I have to admit, last night was horrible. I had high hopes for last night. I felt certain Sarah would let me out for some play. In fact I even did not really do my normal preparation for bedtime because I thought it would be coming off.
The evening went normal enough, and I did normal things. Sarah even seemed in a good mood, although she did say she was tired a bit later on in the evening.
I was really pumped up ready for bed, in anticipation I was pressing against the end of the cage. I went in to see Sarah with her night chocolate half expecting to thee the keys waiting for me. Alas they did not appear.
I really felt anxious. Was it wrong of me to think that I would be let out on Valentines day?? Even in a wife led marriage one would think there should at least be something spoken. It had been 6 nights near a week and the internal pressure was enormous.
Somehow I managed to hold my tongue and climb into bed with Sarah unobvious. And then she suddenly switched off the light, much earlier than usual, I thought well that’s a good sign and rubbed her back for about half an hour, after which time I was pretty as hard as I can get within the cage, and still Sarah said nothing. I thought she was teasing me. In fact I thought she was probably waiting for me to ask, she seems to get some joy out of pushing me until I ask. I guess its all part of the game but I really hate asking because then I feel I am putting pressure on her, so last night I just stayed quiet.
Eventually I wished her happy valentines day and I asked her if she wanted to go off to sleep, to which she replies yes, and my heart sank and all sorts of emotions exploded through me, resentment, even anger. I felt I deserved sex that night. I felt I had earnt it. I felt that Sarah owed it to me after a week of morning and night time massages and a week of emotional investment.
Still I kissed her and rolled over and tried to sleep. Sleep was basically impossible, my insides were wound up as tight as a tennis racket string. I tried to hide is and succeeded, Sarah I think had gone to sleep. I was left hanging, completely frustrated. I do not know how other men can handle being completely frustrated like that but then again there is a huge difference between say being edged and left frustrated and being ignored and frustrated. I am pretty sure if Sarah had even acknowledged that I was bursting at the seems and told me that she was just tooo tired, even if she teased me obviously and she was DOING it to me to wind me up that would even be OK because it would be sexual attention. But to be ignored and left hanging was seemingly intolerable.
Eventually I did sleep, but then I woke only one hour later, still frustrated and unable to get back to sleep, It was not even due to a night time erection. Anyways I decided it would be a good opportunity to get up and do my preparation for the rest of the night. On returning to bed I still was unable to sleep and loose these thoughts of resentment, I rolled over quietly and nearly onto to Sarah because she had moved over to closer to me than I realized and I accidentally touched her hand. She actually asked me what I was doing so I just simply told her I couldn’t sleep. I still managed to refrain from putting pressure on her. Or even opening a dialogue about it.
Mercifully eventually I did fall asleep as I wondered how I would deal with these emotions if they continued tomorrow. If I betrayed myself then I know it will be the end of any cage play forever. I wondered if I am cut out for this. Should I just drop it and go back to normal.
Morning came and I did get woken by mr woody, actually it was a nice wakening, not painful, it actually felt nice. Its really cool those ones, not a supper rockon because those ones usually border on painful, but more of a super firmon. So I had time to think. I decided to ask Sarah if she would mind at least acknowledging me when she knew I was bursting at the seams so to speak, as this would help me at least know that I can go to sleep. Part of the reason why I could not sleep was because every time she moved I thought the was going to give me the key. If I knew it wasn’t going to happen perhaps I could have gone to sleep better.
We did end up having a fairly intimate morning with back rubs and cuddles which was nice. I feel better now, and in hindsite I am SOOOO glad I controlled myself. Sarah accepted my suggestion although did not make any commitments about when it may come off.
Sarah was tired last night, pure and simple and I need to respect that.
Writing this here helps with the inner turmoil I feel and I recognize that Sarah is still far better at determining when I should be released regardless of the day be it valentines day or any other occasion. Sarah will let me out when SHE is ready and not before, and I should thank her for this. Imagine I had of coerced her, and I know she would have allowed me if I had of, certainly if I had not been wearing the cage last night I would have attempted sex for sure, and Sarah would have “let” me for sure.
