Cage Showdown

Its been well 10 days, and over the Christmas and boxing day break I have spent locked away. I guess I should have realized that it was a dumb time of the year to get myself locked up, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.

Actually I behaved myself well, Sarah got her period about 5 days ago, and I knew it was coming so I was prepared for a long stint without any release. Sarah on the other hand obviously felt pressure because when it started she sounded very guilty, like she felt like she should have let me out before her period started. I picked this up and responded that I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread, all good…and she seemed to be in a good mood.

The few days before Christmas were frantic, and our street was very busy at night because of the Christmas lights (yes we live in one of THOSE streets), and so there were a constant stream of visitors, lots of beer drinking, lots of social cheer, although by Christmas its like enough already!!!

So here we are December the 29^th, I have discovered I have put on half a KG over Christmas, although working out I have managed to reduce this fat damage somewhat. I am still caged and feeling a bit despondent.

Since returning to work Sarah has been sleeping in past when I leave for work, hey that’s OK except I really love mornings in the quiet, rubbing her back and talking about things, so it really stings especially since I am woken each morning pretty early by you know who, and I can’t disturb her because she is asleep so I totally miss this OUR time, the only OUR time we ever get. Anyways I could probably cope ok if this was substituted with some kind of conversation in the evenings but Sarah loves this time to herself. She sits in her bed like the queen that she is, I get her her hot chockolate and then she orders me from the bedroom so she can watch her soapys in peace. She does this till gone past where I am comfortable staying up, after all I have to get up early. And so begins a cycle of discontent, by the time I am allowed in the bedroom, I am tired, and Sarah just keeps that stupid TV running. It drives me nuts. Still I keep my mouth shut although I must admit this week I apologized and told her I needed to sleep so I sandwiched my head in the pillows and went to sleep. I did not coerce her I just went to sleep but she did not get her backrub.

Even on a good night when I am asked to rub her back I am not permitted to speak to her, because the back rub is to send to to sleep, its not for talking. So its like when are we going to get some talk time for US?, over a few days this was building. I guess I was starting to feel a bit despondent that I am still outputting all this emotional energy and I am not getting any acknowledgement what so ever, I am not even permitted to talk.

So last night I brought it up, and I asked her what she was thinking about things with respect to the cage and how things had being going.

All I was seeking was a bit of acknowledgment, just some show of affection, I mean even if she did let me out it would still not be on because of her period. And Sarah made some comment that I had only been in it for 3 days while she was free of her period!!, that made me cranky because for one thing it was more like 5, and the other was that she had not appreciated that I had not put any pressure at all on her during that time, it also meant that this is nothing for than a sex avoidance game for her. That she could not care less how much I wank myself when I am not locked up. In fact she told me that I should not be locked up during her period and that she meant to release me but she forgot. She stopped short of telling me to take it off now though. Anyways I guess I was pestering her because eventually she said “if you say another word to me about it tonight you will be staying in it for at least another week!!!”

Well, I guess I considered that a submissive button press, because zip my mouth I did and rub her back I did, until such time as I could not stay conscious any longer, and sarah slept.

The next morning I woke up early, and for once I had not been woken repeatedly during the night. It may have been the panadol I took just before bedtime, but anyway it was a really pleasant change to be woken by the first hardon and there be actually light coming through the window, I looked at the clock and it was 6.30am….bliss!! Anyone that has done significant time in a cage knows what I mean. Anyway I started thinking about the previous nights conversation and it really started to bug me. I knew I had to carry on this conversation further even if it meant pissing Sarah off. Normally at this time of the morning I have trouble getting rid of the hardon in the cage. This morning my mind being occupied it went away and stayed away.

That is until Sarah turned her head to me, still asleep, her face looked so serene, her nostril flaring slightly with each breathe she took. I lay there admiring her face, gazing as one does and of course my cage begun to fill….dammmit.

So I lay on my bad and returned my thoughts to the previous night, I was upset but this needed resolution one way or another…But if I woke Sarah then my life would not be worth living. I noticed that the alarm light was on she Sarah had set the alarm for some reason, so in theory all I had to do is wait. So wait I did, and wait, until at 7.30Am the clock made a click sound but NO ALARM went off, now Sarah did stir, the clock alarm had gone off but the switch was on radio and the volume was turned down. Had Sarah meant to be woken or not? Well I took a risk and gave her a hug, she stirred and I begun talking to her.

I can’t remember the blow by blow, word by word account, but Sarah basically told me that the cage did nothing for her and she did not like it. I explained to her that what started for me as a interesting kink had turned into well, if it wasn’t doing anything for her then I did not see the point in continuing down this track either. It is not something that I do for me I explained that it kind of started out that way and that there are attributes of it that I like and also things that I hate. What I like it how it made me feel about Sarah, and how I liked her being in control. But if it did nothing for her then there really is no point. I certainly would not be wearing it for self gratification.

Sarah complained that she did not feel in control because she felt that after 5 or so days she felt pressured to release me even if she did not want to. I countered that we had done this for 8 weeks previously ie I had worn it constantly for 8 weeks and had 5 releases which averages at around once ever 10 days, and that I had not put pressure on her not once in that time, until the very last time when I had worn it for 5 days and I knew she was about to get her period (see PMS post). I pointed out that this time just gone that I had not put her under ANY pressure at all.

Sarah acknowledges that I am definitely nicer to her when I am caged but she says that it only seems to last for about 5 days before I get “agro”, I know this was an issue in our earlier play, I am talking a year ago, but this long 8 week stint I did I made sure that it never ever surfaced. I am thinking it is something that Sarah is perceiving after about 5 days of service maybe she simply FEELS like she OWES me a release, or perhaps she just feels me tighten up. It is then that Sarah needs to learn to push my submissive buttons or at least acknowledge the tension in some way. What she tends to do is become indifferent which just makes it worse….still I had thought I had covered it up my need for some acknowledgment better.

I am not sure how to get around her perception of pressure, 8 weeks, should have been long enough to demonstrate that on the whole I am really trying to take the pressure off her for sex and trying to submit to her. I told her I really LIKE the fact that she decides when we have sex/intimacy. Please note I have told her that intimacy does not have to mean sex many times, but Sarah is not really interested in having a orgasm herself. She does not see the point in making the effort and me not having one as well. Unfortunately I think Sarah sees sex or ANY type of intimacy as too much hard work. It does make submission harder when your not really having any sub buttons pressed.

In any case, at the end of the conversation I submitted to her that if she really felt that way then there was not point in continuing. That she should give me the key now and we would forget about it this whole deal. In fact I told her I would be discarding the device so it could not bother her again. I was serious, and I really mean it, if its doing nothing for her, if its not helping us then it would be the end of it. The end of a fantasy because fantasies are only good if there is a chance they can become real. Although I also mean it when I say the fantasy is also better than the reality of day to day lock up. Its not like you can get off on it while your locked up. So I am/was prepared to never mention cock cages ever again to Sarah even if in 3 or 4 months time I would probably fantasize (with the edge taken off it) about it knowing about the reality of things.

So imagine my surprise

And I guess it’s a woman’s prerogative because then Sarah told me that she would not be letting me out just yet. Then she goes on to say that she really has not being taking advantage of her slave, and that she intended to make me a list of tasks. She rattled off a few things that she knew I would hate doing.

Talk about keeping one on ones toes, and making a sudden 180 degree turn.

I of course responded enthusiastically to the suggestion of tasks and a list, and when she added, “of course there will be SEVER punishments for misbehavior or those things not done”, she kind of caught me a bit off guard. I asked her what kind of punishments did she have in mind, she did not have anything particular in mind so I suggested a good hard smack on my bare bum if I hassled her for release, to which she did not really make any negative or positive sounds, so I suggested she lock the keys in a safe for a week.

The conversation paused here before I asked her, so what do you think is a fair number of releases per month?

One she says, one release per month, and that’s only if you behave!! And you will only get that one if your really very lucky.

I was fairly certain she was joking, so I lay on top her her (she was face down) and interrogated her, she had a sly teasing grin on her face, and then she ordered me (and I mean ordered me) to go get her a coffee and newspaper.

You bet and I complied, and guess what we had run out of milk…pmsl. I had to make her wait while I made a dash to the shops.

