having to use those fateful and risk filled words “I can’t paint you a picture so your just going to have to trust me” those are fighting words. The fact is that although we ended up running about 20% over budget (which is a shit load of money when you spend what we spent) it has turned out brilliantly, even better than I imagined. And Sarah, although a blatant admission is never going to be forthcoming the invitations are flowing forth and she is certainly not shy in showing people around. She loves it.

The last time I updated this blog I was determined to do a 3 month stint in the cage with Sarah strictly in control of my masturbation habit. Well as you probably guess because I have not updated this blog for so long it fell in a heap, and I have gone back to my usual habits. Our sex life has improved though a bit since the house project has finished…possibly moving from 2 decent sessions per month to perhaps 3-4/month..which is not insignificant. Sarah seems to be happier than usual which is a good thing.

I am still thinking about chastity though and I still self satisfy way too much, what killed it last time was Sarah refused to put the keys away, she just left them on the bed side table, and when I prompted her she told me she did not like me wearing it when she had her period. I don’t really get that, unless clearly she still only views the cage as sexual avoidance, she does not seem to give a rats bum how much I flog myself which seems to take the attraction away from wearing it. I think orgasm control is where the attraction is to me since per the above Sarah having control of the rest of family life does not really work, that said Sarah is still very much on a pedestal and I will do anything to please her, simply Sarah making decisions or being the dominant figure in the household does not please her.

Anyway I decided to buy a CB6000, what really attracted me to it is someone said the tube was slightly narrower which means that there is no need to use a KSD, which would be a big plus if this were true. We are not tight on money although now that I have it I am not sure if it was money well spent. We are not finished with chastity play I am sure, so the CB3K tube was looking pretty grubby and used/stained so I spose I would have had to buy a new one anyways.

For those who are interested here is what I think of the CB6000

1. The new ring system is a pain in the ass especially if you have pubic hair. Getting the ring system on is not complicated but keeping your hair out of the ring system while putting it on IS complicated.

2. The new post are oval shaped which prevents the lock from turning around, while this feature IS good, it means using a stainless steal pin is no longer an option.

3. The tube is narrower than a CB3K and it does help keep things in place but after wearing it for a day, after bending over I found that I all but popped out the back of the device. When you first out it on you tend to think wow, I won’t be able to get out of this, but sure enough as you wear it and your skin sweats and self lubricates then you can get out of it easy enough, although it IS more secure than the CB3K without a KSD.

4. I would not say the new rings are any more comfortable than the solid rings, the only advantage is that they are flatter across the top which gives you less finger room to facilitate pulling out the back. But even with the second smallest ring which I can only tolerate during the daytime barely I was still able to pull out. I tried to put the number 3 ring on already pre assembled as I would a solid ring (to avoid the hair pinching) and I was not able to get my balls through because the flat part at the top actually makes the dimension too small. I think I could if I persevered but it would probably end up hurting, so the ability to open the ring is a plus in that case even if it is a pain in the arse. Wearing the device with the number 3 ring is comfortable along with the second smallest spacer which I guess according to millars means I am mr average.

5. I would say that the CB6K is slightly but only slightly more comfortable during nigh time arousal.

6. The side vents are a big plus for the CB6K and I did not really find any problem flushing the CB with water during washing using the side vents

So in conclusion I would say that the CB3K WITH the KSD is probably a bit more secure and probably a little less comfortable at night. The side vents are a big bonus but not one I would rush out and spend 250 bux AUD on in a hurry.

I then started thinking that putting a KSD in the 6K would be interesting because even if there is not that much difference in the device, having the side vents and the narrower tube in combo with the KSD might be a good thing so I set about modifying one of the KSDs I had. Here are some pictures of what I was able to do.

Basically I used a small angle grinder to sand around the outside of the KSD to reduce its diameter so it would fit inside the CB6K tube, then because the lip in the 6K is smaller than the 3K I had to make the KSD narrower over all. I then beveled the edges with sand paper and splayed the exit because of my past experience with KSD doing an injury to my shaft during night time arousal. I also had to extend the hole at the top so the guide pin could go through. As you can see I succeeded in fiting the KSD into the CB6K.