But the sex given she was tired would have been crap. And that would have been even worse that not sleeping last night because the whole week would have been wasted, and the emotional damage to us both could make future play improbable.
I do wonder though if it is Ok for me to ask Sarah to acknowledge me, I can’t handle just being ignored like that. I know she was trying to get to sleep which is why we do not speak then, but I far prefer to know its not going to happen then to wonder if its going to happen. I should just assume no and that should be enough, but a little bit of sexual attention, a intimate hug and a statement to be told “its not coming off tonight darling because I am just too tired” would not kill her? Does a man in a wife led marriage deserve that? Is it wrong to expect that? Sarah would know I would be peaking last night, whereas the last 6 nights I have had things well under control. I guess I knew valentines day was coming and inside I thought it was a sure bet.
How wrong was I.
I know Sarah will give me the privilege of making love to her in the next few days, and then it will be that time in her cycle within 4-6 days of that. My challenge now is what to do the following night. Do I put it back on again? I will offer her the keys, I always give them straight back to her after unlocking my lock, and she is pretty good at hiding them these days but it is still up to me to lock it back on. If she hides them I guess I will be obligated, or should I give it another break. I can’t ask her, yet she has indicated previously that she does not really like me wearing it when she has her period, don’t really understand that one. Perhaps she feels pressure to let me out as soon as her period has finished??
Not a perfect story by any stretch, there are certainly still challenges. Last night really did suck but I have really loved the other 6 nights and mornings. I have really loved feeling closer to Sarah, the touch of her skin and no pressure to ask for sex. I also love the feelings of devotion it elicits, the adoration it creates, it makes Sarah look 10 years younger, even though she looks great anyway!! Its certainly not all bad for her or for me, otherwise we would not play at all.
BTW I am getting paranoid about my lack of commentators, I know I ramble and crap on but surely someone can throw some mud on me.
P.S. Blogger very slow I guess its still Valentines day in lots of other parts of the world, Hope you all have better luck than moi :)
6 comments:
I have two comments:
First: Toss the damn cage. It isn't about the cage and her holding the keys, you asking or not to put it on, etc Which leads me to;
Second: You are soooo insightful. It is about attention. I thought your line about (paraphrasing) the difference between frustration from being even slightly teased and igonored is a MUST read for EVERYONE in a wife-led relationship.
And one more thing, She does need to communicate better and let you know if nothing is going to happen.
Also (can't stop myself:), you have chossen a tough "delivery system" to express your desire for a wife led marriage....the cage. I think that at the stage of your relationship (wife led part) that you went too far too fast. I think you should sit down with her, hand her the book from Around Her Finger and tell her that it is really important that she reads it within the next week.
Good Luck
whatevershesays is maybe better at giving advice here given that he lives the life and I don't BUT maybe and remembering that I don't know your wife but maybe she knew you would be expecting a release last night, expecting sex and maybe that's why you didn't get it. I mean if it had been any other week would you have been expecting it simply because it was Wednesday and 6 days since junior got to come out and play? I reckon you wouldn't have been.
Now kudos to you for not making a big thing of it. She didn't initiate anything and you didn't pressure her I reckon that's a step in the right direction.
Here's another thought say you get sex this weekend. Then you have a decision to make. Do I put the cage on or don't I. Look at it this way. You did it without prompt or request last time. If you do it again after sex without making anything of it then your wife will start to get used to the idea. say you kept doing it for the next 3 months every time you get sex you 'cage up' the next morning.
She wont even really think about it. It will be a case of "I haven't unlocked him so yeah he's caged" simple. If she wants to play she knows to bring the key otherwise she knows there's no pressure.