But then fucken hell she knows how to scare the shit out of me.

Fact is though if she allowed me the privilege of giving her an orgasm I think I could cope with one release per month, I am not sure, but I think I could. I have told Sarah previously on a few occasions that she could release me less often if she would allow me the privilege of giving her oral sex, or an orgasm by any means of her choosing. But she has not taken me up on it.

Who knows when she will let me out, and if once out I am asked to go back in. I can’t read her thoughts. I do not know if she decided to turn circle because she really DOES like the way things are heading or because the thinks its what I want. But I was serious when I said to her I wanted to drop it if she did not get anything out of it, and I would have gotten rid of it so I was not tempted to ask her again. Sarah can be very hard to read sometimes. When asked what she really wants she just sidesteps the question.

I know I am bursting for a release now, but perhaps now is a good time to say to Sarah that I am prepared to forgo my release if she gives me the privilege of giving her an orgasm. Maybe I should go for the month?

Unfortunately I think that will have to wait for a future commitment as we are going camping in a week or so, and impractical to remain caged then. Maybe I should just give up this release then? What do you think? Would that demonstrate commitment? I would probably still ask for sex before we go camping….or should I not then as well?? Just let her take off the cage before we go and leave it at that…leave me to my own devices…if only orgasms were as valuable to her as they are too me, she may see the value in it. She is more likely just to think I am being foolish…

I know this is rubbish but I feel like I have a snooker ball up my bum my prostate feels so full. Interesting that I know its just my mind playing tricks on me but it feels real enough. Perhaps I should consider milking myself to relieve the pressure. Maybe I can think more rationally then.

All I want is for us to be more intimate. I know things seem to be happier in our family while I am in subspace to Sarah. Its better than been static which ever way it pans out.

Enough of a ramble for now, its Friday night and its time for some family time.

Whats for christmas

Just a quick post today.

The other night we had some fantastic intimacy, at a busy time of the year I was really appreciative :)

I always go out of my way to be extra nice following some special intimacy, and so the next morning while giving her a really long massage I asked if she was ready and wanted the keys to my cage again.

It would appear I am to spend Christmas and possibly new year in the cage. Given my thoughts recently on wanting to re enter subspace, I am happy enough to have spent my first night in last night.

The first night is always murder, particularly at this time of the year we went out with friends last night and consumed a few beers. This morning I think I had a constant attempt at an erection for about 3 hours!! In some respects its great to be locked back in, and Sarah's back felt especially silken this morning as we woke to another busy day.

Sarah expressed her appreciation by hugging me closely and allowing the cage to nuzzle her behind, I love it when she allows me this pleasure as it is a acknowledgment of my situation.

We are having more guests tonight, so I have to go and shops to buy food for 12.

A rather long response

Hey guys, tks for the comments...Yes Sarah is vanilla but she is not THAT vanilla, well at least not to the extent where I would say noooooooo!!!...lol. We together have been playing with this for 18 months now so I do not really think I am rushing stuff.

In any case much of this is still fantasy, As I say I have not thought or got these ideas in a form yet where I could present it to her. When I do I will post it here for comments, which are always invaluable.

Most of these things however have already been visited to some degree, we have touched on permission to cum during sex, she already chooses to hold the key rather than use timelock, although we have also used the safe before, she just prefers to have the power I guess and I have shown her material pertaining to prostate massage previously however it has not been discussed. I agree spanking has not been discussed at all but I doubt she would have too much problem with that if she wanted too.

BTW I gave her her late anniversary present last night, and at the same time the new lock for the bathroom...to which she said "good I was going to get those when i had time" bearing in mind she had said to me in the past if I am going to be wearing the cage then we need privacy locks on the bathroom.

With regard to the book, she has already read the around her finger primer, and she told me that she wants to re read it properly in the new year, when I told her I had the full book, she was definitely pleased, no danger there.

I would not use the term top from the bottom simply because she would not understand wtf I was on about, however your comment about me toping from the bottom, I am not sure how one can suggest things without it being deemed that way. I intend to offer her reading material only, she can decide what she wants to do. She will not know I wrote some of it. Simply I sit somewhere between "around her finger" and Elsie Sutton, there is no existing material that I think is appropriate so I will write it. I am still thinking about how I want to write it. Yes some may consider it manipulative, I call it adapting material for MY situation, which is not the same as a lot of other people.

I think the largest issue for me moving forward is that Sarah does not push me into subspace enough, ie she does not take advantage of my willingness to submit to her. I am not sure if this is because she does not want to or because she has not given it enough thought. Certainly she has demonstrated she enjoys aspects of D/S, I am merely trying to encourage this by trying to customize approaches that I believe she will find acceptable. One thing you are completely correct about is that it would be very bad if I started using labels such as D/S, however she has already read the primer which says blatantly that I as in me wants to summit to her, to be a submissive husband and she has already told me that she is happy with this and that she is in agreement to explore this further ie she agreed to read the book in its entirety. I have actually read the entire book, and while it is very very good, it still does not say exactly what I want to say, but it is pretty near. It obviously touches on orgasm control, but it does not touch on chastity because this is deemed too extreme for many couples. Well we are already there with respect to chastity devices. Sarah accepts the chastity device because she knows I lack self control. For her however I am not sure is she gives a rats arse how much I flog myself off, although I doubt she knows just how often I do it despite me telling her that its quite a lot. I think she is beginning to understand however that while I am deprived any orgasms that it does impact my behavior, and it really does. I don’t fake it, I really DO feel like climbing inside her skin, it really DOES make me crave massaging her, it DOES help push me into subspace.

Sarah has never taken too kindly to me telling her anything or for me to try and teach her anything, you should see us when I need to show her something on the computer. Instruction may last approximately 30 seconds before the thermal nuclear missiles are engaged, enabled and in final countdown!! This is why discussion about such things is difficult, it is better if any of this material is presented to her for her to read at her leisure.

One of the things that I really HAVE to get through to Sarah if I am going to continue traveling down this path is that Sarah needs to acknowledge my submission more regularly and with greater depth. This is covered in some detail in “around her finger” and almost everywhere were we read about submission. For Sarah it really needs to hit her otherwise she will skip over it. Hey I know my wife and she will just skip over that bit. After reading the primer however she did start to tell me to do things, this was positively wonderful as I know she was behaving this way and she enjoyed it, but it did not carry through, pretty soon we settled down into …well I massaged her each night till she went to sleep and that was that.

I need her to push some buttons, not make any effort, but simply when I bring her drink at night to be told to sit at the foot of the bed and rub her feet rather than take it for granted that I will, this does not constitute a lot of effort for her. I would love her to show me her butt, just because she knows it drives me nuts and she knows I can do nothing about it. I also think she will go for penalties if I ask for release…this is a certainty, but probably the safe thing, I doubt she will go for the points.

I don’t think Sarah has quite “got it” although I think she is on the cusp of understanding, and I think that when she does she will enjoy it. I do not know if she will adopt denial although in many respects she already does that, she just does it in a unfun way..lol, certainly I doubt she will ever go for strap on play although before we were married she did try and put a vibrator up my butt, I had to stop her because it was going to make me cum too quickly, I told her so, but I did not say I did not like it!! So maybe there is some hope…lol I think the string around my cock is a great fantasy, I doubt she would go for that…but that will be just a fantasy I think.

Tom I know that you are one of the vets when it comes to chastity and denial with your wife, I have been reading your material and your advice for years now. Thanks for your comments, but I figure 18 months of playing off and on, its getting time to get the show on the road so to speak. I remember new years eve last year I was “told” to put on my cage, and I was a bit red wined at the time and I complied. I wonder if I will be caged this new years eve?

Hey this ended up being such a long reply I decided to put it in the blog...lol

Its nearly Christmas

Its so near to Christmas and there is so little time to do anything.

I have been way too busy to write to this blog until recently. Our trip to the states was brilliant and the kids had an absolute ball. We visited Disneyland in both LA and Florida, and now in the lead up to Christmas making a mad last minute rush to buy pressys etc.

Actually it was our anniversary recently and I am ashamed to admit that I forgot all about it, fortunately or not Sarah also forgot completely, although Sarah never remembers, I think I will buy her some flowers and a card today and give her a belated offering.