Wearing it was very comfortable during the day, and actually surprisingly secure, the thicker ring and the flat top in combination with the KSD made escape almost impossible. I say almost because I only wore it for 24 hours, enough for some sweating to occur but not compared to several days wear. Night time arousals were significantly better because the KSD gives an additional 5mm of length to the tube and when you consider the 6K is about 5 mm longer than the 3K then a extra 10mm over all is significant.

The problem was that I used a older smaller KSD to modify for the CB6K, I did not want to kill my KSD that I had made comfortable for the CB3k, the morning after wearing over night I checked for injury and unfortunately the pressure from the nighttime arousal had resulted in damage to the underside of my shaft, which means I can’t try it again for a few days. I am however encouraged and have decided to modify my CB3K KSD, although I am certain that the security will be slightly compromised. What is most important is spread the pressure, so you have to make sure that there are no lips especially where the bottom of the lip meets the inside of the cage. You must make sure that you sand back the thickness of the KSD so that it is almost flush with the tube and that you tapper down the edge. What surprised me is that this time the injury occurred both on the entry and exit of the KSD sides, which tells me that the KSD I was using was simply too small…I am definitely a grower.

Once I get the new KSD working properly I will offer the keys to Sarah once again. I have little down she will take them, wether or not she decides to keep them while she has her period is up to her. I have a sneaking suspicion though that she will though. I have not talked to her about caging for about 6 weeks and I think she actually misses it.

I am also considering a libido reducing drug which can easily be sort on the net without a prescription and try very low dose, been reading a lot about that recently and know what the risks are, not that I want to castrate myself but I would like to have a bit more control over myself, and possibly reduce wake up calls while wearing the cage..eh eh…and apparently some of my hair might even grow back. My main concern is that my sex drive must have a large contribution of who I am and is the engine that drives much of what I do. If its shut down completely then depression could be a real risk, so I would not want to do that, but lack of sex/sexual imbalance is also depressing. If it were possible to dial it back just a bit and get in the same region as Sarah then life might be a whole lot more harmonious.

updated

It was another 3 days before Sarah eventually released me. I can't say it was particularly good release, but it was a release. I had intended to ask Sarah for permission to cum but when I felt her climax I was unable to contain myself. I did my best to hold back but all i managed to do was to stop myself from ejaculating fluid (or much fluid as there is always some), but when I checked the condom in the morning there was very little if anything in it. I guess I managed a ruined orgasm for myself which was deserved since I was not able to control myself.

Sarah did not turn the TV back on and promptly fell asleep which meant I was able to sleep the night without the cage on for the first time in 10 days and in the morning we had another chat, which was nice, although I was in trouble for something I had said the day before.She told me she did not care that I came without her permission....I wish she did care.

I asked Sarah if it would be OK if I cleared my pipes properly during my shower to which she gave me permission, again she does not really care what I do with myself...

I must admit it was surely satisfying to see the gobs of cum come out in torrents, I was a little worried because of the lack of fluid in the condom from the night before...so at least I knew there were no blockages. It was also a bit fortunitate that I was given the night out of the cage because there was a small wound on the underside from the KSD, nothing serious, but enough I decided to leave it off for the rest of the day and rub some vitamin E oil into it. By the end of the day it has subsided to just being a bit red.

I managed to abstained from further self manipulation all day and reapplied the cage prior to bed and so I have not had a orgasm without Sarah's knowledge since my commitment began.

These next few days will again be a challenge, I am coming up to my thirds day after my release and I can feel the pressure building again, and I know Sarah will be expecting her period in 5 or so days time. Sarah always feels pressured to release me prior to her period...and I also feel the most pressure to ask as well because I know that once started its going to be at least a week ON TOP of what I have already been locked for. I always start out determined this is OK but after 3-4 days in I start feeling stressed.