If you keep asking "Should I put it back on" "Is this what you want" etc Then your making it her thing and it's not it's your thing. Take that pressure off her.
Another thing. You say your not as attentive to her needs when your not caged. It doesn't matter what presses your buttons but if your caged all the time then she will associate the back rubs and the cuddles and the attention with YOU. She will think "Wow what a great, loving attentive guy I've got. But if you wear it sometimes and not others and your attentive when it's on but less so when it's off. She will think "I like this back rub oh that's right he's caged that's why he's more attentive, how many days has it been? I guess he expects to be let out sometime soon" and then it becomes about the cage.
Something for you to think about
If you are more attentive being caged then you should be putting it
back on everytime without direction
or acknowledgement. Reading both Valentinesex Not and Cage Showdown
from your blog I'm sensing it is you and not your wife that is having a hard time with being caged. Sounds like she is having a hard time fitting into your idea of chastity. Too many demands from you on how to and when and how long...
Get into it for the long haul and be consitant so that it is simply normal that you are caged. If she wants you out she will let you out.
Perhaps it's time you and Sarah had a heart to heart talk. Communication is essential in any relationship.
You seem to be skirting around the issue with your wife, trying to second guess her thoughts.
And I'm not sure you really know what YOU want from a wife led marriage.
Discuss the cage with your wife and your motivation in wearing it. Discuss your desire to pursue a wife-led marriage and find out what she REALLY thinks about the idea.
Then go from there, slowly.
You need to first identify in your own mind what you want. Do you want to wear a cage or don't you? Is the cage simply a physical expression of some deeper desire to be dominated or led? Is the cage necessary at all?
Determine what you want and then talk to Sarah about it. See where there is common ground and work from that point forward.
I agree with whatevershesays. It's time to show her the book from Around Her Finger. She may read it. She may not. But at least it opens the door for some serious communication.
Good luck. It can be a very frustrating road to travel. Personally I am at a low point in my journey.
Thanks so much for your comments I was wondering if anyone was reading it.
Probably insecurity like what I feel in RL...:)
Whatevershesays, I don't think i can toss the cage because I find it helps create the mindset, or rather it helps me yield to the mindset instead of fighting against it. It really does seem to make us happier. Admittedly I became facinated with chastity cages well before I discovered such books as "around her finger". My facination has developed now somewhat into more and recognition of certain aspects about myself
But asking her to put it on has been a mistake. Habitually I offer the key back as soon as I use it to unlock the lock. the fact that she takes it and hides it again I now recognise as being asked to put it back on in itself.
I do struggle with it after 6-7 days and tonight will be night 8 but who is counting!!But last night was far easier than valentines night as I had no expectations. Sarah made it pretty clear that it was not coming off last night.
We do need to communicate more. I wish I did not get as frustrated as I do. Sarah is not the easiest person to talk to, no one in her familly is.
Becker, I hear what you are saying about it being about the cage, in a way it is. I know Sarah struggles with why should a stupid little plastic thing make such a large differance. I struggle with this myself on the surface but then I have given it a lot of thought and I do understand the mechanics now. The same thoughts lead me to my OWN stupidity...lol..like wtf am i doing this for??
Debsdave, thanks as well, kind of mirrors what I think I should do when I am in subspace :)
Subservire, I think low parts of the journey are natural for everyone, lol just look at the up and down of mine. Thats why it IS a journey I guess, sometimes we need to take a rest for a while along the way. When your wife plays, she plays a lot harder than Sarah does, in that way you are very very lucky. Slowely does it, 18 months now and i am still taking baby steps, and some of them are still backwards.
I do have the "around her finger book" I was completly ready to give it too her, in fact I told her about it, but not given it too her. now is not the right time, just yet. she would not read it, still too busy with other things
Thanks again for your inputs I will update u all after the weekend.
I have so been there cageon, and am fact am there right now. i think it's good to communicate your frustrations but do so in a very defferential way, letting her know that she is the one who is in control.
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