There has been no further cage talk, or anything pertaining to D/S, like so many other blogs I have read it seems that the time of the year is just too busy to entertain such activities, I know that it’s the furthest thing from Sarah’s mind, although I doubt she would label it as such.

I have however in my spare minutes such as when I drift of to sleep being taking advantage of my freedom and doing a fair amount of fantasizing about where I would like to go when things settle down next year, although of course the key in a female lead relationship is for our relationship to go where Sarah wants it too. I have read much about toping from the bottom and I am very conscious about this, however I still intend to present the full version of “around her finger” to Sarah for her approval. I may also make some additions with some references to chastity and also some games that may interest her.

I think that it is better that she read it as if someone else has written it as suggestive than if I directly suggest it since it gives her an opportunity to evaluate and accept or reject what she chooses without rejecting me. I will merely tell Sarah in handing to her that I am happy for her to choose anything and apply how she chooses, in this way I hope to avoid “toping from the bottom” by making suggestion rather than telling her directly it is my wish. Of course if she asks me then I will answer truthfully.

One of the key aspects of “Around her finger” is orgasm control, ie the woman has full control of the mans orgasm to the point where the woman may or may not give the man permission to orgasm during sex. This is something that drives me crazy and for what reason I can not fathom because I know it would be extremely frustrating in actuality particularly after being locked away and denied self pleasure for a lengthy period. I do not know if Sarah would actually do it or not but certainly an extension of this is punishment if I am unable to hold back would be cream (forgive the pun) on the cake.

I am gradually formulating a list of suggestions in three categories. Treats, punishments and releases. Sarah may decide on a given night what I am to have. This is still in genesis and I probably won’t have time to write it all out properly till next year.

Treats for me aka servitude to Sarah:

Full body massage for Sarah

Neck massage

Foot massage

Oral worship (I wish, more of a treat for me).

Punishments may include

Lock keys in safe for 2 weeks using timelock, then Sarah gets key at the end

Wear points in cage for a night (aka painful night time)

Spanking with wooden spoon

Releases or sexual attention:

1. Normal Vanilla Straight sex (although I never cum before Sarah)

2. Normal vanilla sex but Sarah must tell me when to cum otherwise I just don’t.

3. Delayed orgasm, Sarah climaxes but I have to wait until the morning before I am allowed to masturbate. A real treat would be to be able to look at her bare butt while I do it.

4. Climax for Sarah but no orgasm at all for me, relocked in the morning following shower on my word of no release. Variations of this (and this for some reason drives me nuts) may be using sensation reducing condoms, or even I read somewhere about a mistress who had her partner wrap string around his stiff member, the loops very close together so basicly it made his shaft thicker, then roll a condom over the top. The result is a thicker cock with bumps (from the string) but no sensations other than the pressure of the string would get through. Of course no fluid release for me in this one may mean jump to #5

5. Prostate massage via dildo, strapon or aneros, ie cage is not removed at all, Sarah may simply tell me to do it, or if she wants to do it (unlikely) then cool.

One of the things that Sarah seems to struggle with is that if there is any sexual attention then I may as well take the cage off and have sex. She does not see the point in me bringing her to orgasm and me not also climaxing. I can see her rational and I am not sure how to encourage her to try it, even once. I think the only way for me to start his is by encouraging her to say no to me during vanilla sex and me forgo my orgasm for the week, yet this is also VERY hard for me because after going 7-10 days in the cage I really NEED release and the prospect of no release for another long period is daunting. Ideally I would love her to allow me the pleasure of bring her to orgasm once in-between my releases. I think I need to demonstrate that I am really serious about her having TOTAL control over my orgasms and that I am not going to get the shits if she says no.

Please feel free to make any suggestions to my categories of punishments/treats or releases, although please remember that Sarah is fairly vanilla, although I don’t have a problem of letting her read about Prostate massaging, although I probably would not actually ask her to do it in case she called me a sick puppy..lol. Sarah is not really a stranger to anal play with her on the receiving end, and liking it (when the mood is right)

I guess I had better hurry up and change the bathroom door locks

My PMS

Thanks again for your comments, Ann, I am about a subtle as a brick when it comes to asking if I can orally please my wife with no expectation of sex in return. I basically have asked her point blank because I got tired of beating around the bush (forgive the pun). It appears that this is something that simply does not interest her :(

Its about 5 days after my birthday, and I am starting to feel stressed, not so much about the 5 days but because I know Sarah is about to reach that time of the month. The trouble is if her period starts it means that I am going to be locked away for at least another 8-10 days which means a 14 day stint, and for me this is reaching the limits of my endurance. Funny thing is in the past when I have been made to wait, once its started my PMS goes away, its like I have accepted my fate and know I am going to have to wait the extra 10 days anyway.

I guess I get kind of antsy, although for the last few months I have really tried to hide it. After all I have only been unlocked 4 times in total in 6 weeks. Whatever, this time Sarah must have sensed that I was getting antsy and she also know that her time was coming, so she offered to let me out.

To cut a long story short in the morning Sarah decided she wanted a break from the thing, although she acknowledged that the last 6 weeks had really been worth while. I do not think it will be the last time we will be playing with chastity, it is just simply a very busy time of the year, and as I mentioned before we are going on a O/S holiday in a few weeks so wearing is not going to be very practical, and then shortly after we will have Christmas and new year.

During our conversation regarding the break from caging, we talked about “around her finger” again and I told her I had the whole book now to which she replied “good”, and I suggested we pick things up when things had calmed down a bit, to which she agreed. As so many people reiterate communication is the key and it seems at last we are doing some of that. There was no friction during any of this, just calm discussion and acceptance, so it was all good.

Interesting now it has been a good few days now since that conversation, already I feel my self slipping away from submissiveness , the cage really does help one get into and stay in subspace. It makes one (well me) feel like doing all these things, alas once I have access once again to my favorite toy many of these feelings go out the window.

It does work as advertised, it truly does but it also takes a lot of perseverance. It may not be the perfect answer for everyone but I can honestly say it seems to help us along. I wonder if just simply wearing it, Sarah recognizes I am doing something just for her, I know it satisfies some part of me, but I think I am past the kink aspect. Initially sure it was a kink that turned me on, and I admit for god knows what reason it still does turn me on, the idea of being unable to masturbate, at a woman’s mercy still excites me, but that is no longer my real driving force. The driving force is to make Sarah happy, and I guess my real motivation is to increase our intimacy, by whatever form it takes.

I also find that I am not so enthusiastic about giving Sarah hour long massages, I am not sure if this is a reaction from me because I WANT her to ask me to cage up again or not. Some would say that withdrawal of service is toping from the bottom. Perhaps it is, but I just don’t feel the same kind of servitude as I did before.

I do worry that this blog focuses too much on caging and not enough on a female lead marriage, but Sarah is leading the way. I am still encouraging this behavior however Sarah does ask me to make decisions, it is not entirely fair to ask her to have the burden of all decisions, but Sarah does make the decisions she wants to. I would certainly love her to have a greater interest in sex….as in sex for her pleasure. I read about so many men in this kind of relationship who’s wives allow them to orally please them in-between releases. I am so envious of them, I so love the taste, there is nothing that quite compares as I find it quite the natural aphrodisiac. There is nothing like a responsive swollen flower being caressed into full bloom, and what that could do to my blood pressure, could be quite painful….

Right now I am coming down with a cold, so this might be a bit of a ramble. It seems a bit ironic that its 37 deg C (near 100F)and I have a friggin cold!!!...i am going to bed!!

It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks go prior to our holiday go

Happy Birthday

First of all thanks my new readers, and your comments, especially to Anne who is my very first lady commenter. They are all invaluable as I travel this journey. I expect though as we approach the stupid season my entries will become a little sparse. Plus I am going O/S in a few weeks with the fam for a holiday.