Sarah HAS been sleeping MUCH better though so I must keep this up. I intend to tell Sarah that I have no expectation of release before her period so as to alleviate any pressure she might feel, Of course there is a cavete....unless she wants too which regrettably is unlikely.

I will tell her that I will tell her if the pressure becomes too much for me and I may ask her for a "30 second handjob" which means basically I am to make my self ready without disturbing her while she watches TV....and roll on a condom as to not make any mess. I will bring myself right to the edge of orgasm and keep myself there until a advertisement whereby I will tell Sarah and she will give me 30 seconds of her time to take me over the edge, after which I will go and put the cage back on. Sarah has kind of agreed to this although I have yet to see if she will do it. But at least it offers some release without hardly any inconvenience and hence guilt on my part for asking her to go out of her way too much. After all if I do it right she will probably only have to barely touch it. Hopefully through doing this maybe she will learn to tease and deny which might make things a bit more interesting. I know I want it I am just not sure if I can handle it...I hope Sarah's PMT is not bad this month, when she starts going ballistic for no real good reason it makes it a whole lot harder to feel like this is worthwhile.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Still I am hoping that by Sarah REALLY controlling every orgasm I learn to go longer inbetween and offering Sarah a chance to sleep and trust me, to feel comfortable with me hence become closer, maybe ultimately Sarah will want to engage with me more with sexual attention...be it intercourse or any other form of intimate play. I miss orgasms a lot, today I had lunch with a woman who is the friend of a work colleague, as I parked my car I thought about having some thoughts about her and felt myself fill up my cage, and then I realized that thats all it would be is a thought.

Jez I ramble

Coming clean

After lying awake most of last night I came to the conclusion that I had to have a talk with Sarah about things. We do not ever communicate much on a intimate level so what I wanted to say to Sarah was fairly challenging.

So I bit the bullet, and Bud, you can't say I wasn't listening to you!!

I can't really remember the order of the conversation because I am just so tired today, but I think I started by asking how she slept, she slept fine of course, I was honest with her and told her I had barely slept a wink. I followed this conversation by asking her how she though the last week had gone, and she answered very positively,I then went on to comment that we never really have many intimate conversations, and that I had something really personal to tell her.

"oh?"
"well you know how I have a reallllly high sex drive"
alarm bells ringing omg he is going to tell me he is having/had an affair
"yes??"
quickly "well its nothing like i am having sex with anyone else or anything"
"but, well an average guy will bring himself off about once per day, well I kind of have a bit of a problem, I do it about 5 times per day"
"WHAT???" jaw drops out of head, shocked silence
"so I have decided that I will keep wearing the device for the next 3 months"
"hmmm Ok well we will see how u go"

That is the essence of it all of course I told her I worshiped her as a woman, and that although I did it so much when we made love it was not even a tiny bit lessened by my extra curricular activities. The conversation lasted far longer than this and we worked through some other things

I even told her that last night I was so desperate because it had been over a week I had used a prostate massager on myself, so I really came clean about everything, I am stunned myself that I admitted this to my wife...lol

The upshot is Sarah has agreed to ration my orgasms for the next 3 months, i will wear the cage and she will decide when or if I get to orgasm. The cage will be reapplied straight after any release.

How we go from here is up to her.

On one hand I am shit scared, on the other hand I am glad I came clean and we actually HAD a intimate conversation, it is probably the most personal thing I have ever shared with Sarah in all the time we have been married. And today Sarah has been great, but I do wonder when my next release will be.

Thanks Bud...hmmm or not.

This can be so hard sometimes

Saturday night, well actually Sunday morning here in Aus, and well I can't sleep. Sarah and I have been getting on great but as yet there is no sign of her letting me loose. I really have to be carefull what to expect but the last two nights have been really hard. I have managed to keep my mouth shut and give her a back rub until she falls asleep...which is just the way it should be.

But the pressure is unbelievable.

Tonight Sarah at bed time seemed completely indifferent. Its almost as if she is pressuring me to ask her for a release. Maybe she is just testing me, its a test I am struggling to pass, and its only been a week.

