Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Taking my Sub hat off

Observing bitching dominating behavior in other women

I was talking to my friend the other day and he was complaining about his wife. He told me that even his daughter thinks his wife is a complete bitch to him.

He was complaining that his wife gets so dammed personal when she attacks him. Sometimes she speaks with such disrespect, she would speak to the dog with more kindness. Its almost like he is considered a sub human species. He will stop outside our house for a bit of a chat and his phone rings and its like “WHERE ARE YOU!!!!”. Now he is not really a submissive kind of a guy, more of a “yes dear” guy, and if u don’t like it fuck off!!. I wonder if things in his family life would change if he accepted his wife’s dominance. I am betting it would. But I doubt he could bring himself to do it. He admits he normally ends up apologizing if only to keep the peace, but it is not an apology because he is accepting his position of submission, it is one just to shut her up. I know she has even made him apologize to his children in front of her because she felt he was rude to her in front of them. I think this was when his daughter passed the comment once wife was out of ear shot. He correctly told his daughter that she should not speak about her mother in such a manner no matter what she thought…..

Sarah has behaved, even recently (not in the last month or so) in a similar manner.

And now I have just been reading Helpmate Hubby’s latest experience:

Wow dude, I am not sure if I would want my wife to go that far. I am prepared to do a lot of things for my wife, like wear this cage, I am prepared to be submissive to her in almost all things, but this does not give her a license to be a bitch to me. That said I would probably get crucified if I implied my wife was a wench..lol

LOVING female led relationship.

That’s certainly not to say I do not have bad days like Helpmate have had, maybe not quite that bad but nearly, but to be honest if my wife ever behaves (or when she has behaved) like that I would let her have it. Call it what you will, but everyone has their limits, an I do let Sarah know when she crosses it….its one thing to be ordered around lovingly, its quite another to be treated like shit, unless its part of a scene….and Sarah is not into scenes, well not yet but one can dream…..

I do wonder if its ok to be Submissive to a point, but Ok with whom?. Maybe there should be a “safe word” just like in a BDSM scene. Once your partner crosses a line then all sub bets are off!! I am still quite capable of losing my temper although in my current mindset I go to great efforts to control myself. One can only be pushed so far. Submission is a real gift and one that should be appreciated and not exploited to the point of breakage, on the other side of the coin some domms see servitude as a privilege, while this is true there is still a protocol, called humanity that needs to be followed. We do need to be acknowledged, and need to be loved because we are submissive to our wife. I try and make it clear to Sarah, that she is the only person in the whole world that has this power over me, and it is because that I adore her. On the other hand it is also so important to be strong....to stand up for her AT ALL TIMES, even if you don't think she is right at the time, and sometimes I am not so good at that.

I do have submissive limits, I am prepared to modify my behavior or mould myself such that we have something that works for Sarah and works for me. I enjoy it when she asks me to do things for her in the context of a loving relationship. Sarah is still practicing and learning and particularly at this time of the year things are not moving too fast because its just so busy, but there are certainly elements of progression. She likes it because I do things for her, to make her happy, and that makes me happy, I enjoy it. However when the loves goes out of it, so does my motivation and it is replaced with resentment and I feel like pushing the whole thing out the window.

This happens sometimes particularly wearing a cage because it is a constant all day (and night) reminder of my submissive status. Sometimes I have to instigate reassurance from Sarah that this exercise, or this mindset/ wearing the cage is worth while. Recently she has been fast to reassure me that is “definitely” worth while and serves as some acknowledgment. I do note that some doms do not like cages. I don’t really understand that because it truly helps put me in a submissive frame of mind, and for a dom I would think this is a good thing. It works. Probably won’t for all people…I read something a while back, the rush hardwired got when his wife pulled his face to her breast and patted him on the head and said "good boy", I can imagine the rush that gave him. That would have worked for me also, I would nearly go so far if Sarah did that it might even bring a tear to my eye.....sad but true. I truely wish Sarah would learn how to push some more of my buttons of her own accord, I still need to illicite those special hugs, and or verbal acknowledgments.

I must admit I would never show my wife Elsie Sutton’s web pages because I think she takes things too far in terms of believing in female superiority. Women are not superior, just different. They are better suited than men to lead a household to be sure. But this does not make women superior persay, men deserve respect as much as any woman does. As do they in most cases deserve love from their spouse. While a lot of what Elsie says appeals to me, there is much that does not. I do intend to show her the “around her Finger” book in its entirety (I paid for it).

4 comments:

Anne said...

Hi, Cagedone. I came here from Helpmate Hubby's blog. What you write is very interesting, and helps me understand sub men a little better. Everyone is so different in what they like, and there is such a deep level of intimacy in this sort of relationship, that sometimes we women don't know exactly what our particular man's buttons are. We might accidentally go too far, or not far enough, just because we're not sure and still learning. Even the most loving woman can't always read your mind. I agree that there should be respect and boundaries, maybe a safe word. In an ideal situation a problem should be calmly discussed before it causes resentment. Of course, human and emotional as we are, sometimes that's difficult.

About your neighbor, I would like to point out that not everyone is cut out for a Dom/sub relationsip. That man might become very depressed and the wife may become abusive and sadistic. If she's the type who prefers equal or dominant men, she may lose respect and become more hateful the more he gives her power. I don't know that couple of course, but I've seen it happen.

Keep up the good work, my dear. You have a unique and very interesting blog.

Polyfetishist said...

I am deeply in love with my lover. She is also my "Goddess." But if I didn't love her then she'd be nobody. At least to me.

And I wouldn't love her if I didn't know the feelings are reciprocated. I've already been down the bad road in perfectly "vanilla" relationships.

She beats me and humiliates me. But it is always within the controlled context of a scene behind closed doors. And she know that the sometimes dark games we play will leave me happy in the morning.

Sutton is a bad influence. I can think of any number of women who have written books about female dominance who paint kinder and rich portraits of woman worship. But Sutton captured the market sad to say.

Best wishes to you in finding the happiness that I have but in your own distinct and personal way.

helpmate hubby said...

As for myself and my marraige, it goes along alot with what Anne says. My Wife has really picked up on my desires to be submissive to Her and on occassion could be viewed as "taking things to far." and just being a bitch. I should point out that my Wife never physically puinshed or intimdated me until after She learned of my desires for an FLR, and now i feel like that while their obviously has to be boundries, i want to give my Wife a great deal of deference and lattitude so as not be simply "topping from the bottom" and thus undermine the foundation of out Female-led relatio0nship.

As for Elise Sutton, i agree that Her site is a bit to extreme for most vanilla Women but vehemently disagree with the statement of Her being a bad influence. In terms of Her espoused philosophies, She is the first person i know who ever explained how a loving Christain couple could stay true to their spirituality and have a FLR lifestyle marriage. That was an issue i struggled with greatly early on and will forever be indebted to Her for Her writings in that area.

Tom Allen said...

I must admit I would never show my wife Elsie Sutton’s web pages because I think she takes things too far in terms of believing in female superiority. Women are not superior, just different.

You may have missed the point: Elise Sutton doesn't take things too far; she is a Female Supremacist. That's exactly what she believes, i.e., that women are superior. For her, it's not "too far" at all.

Personally, I agree with your last part, that men and women are both simply different; they need to be, or else there would be no point in having two genders.

Tom Allen
The Edge of Vanilla