Hi Helpmate, just want to make a comment that I have never had any issues with a female led relationship from a religious perspective, simply because I am not religious. In fact I am sure many of you would consider me a heathen in spite of my religious upbringing. Nor do I completely agree with Polyfetishist comments about Elsie Sutton being a bad influence. I am more inclined to agree with Tom in that Elsie is right for Elsie, it is up to her readers as to what they decide they want to believe. For me that is each sex has their attributes, one is not more superior than another. How can one say that ALL women are superior to any man? Its absolute rubbish. In fact to give an example, say a man with a very high IQ is married to a women with a lower IQ, the fact that he is smarter, does this make him superior ? No of course it doesn’t. Her physical attributes, her genetic makup may make her a far better physical specimen, she may live longer, may not have a disposition to heart disease or cancer. But does that make her superior? Perhaps not because where the man with the high IQ may remember to take his medication, she having a lower IQ takes his medication by mistake and it kills her!! Of course the above example could be completely sexually reversed!!

No one in truth can stereotypically make a statement that women are superior to men (of course Elsie is free to make the statement). While it is true without equivocation that most men from a sexual sense are at a disadvantage, simply because men want sex a few orders of magnitude greater than women do. Women have something that men want and it is therefore certainly possible for a woman to control men to a point.

Stereotypically it is probably also OK to say that should a woman choose to do so they would have the ability to rule most men in their lives via their penises. But this very fact that women lack the sexual motivation that men have prevents/inhibits them from taking advantage of it. Many wives are simply not interested in taking advantage of their sexual energy, it represents a effort or a priority that is low on the scale after the myriad of other activities they must cope with in their lives. This is how the equation is balanced and represents a major flaw in the whole concept if this is the basis of female superiority.

There are also many submissive women in the world, in fact there are probably many more submissive women in the world than there are dominant women. Elsie would argue that this is social conditioning, and while true to a certain degree, there are many women who like being submissive, but again does being submissive make one less of a person. Of course it doesn’t, it is a preference, the way a person it built. There are many attributes to be admired in a submissive person as with the other 3 quadrants of a personality profile.

All of that said, its sounds like I am arguing myself out of believing in a female led relationship. Certainly not!!. I am interested in a harmonious happy intimate marriage, and I totally accept that in order to achieve this it is appropriate to submit to Sarah’s will. Sarah decides when we will have sex, and to a large extent when I have a orgasm. Sarah also has a final say in almost all aspects in day to day life in our household. It is not a “yes dear” scenario, it is recognition that in our relationship it is better, life has greater harmony if she makes these decisions. It is my love for her that is my gift of submission and recognition in myself that I love her deeply enough to admit this to myself as a socially conditioned dominant male.

On to lighter things

Sarah surprised me this week, it was my birthday week for sure but the night before my birthday she asked me if I wanted my birthday present now!!.

It seemed like a good idea to me. These days its rare for the house to be quiet, even at 11.30 PM, there always seems to be one child awake, sick, can’t sleep or just being naughty, so I figured that I should take the opportunity and run.

It had been 8 nights since my last release, I knew I would not be let out for some action until my birthday since my last release, still I could not resist saying, but you would have been letting me out soon anyway wouldn’t you? Stupid me, I still put both feet in my mouth sometimes, the least I should have done is waited till afterwards so it would not shoot the mood down.

To my surprise it didn’t anyway, Sarah just commented, “probably” and left it at that. She was just being honest after all.

I was so stoked to be free, I went downstairs tip toeing past the kids bedrooms in case I woke them..that would be the pits if I woke them. I have to go down stairs for a bit of a wash, being entrapped for 8 days, its really important to have a wash once taking the cage off because there is a bit of odor and god knows what else, which is another reason why I always use a condom following cage time.

Anyway things went really well, and Sarah really made a effort to make me feel wanted, just really subtle things, like opening right up for me. I am pretty sure things went very well for her and as I felt her reach her climax I was completely helpless to contain my own. I made sure I thanked her by rubbing her back until she was asleep. Now that’s what I call a great beginning to a birthday :)

The next day started off really well, I think it’s the first time in a long time Sarah has actually bothered to write on my card. Usually it’s a card from the children, with priceless coloured picture writing thanking me for being the pirate that I am. Admittedly Sarah’s handwriting betrayed that it was done in a rush, as if she really did not have time to write what she wrote, and that she really only did it because she knew it was important to me, not so much because she wanted to, still at least she did.

Happy birthday darling and thank you for all the massages.

Hey it’s a start.

Actually truth be known the rest of the day at work went like crap, it was a horrible day at work, stuff just would not work for me. And I did go to the gym, and again my workout was crap, felt so de energized, I could not help thinking that perhaps its true about the night before bedroom antics interfering, but nar it was not a 30 Km marathon….

As I locked myself away again for the evening I had a flicker of hope that I would get a real birthday treat and be asked to service Sarah orally while locked up. I did drop a little hint, but I realized its futility and did not press the point as I massaged her to sleep.

Taking my Sub hat off

Observing bitching dominating behavior in other women

I was talking to my friend the other day and he was complaining about his wife. He told me that even his daughter thinks his wife is a complete bitch to him.

He was complaining that his wife gets so dammed personal when she attacks him. Sometimes she speaks with such disrespect, she would speak to the dog with more kindness. Its almost like he is considered a sub human species. He will stop outside our house for a bit of a chat and his phone rings and its like “WHERE ARE YOU!!!!”. Now he is not really a submissive kind of a guy, more of a “yes dear” guy, and if u don’t like it fuck off!!. I wonder if things in his family life would change if he accepted his wife’s dominance. I am betting it would. But I doubt he could bring himself to do it. He admits he normally ends up apologizing if only to keep the peace, but it is not an apology because he is accepting his position of submission, it is one just to shut her up. I know she has even made him apologize to his children in front of her because she felt he was rude to her in front of them. I think this was when his daughter passed the comment once wife was out of ear shot. He correctly told his daughter that she should not speak about her mother in such a manner no matter what she thought…..

Sarah has behaved, even recently (not in the last month or so) in a similar manner.

And now I have just been reading Helpmate Hubby’s latest experience:

Wow dude, I am not sure if I would want my wife to go that far. I am prepared to do a lot of things for my wife, like wear this cage, I am prepared to be submissive to her in almost all things, but this does not give her a license to be a bitch to me. That said I would probably get crucified if I implied my wife was a wench..lol

LOVING female led relationship.

That’s certainly not to say I do not have bad days like Helpmate have had, maybe not quite that bad but nearly, but to be honest if my wife ever behaves (or when she has behaved) like that I would let her have it. Call it what you will, but everyone has their limits, an I do let Sarah know when she crosses it….its one thing to be ordered around lovingly, its quite another to be treated like shit, unless its part of a scene….and Sarah is not into scenes, well not yet but one can dream…..

I do wonder if its ok to be Submissive to a point, but Ok with whom?. Maybe there should be a “safe word” just like in a BDSM scene. Once your partner crosses a line then all sub bets are off!! I am still quite capable of losing my temper although in my current mindset I go to great efforts to control myself. One can only be pushed so far. Submission is a real gift and one that should be appreciated and not exploited to the point of breakage, on the other side of the coin some domms see servitude as a privilege, while this is true there is still a protocol, called humanity that needs to be followed. We do need to be acknowledged, and need to be loved because we are submissive to our wife. I try and make it clear to Sarah, that she is the only person in the whole world that has this power over me, and it is because that I adore her. On the other hand it is also so important to be strong....to stand up for her AT ALL TIMES, even if you don't think she is right at the time, and sometimes I am not so good at that.

I do have submissive limits, I am prepared to modify my behavior or mould myself such that we have something that works for Sarah and works for me. I enjoy it when she asks me to do things for her in the context of a loving relationship. Sarah is still practicing and learning and particularly at this time of the year things are not moving too fast because its just so busy, but there are certainly elements of progression. She likes it because I do things for her, to make her happy, and that makes me happy, I enjoy it. However when the loves goes out of it, so does my motivation and it is replaced with resentment and I feel like pushing the whole thing out the window.

This happens sometimes particularly wearing a cage because it is a constant all day (and night) reminder of my submissive status. Sometimes I have to instigate reassurance from Sarah that this exercise, or this mindset/ wearing the cage is worth while. Recently she has been fast to reassure me that is “definitely” worth while and serves as some acknowledgment. I do note that some doms do not like cages. I don’t really understand that because it truly helps put me in a submissive frame of mind, and for a dom I would think this is a good thing. It works. Probably won’t for all people…I read something a while back, the rush hardwired got when his wife pulled his face to her breast and patted him on the head and said "good boy", I can imagine the rush that gave him. That would have worked for me also, I would nearly go so far if Sarah did that it might even bring a tear to my eye.....sad but true. I truely wish Sarah would learn how to push some more of my buttons of her own accord, I still need to illicite those special hugs, and or verbal acknowledgments.