So now its 2am on Sunday morning and I simply can't sleep because of a combination of 2 things, one is I don't understand why Sarah has not let me loose and the other is, well I am so full I am leaking!!

Today Sarah went out for most of the day and I spent most of the day cleaning the house, washing and ironing the kids cloths, I think I did a pretty good job as well, even Sarah's parents commented when they came around how tidy it looked. Did Sarah so much as thank me....she did not even acknowledge that I had done anything.

Well I have listened to my last commenter, and apparently I have been a chronic masturbator, lol, well its not like it was something I did not already know, but perhaps, well more than perhaps thats why I really seem to hit a wall at about 7 days with no orgasm, but I am determined to see this through, going cold turkey and totally relying on Sarah for release. I am determined not to ask for it, but I am not sure if she understands the enormous pressure I feel. it is interesting to note though, I know these feelings are largely in my mind, I have gone for 14 days before, but some of that was during Sarah's period, and while Sarah couldn't, the pressure was not nearly as great as once the green lights came back on.

Tonight I decided that if I was to sleep at all I had to relieve at least some of the pressure some way, so I ave managed to drain myself using the aneros, which is basically a prostate massaging tool.

I must admit it was incredibly stimulating I actually think I could cum with it in there just by clenching my muscles and not touching my cage at all. I was soooo close but I did not. So I am still orgasmless, and pleased as well as I would feel infinitely depressed if I did. I managed to get quite a lot of ejaculate from my body without any orgasm at all, so while I am waiting for my body to calm back down I am typing this.

So what gives with Sarah? I am frightened quite honestly that she won't let me out until I cave in and ask, which will mean the cage serves no purpose at all.

what a roller coaster ride.

It is times like this when the reality is not so hot as the fantasy, and yet in the back of my mind I hope she never lets me out, now thats weird.

What I do wish though is that she wasn't so indifferent. I could cope so much more if she acknowledged me, and she was doing it too me

Sorry this is a ramble, I do that a lot especially when I am tired.

i hope I can sleep now, I can feel a bit of relief, but quite honestly its the indifference which is killing me.

Some words of encouragement please....chin up cagedone...I must make sure I do not put her under any pressure....I must

I wonder how other people cope when they feel like this??

Back on 24/7

Thanks for your comment whatever she says, I am fairly certain I did acknowledge I knew what I should have done, also I have said previously that I am far from the perfect submissive. In fact I am not even sure if I am, some concoction of everything I expect, as everyone is to some degree.

To drill down on that particular incident, I will only say this, if there had of been some kind of engagement, some aspect of teasing, some aspect of FUN to what she suggested at the time then I would not have even issued a complaint. I don’t think it is a matter of confusion, Sarah is simply not really interested in tease and denial.

That said what she DOES like is lying in bed at night and demanding a massage knowing that I am not able to initiate sex, and now I have enough control over myself nor do I ask for it, it really does seem to help her relax and she does seem a happier person in general.

Unfortunately this does not form the ideal imagery often bespoken of people playing with chastity where their hot wives tease the crap out them, ie pay them lots of sexual attention which serves as a substitute for sex. Sarah regrettably is simply not interested in my offering her sexual pleasure while I get none, Sarah does not have a high libido, in fact quite the opposite. This means that while I give her endless massages and lots of extra affection I have to be solaced with my perception of her increased happiness, not exactly a tangible thing because I am not sure if it is because I am looking at her with different eyes. I am lucky if I get a reciprocated hug, and I have to ask for that.

This does make it hard to travel the journey of chastity. Like us all I am learning by having approached my wife on the submissive foot, I am not even sure any more that a submissive man is what she wants.

I would go further to say that I am pretty sure she doesn’t want a submissive man although I will always be at her mercy from a sexual point of view but from a day to day point of view our life requires that I make decisions for Sarah, Although I worship her as a woman, there are things that I have to take control over, even if sometimes it results in some conflict

This certainly does not fit into the submissive mould, but I am me.