I must admit I would never show my wife Elsie Sutton’s web pages because I think she takes things too far in terms of believing in female superiority. Women are not superior, just different. They are better suited than men to lead a household to be sure. But this does not make women superior persay, men deserve respect as much as any woman does. As do they in most cases deserve love from their spouse. While a lot of what Elsie says appeals to me, there is much that does not. I do intend to show her the “around her Finger” book in its entirety (I paid for it).

In Trouble

My son was having a math’s exam and my wife asked if I could get home early to help him study. She told me he would be home at 2.30PM. I said I would get home early but not by 2.30. Normally I work through my lunch and then go to the gym for an hour before going back to work. So that day I was actually really busy so I ended up going to the gym a bit later planning to be home a hour early so I could help my son with his math’s work.

Well we have some work going on at our house presently and one of the tradesmen asked Sarah a question that she needed to consult me on. Now I cut my gym work out short because I really wanted to come home early, by four so my mobile phone would have been in the locker for about 40 minutes max. Imagine my horror when I picked up my phone (because it was ringing) and its my wife asked where the %$#^ I am!!!. Later when I looked at the log, she had called me 12 times in 40 minutes…to make matters worse that day happened to be my day out of the cage because we had some good lurvin the night before. I let it air for the day (and reminisce a few times) before locking it up before bed time.

Sarah was pissed at me for a few days…until a few nights ago she told me how disappointed in me she was that I had chosen to go to the gym on a day where she had asked me to be home early to help my son. Well she is right and I apologized, even though in my mind at the time, I WAS home early by an hour early. If she had not have had the issue with the tradesman then she would never known and she would have been none the wiser. Her point is that I have to accept is that because I could have been home earlier then I should have been.

Originally when I wrote this I was going to go for comments of support, that Sarah was indeed hard on me for really winding me through the grinder. In writing this however I can see that , well she was right. I should not have gone to the gym at all. Even though my son won’t possibly concentrate for any more than a hour, so me being home at 4PM would have been ample enough time to maximize the study time available. That said, I still should have been available.

Discipline: I have been reading some of the other sub blogs around the place and I have considered being disciplined with a “switch”. I can actually see great benefit in it although I do not think it is something I would enjoy altogether I can see how it would relieve pressure for both Sarah and me. It allows her to pass on ill feeling, express them and let them go, for me I know what I have done wrong and what to avoid in the future and not have to endure days of coolness!!.

How to introduce this concept to Sarah to try it out, although I am finding out it’s a bit risky trying things out because if I do not end up liking then its kinda too bad!!. Anyway truth be known I did not really know why Sarah had been cool the last few days. I was not sure if it was the big night and subsequent hangover or the going to the gym affair…I decided to give discipline a try….so I found a wooden spoon (hey it’s a start) and accidentally on purpose dropped in the bedroom. So later on in the evening I came up with her drink and feigned stepping on something and picked it up and kind of waved it in front of her and said a lightly, were you planning on using this on my bottom were you?? Unfortunately she did not take the bait because she just said “I don’t know how it got in here!!! Anyway it led onto the conversation about what she had been annoyed about, and I gave her another opportunity by saying, well u could always use this on me, for which I got in trouble again because she thought I was making light of the situation. At which point I gave up. I think if I am to travel down that particular path I will have to introduce the concept via reading material somehow. Well more on that later.

Once I apologized Sarah more or less accepted it and I asked if she wanted a back rub. She hesitated as if acknowledging that me giving her a back rub is a privilege for ME rather than a service to her. Now there is a change in pace. This is something I never have had in return is a back rub. I did have high hopes at one point when in the early days of our marriage Sarah attended a masseurs course, but apart from some painful demonstrations I have never been on the receiving end of a sensuous massage, nor am I likely too. No I have to admit I love giving Sarah massages. She has skin as soft as silk, and it is an extra privilege to be allowed to rub her bum. If she ever says she does not want a massage in my current mindset then I actually feel rejected. Being caged helps immensely with this feeling. I don’t really follow why but Sarah sure does not get as many uncaged compared to caged. I just don’t feel as inclined. I want something in return. Of course even while being caged the thought runs through my mind that I am putting out a awful amount of emotional energy, investment, and what do I get at the end of giving Sarah a 45 minute massage, well 9 out of ten days I get a quietly snoring spouse!. I know its not meant to be balanced but sometimes questions arise.

I usually massage Sarah until she falls asleep, the time for which can vary greatly. Usually I try and roll away quietly so I do not disturb her. I guess I knew I was forgiven when I attempted roll away and I was reminded that her neck was still sore!!

Updated evenings

One of the highlights of my days and morning is being close to my wife. I really love rubbing her back, and for some reason I love arousing myself in my cage while I am feeling her skin under my hands as I rub her back giving her her massage.

This to her she says gives her a greater pleasure than sex. Which of course to me makes little sense. Alas I am not one to argue.

Sometimes I miss out on this pleasure....Usually our evenings run something like this:

Dad arrives home from work at about 5.30PM ( I am lucky enough to work locally). Once home I usually help out in some way, I might clean up the kitchen after the tribe has had their afternoon feeding, or I may be lucky enough to get a game of table tennis with one of the boys…or…dread I may have to help them with their homework. Homework really sucks, one of the best things about leaving school was the realization that THERE WAS NO MORE FRIGGIN HOMEWORK. Well its all a lie, a sad sad terrible farce. Once you have kids, you commit yourself to X^2*12 more years of HOMEWORK, where X equals the number of children. The exponential is there because the more children you have the harder it is to find time to do friggin anything!!! and the 12 is how many years kids are at achool

OK now I have that off my chest, towards meal time I usually try and help prepare the meal for us all, although admittedly I am doing this more recently than I have done in the past, with my new mindset I have been looking for ways of lightening the load a bit for Sarah.

Once dinner is consumed then I usually do the cleaning up of the dishes and kitchen, I am working on getting the kids to help, after all I do work all day and its only fair the kids learn to pull their weight. Whilst I am cleaning up Sarah normally attends to the younger ones and making sure they are not actively headhunting the family pooch or playing the computers instead of going to bed.

Lights normally go off about 9.30PM after which Sarah retires to her bedroom and I come down here to do whatever. I ALWAYS take a hot chocolate up to her (always have done actually) where I ask her how much time alone she desires. Usually about 11.30PM I will join her in the bedroom, although I am not normally allowed to talk to her since she is enjoys her recorded TV shows.

The after the lights go out I would normally giver her a massage till she drifts off to sleep. Sarah has a lot of trouble sleep, I think have mentioned previously?...probably

One of the interesting things here, is that this behavior sounds to me anyway like a submissive husband SHOULD behave. Yet I have actually being behaving this way for years, less the massages because uncaged I would invariably after a few nights ask for sex…lol In showing Sarah “Around her finger” all I did was admit to it!! Point is, that this is not really a NEW mindset persay, it is just new for me to acknowledge that I am doing it because I am being submissive to her.

So where is this rambling thread headed?, well a few nights ago the “pressure was building” and I went to bed and Sarah had already turned off the light. Now this is something I REALLY hate because it means there will be no interaction at all, nothing, no acknowledgement whatsoever, and not only that, there is the fear factor if I happen to wake Sarah as I creep into bed!! So that particular night I drifted off into a very frustrated interrupted sleep, after which I woke at my 3.30AM hard one wake up call after which I could not sleep. I decided that in the morning I needed to talk to Sarah about things, I had plenty of time to think about bring it up without me sounding like I was whining about being caged. I simply ended up asking here if she had noticed much over the last few weeks, if it was worth continuing, to which she acknowledged she had noticed a BIG difference (mini firmon), I further, feeling a bit encouraged asked her if she had a chance to re read the “around her finger” material, to which she answered very apologetically that she intended to but had not yet had the chance….it is interesting that my night of frustration was placated simply by her acknowledgment, and her willingless to talk about stuff. This is actually a bit of a new thing for Sarah!!