Then there IS the sex aspect, although Sarah does like cage play, and I have always since I met her tried to ensure she climaxed before I did, sometimes Sarah likes to be fucked, and done by a dominant man, sometimes she even likes it where it doesn’t quite fit, and it hurts so good, hardly a dominant position during sex for her. But that is fine with me, I will do and will climb mountains to find what “works” for Sarah.

So given the last few weeks we have not been really getting on very well and sex has been crap and I have decided to cage up again, although I suggested it to Sarah and this time she agreed that “it might give her a break”. What she means by this is that she agrees because in reality I do not really hassel her for sex more than once a week, though I am sure she perceives that it is far more often, I think she is talking about the pressure for sex.

Sarah has not even being masturbating much recently, from my previous posts I know roughly when she does by observation, for example when the KY tube changes shape AND the pink vibrator has moved, it’s a fair indication. It actually been quite some time since I have been able to confirm her self gratification which may reflect her general mood. Lately its only been about once a month and if I compare that to me which is more like 4-5 times a day that makes Sarah essentially orgasm less. Yet this cycle, and admittedly I tend to check more often when I am caged, but she has self gratified twice in two weeks, although I have only been locked for one of those weeks. On one hand I am happy for her that she might be feeling happier, on the other hand I feel resentful, I can’t help asking myself, why doesn’t she want ME?? I can’t help wondering if the second session she had was because I locked up.

A few nights ago we were actually having a bit of a chat and I offered to Sarah that I probably should give her a long session of back rubs and woman worship, and that this time I thought that when she does eventually decide to reward me that I should put the cage back on with no delay. Sometimes after we do make love Sarah can’t sleep and turns the TV back on for a while, so I suggested to her that I go and wash up and put the cage back on while she is watching her tv show. Sarah more or less agreed to this by saying “if you want to” to which I told her that “she was worth it”. So people it does appear that I am in for quite a session this time, Sarah simply by turning on the TV following a release will be a signal for me to go and recage. I hope I can handle it. Of I will go and put the cage back on alright, but the night after sex I ALWAYS have a hardon just about all night, that’s not going to be a comfortable night L

I know that previous extended lock ups with releases I have had at least 24 hour hours of freedom with which I probably managed to cum 10-15 times, trying desperately to make up for all those orgasms I missed out on I guess before putting the cage back on the following night. Even with that program I noticed that my libido fell, not significantly but it definitely fell after 5-6 weeks or so. So with this program I am about to embark on I will only have one orgasm with Sarah assuming she lets me have one, though she almost certainly will. It will be interesting to see if I can get used to being orgasmless myself. This means that say on average (not recently) Sarah orgasms 3 times a month with me and twice by herself, that makes 5 orgasms per month for her and 3 for me. Compare that to what I am used to, say 4 per day. That means I am cutting back from 120 orgasms per month to 3. That’s scarey.

What is also scarey is that the building work still continues and it is dragging on, so maybe I will be lucky if I get 3.

What I have in the back of my mind though is that maybe this is a good idea, maybe I can force my sex drive to become equivalent to hers, maybe we will be happier for it apart from the DSM stuff that really is a extension of my kinky libido.

Sure I still dream of Sarah pushing my head down between her thighs while I am locked up. I really wish she would do that or even let me do it just once, but I don’t think she will. But perhaps at the end of the day what matters is that we are happy.

The imbalance in our sex drives has been causing friction since before we were even married. Maybe this is a way of reaching a end to that friction. I just hope I can make it through, this first week has been tough to maintain a completely happy exterior especially following Sarah’s self satisfying session (ssss in the future), truth is it is very very tough. Sarah will release me this week end, I am not sure which night but she will, and I will put the cage straight back on following. I do know that there are many many men who can go longer than me being orgasmless but I down there are many that go from 120+(and I enjoy EVERY ONE!!) to 3 lol. I have to beat Diggers record tho of consecutive days lockup. If I keep this straight back on deal then it will probably reach that over Sarah’s next period.

Hopefully the second week will be easier.

Just a side note, very sad to see Helpmate blog go on invite only, that was one of my regular reads, I wonder what happened there?

Oh yes the CB6000 is released, not that impressed really and I think I will stick to my 3K, I do not see any advantage in it. I posted this in the CB3k yahoo group:

don't think I will go rushing out and buying one although the ring
system may be more comfortable. ....so are the solid rings for the CB3K.

There are two main things I would have done differently and maybe some
other suggestions for the manufacturer.

1. rather than just move the vent holes to the side I would have
simply halved their size and make more of them, so instead of three
openings at the top make say 9 openings but make the holes small
enough that the skin can't BULGE through during a woody, yet large
enough that you can still flush water through. Puting th slots at the
side is an improvement for sure because pinching your skin between the
lock and the cage is no fun at all, but apart from that the red marks
and eventual injury from the sheer volume and pressure of skin poking
through is still going to be problematic with the side vents if they
are the same size as they were before (and they look to be). Puting a
bandaide over the holes before bed each night is a pain.

2. There is NO WAY I would have put that seem through the locking
hole. That has surely got to be a mistake.

3. I would have loved and still would love to see a clip on cyber skin
attachment/cover that simply goes over the top of the CB like a silken
glove...so when I spoon my wife I am not jabbing her with the sharp
end of the cage or worse the sharp bits of the lock (which I have
ground down)...I am only talking about a cover that would look more
like a mound than a locked penis...and spooning my wife she may even
like to rub herself on it....of course a larger mass of cyberskin may
turn into a fake penis but a simple cover would serve my needs and
enable me to cuddle my wife while wearing without fear of giving her a
injury. Wearing briefs is simply not the same thing, but it helps.

4. a receptacle or provision for a PA if this could be incorporated
without damaging the look of the device. although I am not pierced and
probably never will be, this would be a good feature.

5. Better form of anti pull out, this of course is the toughest

2 sugestions:

A make the tube thinner at the entry point, achieving a similar effect
to the KSD.

B Perhaps make some rings that are WIDER at the top than they are at
the bottom. This would be similar to wearing 2 rings which some people
have found to help security, I tried this but I found because the
bottom was also widened it became too uncomfortable. This would have
the effect of keeping the cage pointed down which would certainly keep
some mistresses happier.

6. availability of Stainless steel locking pins (for home use)

7. Availability of a small padlock that can't be picked in 30 micro
seconds.

Ok thats my wish list....maybe the CB10000

Asking for it.

Well what happened at the end of the last cage session? It has been some time ago now so I had better write it down before I forget all of the details completely. Life has been so busy lately, for those of you that are interested Sarah eventually produced the key after about 10 days or so…maybe 11, all I knew was I was really really aching for release. So I I went and washed myself and hoped back into bed…waiting for the instruction to rub her back, which came as no surprise….things progressed as one would expect and I decided I had better use a numbing condom because I wanted some control. After 10 days as once can appreciate it can be very difficult to contain yourself and even using a numbing condom it feels like your in contact with bare flesh.

In any case I had just rolled the condom onto my already throbbing shaft when Sarah said to me, “that’s enough, you can go put the cage back on now”, I mean what? Then she followed it by saying, see I did read it, and I can do that you know.

I was in a bit of a state of panic, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, Sarah was supposed to TEASE me, not wait till I got all excited by myself, roll a condom on and then have to put the cage back on without any kind of play. That’s no fun I thought!!! I did not have time to think because I was completely surprised by what she had said…I admit I probably screwed up because rather than just get up and do as I was told…I said..but but…I just got the condom on..but if you really want me too I will……..anyways Sarah relented and what followed was a fairly intense session.

Afterwards however I received the instruction not to put the cage back on until she told me to.