Alas that talk went well, and then that night I was released!!! And we had some awesome much needed release!! I did not ask for release, all the better because it was offered

Running out of time again, blogging IS time consuming….

Tonight marks my 4^th week of wearing the CB3K with only 3 releases, shame I can’t celebrate with some self gratification. I doubt Sarah recognizes this milestone. I think I will have to wait for my birthday which is coming up soon for another release L.

Yesterday Sarah was really pissed off with me, so even birthday pressy might be in doubt……..tell u next time.

Life goes on

Time does get away from me.

Monday, and actually I feel like crap after having a big weekend. I have not written in this blog since last Wednesday, time for a few comments about what is going on now rather than last year.

I am still very much in subspace, even though on Wednesday night Sarah let me out of the cage for some play. Unfortunately things did not go so well for her, she did not tell me she had a bit of thrush left over from her period (yeah I know warts and all), and I did not know, I was just happy to be free.

I must admit, Sarah sure got a kick out of teasing me, I spotted the keys on her bedside table when I came to bed, which gave me reason to relax a bit. I knew I was going to be let out tonight….then she switches off the light. I could not help myself and I commented on what I thought I saw on her bedside table. She simply replied, oh that was a dirty cup…so I am told to massage her back, to which I comply….for a time. I can feel my urgency growing and then suddenly she looks up at me. I kid you not I have never seen my Sarah look at me with such pure evil. In fact she reminded me of this picture the way she looked at me. She reached over and baulked at the beside table, then demanded further massage before finely, after quite some time handing me the keys…was I wound up or what

Anyway after a very good attempt at getting her motor started it just wouldn’t start, then she told me why, she was soooo apologetic, which was really nice that she cared. I just loved her for that…..She told me to cum myself, and I asked her if she was sure it was ok, because I was quite prepared to not…even though t would have been a pretty frustrating experience, but she really did insist. I was wearing a condom anyway so it was not like it was going to make any difference now, I really did not need much encouragement. But since I am on a journey into a female lead relationship, I simply did as I was told..:) I always tend to wear a condom after wearing the cage, even following a wash I am not sure if I would like something that has been sweating and smelling inside a plastic cage for 10 days inside me. Sarah also hates being wet afterwards…

Sarah promised me that we would try again in a few days time which I am hoping that happens soon. I put the cage back on the very next day as I had promised, so now this Thursday I will have worn it almost non stop for a month.

I also finally actually asked Sarah what she thought of the “around her finger” material I gave her to read, we have been very busy lately so her reply was probably warranted, she told me that she needed to re read it, so whatever it seems that she is accepting the premise to the point where she wants to consider it more carefully.

Just over the weekend as well, she told me that since I am wearing the “thing” (she refers to it as “the thing”) that I had better purchase some locks for the bathrooms so that our kids don’t walk in on me while I taking a shower. That seemed to me to be a very practical thing for her to suggest, it would seem that this cage is to become a permanent part of our relationship. She is actually prepared to spend on keeping me locked up. This both scares me and also makes me horny, and submissive to her.

I am not really in the mood for writing today, I really did have a big night on Saturday night, Sarah went home early and left me at a party…and I quite honestly destroyed myself. One point of note, is that normally if I got home as late as that I would have been sleeping in the dog house. Can wearing a cage really make that much of a difference? Maybe she is relaxed knowing I am not up to any no good? But honestly Sarah seems to much nicer to me lately. I did not even get glared at the next day even though I was completely stuffed all day.

Maybe that’s why I am still in it and those few nights have not come to pass. Maybe I am going to be kept in for extra time…eeekkk, more than a few nights have passed…tonight will be night 5

I am still thinking about giving her the around her finger book which I purchased, although I am tempted to make a few additions of my own, kind of tailor it a little bit. I am not sure if I should or not.

Its our anniversary in about 6 weeks, so maybe I can write her a devotion letter.

Got to do some work…

A Bit of History

....How I introduced the cage to my wife in a non threatening way

I originally posted this in Septemeber last year in a well known forum that deals with orgasm and denial. This particular thread has now been read over 7000 times so it must have rung a chord somewhere. Please remember my wife is completly vanilla, probably more vanilla than YOUR wife!! As I have said before I had been fantisising about chastity devices for some time. I still do not understand the attraction, alas I decided to move it into reality. These days I am in two minds, I like wearing it at the same time I hate it (two things I hate are not being able to masterbate and being woken religiously at 3.30AM with a woody). A lot of time has past now, but as I have said previously, the advertised benifits to relationships I tend to believe are real, or have been at least for me. Crazy that wearing a plastic cage on your cock can do this I know...I think I understand the mechanics of this, but that can wait till another post...

This is how it started, and our relationship development has by no means finished. Reading back over how I behaved then, I made sooo many mistakes by expecting things to just change too quickly, they don't just change, it takes time, and a lot of it as well as patience. That said this first installment is about 5 pages long, so don't get too bored...hopefully I will leave u hanging...hehe


Sept 2005
How it began:

few weeks ago...I was lying in bed close to my wife, and I chuckled to myself knowing that I would elicit a what are you chuckling about .I said well it was just some spam I received on the email about this cage that stops spouses from hassling their wives for sex it was on Ebay

Her immediate response and you have to understand this is a very light hearted conversation. well that sounds like a really good idea!!! , so I said that s good I thought you might find it funny so I put a bid in .doubt I will win it though

That was a few weeks ago, I made a few jokes about it between then and now all the time plucking courage to tell her that I had won it .because honestly I was fearful she might like it too much or it might weird her out ..so decided to keep it light

Anyway last week while I was buggin her for sex I told her I had won it and to cut a long story short on Saturday night just gone I decided to show it to her. I had also made up some instructions for her to read .that supposedly came with the device I might post this later but its is a bit moot now since she did not read them in detail. (although she DID capture some of the detail!! More on that later)

This weekend has been very interesting/frightening I can tell you!!!

When I showed her, her face was one of stony interest, she kind of examined it .I made some fumbled comments about the really kinky instructions that came with it and that there were 5 FULL pages of them!! I made some comments that I can t believe how serious these instructions are, they are a bit scarey!!! then I said do you reckon I should try it on , remembering this is still pretty light hearted .after all it was just something I picked up on ebay!! Once I had the affirmative .off I went saying I had left all the bits down stairs .

I took my time putting it on I did not know what to expect .I can tell u my adrenaline gland was working over time I wanted to give her time to read the instructions.

Once a suitable time had passed I went upstairs to show her now this is priceless

I had some long runners on as I walked into the room she looked up at me (she was sitting on the floor) then she looked down at my crotch .no obvious bulge there so then I showed her ..she did not look shocked she simply examined it in curiosity I made some comment that I really can t get it off .she said I am sure you will find a way da da da..

Then I kid you not .she scooped up the keys .and put them between her legs and said well I guess you will just have to see how comfortable it is to sleep in won t you . That s all she said and I mean all GULP!! That s it!!........She turns back to the TV and acts as if nothing has transpired .starts talking about the TV show.

Well my head is in a spin .I am really locked in this thing, and my wife really has the key, I am not sure right now if she really has any concept or understand that I REALLY can t get out .nor do I think she has read the instructions that explain night time is a hellish place and it might take some getting used too ..and then it hit home, this fantasy that has been manifesting itself for a very long time has just become reality it has really happened with her holding the key ..biting off more than I can chew had a whole new meaning,

So the next few hours went by, casual conversation, then finally the light went out .and STILL no further talk about my entrapment so I began to massage her back .and everything else I dared to I massaged her for a LONG time I even got close in a spoon position so she feel the hard plastic under my silk pajamas. And I was firming up under the plastic...dammm I gave her a kiss goodnight and as she kissed me back she said a thank you , like she really meant it..and went to sleep leaving me lying there thinking WTF have I got myself into.

Of course I could not sleep that night .my mind was racing .would not could not sleep .eventually I did well until 3AM when the first of my wake up calls occurred .I had to be careful not to wake her my wife is a very light sleeper and has trouble sleeping period, to wake her is a real no no .so I just had to put up with it .eventually I went back to sleep and then 5.30..again .then again 6.30!! @ 6.30 I just decided to lie there awake ..and I waited for my wife to wake .

I greeted her with a kiss and had some light conversation, I asked her if she slept well and she had .I commented that I had had a few wake up calls as started to rub her back again, again in the spoon position then she turns over and looks at me looking shocked . You don t still have that THING on do you How could you Sleep with that on ummm duh!! well yeah .I told you I could not get out of it, and you took the key remember. I dare not wake you up anyway it was not that bad , with that .she opens her dresser draw and hands me the key!!

Hmmmm well I thought that did not go that well..I was kind of disappointed that all she had done with the key was put it in the dresser draw it seemed like all bets were off anyway. I lay there with the keys in my hand again ..rubbing her back in the spoon position I love rubbing her back .I love the feel of her skin, it never ever fails to arouse me, and it did then, but I still trapped and the hard plastic begins sticking out from my body and being in the spoon position while rubbing my wife back .the hard plastic is buried somewhere on/in her behind, the pressure feels nice .for me ..and as it turns out for her because she then says but this it IS kind of nice with that I say Ok well if you like it .tell you what I will wear it for as long as I can tolerate it, and I handed the keys back to her ..and man I am a sucker for punishment because she took them!! And she got a very nice long massage in the morning, and since I told her jokingly I was her newest neutered slave she got coffee and breakfast in bed!

I might have to finish this story later its longer than I thought stay tuned cuz I am only up to Sunday Morning and I am writing this on Monday morning.:

Chapter 2

Hi There, thanks for your comments, it has the hallmarks of reality because it IS real, blow by blow One thing I would like to clarify, is normally I am a dominant person, I am not sure how to describe our relationship, she is the firey one, but if she says something stupid or unreasonable she gets told to go take a hike, its one thing to play a submissive game, its quite another to be a doormat which I am not. Sexually again I am the dominant one, but she does make me try very hard, and because she is so hard to please, she really does come first in the bedroom, otherwise when sex happens, which is rare, it would be very boring, she is usually completely passive..I have even threatened to tie her up before although I have never done this to her, I still would like too, actually when I threatened her he reaction was not negative, rather if I am turned on you can do whatever u want but getting her turned on is the hard part, and its never come about now here is a thought a bit of bondage for her while I am in the CB Torture her with pleasure I say .hehe anyways so I guess in some respects I am already sex denied Mrs palmer is a poor substitute in-between. I still do not fully understand my attraction to this game it is like there are warring factions within my mind its delicious, yet scarey, at the same time I am worried about passing too much power to my wife, but if it ever comes to manipulation outside of the game then .there will be one broken CB .if its working for her and for me then let it continue its something different .and a bit of spice lets see how it pans out

Ok where was I:

After serving her breakfast I took a shower, when I came out she had left the bedroom. Later on in the morning we decided to take the kids out but the wife was going to take a bus with the kids and I was driving and going to meet them there. On their departure I have my wife a hug and a kiss goodbye then I got it again . Your not still wearing that THING are you well I stammered a bit admittedly and said well u took the key, you know I can t get out of it.. with that she left but she had not told me where it was .even though I knew where she had put it .I debated now if I should take it off, I was beginning to feel like I was weirding her out again.

In the end I decided to leave it on, and off I went to meet up with them. We spent the morning and early afternoon in the shops, much to my chagrin, in any case about 2PM we arrived home and had a late lunch .

During lunch I said to my wife, you know I still have it on you know, but I have to admit it is surprisingly comfortable, I hardly even know I am wearing it!! she replyed by telling me it is in the draw where it was last time .I then told a white lie . I looked in there but I didn t see it, besides I really did not want to go rummaging through your draws with that we left it .and the kids were keen to go out and play some soccer at this point I went upstairs and my wife was in the bedroom. I told her that I was planning to go out and play soccer and that it would be a good idea to take it off for obvious reasons.

So I was released that afternoon .and I was glad of it because the soccer match ended up being very strenuous because some kids and another father joined in .I took a few tumbles, I am not sure I would want the CB on when that happened!!.

Soo lets skip to the night time .and here it gets interesting again I had decided to try my luck tonight and ask for sex kind of strategically because she had let me out, I wanted her to respond in a certain way call it manipulative perhaps but I got more than I bargained for:

I waited patiently for the light to go out and started to rub her back, I had hinted earlier that I intended to try my luck ..as I shuffled over to her .she asked are you wearing that thing tonight as I answered in the negative I was close enough she could feel my firmness. She says well I might WANT you to be wearing it tonight , as soon as she said that, I felt the blood pump into my penis at an accelerated rate into pretty much a full blown hardon, I am sure she must have noticed that her words had turned me on but I was pretty intent on sex that night, she kept on about it though, that thing did not last long did it!! and I replied : I really could not get it on now I am too hard & so I begun a negotiation process. I told her she should not have let me out!! And she returned that You were playing a contact sport (which the instructions advise against), THEN she floored me. She stated as a matter factly that she had read the instructions and it said that it should be worn 24 hours per day 7 days a week, and that she want me to wear it we had a bit of a light argument then, I asked if she had read the rest of the instructions, and that I might be open to bribery she said she did not HAVE to read the rest, she had seen all she needed to see and that was that it should be worn 24/7!! ok now I started shiting bricks, well at the same time I was feeling dizzy firkin hell I have created monster At the time I was misunderstanding her, I was reading what she was saying as me wearing it forever but what she was saying was for 7 days straight I did not realize this till half way through the night I was in a state of panic..

Anyways, I ended up saying look I PROMISE I will put it on tomorrow and give u the keys if we can make love tonight .typical man with a raging hardon can only think with brain in penis .so .although she never accepted the proposal we did end up having sex, although she made me wear a condom, which she does ask me to do sometimes, I don t mind because it means she will sleep naked instead of putting her panties back on..plus the new non latex condoms are like wearing nothing anyways .they are excellent. In some respects it was a godsend because since I had spent a lot of time in the last 24 hours locked up I had not masturbated .and at one point my wife asked why I wasn t moving .I had to admit to her I am trying to control myself ..it ended up being a wonderful session she had hers in fact I dare say she was turned on very easily that night and mine was absolutely awesome.

Once things had calmed down my Mind started up .farking hell what have I made a promise to do I knew I could not go 7 days..not at this point anyways ..It took a long time for me to get to sleep

Morning came and as usual I woke well before she did .gawd she looked beautiful asleep .uncaged I took matters into my own hands again .it was nearly as powerful as the night before .as usual tho, on the way to O, the chastity fantasy is overpowering then once u blow, its like farking hell what am I THINKING

Eventually she awoke and I gave her a morning rub .and to cut a long story short I admitted to her that I was worried about the promise I had made the night before .I asked her if she really meant 7 days, she just smiled ..then she said see how it goes.........

Pre Sexual Stress (PSS)

Even in my current mindset, old habits, thoughts keep ticking over. I did warn you that I am a warts and all kind of guy. Its not all a bed of roses, then again its not all bad.

What I have observed over the last day or so is a phenomenon that I think is like PMT except it occurs about when Sarah start to feel like she should offer herself up for sex.

I guess I should be clear, to coin one of diggers terms my wife is not exactly a high libido person, in fact she has a very low libido, “LL” being the term. This means it is actually extremely hard to arouse Sarah. It is something that she finds hard work. Something she really has to put her mind to get into, and hence something that she does not really want. Once aroused however she seems to enjoy sex as much as I do, but even after climax she then won’t fall asleep (like us men do) she claims that inevitably she will stay up most of the night.

Some would say then that I have an obligation to stay up with her and keep her company. I would agree with you, but following sex, no matter how good it is I am not permitted to talk to her, just in case she DOES fall asleep, and if I do talk to her then its guaranteed she won’t go to sleep all night!!. Such as the case all I am permitted to do following sex is give her a back massage, which I am happy to do, and I usually manage about 30 minutes, but with no mental stimulation or conversation, and the fact that having so many kids usually means this occurs around midnight means that I will find myself dropping off no matter how hard I try and stay awake.

So maybe the pre sexual stress is related to the perceived lack of enjoyment, or then means certainly does not justify the end. In her eyes sex is simply not worth the effort, it takes a lot of effort to get into it and then when she does succeed she is rewarded with a night of no sleep.