Weird, of course since then the instruction has never come, so I have been cageless for some time. Although Sarah seems to hint at times and I wonder if I should just put it back on, well I go hot and cold as I have previously said on the cage idea, what seems like a hot idea when I am horny seems like a bad idea after release. If only Sarah would engage in the play a bit more. I am pretty sure it does something for her, even if it is a demonstration of what I would do to try and please her…even if it does not do anything to actually turn her on. I have yet to find that button and I wonder if it actually exists….actually the turn on button is a fallacy I think anyways. I am simply online all the time, the only time I have a respite is immediately after a orgasm, and that only lasts for 15-30 minutes before if time permits I would do it again till such time it fell off!!

But then again our life has just been so busy lately, and I have been lightyears away from being in a submissive mindset. In fact our life has turned around in the other direction if anything and because of some building works at home I have been forced to assert a dominance simply because our life requires it presently.

I am not altogether comfortable in my current mode, but when it comes to yard work and building modification it seems that Sarah (and it would seem many women) have extreme difficulty in visualizing what the end will look like, or understanding the practicality of some of their suggestions. They need a picture drawn, so they can form a visual representation. Unfortunately although I can visualize stuff really clearly in my mind, drawing is not my strong point

It has gotten to the point that whenever we try and discuss things we end up in a heated discussion, I loose patience and I think she really hates the fact that she can’t visualize what I am trying to achieve, by her own admission she just can’t see it, yet in my mind there is not many surprises. I may say that I may be lacking in my ability to transmit the image that I see in my mind, yet this is not the first time.

Men ARE visual creatures, and CAN visualize things in great detail, which is why engineering is probably balanced in terms of aptitude in men’s favour. I don’t think Sarah can understand that I do lie in bed at night visualizing exact dimensions of where this wall will go, where a drain should be, how much concrete needs to go there, where a gate should be, what angle a wall should be to optimize the special effect, where lights should go, whats going to look good and what isn’t. That’s why when I go shopping I already know what I need, what I want. I do not generally need to go into a bazillion showrooms to get ideas. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lack the ability to visualize, it must be a empty existence.

I wonder what does occupy her mental space then, is it streams of words/concepts of emotions?. Maybe pictures of people speaking to each other, facial expressions. Maybe women are just not good at picturing levels, or THINGS.

Maybe that’s why women like to shop so much….or even tend to be more prone to wanting to travel. For a man I can see what a place will be like before I even get there. It is not so important for me to actually GO THERE to experience it. I am not saying I don’t like going on holidays…I love it, but I get a lot of enjoyment from staying at home as well. I do not always have this compelling desire or the feeling of boredom with home that many women seem to have, and a hence a drive to the point of obsession with always planning the next holiday….or wanting to move about. I can go places in my mind, and sometimes when I get there I wish I hadn’t, my minds eye would have been best left alone!

Sarah hates the fact that I am running these projects, I try and incorporate her suggestions but sometimes in incorporating her suggestions the end result I fear will lack in its potential. Sometimes I have no choice but to piss her off, and just hope and pray when it gets to the end, and the image I see becomes real that she actually likes it. I am really doing this stuff to please her, and that’s really important to me…The stress and pressures I feel are not from the tradesmen, the cost, or the arguments with tradesmen, it is whether on not Sarah will like the end product at the end that stresses me the most.

The problem with landscaping and building modification is you can’t move stuff around and see if you like it, you have to get it right first time. Its not like a room where Sarah has me bailed up for hours shifting chairs and tables around to get the right combination in a room, which I find intensely annoying and a waste of time…alas I keep my mouth shut!!

So I can’t afford to be in a submissive mindset so cage play has really has all gone out the window as well as the wife led marriage, and this is probably why there is a lot of friction in our marriage right now. But I do think about the cage daily, it’s a great fantasy still , but presently the reality does not allow it. Of course if Sarah did ASK me to put it on I would, we did touch on it a month ago and I told her that I would be frightened she would never take it off for the duration of the project…lol…She kind of agreed I think.

I guess at the end I can look forward to delving into this lifestyle again, certainly if these roles we currently have continued we would end up divorced I think. It is not a natural position for me with respect to Sarah, I look forward to relinquishing the dominant role at the end of the works and re enter a generally submissive mindset with enthusiasm.