Yet sex is a necessary part of any relationship. Playing with chastity does not effect the regularity persay, it does increase the quality. Sarah definitely seems to become aroused more easily, but I would assume this is probably because she has received morning and night massages for the week. That said I tried an experiment a few times, giving her lots of massages while I was not wearing the cage. There is definitely a correlation between her enjoyment and me wearing the cage. Perhaps it is a demonstrated sacrifice that encourages her to sacrifice a night of her precious sleep.

Of course it really saddens me that this part of our life is not as enjoyable for her as it is for me, I do not know how to address it, I have even suggested alternative times so it does not interrupt her sleep, even offered to come home at lunch time (I work locally), but for a LL person sex does not register as a priority, its not anywhere near up there with her favorite soapy, jigsaw puzzle or card game on the computer. This is something that in moving to a submissive position I have to try and accept. At the same time it is very hard to remain in servitude when certain buttons are not being pressed.

How does PSS manifest itself? Increasing agitation, comments about the house being messy, comments about how life is too busy, and it just sucks. The crazy thing is when Sarah begins to exhibit PSS my feeling of submission begins to drop, truth is it PLUMETS when ideally I should be at the peak of my submission!!. Its so very different to be told to clean some windows because it would make her happy, even contribute to giving me a chance at a night of passion, add the job to a passion list for example, than to simply be in a shity mood and comment that the windows are disgustingly dirty, pointed at no one in particular as if she is blaming the world (including me) for her dirty windows.

I do not quite follow the rational but I have observed it many times this cycle of behavior. Ultimately of course we will have sex, but the path too it could do with resurfacing. Of course part of this is entirely my fault because in the past she has felt my tension building, and in the past I have ended up exploding in frustration. One of my challenges is to not to ask for it, it is only in rejection that an explosion surfaces. This is one of the benefits of the cage is that Sarah does give me the key without me asking her for it, when she is ready perhaps the PSS this time around is because she knows I have been in the cage for longer than usual so she may feel I am teetering on a eruption. I am determined not to. But I would hope that I have demonstrated this new behavior enough that PSS may be avoided, not so it seems. That said it is becoming a challenge, there are real pressures at work internally after 11 days (coming up to 21 days with 24 hour break).

Following the traverse of the rocky road to passion, In spite of the night of lack of sleep, the day following a night of passion Sarah’s voice sounds like it has a song in it. This could be my imagination since I have been relieved, and yet this flys in the face of what many orgasm denialists tend to indicate that once a man has had his orgasm he switches off, I am quite the contrary. I tent to feel like my love has been born again, and make sure that the privilege of having her is rewarded. Her good mood seems to last for days, she seems to have a glow and a genuine happiness about her. Caged or uncaged! More recently being caged seems to extend this effect. Please understand that it has taken some time for the cage to become totally accepted. It was off and on for a good 6 months, then on for a while then off. I am expecting with some trepidation that its going to be a normal to be caged for some time to come.

This is a journey, part of the journey is for me to help my precious lady understand how a mans mind thinks, more specifically her submissive husband. Around her finger is a great read, and I do intend to show the entire book to her once I am in a sufficient subspace once again. Both parties in a relationship require learning in order for this dynamic to work. I am not sure if you would call this topping from the bottom. Perhaps in some respects it is, on the other hand maybe I am just offering up information that Sarah can choose to accept or ignore. I honestly hope she accepts the information since I truly believe that although not very much would actually change, the dynamics could change dramatically for the better. After all, as long as we are happy, does anything else really matter?

Thanks for your kind words in the comments, keep em coming, and I will write about how I introduced my wife to the cage soon :)

Always been the boss.

When I think back to when we first met, I remember quite clearly Sarah warning me that she was bossy. Back then of course I was still of the mindset that I was/would be the dominant partner although at that time I did not even know what D/S even if at some level I knew instinctively. I actually challenged her there and then and warned her right back that she should watch out for me!!

For the first few years of our relationship as one would expect we fought like you would not believe, we would fight about anything. It would seem that Sarah’s strategy in a fight would be to get twice as angry as me no matter how angry I was. As a consequence I usually caved in just in order to make it stop. Of course this did not stop me from starting another round. I just never learned, never accepted that she would be the leader.

Sex was absolutely fantastic, we had so much I actually wondered if I could keep up. I remember waking up with sore tummy muscles on numerous occasions, and I am a fairly fit person!! We discovered sex could be had anywhere, behind a tree off a busy walking track, standing behind her while she admired the view off a lookout, in the car with the rain bucketing down up on a hill near a lighthouse. Now those were the days!!!

At one point when the fighting just grew to a point I could not handle, AND one of her old boyfriends was sniffing around I called her bluff, and called it quits before we were married. This had the effect of evening things up from a D/S perspective once she realized that I could and would walk away if things were out of hand.

Strangely or probably not so strangely this ended up leading to us being married. During this respite I has some liaisons with a old girlfriend (who thinking back was definitely sub), and although she remains very special to me I realized that I did not love her and that Sarah was the one that owned my heart. Now thinking back what suffered greatly was our sex life, Sarah has never initiated sex, however subtly has controlled when it occurs by simply saying no. Simply saying no indifferently became a lot more common, and being told no indifferently was something I did not cope with very well at all.

In spite of the cooling sex life it was still pretty good, Sarah really wanted to get married as she was a few years older than me, and one of the reasons she claimed for the cool down in our physical relationship was that she was starting to feel stressed that I may be wasting her time.

Once Sarah became secure in marriage, it was not long before the children came along, with the family dog and hence for the next 14 years have been spent (and still spending) being exceptionally busy with having a large family.

Sarah has always been the unofficial leader of the family, we always have done what she wants to do on weekends, mainly because of the volatility and repercussions if we don’t do things her way. I do not mean to make Sarah sound like a bitch, she just simply likes to do things her way.

Mum has to OK pretty much anything that happens. It is usually about keeping mum happy, and this has actually presented quite a challenge through the paths of young children, socio structures within schools not to mention all the other pressures of a growing household.

I think during this time our relationship had separated, quite obviously life’s priorities had changed, sex life dwindled significantly, and I fell into the trap of “yes dear” and growling at her for each task, and each decision she made.

I am not sure if what I am experiencing now is a fad, or if it will become permanent. I know that the chastity thing has gone on as a turn on for a few years now, the odd thing is that it is great to fantasize about being locked up but once you ARE you CAN’T get off on it because ITS ON!!, so it is a bit of a enigma. I do know that she has been a very happy woman for the last 3 weeks or so, I actually think she is growing fond of me!!

Right now I think Sarah is still finding herself following my admission that I want to be submissive to her. She has begun to give me small orders regarding back massages, and other duties but she is yet to utilize her sexual energy to turn on my dynamo. I am not sure if I can continue in this frame of thinking unless she “charges me up” and uses her womanly charm to give enthusiasm to the tasks she sets me. Baby steps, at least there are some steps being taken and so I remain optomistic :)

To be fair to her however it will take time for her to realize that I am really NOT going to ask for sex, and won’t even with teasing and denial. I think its hard for her to understand that inputting sexual energy won’t result in me being frustrated. I think its because that I crave sexual attention not actual sex, I would go on further to say I would like to pleasure her sexually even if it meant no release for me!! I doubt this will happen since Sarah takes the attitude “well whats the point then?” claiming in the past at least that sex is something she does for me, not for her. Me giving her oral sex for example simply does not interest her even though I have told her point blank she can keep my cage on…keys locked in the safe even so that even if she wanted too I couldn’t get out!!

Perhaps if I keep up this behavior her own dynamo will ignite, I think/hope I just need to be patient. I hope that does not sound like a veiled threat, but I think any sub knows that you need to be dommed or at the very least have your sub buttons pressed in order to maintain submissiveness. Submission to indifferance is just not compatible.

I have been locked away now for 10 days (ish I think) and it does get tough. It is still a challenge I face, yet I do find that now since I have really only had 12 hours free in coming up to 3 weeks the pressure has become easier to control. I hope I can wait until she offers to release me rather than me asking. I do wonder if I will be putting it straight back on again. I find that after a good session of passion with my wife I FEEL like wearing it for her at least for the next day or so, if I do not put it back on in those few days it becomes extremely difficult to cage oneself.

Thanks to digger for being my first commenter, I have been following diggers blog for a very long time and was one of the first ones I followed with any regularity.